Thighs Wide Shut

Wonder if her on-screen beau/soul man, C Thomas Howell, picked up any crotch-mouthed goatee grooming tips from Desperate Housewives‘ crotch-mouthed goatee resident Carlos

Blessed be you Daniel Snyder, the new King of the Jews, and your King of the Jews money that you shoot out of your hands, like Spiderman, and mcgrab anyone you want for your fantasy squad/my Redskins. May the gadget plays be with us… and TWS.org as well, which ranks 2nd in ‘gadget play’ intersleuthing

Poopied be you Twerps, who blow worser than a 36 minute Andy Warhol movie. Is it football season yet?

Bye bye Boom Boom, for without he, there would be no (non-musical) Hanson brothers, + a mucho belated parking of the life of shaftman Gordon Parks

Jon Stewart, the next Andy Rooney? Dan Rather not or so?

Quite amazed that only 30ish seconds were dedicated to characters watching movies and/or television on last night’s season premmy of The Sopranos, and cause of it, I’ve got opto-mizzum for whats to come… although going fwd, I hope we see less of Maradona‘s cocksmoking doppleganger. As for that new show that followed it… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz fest to the mth degree!!! Sorry, but not even Jeanne Trippletits [NSFW] can save it, or even if they had this girl with three boobies [NSFW]. All-dough they do get + 1 gold stars for having Nap Dyna‘s Deb working at a place called Deb’s

Yous a male and have a bunch of brothers? Yer most likely gay, and therefore will probably have a great shot at creating an insanely popular blog

Czech accountant, Jana Tylova, becomethes the first ever Countess Soduku at the WSPC. CZECH out JT with the rest of her country’s squad…

Don’t know who’ll be driving, but I’m ready to let the good times roll again [Spork Stealer]

How do u take your NSFW d’Abo? Maryam or Olivia?

Speaking of… He May Be A Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag, But He’s Our Demented, Twisted, Compulsively Masturbating Shitbag

Top Ten Worst SNL Cast Members of All Time [MogillaMask]

If you only look at one pictorial review of The Hills Have Eyes, make it this one

Ugly Duke girls try to dispel ugly Duke girl myth [Gulf of Sonkin]

Where video games go when they die [Lief Ericsson’s Posse]

Whose Boobs (Strikes Back) Part 2

Something for the lizadies: lots of wet men, by way of Rammstein’s latest video [NSFW]

[WTFOMGZ!]
The Albino Code, starring everyone’s other favorite albino

Past Champions from the World Livestock Auctioneer C’ships

Juicy Fruit ads will never be dullski with Mr Z de la Roachclip’s dang right copy

Fity more of these and we may juss achieve peace in the Middle East: a 12 foot plate of hummus [Lil Red Honey Rider’s Hood]

Fity bottles of these and I may actually get laid: Whiff, the poop odor eliminator

‘Forever Young’ – Alphaville [d-lode]

On The Menu Today: Horse Penis And Testicles With A Chilli Dip [L-ism]

‘God came down from Heaven and made people quote Fletch‘

How To Make A Duct Tape Wallet

paintmeblue’s photos

CILF (it’s like MILF, but with corn!) [BVSC]

How do you says I want to de-core your apple in Russian? [NSFW]

Hoth to host the the Winter Olympics in 2014? …so that’s what all those probe droids were really doing, scouting for giant slalom and super-g locales! [1st site soundy vis World Wide Wangsta]

And if there really is a Gawd, then HE’ll never let our mos flavorite Druish America Princess, Sasha Cohen, and her nude naked camel toe, crossbreed with any of the following (bruce) suitors

[via Baroness SC]
Bonus: snapples from LA’s Lebowski Fest, including one with Edie McClurg on washboard!

MUSTARD MAN
FOUND!!!
Syde Nauxte: I first laid eyes on Mean Mr when snerfing Fark’s Photoshop Mike Krzyzewski thingie. Sadly, the picture is no longer there, but the others are jonathan pryce-less, like this one

Life No S’Mores to Harold who played Harold in Kids. A few years back I saw him playing pool at Max Fish and I still felt sorry for him cause none of the chicks in Kids, even the ones with crazy mouth herpes, wanted to kiss him

What’s a Lebowski Fest without Edie McClurg playing the washboard? I dunno, but WE WUZ ROBBED!!

While peeps may be fawning over the choices of a Bond Grrrrl who openly shows her gina [NSFW], I say the major Kudos and Rice Krispies Treats should be reserved for casting Jeffrey Wright as CIA agent Felix Leiter. Here’s hoping he goes under(the)cover(s) with M

May the Gorillaz/Albarn stuff never end… and for those who hate to buy stuff, d-lode like the wind: Gorillaz – Live At Manchester 04/11/2005 (thats 11/4/05 to us idjiots) Recorded for BBC Radio 1

Who wrote the Olympic theme song? JWills, NO DOUBTZZLE [d-lode] Oh, yous like me and don’t care for dat one but the one NBC (and ABC) rocks? It’s called ‘Bugler’s Dream’, and, I guess, is known in wider circles as ‘Olympic Fanfare’ [d-lode]. Morse info herez

Faux lesbians, the bass of Sting, a pointless piano solo, and Batman’s Bat Cave. This can mean only one thing that’s not INVASION: t.A.T.u.’s ‘Friend or Foe’ video. Kinda a let down after the give us us hotness of ‘All About Us’, but hey, friends or fauxs, lezzies or ho’s, don’t make a difference to me, juss as long as the kissing commences!! And while Denmark is taking the heat off of France for being the chief jerkasses of Europe, the frogs are making the breast of the situation by making peace with this spread in their FHM [via tATu Girls]

‘Friend or Foe’ [d-lodes galore]

Mischa Barton’s Sort of Visible Nipples… not odd, considering her brother Falkor doesn’t wear pants

Mohammed Image Archive [via PopTarts]

PILLOW FIGHT!!!

Tom Wolfe’s next book? I Am Hot Jeremy [b-ware the audio via Cielloarmadillo]

Lucky Clovers

Play Monk’s Mind Game, drink at Monk’s in Philly, and send yer kid to Art Monk’s football camp, which I attended in 5th grade

SmokingHotWaitress.com [via Double V and their HOT Radio Waves]

Celebrities as Sports Stars!

100 Best First Lines from Novels

The Rifleman, that aint Chuck Connors/Person

Bleak House icons, but only thru episode 9!! I recommend the smallpoxed #20, cause smallpox is the new munch box!

TMNT Food Stuffs

Jean-Claude Van Damme Made Better

Why drive when you can ride a Fucker

Wienerwhistle

General Carbuncle

The Outhouses of America Tour [via IFOCE King]

The Song Tapper

VPF, his suits, and the things he stands in front of

My hero

and Paiging Mr Erection…

C’est WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!@?!#?%!!#
C’EST MANY-FEECK!!!

• Which mooovie director still maintains a beard so it can help hide his super-obese neck? If you can’t figure it out from the picture, maybe this equation will help: his Neck Size is in Inverse Proportion to the Quality of his Films.

• Congrats to les Twerps for somehow gettin invited to the tournament of tournaments.

• Pulp, not dead yet!

• If Guy Ritchie ever wants to win an Oscar like Sean Penn did, he’ll have to ditch Madonna like Sean Penn did.

• Next Bond flick to be more classy, less Cleesey, and Tarantino won’t ever shut up.

• What do De La Soul, Salt-N-Pepa’s ‘Push It’, Deborah Harry, Ike Turner, Shaun Ryder, MF Doom, and Dennis Hopper all have in common? They’re going to be on the year’s breastest album: Gorillaz’ Demon Days.

• Dolly Parton gropes Sandra Bullock in the name of cinema.

• Terry Reid to play Glastonbury this summer. Tara Reid to gargle jizz this evening.

• The line-up for this year’s Tribeca Film Fest is up.

• Somebody please arrest Hilary Duff… she’s missing an ‘l’ in her first name.

• There’s nothing better than a chocolate dipped cone from the DQ.

• Andy Rooney teaches you how to weed thru yer mail.

• I am – Sheryl Crow is Naked (NSFW)

• One in three dads try breastmilk. The other two prefer tossed salads.

• Dirty boobies are the new side boobs…

I HAKE You so much Twerps!

How do you beat Boouke twice &
lose to dem lowly Les Tigres thrice?

To hell wit da madness…
Is it football season yet?

• Thy neue Episode Tres trailer is up, and I can’t bee leave it, but tit looks super-umcredible to the mth degree centigrade! Jimmy Shits is the effin Smits!!

• I’m no fan of Family Guy (it’s like an 16th rate Simpsons in my book), but many of yous may drool at this news: Family Guy Live, 2 shows in LA and 4 in NYC this April, which will include live readings of a classic episode, a special live performance from the eagerly anticipated Family Guy Live in Vegas comedy album, a sneak peek at the first new episode in 3 years, and a Q & A with the cast and creators of the series. Presale begins today at 10am EST and the password is ‘FREAKINSWEET’. Click here for LA and here for NYC. And please, don’t waste space in the ‘Speak Easy’ tellin me its a good show. I have better things to do like donate my grundle hair to science.

• Add Donavon Frankenreiter, Pinback, The Locust, Armin Van Buuren, and Gratitude to the Coachella leest.

• From the director of Saving Silverman and the writer of Eight Crazy Nights comes: THE END OF NAPOLEON DYNAMITE’S ACTING CAREER

• Gorillaz new album to be unveiled at SXSW?

• Officially the dumbestist Jewish shirt ever.

• Cuthbert, apparently likes to eat AND drink AND be the same room w/Dylan McDermott.

• Willis-Lohan grope fest = who cares.net

• Lohan’s neck + odd red splotches = wtf?

• Boo

• Boo Williams

• Boo Radley

• Boo Berry

• Why are people afraid of clowns? Even P Diddy?!

• The Gates to be recycled into candy corn?

And for those not in the nose round here, ‘Spot The Drummer’ is a game u can play. All you have to do is click on the above image and away you gogh!

• Peace the fork out to Nicole DeHuff, the bloody-nosed victim of Gaylord Focker’s pool volleyball super spikin’ skillz.

– Peace le fork out to The Gates, the namer of the Macintosh computer, & the king of intermittent wipers. In all yer all’s honor, I’m going to create the first orange Macintosh that has it’s own screen wiper. That’s almost a better idea than my giraffe movie.

– In a recent interview, Cuthy (HRT the II) reveals this about our private life, ‘We actually had wax*. It was interesting and messy, but it was fun.’ *’wax’ is what we call banging against a wall whilst covered in Blue Crazeberry-flavored ChapStick®.

– Former Thighs-In-Law, Papa Lohan, is planning a reality TV-show about his upcoming divorce proceedings with estranged wife Dina. If it ever comes to fruition, it has a shot a beating Jonny Zero in the ratings.

– Don’t fear, the Trainspotting sequel (aka Renton) is alive and well. Danny Boy Boyle is juss waiting for the original actors to look ‘middle-aged’.

– Win an Oscar, live longer. But what will Hillary do when she outlives her beloveded Chad Lowe?

– Andy Rooney, please tell us how you feel about our past Presidents.

– Originality is dead. Check out one of The Trying Game‘s categories…

– I like vanilla more than chocolate.

– That’sJustNotRight.gross/NSFW [via Guns n Rosenthal]

– Play with me

– The Twerps may blow, but JJ’s the one who’s Redickulous(ly gay)! [via Ad Mich]

– Merry effin b-day to my boy Don Jon de Wannamaker. Now stop being so tall.

– I thought Lolo’s Behrooz Shop was a great idea in theory, like communism. Too bad CafePress didn’t agree and promptly closed their doors. I mean, who wouldn’t want to rock a shirt like ‘What Would Behrooz Do?’ or this: