Thighs Wide Shut

The Winter LIMPics are dunn like Nora. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Next time, they should eliminate time zones so everyone can watch the not so grassy knolls at the same time and not on tape delame. Go Latvia!!!

Boo-nus: Photochop Monday?

Dennis Hopper
Val Kilmer
Christopher Lambert
Winona Ryder
Alpha Numeric
Color me BAD
not bad meaning bad
but bad meaning good

‘I think American TV is the best in the world. I knew ‘The Office’ wouldn’t be ruined by these people, but I know American shows would be ruined by English people. We’re not as good as you. … American TV for me, as Randy Jackson would say, is da bomb. ‘ –Ricky G

Could the future Liam Gallagher/Charlotte Church collab be holier than thou?

Rudy meets Corky = real hoop dreams [via Double Veeski & Burger King & Queen]

Hugo ‘Hurley’ Reyes = Harry ‘Beyonce’ Knowles?

The return of Ice-T? I’m still praying for the day he teams up with Lemonade to form Arnold Palmer

Jesse Metcalfe (Lawn Boy) banging Nadine Coyle (Thighs Mistake Girl)?

Willa Holland > Bloggers In Amsterdam

And how come they didn’t invite the Hay Master to Edam (which is the new Eden)?

Max, the Devil, and proprietor of Max’s Video shop from The Lost Boys loves dat a$$

Sly no longer on the sly?

Zach Moore and Mandy Braff’s (sorry, but I refuse to call em something very bloggish like Broore or Mraff) Tiffany wedding registry [via The Soup]

Muss See Tee Vee: The Ivankatice

Muss Take Her Clothes Off:

Yeah? I’d rather hang myself with sasquatch’s taint hair tainted with microwaved tunafish while licking my own taint out to ‘Tainted Love’ [d-lode] than listen to that diarrhea of the mouth skanktastic hobag sing live. Take this Flaming Lips ‘Yeah Yeah Yeah Song’ [d-lode via Under8] and get that fishnet stocking taste outta yer ear pronto tonto!!

And by the lame, Karen O’s full name is Karen Orzolek, and she’s not only an earsore and an eyesore, but multimediasore! Did I mention she’s a hobag and I’d rather suck this [NSFW] than let her touch mine [‘this’ via Skylar]

How un-ghetto is Trick My Truck? I’d say about 1/16th less than Pimp My Slip ‘N Slide, eh?

What could possib-bly make Nicage emote the Karen O face?

These NSFW boobs, as seen in the mediocre, yet food tossingly enjoyable The Weather Man

Tits amazin what two a-bombs can do to a country [NSFW muss ness that has nothing to do with real bombs but bombs as in boobs and a kitten and aight already, juss click the damn link via Dr Falada]

The Ketchup Effect teaser [via Shabby]

The 50 Best Robots Ever

YTMND: Ownd [via Tom Wellington The Greatest Livng Actor’s Fan Club President]

Newbower’s bestest fan ever

FREE PANCAKES! In honor of Marwanicur’s B-day! [via BVS is the new CVS]

Add ‘sasha cohen cock’ & ‘sasha cohen underarms’ to the list of things we don’t have on this site………. yet! Aldough it’s a purty safe bet you’ll never mt everestist find ‘slutskaya nipples’ anywhere near these thighswideshut

Lou flings Poo

Posting will probably be a lil miller lite in the loafers this week as we richard gear up for March 8th. Grin and bear with us kids!

Anywhozitz, tis never too late to enter our Oscar Pool. $10 to make ya holla. Winner eats balls. Enter here. Group Name: House of Wax Dat Ass Password: neckbeard. You suck if you don’t join the frayed carpet. And if you do, I’ll see if I can get you in to the palace to touch our gal’s brows, and if you pay $5, you can touch mine too!

how do that work?

& while yer at it, bring me the head of Col Sanders

USA owns Kazakhstan, and in Kazakhstan there is problem, and that problem is transport

Leonard Nimoy digs fat chicks! [NSFW?]

Kaiser Chiefs, Oh My Gawd [d-lode]

Gorillaz, like Cheney, need a gun… YOU GO KIDS!!

Cliff Engle meets the bee girl from the ‘No Rain’ video

Angela who?

YTMD: The Actual Truth About Brian Peppers :(

and for shaz and gaggles, keyboard mustache man

:{
!

[via various georges]

and

GO PRESIDENTS!!!

From the First Family of Thighs, to all of Jews, OUR DEAR READERS AND DIRT BAGS LOOKING FOR HOT SNAPS OF HOT BIZATCHES ON THE GOOGLES, we heart you!!!

The SnoozeYork Times have finally caught on to this whole Camilla Belle (aka Her Royal Thighness VII) jizznomenom. Too bad they have standards and aren’t allowed to talk about drawing maps of Hawaii all over themselves in print.

And while James Blunt is busy putting on bigger maneuvers than Lando at the battle of Taanab on Princess Leia, the rest of the galaxy sends their love

[SumTang Awfully good via
Tom Wellington]
Me, Medium-Sized? I’m long overdue to be SUPER THIGHS MEed!!!

Too bad Cliff Engle sweaters don’t come in super size, but sometimes tight will fit juss right, hispecially if you have big tits like me!

Hilton Shortlisted To Play Teresa Role!?!??!E#!!!
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT???

Katie Danza > Samantha Micelli, unless we’re talkin bout NSFW Samantha Micelli

Cuthbest, Soul Man, fake JFK, the mother from Poltergeist, Leland Palmer, Robocop, and Mike Figgis’ male muse. No this isn’t Surreal Life 2112, juss the breast that’s yet to cum all overourshelves on the 2nd half of this season’s killah hills 24!!! And soapfully President Logan won’t have to make any more big decisions!!

Falkor’s sister still a go for Hexxx, but no word on a soundtrack by Bubba Sparxxx, Basment Jaxx, anything off of Speakerboxxx, or the sounds of Zaxxon!!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is quacking rising the charts as the mos brills actor with a hyphenated name. First was the pillow biting bitterness of Mysterious Skin, and next up is the Lukas Haas-a-dickie-thon-ing of Brick!!! Had his former 10 Things I Hate About You co-star Heath Ledger co-starred with him in this, maybe they woulda called it BrickBack Mountain!! If that ends up on YouTube, I’m suing. And if I don’t get any money from that I’m going to cut off a finger and claim I found it in a bowl of chili from Wendy’s!!

A day after eggzalting the virtues and virgins of Lucas, I find out that it’s writer/director is penning the screenplay to the remake of my mos personal flavorite Hitchcock flick (that isn’t Psycho), Strangers On A Train. My right off the bat guano thoughts are that it won’t be as Vince Vile-able as GvanSant’s Psycho, but den again, it won’t even come close to matching the Anne Ramsey condom ribbed for all our pleasureness of the ’87 versh!! We don’t have a Cousin Paddy.

Props to the Mars Props. My money is totally on Sam Cassell to be the first to make it to the red planet!!!

Something tells me these people eat ham wrapped in bacon wrapped in Slim Jims covered in fur

The tATuers as kids, you sick fuck

and something from their Russian site…

gawd dang, they really hates place!!

Bestest weekly sports article only WashPosters know about, but everyone else should: The Starting Lineup

From Buddy to Sufjan: The Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good Covers Project

Speegle

Oh, so that is what that is from [beware the audio via Dr Falada]

Is it ok to want both kinds of Pancake Mountain shirts?

Cartoon Skeletal Systems

An Analysis of Netflix’s DVD Allocation System [zzzz via Yachew! via Guns n Rosenthal]

The International Ginger Kids Foundation, where kids have firecrotches and worship Sissy Spacek [via Jim et Jules]

Trailer for the World’s Greatest Piece O’Crap Film Ever

Pencil in penis backfires

Bob’s Animal Fights [via DVD Author 2 On The Rocks]

Anyone else’s lips flaming?

When and Why Did Women Start Shaving Their Legs?
and
What Caused Women To Start Shaving Their Armpits?
and
Who Decided Women Should Shave Their Legs and Underarms?
and
Why question such practices? The more we talk about it the more likely they’ll stop and start being as dirty as men. I mean, they are godessesses who fart vanilla and poop roses, they’re our moms and daughters, our sisters, and our hobags, our sluts, and our gay PE teachers. Womens forever!!! But I think it’s aiiight to raise the question of shaving in the v region, right?

Too bad our German brethren and Lutherans hate woman and think think they’re totally helpless and want Abenteuer to DIE!! Look how they treated Elizabeth Shue in poster form compared to us fun loving Mohammed hating Americunts!!!!

Good thing they decided to write the rongs of their Nazi past, cause if the Shue fits, bang it!! Dutchovenland uber alles!

ABC is planning to take a dump on its bestest show, YES, I’m talking about INVASION and not Lost (or Fencing With The Stars either!), juss so Orlando Jones can mix things up with Oscar-winning actor Martin Landau. But don’t fret kids, cause I doubt we’ll ever see the werds ‘Oscar’ and ‘Orlando Jones’ in the same sentence again. WHY GAWD WHY!>!~@#>!@#!@ Where’s the david justice? Is it cause Evan Peters is the new Brock Peters or looks like Jack White Jr? Or the audience consists of me and my tall semitic roomie?? Sio, prepare the corntroopers and head to ABC’s HQ. For this can mean only ONE thing…

Spanks ‘tastic, cause I really need that $10.50 to purchase a grundle hair clipper [NSFW that you should click on even if yer work isn’t safe for things that are not safe for work!]

Wanna know who to bet on in any major sporting event? Be sure to czech in with Bandwagon Boy, the day AFTER

Goonies 2 R’nt good enuff

All work and no play makes HFutureRT Camilla Belle scared shi(r)tless

Stalking Samaire Armstrong at Kinko’s

The Jizzfeld (aka the Ziegfeld) be takin a month of from showing crap to bring the screen’s biggest and brightest back to the biggest and brightest screen, like The Jones trilogy, LOTR, some gay musicals, + MO! [via Tom Wellington, the world’s greatest living actor & AOoF]

Streaking of the Jizzfeld, here’s yer gran’pa-pa’s beat-off matz [SFW]

Phrase that should never hever appear in print hever never hagain: ‘fingering Aaron Neville‘

Hopefully this means he’s spending a wee bit more time on those dreadful Extras scripts

The wurstest Mexican wrestling movie starring Jack Black and directed by the man who brought you Napoleon Dynamite has gots to be Nacho Libre. Thats good news for The Neverending Story III, although it has nothing to do with Jared Hess or Mexican wrestling

Learning never ends: the voice at the beginning of Us3’s ‘Cantaloop’ [d-lode] is that of midget maestro Pee Wee Marquette (think Gary Coleman of the 50s), former doorman turned MC of the famed Birdland, from Art Blakey’s A Night at Birdland, Vol. 1 [stream WMV file]

[snap via MoP]
The 2006 U.S. Olympic Team Roster, By State. Who knew that Mini-soda was like the center of the universe for American curling?

Biggest Super Bowl Disappointment: Joe Namath did not attempt to hump Suzy Kolber’s leg like it was the ’03

Gheorghe Muresan still haunts the DC haunts

SPiN’s Hottest Significant Other Tournament: Foxy Four

The internets best kept mp3 blazzle secret: Puritan Blister. Doesn’t hurt that I’m a zucker for mash-potato-ups. And thanks to the PB, I’m totally thighing out on my thIghpod to ‘Smells Like Oh My Gosh’ Nirvana vs Basement Jaxx [d-lode]

So den, how do songs get stuck in your head?

How do astronauts go to the bathroom in space? Goo thing freeze-dried ice cream doesn’t give one the runs

X-Entertainment’s Freezer, which aint as Freezy as Freakies

The Mohammed & Christ cartoon that will soon spark the burning and looting of Canadian embassies all up in the Middle East

Not as in-depth as the Borat entry, but czech out Wikipedia’s bit on You’re The Man Now Dog, if yer a man OR dog, man! [via Wananmaker]

Before you DARE enter our ultraFAB Oscar Pool (group name: House of Wax Dat Ass password: neckbeard, $10 to rule them all), you may wanna get a leg up on the competition by peeping the live-action and animated shorts, but only if yer an LAer or an NYer

So that’s what you call that

Eyebrow-Raising Tattoos

Thank you for not pot smoking

Park Slope 2009 according to Freejack… wonder if La Bagel Delight survives?

Japanese Spiderman

Brille-YANT commercial [MaybeNSFW via Fleaski]

And this just in: SIDE BOOBS still RULE!!

Pee ess – don’t forget to look at yesterday’s corn masterpoops and get yer effin VOTE on or DIE, like Puffdido’s career

Aside from the MacGyver pricelessnessness [via Pakula Shaker], the stellarstar halftime ‘Stones Performance and Antwaan Randle El‘s ‘gadget’ play (u think Al Micheals is required to send Phil Simms a royalty check for the use of his phrase that doesn’t pay?), Super Bowl XLzzzzzzzzzzzz, ’tis’ commercials, and the constant hand jobbing of the Vince Lombardi trophy from both teams in Herb Ritzezque videoshoots, was a snooze and boo fest of Good Night, And Good Luck proportions, carl weathers you were a Starbucks maven (I think they stole the Skins’ offensive playbook of having 21478127 chances and nothing really to show for it) or an Iron City Beer fanatical (I pray I never hear the sentence ‘the Bus is coming home’ again for as shlong as I live!!) Sure, tit wasn’t as busted as Entertainment Weekly‘s use of the words ‘flint’ and ‘flinty’ in two separate short pieces describing the performances of Best Supporting Actresses’ Michelle Williams (‘an angry flint of a woman) and Frances McDormand (‘a flinty, plain-speaking iron miner‘), but it was purty darn Matt Milleniralistically close.

ENUFF. Cause I nor noone who is I should be kevetching about a football game when there won’t be another til some random teams lock horns 6 mos from now in Tokyo, so lettuce move on to more pressing matters, like the CORN Me in Historyectomy!! There will be a preliminary round, with voting ending on Wednesday at 11:59pm. The top ten vote getters will make it to the next round, which will start the next day and end Sunday before the Pro Bowl begins. Don’t ask me when that is cause I don’t know and neither queen noor does noone else who isn’t I. Fryannly, next Monday, the winner will be revealed and carried thru the streets of Beirut or Detroit! The names of the photo-choppers’ below have been left off in this 1st round to first, protect the innocent, and second, save them the embarrassment of not making it to the final triple nipple dipple round robin givens!!

Breast if luck, and good night, and Zzzzzzzzzz

Note: click dem images and watch them gets bigger!!

1. The 10 Cornmandments
2. War Between The Thighs

3. Corn Is The New Ambrosia
4. Corny Smurf

5. The Garden of Eating
6. Cornmander In Chief

7. Thighrates of the Caribbean
8. Viet Corn

9. Thighed & Prejudice
10. Gawd Save The Corn

11. I Wanna Hold Your Corn
12. Corn Corn Me Do

13. CORNstory 1
14. CORNstory 2

15. Deep Corn
16. Patt(c)o(r)n

17. Napoleon Cornaparte
18. 1 Giant Corn For Mankind

19. Cornier Pasteurs
20. Corny Doody (aka Corn Poopie)

21. Stop Touching My Thigh
22. Gen Thigh E Lee

23. Corn Pack of Jackasses
24. I’m All Up In Alba’s A$$

25. Opening China’s Doors To Corn
26. A Fist In The Ass Is Better Than A Buck An Ear

27. Ich En Bin Thigh Master
28. Mac The Knife Some Butter On Me Corn

29. Cornback Mountain
30. Big Thigh

31. The ASSassination of HRT the VI Warshawski
32. Crossing The Corningware

33. The Offspring

VOTE
via email
one vote per household

Although the Super Bowl dissed em cause they’re white and not from Detroit, we still missem the likes of recently forked the peace outters, Grampa Al Lewis and some bitch named Betty Friedan. In your loving memories, we saw the Camilla Belle box office moster When A Stranger Calls. Full jizzvue forthcumming.

Signing off,

Heabs
(the Jewish Peabs, as minted by the Peabs and the Coz themselfs)

Corn on the cob or the kebab? [YTMND via BVSC]