Thighs Wide Shut

Short Term 12
Foster The People
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 96 min

Never really thought much about foster kids, or where foster kids live when foster kids aren’t in foster homes.  Destin Cretton did me AND you a favor, and then some!  He expanded his 2008 short film Short Term 12 (a short term home for… foster kids!) into a 2013 feature length gem, loaded with beautiful performances by anyone who appears on-screen.  Mucho mucho love goes out to Brie Larson, who finally gets to show off her stuff, when all she’s really shown before in past work is how adorable she is.  Well, she’s still super adorable here, but she does a lot less smiling, cause there’s not a lot to smile about.  As the supervisor for a bunch of at-risk foster kids (standout work by Kaitlyn Dever and newcomer Keith Stanfield), she’s trying her best to keep their hopes up, when there’s not really much hope to be kept up on.  Helping is her tender boyfriend John Gallagher Jr (the un-hatable Jim Halpert guy from Newsroom), and the two know what they’re doing, being products of dysfunctional and foster childhoods themselves, and if they can make something of themselves, then dangit, they’ll make something of these foster kids.  And dangit, you should see this.  And dangit, Brie Larson is such a cutie-pie McGee.  And dangit, why aren’t I Mr Brie Larson?  DANGIT!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Term is endeared today in NY & LA and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Stories We Tell
In The Name of The Mother
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 108 min

Sarah Polley is awesomes.  She’s an actress, and also a director.  She directed my 5th favorite movie of 2007 – Away From Her!  That movie was about holding onto to loved ones before they are taken from us, both mentally and physically.  Her latest movie – Stories We Tell – is kinda a movie, but more like a documentary, but not exactly a documentary, and it’s about holding onto loved ones who have been taken from us, only physically, but not mentally.  The person gone is her most beloved & wild mother Diane Polley.  She’s been dead for 23 years and apparently left behind a lot of stories to tell, so Sarah approached all who loved her to tell her story cause her mom can’t tell her own story.  The stories end up being BEYOND revealing, and as the tangled web that is Diane Polley slowly untangles, not only will Sarah’s perception of her mom change, but the perception of herself too.  And shiz is CRAY CRAYYYY.  It’s not fair to say how or why or what or who (or when?), but it’s fair to say that if you skip this film, you’re skipping one of the year’s best.  A true revelation, naked and bare, for all to see and share.  Do Tell

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Stories are still tolds in very limited release, and soon on discs & streaming

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Cutie and The Boxer
A Portrait of The Artists As An Old Man & His Old Lady
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 82 min

Ever hear of Neo-Dadist artist Ushio Shinohara? Yeah, me neither, but his work’s been shown in major museums the world over. Oh, he must be some well off dude, right? No, he basically lives from sold painting to sold painting (the artist equivalent of ‘paycheck to paycheck’), with large gaps of time between getting paid, and when they do actually sell, it isn’t nearly enough to live on. But even if this artist never got his due or is unable to pay his dues, he aint ever gonna give up, and is still going strong at age 81, making motorcycle monstrosities and his wall punching paintings. Ahh, so he’s ‘the Boxer’ in Zachary Heinzerling‘s beautifully moving documentary Cutie and the Boxer. So who’s ‘Cutie’? Oh, his doting wife Noriko. She does everything for him, and gets very little in return except for endless regret. But she’s an artist in her own right – Cutie is a semi-biographical semi-comic bookish character she created – but can one family survive two starving artists, especially when one overshadows the other? This question can only be answered by seeing the doc, and that is juss what you should do!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Boxer does the rounds today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Hunt
Feely Touching
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 115 min

First, let me get this out of the way - Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen! Mads Mikkelsen!

Yep, we’re mad for Mads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why?  Cause Mads Mikkelsen is the greatest Danish actor of his generation (sorry Viggo Mortensen), and maybe ever (I can’t name any more Danish actors).  Danish people have known this for awhile, and now the rest of the world is madly falling for Mads.  He caught most of our eyes with bleeding eyes in Casino Royale with cheese, and sold me even more when his Igor got Coco-ed, and cemented my heart fo life when he did the impossible and made Hannibal Lecter his own on TV’s Hannibal.  There is nothing Mads cannot do, besides maybe play someone who isn’t awesome, cause it’s impossible for someone so awesome to play someome so unawesome

In Thomas Vinterberg‘s The Hunt, Mads is someone who is awesome, and everyone knows it, but then something supposedly happens and then everyone in his small town doesn’t think he’s so awesome, but they’re wrong, cause that thing that supposedly happened didn’t and Mads is innocent and awesome until proven otherwise.  So what is this thing that happens?  Mads is an elementary school teacher who loves his students.  One of them, Klara (Annika Wedderkopp), a daughter of a dear friend, takes a real liking to him.  One day she gives her teacher a little kiss and teacher Mads explains that that’s not what little girls should do, so the little girl is quite upset by this rejection by her teacher (who wouldn’t be – this is MADS we’re talking about) and in the midst of her mad/sadness tells the principal that Mads is a bad man and then the principal starts thinking bad thoughts of a male teacher and his female student and one thing leads to another and now the town’s in mass Mads hysteria and starts accusing poor Mads of doing even more bads .  WHY DO YOU DO THIS DANISH TOWNSPEOPLE????  THIS IS MADS!!!  HE WOULD ONLY HURT OR TOUCH PEOPLE THAT DESERVE TO BE HURT OR TOUCHED!!!  LIKE JAMES BOND!!!!

Where does it go from here?  More bads for Mads.  But what if Mads get cleared of his bads, will he ever truly be in the clear, or be forever hunted?  Pray for the prey, and see Mads hand in one of the year’s best performances. DO IT AND GO MADS!!!

MADSSSSSSSSSSSS-NESSS!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

This Hunt is on in NY/LA tomorrow and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

6 Fast 6 Furious
Resurrection Intersection Erection
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 130 min

Dude, name me a movie franchise (BESIDES THE JAMES BONDies) that’s still going pedal to the medal in its 6th round.  NAME ONE????  (OK, maybe Star Trek, but Star Trek had so many duds, and they changed the cast multiple times over).  You can’t name one (OK, maybe the original set of Planet of The Apes movies, which are ALL SO GOOD, even the bad ones), and that’s why The Fast & The Furious series may (end up) be(ing) America’s greatest (dumb fun) movie franchise ever (besides the Jackass and Step Up franchisesezes).  You may laugh at that notion, but not even Star Wars could make fun happen 6 times.  Now I’m not saying that all (or any) of the Fast & Furious movies is are masterpieces (two of em are basically worthless – #3 & #4), but for what they are – they are amazing.  They are pieces of (metal) crap, but the F&F movies know this and feed on it, pushing the ridiculousnessness to new extremes each & every time, while actually trying to keep a straight face when doing so.  The result?   Endless laughter and excitement and awesomeness.  You can keep your Whedon Avengers, cause I’ll stick with Justin Lin‘s 6 Fast 6 Furious.  I’ll take a tank exploding out of a truck(!!!) AND a car exploding out of a giant plane (!!!!!) over Superheros ho-hum/humdrummingly destroying CGI buildings (for the nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn^th time).  + I’ll take all the crummy dialog that goes along with it

So what’s Fast 6 Furious 6 about?  Do you even care?  It’s like 5, but MORE and BETTER, and even more DUMB and FUN.  But this one’s got Michelle Rodriguez BACK FROM THE DEAD!  HOWWW????  WHO CARES, SHE’S BACK AND SO FAST, AND SO FURIOUS!!!  And they got a good baddie (Luke Evans), and another lady who can kick, and has an ass (Gina Carano), and a super huge Danish dude (Kim Kold) who needs to play The Rock‘s friend or nemesis in every movie he’s in going forward.  But 6ast 6urious isn’t perfect.  They coulda trimmed off about 30 minutes from this thing (like what was with that scene where The Rock and Ludacris make some guy give them the clothes off of his back and his watch and stuff??), and The Rock has a little-lot bit TOO much testosterone for a movie that isn’t short of terone des testos, and that Asian guy is so boring and lame, and undeserving of touching or even looking at Gal Gadot, who doesn’t have nearly enuff nekkid shower scenes (total count – zero), but this is all minor quibble squabbles, which aint nothings to squabble quibbles about when THERE ARE VEHICLES EXPLODING OUT OF OTHER VEHICLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In its 6th iteration, the Fast/Furious franchise seems to be hitting its stride.  HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!??!?  And after the giant TEASE [spoiler, don’t click] they be showing no signs of SLOWING down for #7.  CANNOT WAIT!!!!  In all honesty, I hope they continue to make these movies for the next 100 years.  If I make it to 90 years of age, I’ll force my grandchildren to take me to see 22 Fast 22 Furious, but only if they drive slowly

Also, Tyrese Gibson is the secret weapon of this whole franchise.  Without Tyrese Gibson, you have nothing.  Tyrese Gibson is life.  Tyrese Gibson needs his own vehicle vehicle movie franchise –  Tyrese Tyfurious.  If there is a god, he will make that happen

oh, and THIS!

Verdictgo: this is a 92728 star movie, but we don’t do stars so it’s BEYOND BREAST IN SHOW!!!

6 Fast 6 Furious rules the streets and theaters near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…