Molly’s Game
Deck Stacked Against Her
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 140 min

Aaron Sorkin pulls out all the stops in his slick and fun directorial debut – Molly’s Game, and while there is much to enjoy in the true story of poker pitboss Molly Bloom’s rise and fall, the end result doesn’t come close cinematically to the other films he’s lent his penmanship to – Steve Jobs, Moneyball and The Social Network, but that’s OK, cause it’s hard to hit home runs in both the writing AND directing categories, and especially on one’s first time out behind the lens, and it’s also OK, cause the movie is really good!

Molly Bloom (a confident and chesty Jessica Chastain) is all about rising and falling.  Once on the cusp of skiing at the Winter Olympics, she saw her lifelong medaling dreams dashed in a bad trial run downhill, and so she picked herself up, moved away from the snow to Los Angeles and started over again.  Found work working for a fast-paced prick, who happened to run an underground poker game with Hollywood stars and rich hot shots, and found her new calling running those games.  A big risk for both players and Molly, but the money was just too good to pass up on.  Things go good, then things go bad, but Molly always seems to find her way out on top again, and again… until the FBI comes in to say GAME OVER.  But that’s not where the movie ends – it’s actually the starting point, where Molly tries to fight back at the system with a lawyer (Idris Elba) who sees the good in her, and the evil in the world.  DAMN YOU EVIL WORLD WITH YOUR LAWS AND STUFF!!

That’s nice and all, but it’s actually all the meetings with her lawyer, and courtroom non-drama that drags the film down a bit from being something fantastic.  While the chips are stacked and the cards are dealt, the movie flies, but when it gets bogged down in legal briefs, it seems far from being brief, as it lingers on a little TOO much.  Still, Molly and Sorkin have a winning hand and a winning movie, and Kevin Costner works magic in limited screentime, and you know if there’s a movie about competition and Kevin Costner’s in it – it’s a winner!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Game on Xmas day at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

I STILL love Lucy… Pinder

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Indian Reynolds – forever packing heat

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the two will always be breastest birthday buds 4 life!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phantom Thread
Fashion Victims
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 130 min

A movie about a frigidity, neurotic clothing designer in 1950s London who hates distractions AND butter doesn’t exactly sound like the most swinging time this holiday season, but there is just SOMETHING so entrancing about PT Barnum Anderson‘s Phantom Thread that makes it the greatest film with the word ‘Phantom’ in it (sorry Jar Jar, Billy Zane and that horrible screen adaption of the Opera with Gerard Butler)!

I cannot even tell you that this is a muss see movie.  It would actually make for a really boring home rental, but for 2ish hours I was udderly mesmerized about the tale of a tailor (with a really dumb name – Reynolds Woodcock), and his muse who he doesn’t seem to be so a-MUSE-d by.  Maybe cause this is rumored to be Daniel Day-Lewis‘ acting swan song, and so we paid extra thought and love to his INCREDIBLE performance, or that we fell hard and felt so bad for his underloved love interest (Vicky Krieps), or that Dan Day’s icy-cold staring sister (Lesley Manville) set the prefect chilled mood for this entire movie.  Or maybe cause the film was made with such attention to detail and care, that we cared so much about all the details.  I wanted to physically be in all the places and settings they occupied and roamed around in.  TAKE ME THERE!!!  And while the clothes they made were really pretty, I didn’t really want to wear any of them, but that’s cause I’m not really into wearing dresses

We often think that David Fincher is keeper of the Kubrick torch, but PT Barnum Anderson may actually be the true torchbearer.  Phantom Thread feels like a Kubrick movie – uninviting and distant, and yet it makes you feel up close and personal, and sew – what more can you ask for in a film?  NEEDLE ME THAT BATMAN!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Thread bares in limited release on Xmas day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Edward Metelski, who murdered a policeman, and Paul Semenkewitz sit bruised and bleeding after they escaped from Middlesex County Jail and were captured by police, December 18, 1935

Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Poe Man’s Star Wars?
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 155 min

There is 1/3rd of Star Wars: The Last Jedi that works – the return of Luke (Mark Hamill, you bearded ham you!), the further innocence and awesomeness of Rey (who doesn’t feel for or want to feel Daisy Ridley?), and the sneering badness of Kylo Ren (Adam Driver, such a little bitch, but such a PERFECT little bitch).  I dug on that Jedi stuff.  Juss that Jedi stuff alone could have made for a thrilling 1 hr 45 minute movie.  BUT, the galaxy always has room for more, More, MORE, and the powers that be feel the need to shove in things that aren’t necessary, or even make sense in the realm of Star Wars, or just plain don’t work.  Here they are.  Splain and imple!  If there are spoilers below, you be spoiled…

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I’m sorry, but I don’t give 9 fcuks about newbie Rose.  She’s the equivalent of a human Ewok, cept that Ewoks are something I’m going to love and remember until I die.  If you don’t think Ewoks are awesome, go screw.  Look, I’m all for equality and having Asian characters, but Rose wilts.  Roses may be red, but I violently say BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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And you know who would make a better female player than Rose?  Princess Leia’s real life daughter Billie Lourd, who rightfully gets more screentime in VIII, but they could have done even MORE with her… like make her Princess Leia’s real daughter in the movie!!  SHE’S ROYALTY, IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD!  WORD!!

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Poe Dameron is STILL a dumb and terrible name.  The name ‘Snoke’ is worser, but Snoke the character is even worsererer than the name.  He’s bullsh!t Voldemort.  He’s also bullsh!t in general.  He’s also not menacing, not interesting, not important, and nothing I care to ever remember going forward in my life.  In Jedi, he breaks free of his hologram form, but I wish they put the genie back in the bottle, and then threw away the bottle.  I mean, he looks so So SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dumb.  When they were creating him, did no one on set or in the CGI office be like – hey, Snoke looks pretty dumb.  I mean, he’s not even as crazy/sexy/gross as that dude in RoboCop who gets doused in toxic waste.  MAKE THAT GUY OUR SUPREME LEADER ANY DAY!!!  

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The First Order red guards were cool, but their uniforms look out of place, and a bit familiar – like a cross between Dracula’s armor and whatever this was from this Star Trek: Next Gen ep I’ve never seen

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speaking of fashion, seriously, what’s up with these Imperial hats?  NICE WING TIPS!!!

NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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our heroes need to find a mysterious code-breaker who is also a gambler.  I know just the guy!  I got so jazzed that this person was going to be Lando… until they decided to NOT bring back Lando and instead bring in Fred Fenster from The Usual Suspects, who was OK, but he wasn’t Lando. Seriously, WTF do we have to do to get Lando back in movies??  If you combined Poe, Finn, Rose and a zillion other pointless newcomers together – they’d still be 939123938228844848 zillion points less cool than Lando is.  LANDO MAKES THINGS HAPPEN.  LANDO IS COOL AS SH!T.  #FreeLando

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look, I’m all for humor in Star Wars, but there’s a little TOO much humor going on in Last Jedi.  But if you ever wanted to see the funniest Star Wars movie ever, well, now it exists!  But c’mon guys, we all love blue milk jokes, but ones with quad-nipples?????  THIS ISN’T MY STAR WARS!!!  MY STAR WARS DOESN’T HAVE QUAD-NIPPLES!!!!

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again, I’m all for equality, but how pointless are the female characters Captain Phasma or whoever Laura Dern’s purple people eater is???  Leia/Carrie is great, but they don’t give her much to do… until they decide that she can fly in space.  WTF???????????????????????

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oh, and remember how incredible the literal CLIFF hanging ending of Force Awakens was?  well, Last Jedi easily has THE very würstest ending of a Star Wars movie ever.  it boarders on this kinda prequel awfulness…

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and finally, it muss be said – Maz Kanata is more offensive to me than Jar Jar Binks is.  Jar Jar is suppose to be stupid.  Maz is supposed to be wise, but is juss stupid.  QUIT THE STUPID STUFF STAR WARS.  Stick to the stuff that works – Jedis and Lando

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Verdictgo:  jury is still out in my brain, so for now…  inconclusive 

Jedi aint the last anything, at a theater near jews and white nationalists…