Thighs Wide Shut

Dude, I think I juss shot a lode on my cpu that looks like an egg yolk!!

And now you can see her speak! [NSFW Real Media stazzle]

And oh yeah…

BOWERY PRESENTS @ WEBSTER HALL:

***CHARLATANS UK***

Webster Hall (125 East 11th St, NYC)
May 16 (Tue) / 8pm doors
$25 advance – $30 day of show / 18+
ON SALE WEDNESDAY @ NOON!!!

‘The Only One I Know’ [d]

I bringeth to you good news. Previously we reported that ABC was replacing the Heston Ten Commandments with the Mission Impossible bad guy version, but wees was wrong! The real Moses gets his proper, airing this Saturday night on ABC!

And now I give to you the 15 commandments [wav]

And for those of you in the dark (ages), guess what kinda supper Jesus’ last one was? An effin Passover Seder you ignint inquisitioners! That’s why the P-over and the Easter are always so close to each other. Now pray to our media and banks before we kill your first born with C Heston’s hot ass guns!

And now I give to you a random bearded picture of Moses juxtaposed with the always bearded Count Rugen! Why? COUNT RUGEN!!!

Peace the Jek Porkins out to a Pointer, a D12er, and the Oldies format at DC’s WBIG, where I interned one summer, and met the man of my dreams, Tony Kornheiser, who was recently interviewed by Newsday about plains, trains, and the FedEx guy

Gorillaz to put away the sunshine for good in a bag called Las Vegas? And the news gets more unluckier than the number slevin: that rumored ‘dirty’ Blur album aint droppin any time soon yos, ‘cordin to D Albs

By the gay, did you know that Madonna was virtual for 2 full minutes during her ‘duet’ with the Gorillaz at this past year’s Shammys? D-lode the studio version of their mash-up here [d vis ToxicAvenger]

30 sec clip of Gnarls Barkley’s ‘Crazy’ vid

Jarvis Cocker hearts cunts!

Conan is Chi-town gagged and bound. Get yer tickets you Grabowski jerkasses

Pikey disses’ Pierce’s 007 kisses

And while we’re gold Bonding it up, Connery’s dive may turn Casino Royale into a Royale with cheese-e-ness

Get keen on the new Keane track

Marylanders prove they have the bestest in taste. Everyone already knew they had the finest in flag [Mod Flanders]

Nebbish David Krumholtz enlisted for nebbish Woody Allen’s Nebbishpalooza ’06

t.A.T.u. Offical Store, COMING SOON! SWEEEEET!

And bet you never voted in Russian before!

Darth Maul, employed!

Magnapop, huge in the Benelux countries!

Harry Dean Stanton, dirtball, crooner

Remember the scene in Summer School where they’re taking their final? (not pictured)

David Wells… do you remember the thumbcredible song that was playing durin it? It was called ‘Mind Over Matter’ and it was fargin sung by Dottie from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure/Tommy Pickles/so effin bestest EG Dailey. D-lode like the wind, son!!

Add to the list of crap I should buy with my BlogAds money: The GCE Vectrex

Tell me you’ve seen the inning from the ’86 World Series reenacted in RBI Baseball [spnx Thinker]

‘leia probed in ass by droid‘, #45 and rising!

Catchy Tunes of Sweden

10 Best Internet Spoofs

Bid on Ex AC/DC Tour Bus

Polish Movie Posters

Find even more here AND buy some over on eBay

#9

Jay Maynard‘s Finnish equivalent [DataProcessor]

Jammer aint king of SHIT!

the scariest rectum u did ever see [NSFW]

Pinder & friend visit the army, fully clothed. Morale, and boners, hit an all time low

and

YES MA’AM! I’ll try me damndest to keep clean while tossing off all over yer hughmungoid chestazoid!!

THIS JUSS IN: Free NYC Franz Ferdinand Show Tomorrow Afternoon! Details HERE!

Dude,

To make a long story short, too late [wav], I went to the toon-less Gorillaz show on Sunday, sold my tickets to Wednesday’s show, so I could take in my Nats beating up on the Mets at Chez Ghetto Shea, in sub-zero April conditions, with the dude from Queensrÿche singing the national anthem and Jim Breüer throwing out the first pitch, so anywayz, the guy who bought my Wednesday tickets thought the tickets were for Thursday, so he shows up last night and BAMMM realizes his error. Tough luck. My heart goes out to you kid. But THEN, I’m sittin in my fat condo overlooking the Hudson, doing my laundry, washing my balls, you know, a typical Thursday night, a lightbulb goes off in my head (and I invented the flux capacitor) , and without further ado, I checked ole reliable (c’s list) for any desperate peeps trying to dump their Thursday night Gorillaz tix at the last minute. I contacted the only person who had left a cell # in their posting, cause it was proably too late to catch someone by email, and after haggling with him for all of 8 seconds, like I was Hacksaw Jim Dugan or something, I got him to sells it to me for 20 bones under its face + BS ticketbastard priced value. Turns out these seats were better than Sunday’s, the cartoons did work, Dennis Hopper did read, and once again, Ike Turner did wear something funky AND the Gorillaz did puts on one of the mos enjoyable 70 minutes anyone could have possib-bllyen ever did see. And you won’ts bee leave me, but I actually preferred the toon-less version on Sunday night. It’s the music, not the look. Someone pass that message along to the Strokes. Re-guard-lezzz, 2nd best Gorillaz show I’ve seen this week by far, and mos def bestest spontaneous moment of me’s in the 00’s. Albarn = albest, ad infinitum. Bless your soul

+ I spotted David Gilmour at the show, and possibly someone who looks like Nick Mason, or was it Richard Wright, or was it George Mason?
+ Music Snob turns his stalkin and smooching (?) towards Damon Albest… Lucky bastage

Now I feel kinda embarrassed that I dubbed tATu’s D&M album the tops o’ der year 0-5, not cause it’s tATu, cause they’re better than the Rolling Stones, but cause Demon Days deserved that honor, but not juss for last year, but of this new century, which is by far the wurstest century I’ve ever lived it. Thanks Republicans!!!

But is all the Gorillaz magic dunzo like dumbo drinkin that courvoisier?

Meanwhile, Albarn coconspirator Alex James has apparently been having a pow-wow with Betty Boo. Can you say ‘Wigwam’ by Wigwam [d, vis JJ Binks]… which juss happens to be the fourth breastest song of the week behind Ghostface + Wu-Tang’s ‘9 Milli Bros’ [d], Gnarls Bizzle ‘s ‘Gone Daddy Gone’, and of course, still at #1, WUBBA-WUBBA, ‘Crazy’, (you can find those ‘d’s two posts below, son!)

And

Cuthbest, officially Canandanada’s Patron of Sexy Hair

and

PINDERRR!!!

GO WILD PALMS SUNDAY!!

Andy Rooney deconstructs the Girl Scout Cookie

cause ‘girls are pretty good businessmen‘. Andrew, these days, the girls liked to be called ‘businessbitches’

Raconteurs, Glasgow’s ABC 3/21/06, d-lodlicous

Gorillaz to quit by Christmas? Cause who’d dare ruin (C)Hanukkah? Maybe the only splittin’ they doin is like the Bananas

B sure to mark November 3rd down on yer Anne Geddes calendars, cause The Santa Clause 3, Flushed Away, and Borat battle for box office bourne supremacy. Here’s hoping everyone’s flavorite Kazakhstani flushes away the (in)competition

Peace the fork out Buck-O, Lacostly guy, and Richard Fleischer, director of Conan, stuff, and Soylent Green… mmm, soylent green

Nadine Coyle going solo? Who?

Trent Reznor is more gay than Rudy

What planet does Samuel L hail from? I thought it was Haruun Kal, but it lookin mo like the animal planet. First we gets Snakes On a Plane, and next, Farce of the Penguins

Spreaking de deutsche of, guess we can cross Mace Windex off for next Friday [Passout]

Adam Morrison’s Five Stages of Grief

Must Love Jaws

‘Karma In The Life’ Beatles vs Radiohead [d vis PBliss]

The 2006 Tribeca Film Fest’s line-up has been unleashed. Passess are already on sale, with single tix for Amex peeps begin on the 8th. More ticketing details here.

After a qwik look schedule, here be things I’d like to viddy well:
-Michael Winterbottom’s The Road To Guantanamo
-the rise and fall of the NY Cosmos, Once in a Lifetime
–Colour Me Kubrick
-Sydney Pollack’ Sketches of Frank Gehry
–Clarissa directs it all
-Richard E. Grant’s Wah-Wah
-Rosie Perez can‘t jump co-direct?
-Jeff Garlin’s I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With
–Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
-Bruce McCulloch’s Comeback Season
–Vinny Chase’s short film (no word if Siagon did the score or not)
–something with the hotness that is Catalina Sandino Moreno

How dare someone outbid me on an autographed Jim Larranaga bidness card

every single Jennifer Connelly nude scene known to man + a$$ 2 a$$ [NSFW]

Anyone else miss hot-arsed Chloë, circa 1995?

Not even her NSFW ass of today can make her fappable

Mike Wallace wanted to do Pat Nixon

Muzak to get ya to holla for Lolla:
-‘Crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley [d or Prince mash-up]
-‘Bongo Bong’ by Manu Chao [d]
-‘Oh Yeah’ by The Subways [d]
-‘Mary Ann’ by Manishevitz [d]
-‘Hello Drama’ by What Made Milwaukee Famous [d]

Skeletor ass rapes Britney Spears statue! How PRO-LIFEic [NSFW?]

Who knew that Stephen Stucker was dead. Wait, who’s Stephen Stucker? Did he f@#k Nadine Coyle? Who? And what did Horton hear?

Community Shelter Planning, starring Gene Hackman [PCL Dumps]

A (Not So) Complete History of Band Tattoos

Philippine Basketball Association’s teams [Cheez WizzzNutzzz]

Classic Trailers, hincluding a bunch of ‘cockian ones [VaGinaM]

The Big Labowski

Two More Playboy Cartoonists

Operation McFly

unaired Wonder Showzen pilot

side boobs pressed against other side boobs = Lucy Pinder + 1

Hate the whole ‘ladies first philosophy? Like everything else, blame the Jews [AskY]

Meat Dishes Men Like

A Bluegrass Tribute to Air

Phat Girlz screeningz

Sacred Destinations, for you, me, and comic book characters, regardless of their religious affiliation. Whaaaaaaaaa, The Thing/Benjamin Jacob Grimm was Jewish?

(sorry about all the Jew stuff today, but maybe I’m juss a lil vexed about ABC ditchin the Heston version of The Ten Commandments for the brand spankin new Dougray Scott one)

Made of Brawn-steen (aka The Brickhouse aka the Thighther in Law) placed 8th at the Corned Beef and Cabbage Competition. Next stop, after the toilet, eating his own hand

ABC News hearts up-to date vagina

We hearts Jenny McCarthy’s nekkid sister Amy [NSFW]

and Diana’s penchant for guinea pigs

and unknown Hilton cousin Farrah Aldjufrie too

Get AYDS [My Man Marvkus]

Mountain Dew Fisting [NSFW vis Ef Everytang]

And we gots ourshelfs yet another candidate for the next The Kid, but will this one be able to pass all three of the challenges: 1st, the breath of Gawd. Only the penitent man will pass. 2nd, the word of Gawd, only in the footsteps of Gawd will he proceed. 3rd, the path of Gawd, only in the leap from the lion’s head, eating corn, will he prove his worth. Good luck, and remember, choose wisely

Yep, Wimpy’s wet dream cum tru: the In ‘n’ Out 100×100 Burger [via Thinkerville]

Streaking of, me bee leaves Popeye is the only known comic strip to begat TWO fast food dump holes: Popeyes (snatchurally) & Wimpy. (three if you include this Boston Cantina named after Ms Oyl)

Peace the ford escort out to 60 Minutes & on-screen graphics pioneer Arthur Bloom, and to the band whom I thought would own the 00s, but never lived up to their thumcrdible potentialble, like Lunchables, after the release of the opus The Sophtware Slump, Grandaddy. A moment of silence, followed by listenage to G-dad’s ‘AM 180’ [decaf or live, via GVB], which for some reason always puts me in mood to ransack a grocery store with huggdorable British black chicks twenty-eight days after stuff happens!!

And war the spoon in to solo side projects by The REAL FF’s Matt Friedberger!! Not that I don’t love sistah Fried, but me hath always desired to hear more of yer voice, and since Eleanor can only sing, and put her boots back on [d-lode via AVC vs AVP], I didn’t think this desire would have hathed!!

Gorillaz live in concert, or whatever you call it (hopefully I’ll see it at Coachella)

Got a 11-14 yr-ld boy or a 10-12 yr-ld girl with dreams of becoming Noah Baumbach’s next Chicken or Pickle? Crick here for casting call infos for Mr Squid/Whale‘s next spliff

Her Future Royal Thighness, Camilla Belle, wants to hear from you, AOL-IM: Jill020306 | phone numba: 1-877-467-7674… juss don’t tell her that she smells like poo

How did Rick Moranis’ country career slide thru the eyes and ears of the Thighs Spies and their spears?

Stranger Than Fiction?

Math that would make a TI-81 hexplode into two, aka two TI-40.5s:

Anderson Cooper + Richard Kind = Bill Kristol
1, 2, 3, Look at Mr Lee. 3, 4, 5, Oscar night, look for his hand to jive! Maybe now his Hulk will get the ‘spect it deserves (sands 10 min finale with Notle as Electro-Pointless-Man)

‘Mr Lee’ by The Bobbettes [d-lode via Punio]

And its sequel (WHAT?) ‘I Shot Mr Lee’ by The Bobbettes [d-lode on JSpence]

Together at last, hispecially for you idjiots who had no idea that the two were related: Citizen Kane & the Stripes homage ‘The Union Forever’

Remember the Alamo, and Corgan on ECW

Look out Nuclear Bob, cause yer reign as overweight facial hair guy with the killer tees may be over: Bruce Vilanch T-Shirt Watch

Apple’s home pages along the years [via Modern Rager Against the Coke Machine]…

and still, their finest achievement is not the iPod, but the Lemonade Stand game [which u can find 4 d-lode here]

and while were taking a bite into/out of the dumbestist computer brand that isn’t a Wang, and who has only sir-vived today cause of those iPod things (I mean, they JUSS figured out the whole right mouse button bestness), here the ad that’s more IN-famous than El Guapo [aud], the 1984 Ridley Scottiefied Macintosh Super Bowl commercial

Redskins fans… being Redskins fans [vid via Gulf on Sonkin]

Janet Reno rox out, and so does lil Doorbeller [vids via JJ Muldoon’s/Mod Squad, again]

What’s so great about the Dewey Decimal System?

‘The Godamned Dutch’, one of the two mos popular songs sung at IU (?), as sung by John Frushour [wtf via Newcomeallovermyface]

Tis be so awful that I shouldn’t even dignify it with a linky poo, (dave) butttttz: Lazy Monday [vid via Lohanjealous]

Sometimes love of hate is better than hate of love: $225 for an XFL He Hate Me Jersey

Widow of Death In Benihana Shrimp Toss Faults Restaurant [via Brawny Man]

Splinter was a man, and Mrs Peacock too? WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!! [2nd one an aud]

And although the love below is usually reserved for bouncy babes from here and abroad (oh lord, how i love dem broads!), doing tres hot things like getting licked by another woman, like Ms Pinder (appy polly lodges for the kinda sorta NSFW)

Today I would like to dedicate and entrusting all my usual pent-up en-thrusting behind the single white female greatestiest video logo to ever come from 1978, the WGBH one. You know which one I speak of, right? Its gots that noise thing that goes brudaddadoodadoo dad dooo dododdevvabvjfwssa!! Na? Well, if you’ve ever seen anything on PBS thats either boring, or boring, or both than you’ve heard that duhvavavdoo doouvavddooo noise thing!!! If not, here’s a snap of it, a link to the vid, and the aud file for your mp3/mash-upping pleasure (maybe mixed with Pat O’Brien, Rosie O’Donnell, and Howard Dean in an aural threesome to end all threesomes and things aural). Free tote bags for some, minature American flags for all!!

[vid | aud]
Right? duooouvdvadvav dobbiedadeovraad doom!