Better Off Un-Red

Red Dawn (2012)
Woolite®verines
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 114 min

Sorry Dan Bradley, but you are no John Milius.  Sorry Chris Hemsworth, but you are no Patrick Swayze.  Sorry Josh Peck, but you are no Charlie Sheen. Sorry Adrianne Palicki, but you are no Jennifer Grey.  Sorry Isabel Lucas, but you are no Lea Thompson.  Sorry Josh Hutcherson, but you are no C Thomas Howell.  Sorry Connor Cruise, but you are no Darren Dalton (but you are the son of Tom Cruise!) (wait, who’s Darren Dalton?).  Sorry Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but you are no Powers Boothe (BUT WE STILL LOVE YOU!).  Sorry Brett Cullen, but you are no Harry Dean Stanton.  Sorry Chinese North Koreans, but you are no Russians. Sorry Red Dawn 2012, but you are no Red Dawn 1984.  It’s true.  More like it’s false!!!!

Red Dawn 2012, If you were named something else, like Yellow Dawn or Thor & Peta & That Girl From FNL Kick North Korean A$$, well, then maybe you wouldn’t be such a bad movie, cause you really AREN’T a bad movie, but since you’re calling yourself Red Dawn and are ‘trying’ to be a ‘fresh’ new take on the original Red Dawn, comparisons must be made, and plain and simple, there is no comparison.  Your movie may have more explosions, but your movie has zero of the heart & soul (and even scariness) of the original (which still holds up, btw!!!!!).  So what’s the point?

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Food, Folks & Gone: in the original RD, there were some scenes that took place in and around a McDonalds, as seen in the trailer & photos below, but they were cut from the final film, probably maybe because of the San Ysidro McDonald’s massacre that happened in the same year.  strange.  would have love to have seen them commies order a McVodka Flurry and have Patrick Swayze shove it in their faces!!!

Dawn of the meh rises at a theater near jews this Wednesday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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