Cutie and The Boxer
A Portrait of The Artists As An Old Man & His Old Lady
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 82 min

Ever hear of Neo-Dadist artist Ushio Shinohara? Yeah, me neither, but his work’s been shown in major museums the world over. Oh, he must be some well off dude, right? No, he basically lives from sold painting to sold painting (the artist equivalent of ‘paycheck to paycheck’), with large gaps of time between getting paid, and when they do actually sell, it isn’t nearly enough to live on. But even if this artist never got his due or is unable to pay his dues, he aint ever gonna give up, and is still going strong at age 81, making motorcycle monstrosities and his wall punching paintings. Ahh, so he’s ‘the Boxer’ in Zachary Heinzerling‘s beautifully moving documentary Cutie and the Boxer. So who’s ‘Cutie’? Oh, his doting wife Noriko. She does everything for him, and gets very little in return except for endless regret. But she’s an artist in her own right – Cutie is a semi-biographical semi-comic bookish character she created – but can one family survive two starving artists, especially when one overshadows the other? This question can only be answered by seeing the doc, and that is juss what you should do!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Boxer does the rounds today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Ain’t Them Bodies Saints
Ain’t Them Saints Snoozy – THEY IS!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
Not Rated | 105 min

One of my least favorite performances of the past six years was Casey Affleck being the coward in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, a movie that was 17 hours long, and 77 hours boring.  It didn’t help matters that the flick had the pacing of a snail trapped in a sea of molasses, and that Casey Affleck was doing most of the boring cause he is boring.  He played a shy, quiet guy, who, when talked, mumbled in a twang that made us wished that ears AND cinema were never invented, but we didn’t even have to worry or care about such things cause we fells asleep not caring

Well, IF YOU LOVED CASEY AFFLECK’S KENTUCKY FRIED ACCENT IN THE BORING OF JESSE JAMES BY THE BORING COWARD BORING FORD then you might juss dig David Lowery‘s beautiful but zzzzzzzz-inducing Ain’t Them Bodies Saints, which is like that movie if it met Badlands and Bonny & Clyde and any other movie where a couple are outlaws and do stuff in the countryside with amazing cinematography!!  

Casey’s partner in love is Rooney Mara.  Them two did some robbing.  They got caught.  She shot cop Ben Foster.  He went to jail, she didn’t.  She had a baby while he’s in jail.  He wants to see his baby and his baby’s mommmma so he done does breaks out.  Ben Foster has eyes for Rooney.  Hopefully Casey will get back home before Ben Foster puts his mitts all over her, even though he has zero clue that he even has mitts.  This feels like 3929929239 other movies we’ve seen before, but I can’t really think of one to compare it to, cause I don’t feel like thinking much more about it cause I juss fell asleep re-thinking any thoughts I had on this snoozy-q movie

Oh, and Keith Carradine was in this movie and he was good and stuff!  That’zzzzzzzzzzzzzz all folks!

Verdictgo: low low low low low end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Bodies is cold tomorrow in limited release, and on-demand a week later

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Rainn Wilson, New Trier Township High School, Winnetka, Illinois, 1984

[via]

Lovelace
Where They’re Against Her Will, There Is A Way
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 93 min

Poor Linda Lovelace, I mean Boreman – an innocent girl born to overbearing Christian parents, who met the wrong man (Chuck Traynor), which led to 17 days of working in the porn industry, which led to a lifetime of infamy, and pain and suffering.  Even more poorerer – the biopic treatment created in her image, which is trying to change her image from porn star to porn victim, like she tried dones doing herself.  The material is rich (think Star 80, without murder), and so were the performances (Amanda Seyfried, showing range AND her boobs!! + good sleazy work by Peter Sarsgaard & Chris Noth + saddy sadness by an uglified Sharon Stone and a crying Robert Patrick! ), but there’s juss not enuff penetration of who Linda Lovelace/Boreman actually was here to justify you whipping out your cock wallet.  It’s one long tease, with little to show for it.  Linda Lovelace deserved a lot better in life, and in her first cinematic treatment too.  Maybe the other Lovelace movie that Lohan got kicked off of will do what Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman‘s flick didn’t.  Lovelace dicks around the outside of Deep Throat.  You want in? –  juss re-watch Inside Deep Throat

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Lovelace is loveless currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

stroboscopic multiple exposures of director Alfred Hitchcock on the set of 1942’s Shadow of a Doubt by Gjon Mili

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CO-BEST DIRECTOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!