Thighs Wide Shut

Welcome to our fourth year of Thighbeca Film Festival coverage (recaps from 2007, 2006 and 2005, sorta). Ideally, we’d see a lot more than we did, but if that happened, we’d probably would be blind. Same could be said about masturbating too much, but that’s an over-activity worth going blind for

Breast In Fest

Man On Wire [trailer not available]

Philippe Petit’s name may not ring a bell, but his high wire antics probably will. In 1974 he did the impossible: (illegally) walk between the World Trade Center’s twin towers. How he planned and executed it is the focus of this deeply fascinating doc. It’s hard to mention the towers anymore without thinking of 9/11, so it was an absolute pleasure to watch this doc that reminded us when they symbolized a thing of beauty and not horror

release date: August 15th in limited release

Mister Lonely [trailer]

You already know we loves it [TWS review], so the only question is, when are you going to see it? If Diego Luna’s career ever goes down el baño, he totally could earn some extra cash rocking those MJ moves

release date: already playing in limited release

Old Man Bebo [trailer]

Bebo Valdés was one of the kings of Cuban music (and apparently fathering children). That is until Castro and the revolution came in and, because of his neutral stance, pushed him from his homeland. Living in European oblivion, and being reduced to playing pianos at hotels and private parties, Bebo seemed destined to be a footnote in the annals of music. That is until his career was revived in the 90s, thankfully by those who never forgot him. The doc itself is pretty basic, but Bebo’s story is so darn engaging that it elevates the whole thing to muss see (if it’s ever released)

release date: unknown

Somers Town [trailer not available so peep this slideshow]

When we last left crossed paths with director Shane Meadows, he had juss rocked our socks and coccyx off with his jarring This Is England [TWS GLOWING review], and introduced us to the bright young talent that is Thomas ‘Tommo’ Turgoose. Well, the two have reunited on his quiet (read: not much plot), yet effective, follow-up that follows Tommo as a runaway looking for a new life on the streets of London. He finds friendship in another lonely soul, a Polish kid (Piotr Jagiello, another great discovery by Meadows), and the two get into their fair share or mis and mradventure. Think of it is a not so cheesy Son of Rambow

release date: unknown

Jeepers Worth A Releasers

A President to Remember: In the Company of John F. Kennedy [trailer not available]

Robert Drew and his assocaites have long been pioneers in the field of political documentaries. They got their start as flies on the wall following JFK on the 1960 presidential campaign trail with the film Primary, and went on to follow his every move when he occupied the White House with 4 more docs on the most charismatic president to date. Well RD and assocs have taken the best bits of those works and created this new one that captures all the major events he faced (although no mistresses here, juss the hotness that was Jackie), with Alec Baldwin’s smooth voice leading the way. This may be better suited for PBS than a theater, but regardless of where you see it, the mission of remembering JFK will certainly be accomplished

release date: unknown

The Universe of Keith Haring [trailer]

80s Pop Artist Keith Haring deserves a better reflection on his life and times than this. Since none are in the works that we know of, we guess we’ll stick with this adequate one that seems to focus more on passing time than reflecting on the times. Little introspection is made from the interviewees (and Madonna is noticeably absent… so is Warhol, but he’s dead), and it’s a crying shame, but Haring’s such a great subject that this doc is still worth czeching out

release date: fourth quarter of 2008

Sum Merit B
ut
No Stinkin Festival Badges

A Portrait of Diego: The Revolutionary Gaze [trailer]

Diego Rivera was larger than life, and probably quite often, larger than his pants. This doc doesn’t really chronicle that life. It’s more about some half-a-century old silent color film of Diego at work, which was dug up from some Mexican attic, and what his grandson, and the offspring of two of the people involved in said film think about it. The title is thus very misleading and probably woulda been better if it was called Three Famous Peoples’ Kin and How They Have Nothing Better To Do Than To Talk About Diego Rivera Around A Table And Talk About How Their Famous Forefathers Are More Talented Than They Are

release date: unknown

Redbelt [trailer]

On second thought’s it isn’t as bad as we originally said it was [TWS review], but that stoopid fight at the end has still left the wurstest taste in our mouth since we licked crepe paper

release date: already playing in limited release

Doesn’t Even Belong
In A Poop Festical

War, Inc. [trailer]

This movie is so beyond awful that we had no regrets leaving the theater for 30 minutes to watch the Kentucky Derby at a nearby bar. When we returned, we didn’t miss a thing. It was almos more enjoyable to watch Eight Belles get euthanized than sit through this hunk of Cusack junk (with Hillary Duff along for the ride). War, Inc? More like War, STINKS!

release date: May 23 in limited release

until next year’s fest, the balcony is clothed

Mister Lonely
Off The Wall
Trailers & Mo

Ever imagine what would happen if Michael Jackson and Marilyn Monroe visited an old age home together? Or if Buckwheat and Shirley Temple played in a chicken coop? Or if Queen Elizabeth had sex with Pope John Paul II? Probably not, but then again you don’t have the wondrous and twisted imagination that Harmony Korine has. Yeah, remember him, the wunderkind who wrote Kids (a movie we couldn’t see as a Freshman in college because it was NC-17 and we hadn’t turned 18 yet) and had his last painful effort Julien Donkey-Boy drop 9 years ago? Lettuce not dwell on what the hell he’s been up to this past decade and instead celebrate his triumphant return to cinema with Mister Lonely, his ode to celebrity impersonators that could end up being the funniest movies of the year, which isn’t produced by Judd Apatow, let alone have any jokes or gags in it

Diego Luna (the more dreamy Y tu Mama-er in our opinion) has enough trouble juss being himself, so by day he works the streets of Paris as a Michael Jackson impersonator. Although he’s got the costumes and all the right MJ moves down pat, he doesn’t speak the language and has trouble fitting in with the rest of society. That is until he crosses paths with a faux Monroe, played with heart-breaking bestness by Samantha Morton (is there any better set of eyes in acting today?), who whisks him away to a kooky, yet friendly neverland colony of other impersonators (Abe Lincoln, James Dean, the Three Stooges, Madonna, etc), which is run by Morton’s husband, an asinine Charlie Chaplin mimic (their screen daughter is actually played by Morton’s real life daughter Esme, who also has the same set of piercing eyes). In a seemingly unrelated side story, director Werner Herzog plays a priest guiding the light of a bunch of flying nuns (maybe they’re Sally Field impersonators?). Wha?

So what do all these shenanigans add up to? On the surface it sounds like a movie that’s weird juss for the sake of being weird, and in fact it is, but it’s also one of the more brilliant films we’ve seen in quite awhile. Korine’s movies are hard ones to recommend without reservations, but for those with an open mind, you’ll find it to be earnest and endlessly hilarious, although we can’t we still can’t tell if it’s intentional or not

Good Cover Version: what do Sophie Ellis Bextor, Elton John, Robbie Williams, Liam Gallagher, Phil Collins, Kylie, David Bowie, Bjork, Bono, Missy Elliot, George Michael, J-Lo, Paul McCartney, Craig David, Tom Jones, Keith Richards, Kurt Cobain, Rod Stewart, Meat Loaf, Cher, J Kay, Brian May, Mick Jagger Gary Numan and Jarvis Cocker all have in common? They’re impersonators star and sing in Pulp’s video for ‘Bad Cover Version’ [PulpWiki]

Recycled Linky Poo: we posted this a week or so ago, but now it’s more apt… Who Korine would like to be

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Son of Rambow
Kids Film The Darndest Things
Trailers & Mo

Apparently this is the year of overly cutesy movies about DIY filmmaking. Be Kind Rewind [TWS review] was the first out of the gate, but it couldn’t elevate itself much beyond it’s fly-arsed premise. Son of Rambow fairs a wee bit better, as it only tackles one homage instead of Gondry’s not so sweet dozen or so sweding fest, but it too is far from perfect. Rambow centers on two misfits growing up in the 80s, a bully and a sheltered kid hailing from a deeply religious family, who strike up an unlikely partnership and eventual friendship (woah, didn’t see that twist coming) by shooting their own take on the Sylvester Stallone classic. There has to be some drama thrown into the mix, so when other schoolmates join the sheltered kid on the set, much to the dismay of the bully, the two begin to drift apart. How it plays out is anyone’s guess, and if yer not really good at guessing, you’ll probably still guess correctly as to how it plays out. Regardless of its predictability, and under-usage of Ed Westwick (Gossip Girl‘s Chuck Bass) in a throw away role as the bully’s brother, the look, feel and vibe of Hammer & Tongs (the dudes who made Hitchhiker’s Guide and Blur’s ‘Coffee & TV’ video)’s second joint will keep you satisfied enuff from shooting an arrow thru yer head with a ramBOW

Family Ties: the minor role of Danny is played by Sam Kubrick-Finney, son of Anya Kubrick, who’s the daughter of Stanley. Here’s a pic of young Danny with his ma [wiki]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Redbelt
Martial Broken Law
Trailers & Mo

David Mamet and mixed martial arts. Doesn’t sound like a match made in heaven on paper, and on film, it’s a match made in limbo, as his latest, Redbelt is a mixed bag of martial artistry. His protagonist, Chiwetel Ejiofor (as always, perfectly chiwing up the scenery) is an honorable teacher of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, who, like mos Mamet characters, gets caught up in some sorta con game that throws him outta his element, and some
how involves Ricky Jay and his real-life wife Rebecca Pidgeon. The con is set up after Ejiofor saves Tim Allen’s life (although we wish he saved the world from any more Santa Clause flicks), and then TA & his Hollywurst cronies coerce him into one of those UFCish tournaments that he’d rather have nothing to do with, cause you see, he’s very honorable, and if we don’t keep reminding you, the film will. The ride to the big dance is swift and striking, like a karate chop to the neck, but as soon as the final showdown begins, this baby turns into some D-grade Jean-Claude Van Damme junk. Enter the ring at your own risk

Off The Street Fighting Men: czech out the Street Sports Jiu Jitsu blog run by Mamet’s own BJJ master, film consultant and bit actor Renato Magno

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

all three flicks open in limited release today

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Iron Man
Art Favreau
Trailers & Mo

The last two summers began with movies that were more lackluster than blockbuster. 2006 brought us the overbloated and unnecessary Mission Impossible III (there shouldn’t have been a Mission Impossible I in the first place), and in 2007, the giant mess that was Spidey 3 [TWS review] got tangled up in more webs than the world wide has urls. Well set yer mind at ease cause Iron Man kicks off this summer’s crop of big budget fiascos with a mighty bang (for your buck) and not a wimpy (but we’d still gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today). It’s easily the mos enjoyable superhero extravaganza released since Spidey 2, and would you expect anything less from a flick that stars an Oscar winner (Gwyneth Paltrow), 3 other Academy Award nominees (Robert Downey Jr, Terence Howard, and Jeffery Lebowski Bridges), had script doctoring by the dudes who wrote the screenplay for Children of Men (in retrospect, we probably should have picked it as the bestest flick of 2006), is executively produced by Ralphie and features the dopest Stan Lee cameo to date? We thought snot

In a few short years, Jon Favreau has transformed himself from a (sorta) lovable loser actor into a solid director, whose specialty seems to be blending the worlds of real and fantasy. Elf and Zathura (one of the mos funnestistest titles to say out loud) were juss baby steps leading up to this confessed fanboy’s first foray into the comic book genre. He’s right at home here, and to no real sirprize, so is his star Robert Downey Jr, having oodles of fun playing a playboy zillionaire turned iron giant. We all of know RDJr’s past issues, but with solid work in 13 films since 2003 (Zodiac being the tops, obviously) he’s quickly gone from less than zero to everyone’s hero. He may seem like an unconventional choice for a film like this, but it was a choice that certainly paid off, as his performance, in our refined opinions, ranks right up there with Christopher Reeve and Adam West as best screen superheros mt EVERest. Iron Man, we give you mad RoboProps, and can’t wait to see a sequel

Iron Butterflies: the theme from the ’66 cartoon, where Tony Stark lands on Forbes‘ Fictional 15 richest list, and Ghostface ‘Ironman/Tony Stark’ Killah rumored cameo + Samuel L and Hillary Swank’s are MIA, or are they?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Fugitive Pieces
Holocaust Deficiency
Trailers & Mo

If you see one Holocaust themed film this year, you may have to wait a little longer cause this isn’t the one the to see (and we weren’t entirely sold on The Counterfeiters either [TWS review]). There’s no concentration camps to be found in this lyrical tale of an orphaned Polish kid (played later in life by Thomas Jefferson), who later finds surrogate love from a Greek geologist (Boris The Blade), but has trouble allowing himself to love others after he dies (although having sex with Rosamund Pike probably isn’t the wurstest thing to happen to a man w/o love to give). This film is unquestionable beautiful, but like its lead’s emotions, it feels kinda empty and lacks, for lack of a better word, concentration. It meanders back and forth from the past to the present, all leading up to a point where he’s finally able to make peace with his demons and open his heart to another (Ayelet Zurer, aka, Eric Bana’s hot Israeli wife in Munich). If you can get to that point and you’re still awake, we congratulate you, cause we were almost asleep in a pile of Reese’s Pieces

Exercising The Demons: Zurer can next be seen in da Da Vinci Code prequel Angels & Demons, opposite Tom Hanks (hopefully not with that hair) and Ewan McGregor

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

21
Pretty Busted
Trailers & Mo

Ben Mezrich’s book Bringing Down The House about real-life MIT students, who go from totally geek to totally chic, by counting cards and big bills in Vega$ is well worth reading. When it came time to turn it into a film, unfortunately, that title had already been used for a Steve Martin-Queen Latifah joint, so they had to change the name, and even more unfortunately, for Hollywood storytelling purposes, they changed much of what made the book so compelling. Our Asian protagonist has been replaced by an Anglo-Saxon (albeit a damn dreamy JOable one) one, all the specific rules that protected the team from getting caught have sorta been tossed to the side, and instead of having them travel to casinos across the country, the film only focuses on Vegas, and in particular to the Planet Hollywood Casino (we had no idea Planet Hollywood was still in bidness, let alone ran a gaming facility). Despite what was omitted, the film is entertaining, but it’s what was added to the story that doesn’t boat our
float (Laurence Fishburne’s disgruntled old-school eye in the sky security manager who beats people up, yet the book makes endless points of why casinos no longer bully card counters with fists + our Anglo-Saxon’s lameazoid schoolmates who know nothing of his double life and eat up way too much screentime, hispecially Josh Gad, who hands in the wurstestest movie geek/sidekick performance mt EVERest and FUJIest)

21 marks the third not-so fab screen pairing of Kevin Spacey and Kate BOOOsworth. The first two were the now forgettable Superman Returns [TWS review] and a film we dubbed ‘the WURST biopic AND movie directed by an actor EVER!‘, Beyond The Sea/Watchable [TWS review]. We’re praying to Jesus AND Moses that there isn’t a fourth pairing

Swimming With Card Sharks: read the book, skip the movie, and juss enjoy the opening of the classic game show Card Sharks [vid|empee3]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Iron and Pieces open Friday, while 21 continues to play in a theater near Jews

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Forbidden Kingdom
A Misfortune Cookie
Trailers & Mo

Jet Li AND Jackie Chan, finally together, in the SAME MOVIE!?!?! WOWZERS! That’s probably how we woulda felt if the year was 1998, not 2008, but netter bate than lever, eh? Not so much. Directed by the guy that brought us two Stuart Littles, The Haunted Mansion and was an animator on many a Disney projects, you can probably guess at how KICK ASS this movie could possibly be. You guessed correctly, NOT MUCH AT ALL! No one’s seeing a movie like this for the story, so all the pressure rests on the action… and the action is more played out than 3-year old Play-Doh. Yuen Woo-ping (The Matrix dude)’s fight choreography has now become about as exciting as watching the paid programming on C-Span 4 (please note there is no such thing as C-Span 4). To make matters worse, it’s almost all in English, and we all know that Li and Chan’s mastery of the language is about as proficient as this website is. And to make splatters even worser, they had to throw an American kid obsessed with Kung-fu into the mix, we presume to appeal to a wider audience. The kid, played lamely by Michael Angarano, is supposed to be from Boston, but he doesn’t have an accent and more importantly, any bidness being in this. In the flick, the characters have to go through something called ‘a gate of no gate‘, so using their refarted terminology, this is a movie of no movie, and we forbid you to see it

In America, It’s Bling Bling: but out here it’s BINGBING, as in Li Bingbing. YUM!!!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

88 Minutes
Brainless In Seattle
Trailers & Mo

Leelee Sobieski, Benjamin McKenzie, Neal McDonough, William Forsythe, Deborah Kara Unger and (the beyond delicious) Alicia Witt. All of these actors were once seen as rising stars and all of these actors are falling even faster now that they’ve joined Al Pacino in 88 Minutes, one of the least thrilling thrillers of recent memory. From the opening murder scene, you can juss tell that this baby is dead on arrival (sorta pun intended?). It’s clunky, doesn’t make a lick of sense, and is purty much an entire movie consisting of Al Pacino running around Seattle (or is it Vancouver made to look like Seattle?), telling his assistant Amy Brenneman to do 324882 tasks, and occasionally being shot at. Why is he being shot at and not the director or the screenwriter? Dunno, but we do know that Pacino has 88 minutes to live. Sadly the movie is 20 minutes longer than the title, and each time the killer calls Al to remind him how much longer he has left to live, the killer keeps reminding the viewers how much longer we have to endure watching this crap

Double Trouble: Pacino’s worked with the number 88 before, Mandy Patinkin played 88 Keys, the piano player in Dick Tracy. He’s also going to work with DeNiro and director Jon Avent again, in Heat 2 Righteous Kill. Be afraid, be very afraid!!

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

The Life Before Her Eyes
Fairy-fail Ending
Trailers & Mo

Apparently director Vadim Perelman loves a good flick where awful horrible awful things happen to its main characters. If you saw his brilliant debut House of Sand and Fog (the original pairing of Behrooz and his mum) you know of what diarrhea we diarrhea of. Well olde Vad is at it again with his sophomore effort, The Life Before Her Eyes, and this time he’s bringing the pain Columbine style. The story revolves around loose girl Evan Rachel Wood and her polar opposite BFF, bible loving Eva Amurri (the second coming of her MILF ), who get caught up in the crossfire and one of them ends up dead. Flash to the future, where ERW is growns up and is played, unconvincingly, by Uma Thurman. Everything seems purty good for her with hubbie and kid, but as we keep shuttling back and forth from the past and present, we start to learn that maybe all is not so swell. The scenes with Wood and Amurri are poetic and moving. The ones with Thurman, poor and made us want to move outta the theater. And then there’s the final scenes. We won’t say what happens, but we will say that there’s a twist as incredibly nonsensical as Haute Tension‘s that every bit that came before it renders itself pointless

Cutie Patootie: Nathalie Paulding may have a bit part in the movie, but she now has a big part of our hearts! Peep this montage someone flazzumed in her honor

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Kingdom and 88 open across the country today, while Life opens in limited release

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Where in the World
Is Osama Bin Laden?
Unintentionally Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World
Trailers & Mo

When reviewing the super gimmicky, yet super effective Super Size Me [TWS review] we flazamed, we ‘don’t see much of a future for [director/McDonalds ingester Morgan] Spurlock, unless he attempts to eat Popeyes every day for a year.‘ Well, Spurs didn’t heed our advice for his follow-up and decided to tackle a topic, which many of his fellow documentarians have recently taken up ad nauseum, that is way out of his league. Ya see, not like anyone really cares, but Morgs is about to have a baby with his wife Alex, and being a pseudo-adult, he’s wondering if this world is safe enough for a kin of Spurlock. So he takes it upon himself to find out by heading to the Middle East hot spots and try to answer the film’s title problem. Or so it seems, but it’s like he’s going up the river without a paddle, or even a boat. If he wanted to answer that golden question, he needed to speak with an entirely different set of people. Not that it woulda mattered anywayz, cause even if he did met with more appropriate talking heads, he wouldn’t have posed the right questions. The (wo)man-on-the-street interviewees we do get to spend time with are worth listening to, but the vanilla queries he poses shoulda given birth to a title more fitting like, Hey You Muslims, What Do You Think About America and Americans? A for the sorta effort pal, but B for stick to the burgers

Photochop Salad: is there anything butter than Super Thighs Me?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Constantine’s Sword
Holy Cross To Bear
Trailer & Mo

James Carroll is one incredible man. He’s a former Catholic priest turned outspoken writer and critic of the Church’s policies and practices, yet he has always remained a man of deep faith and devotion. His book Constantine’s Sword: The Church and the Jews – A History, if you couldn’t guess, explores the deep connection between antisemitism and the Catholic Church’s ongoing love affair with it, from the death of Jesus, to Constantine’s conversion to Christianity, to Hitler’s final solution. Six years after the book’s successful release, soft-spoken, but hard knocking Carroll has teamed up with filmmaker Oren Jacoby to deftly paste images to the text. In the doc, the two go a step further and draw parallels from past actions, where church and state walk hand in hand, to the present day, where America seems to be involved its own holy war against Islam. All of this may not sound like some revelatory epiphany, but it’s refreshing to have someone from within examine it, instead of the usual suspects, aka the Jews. Yes, even us Jews are sick of Jews talking about antisemitism

Carroller: don’t confuse our man JC with the other JC, of Basketball Diaries fame

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

The First Saturday in May
Win, Place, Show & Tell
Trailer & Mo

If you can decipher what event the title of this doc is referencing than you’ll be more downs than Churchill to czech it out. If not, don’t be afraid, cause it’s never too late to make a run for the roses. Still haven’t figured out what the devil and Max Devlin we’re talking about yet, even with the pic of all the purty horses above? The event is The Kentucky Derby, the first and most important leg of horse racing’s Triple Crown, and it’s been held every year since 1875 (although the inaugural race didn’t land on the first Saturday in May, BASTARDS!!!). This doc isn’t a history of the event, but a look at six colorful trainers, from all different backgrounds, and their beloved equines, as they attempt the impossible: have their horse become one of lucky twenty thoroughbreds, out of the 40,000 born each year, to be selected to run in the derby. The directors, the brothers Hennegan, couldn’t have picked a more perfect year to follow, 2006, the year of Barbaro. If that doesn’t ring any bells, we won’t expound any further, so you can experience the ride from start to photo finish. The Derby is known as ‘the most exciting two minutes in sports’, and it’s a pleasure to have a film that documents everything leading up to it, which may not be as exciting, yet is equally as fascinating

What’s In A Name: a site all about how Barbaro got his

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

all flicks open in limited release tomorrow

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…