Thighs Wide Shut

Tron Guy, in costume, goes on a date [vid] + many other Tron Guy vids [Nipsy Newbsy]

F%cking Nazi and his museum that I’d like to POOP on

F$cking Nazis who’d I poop on [NSFW]

Mel Gibson, f#cking Nazi who should have poo thrown on him if he’s the keynote speaker at Yom Kippur

Italia GQ‘s Top(less) 125 [NSFW via GM]

tons o’ Keeley, non-soaking wet edish [NSFW]

seamless snaps

The Nike McFly commercial

Inconceivable

and the gayest opening with the gayest song to the gayest movie starring the gayest Guttenberg mt everest…

Bow Nas: the Raconteurs get Gnarly

CAK? Thinks I’m tawlkin dirty? You guessed wrong you dirty slut ho-slut! CAK is simply the abbrv for the Canton-Akron Airport. Getting (to) CAK aint so simple. On Friday, due to something the airline people like to call ‘weather’, my flight was cancelled. The next flight out they assigned me and my IU peeps to was already delayed. With outervisions of hanging out for hours on end at LaBrokeia, or even having to come back the next AM, we all made the call to rent a huge mini-van and Griswold it out into the great unknown of Northbestern Ohio. 300 thIghpod tunes, 11 Cracker Barrel sides, 8 peg games, and 9+ (mostly) 100mph route 80 Pencil-Vain-E-Ya’in warp speed hours later, wees were gettin Whackron in Akron for B&B’s Hebraic nuptials. If you ever want to prove to yo friends how much you truly care, I recommend driving like there’s no tomorrow and dance, as if no one’s watching for no reason other than reason is treason [d]. But another more important bit o’ advice: if yer pals are getting married in some random arsed place that you may never visit again, take advantage of the local to-doings. In this case, as promised, the destination was the Pro Football Hall of Fame, which as of next week, will house the busts of Troy Aikman, Harry Carson, John Madden, Warren Moon, Reggie White, and Rayfield Wright. Here are some pics. There woulda been more, but my battery ran out/there really weren’t many snap worthy items, besides when I took a dump on the Cowboys, Giants, and Eagles sections.

I kept my feet on the ground
and kept reaching for the stars

and kept reaching for my grundle
cause it effin itched!

rumor has it

that Logan’s Run
& every other 70s sci-fi movie was filmed here

They have more heads and busts

than head I’ve received and busts I’ve nutted on

I haven’t been this happy

since I had that testicular enlargement procedure

Y.A. TITtle is the closest

one gets to seeing any nudity at the HOF

Red Grange’s wax figure

totally waxes off to Kim Cattrall in Mannequin

early foo-ball unies

should not be confused with bounty hunters
Zuckuss or 4-Lom
who are sometimes confused for each other

Being the world’s #1 Redskin and NFL fan, I was more jazzed than Louis Armstrong jazzing into his trumpet and blowing it all over his wife to see this HOF, but in all honesty, it’s probably one the weakest HOFs I’ve been to. I mean, yer not gonna win many visitors if you don’t dedicate a whole wing to the Ickey Shuffle! Here’s where the Football HOF ranks (art) amongst the other HOFs I’ve HOFed:

1) National Video Game and Coin-op Museum, St Louis, MO (sadly deceased, but I’ll never forget playing Atari’s Fire Truck for the last time in me life)

2) National Baseball Hall of Fame, Cooperstown, NY (too young to remember, but I think I forced my parents to buy me overpriced baseball cards, which are probably now more worthless than a Middle East cease-fire)

3) Basketball Hall of Fame, Springfield, MASS (shooting baskets is fun for all, but the real bestness was the all you can play arcading of Double Dribble)

4) International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame, St Louis, MO, (I, like Homer Simpson, posed next the bowling pin shaped car)

5) Pro Football Hall of Fame, Canton, OH (hey, at least there was a Steak ‘n Shake nearby!)

6) Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Cleveport, OH (it’s juss like the Hard Rock Cafe, cept no shitty hamburgers)

and now for some HOFs I’d like to HOFerize
(even if an actual building doesn’t eggsist)

Pinball Hall of Fame
The Republican Wife-Cheating Hall of Fame
Hockey Hall of Fame
Finnish Hockey Hall of Fame
RV/MH Hall of Fame
International Frisbee Hall of Fame
National Toy Hall of Fame
Microprocessor Hall of Fame
Highbanks Hall of Fame National Midget Auto Racing Museum
National Inventors Hall of Fame
World Kite Museum & Hall of Fame
The Trapshooting Hall of Fame and Museum
The Cajun Music Hall of Fame and Museum
Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame
The Manitoba Basketball Hall of Fame
The Science Fiction Museum & Hall of Fame
World Chess Hall of Fame
TV Single Dads Hall of Fame
International Circu
s Hall of Fame
International Clown Hall of Fame
Robot Hall of Fame
Museum of Polo and Hall of Fame
The Cockroach Hall of Fame
National Woman’s Hall of Fame
Ukulele Hall of Fame Museum
Mascot Hall of Fame
The International Towing & Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum
AVN Hall of Fame
The National Cleveland-Style Polka Hall of Fame

Pat O’Brien madness muss never die
and we here at Thighs will make sure that it doesn’t
cause wees the Knights of the Grail

and our Grail is dem voice mails [wma]
(+ our world’s finestestist remix [d]
that shoulda been bigger than JibJab
but the world sucks
and turned it’s back on genius)

there are many great mysteries in our universe
like which came first
the McNugget or the Egg McMuffin
but none is more important to us
than the identity of Patty O’s lady ‘Betsy’
as in
‘Betsy’s so jealous‘ & snatch,
‘watch you and Betsy eat each other‘

so, it gives me great pleasure
to introduce 2 u the woman who gives POB great pleasure…
Betsy Stephens
and her blizog
BforBetsy.blogspot.com

look at me and say yes!!!!

and look at Pat’s Betsy Blog intro

and keep looking at her site
cause u never know what u may find

bi the gay, according to her Blogger Profile
one of her flavorite bands is ‘Narles Barkley‘

mucho spanks to my Hal Holbrook, DeepThrizz

A Scanner Darkly
The Real Pic-Czar
Trailer

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If Sin City was last year’s udderly franztatsic visually arresting eye orgasm of a movie, than A Scanner Darkly is mos def 2006’s. And although Sin was perfect from far, it was still a muss see, which is the case with Scanner. But before you invest yer rhyme and synergy, ask yoself, self, did I dig on Richie Linklater’s Dizzy Deanish talk-a-thon Waking Life? Like White Castle hamburgers, there are only two answers, yes or no, cause there aint no middle ground. So you were either mesmerized by it, or wanted to be all sick like Alex DeLarge being strapped down, viddying the unspeakable. So, if you felt a bit droogish by that eggspeareance, stay home and get a life. But if you fell under the spell, dig in, you forking drug addict.

A Scanner Darkly is another paranoid path carved out by the great Philip K Dick (Blade Runner, Total Recall, etc), yet it seems the least futuristic outta any of his stories brought to the big screen. This tale is more of a parable about drugs and society, for any day and age. The Dick-man had lost many friends to drugs, so he conjured this up as a way to preserve their memory, and to let those who live be aware of the dangers. While not all together straight-forward and coherent, which perfectly fits the brain activity of our protagonist NARC, one can’t help but being wowed at what’s going on on-screen. It’s like going to an animated art museum, sponsored by Adobe Photoshop’s filter pull-down menu. Hell, if they filmed 6 hours of a fruit bowl in that digital rotoscoping shaz, I’d still pay to see it. Luckily, the fruit bowl sits out this go around, and lets the digital scenery be chewed up by such bestness as Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr, Woody Harrelson, Slater from Dazed & Confused, and Winona Ryder, who has now replaced Harley Quinn, as the world’s sexiest digital entity that I want to penetrate. Ones and 0-HHH SSNAPPs!!!

The irony of it all is that this anti-drug film would best be enjoyed under the influence of drugs. Gawd bless America, and the fact that Linklater did this, and not School of Rock 2… yet!

Recommended for those who like: Ralph Bakshi, US patent #6061462, and dem Charles Schwab ads [via Seoul Brother #1]

Possible Porno Name: Jamming A Banana-er In Lark Voorhies‘ Lee Jeans

Unsatisfied with this? get yer OG rotoscoping jazzum on and Netflix Yellow Submarine [Trailer]

Apt MPupil3: ‘She Came in Through the Bathroom Window (rehearsal versh)’ by The Beatles (hey, who doesn’t love a don onslaught of Beatles refs?) [d]

IMDb Sweeney: Yes, the dude playing the Street Prophet, Alex Jones, was also the dude in Waking Life spouting mad isms from the PA system in his car

Next Up For A Philip K Dick Adaptation: Next, starring Nic Cage, Julianne Moore, and J Biel

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show, by a nose, and by the animated boobs one gets to see

until next time the balcony is clothed…

Dude: Starls Barkley!!

No man is an island: and no woman is as fine as SB Cohen’s fiancée Isla Fisher

all the above + Borat and much mo when the pointless MTV Movie Awards airs (taped) this Thursday

Ass promised: Lily Allen‘s cover of the Kaiser Chiefs’ ‘Oh My Gawd’ [d]

Joining Tom Carvel in that peace the fork out pie in the sky: Mr Mister Softee

Edgar Stiles will never go outta style: the EGGSclusive promo to his Life’s A Pizza flick AND a soon to be dad AND husband (wait, are they both preggers?)!!

Battle of the funny commmmmences this fall between the Borat movie and: Jackass: Number Two [For Hires Root Beer]

More irony than reading T-K Stack Money’s Pumping Irony while ironing a box of Total cereal: Jeffery Maier joining the Orioles?

Brothers gonna work it out: the Weinsteins in talks to take on Gorillaz movie. Don’t be sirprized if their muse Gwyny pops up in there somewhere

Decline of Western Civilization Part MIXLIX: Video games push for Olympic recognition [Marwanicur]

Oh, so that’s what that is: Sometimes I’m a bit behind on things. This go around I owe it to the fact that I rarely watch the Grammy’s Lame-y’s or listen to anything by Linkin Park (ok, anything besides ‘The End’ [d]). But I may have changed my tune as my ears have been glued to dat Jay-Z/Linkin Park mash-up ‘Numb/Encore’ [d | WMvid] ever since I fingered out dat dat is the song featured on dem Miami Vice trailers. Jan Hammer [d] who? Btw, I’m totally jazzed for this flick. I think it has mad po-tense-hole, hispecially with CH on board, who’ll also be seen in Noah Baumbach’s 2007 joint

Corky‘s #1 Fan: Mischa Barton’s mum

And cause you probably didn’t click on that Corky link above: Life Goes On‘s Chris Burke has a band, and yes, they’re touring. And yes, I have already marked 9/17 on my calendar. And yes, I’m not joking cause CORKY RULESS!!!

Sarah McLachlan’s music saves lives: see Darryl ‘DMC’ McDaniels‘ for proof. The two even dueted on DMC’s ‘Cats In The Cradle’ remake ‘Just Like Me’ [vid]

Dry your sweat, mate: Mike Skinner, aka the world’s effin greatest artist that’s a year younger than me, signs up for the NY Marathon

Is it football season yet?: No, but it’s almos futbol season!! And if yer an American rooting for some other country, go eat Hedwig’s dick and die die die! You Talibanistical jerknuts!!

[Muse of Hoax]
More shocking than Jeremy Shockey: Methinks I have unraveled the ‘inspiration’ for the American Idol theme song [d]. Listen to it 1st, and then listen to the guitar and crowd cheering at around 1:26 on the Utah Saint‘s ‘Something Good’ [d], featuring Kate Bush. Hmm, guess nothing about that show is original

Page still sexier than Ellen: 3 [NSFW]

The ‘IT’ Boy: Gregory Itzin/President Logan and his EPIC 24 poem (a muss click for ANY 24 fan)

Future yumscrubber: Camilla Belle Jr?

A reason to go all 88mph and shit again: the sorta rebirth of the DeLorean Motor Company! For even more DeLorean love, visit Tamir’s pre-shmear site!

Hold yer horses & hormones: ‘Lesley Ann Warren takes HRT‘

Can’t decide what to stare at more: Christina Ricci‘s boobs or mouse ears

Bruce Wayne waxed: Jill St John?

Insert middle-school Asian kid joke here: The Nerd Watch Museum

Where to fill yer Rated Rookie jones’n: The Baseball Card Blog

Cecil is dope: Who invented tampons? & Is some candy coated with beetle juice? & Why do you always see just one shoe by the side of the road?

Why bother with TV’s summer line-(d)u(m)p when there’s: TV In Japan

King Henry Died Monday Drinking Chocolate Milk: English ‘Johnny’ mnemonics

Yes it does: BluRaySucks.com

LOL name that a PR firm mistakenly thought yers drooly went by when they contacted me: John Stosseled

Spanking of those who stoss-ss-ss-le: Famous People Who Stutter, and where sum of dem found help, like Darth Vader and Xander

Somewhere Darwin’s smiling at this way for the fit ladies to survive: How to Make a Plastic Bag Bra

The Thigh Master’s latest non-endorsements: Lies Wide Shut & the Thigh Master [kindaish NSFW?]

I no that known of you click the links that hide beneath the Photochop Phryday mastercheeses, so: Rate My Poo [NSFW]

STOP THE PEREZES: PARIS HILTON SONG LEAKED (and for a shitty lil pop numba, it’s really not THAT bad, and I even kinda dig the Wendy Carlosish Clockwork Orangeee opening), and…

and who gives a flyin fjord who wins and who loses in women’s tennis, juss as long as the hotties keep sproutin up. Say hello to my new lil Slovakian friend whom I’d love to slowfcukin’in all night shlong, Daniela Hantuchova

+ meat my new hero: a San Franciscan boy has until Friday to raise 7k+ in order to land a date with chavilicious Lady Sov, who recently agreed to take part in this geniusessness of internetsing, but if and only if all the money is raised and spent like so

Lady Sovereign – ‘Cha Ching’ (cheque 1-2 remix) [d]