Thighs Wide Shut

X-Men: The Last Stand
If Brett Ratner Is Shit, Can We Call Him Shatner?
Trailers

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Seems like X3‘s script was carefully attuned to who was still under contract for future adventures and who was not. And with that in mind, you know a bunch of the biggies are gonna fall, while the smallies would stand tall. Had the biggies (who rival Wendy’s Biggie fries) known that Bryan Singer was goin to leave em hangin with Brett ‘One of the Mos Worthless Jews Who’s Worth A Lot’ Ratner they may have restructured their contracts to end with numero dos. While that opening bitchslap that I juss dee livered may sound like this is the second summer helping of Das BOO, it’s still an entertaining movie. But then again, when has a super hero flick of this decade been completely unwatchable (sans anything involving Ben Affleck or his loved ones)?

So, now that we know some Men-Xers bite the dust, or whatever mutants do, this should make for a mos engaging evening. But alas, even with more shocks than the opening scenes of Shocker [trailer], this movie is more empty than a can of Beefaroni after Isak got to it. And once again this installment falls victim to my main issue with the entire series: THERE ARE WAY TO MANY FRIGGIN CHARACTERS TO KEEP TRACK OFF, even if 1/2 of them are super yummy. But as the biggies begin to drop, we realize that what we’re left with blows more than 94’s Fantastic Four starring the Boy Who Could Fly, but sadly (or is it gladly?) not the Girl Who Is Fly. And don’t even get me started on the dreadful CGI. Shaz looks like it was made on Fisher Price’s My Very First George Lucas Ruins Movies Playset

And regardless of what u’ve been told, staying past the credits is a waste of yer time. Ferris comes out and tells us all to go home. HOW ORIGINAL!!

Recommended for those who like: the long-overspew return of Rosemary Cross, to see Rebecca Romijn as Aeon Flux, and the Araz family matriarch

Possible Porno Name: seX-Men: The Left Hand

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix season 4 of Six Feet Under and watch Ben Foster embody one of the least likeable characters in TV history, Russell Corwin

Apt MPupil3: ‘She’s Like The Wind’ by Patrick Swayze [d]

IMDb Sweeney: Josef Sommer, who plays the Prez, has also played Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Gerald Ford, and although not a Commander in Chimp, he did invent D.A.R.Y.L.

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Ron Howard shoulda directed this and Ratpoo shoulda takin on Da Vinci, cause it was gonna suck anyways. Anypoo, Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Wearing My Pryde On My Sleeve Cum Rag: I’m with Justin, cept I’d make #3, #1, caus ELLEN ‘TURNS ME ON LIKE I TURN HER’ PAGE!!!

(don’t fret, juss fap, she’s 19)

Sloppy Birthtits
oh my dearest
and mos Cleavaged Steamer, OH-io-ist

and by comfort, I mean fapping til the cows cum foam

hope that wasn’t too close for comfort

Lily Allen fever never ends!
And thanks to recent hotness of MusicLikeDirt
We haven’t missed a beat

like these snaps from LA’s performance last week

+ her 2nd fly-arsed mixtape mp3 [d]
+ her album Alright Still that’s already avail for UK pre-order
(for once it sux to be a bloody Yank)
+ even more snapplages!!

like this one from The OBVServer

Lohag + Leo = LeHoHag???

[knicked from LBJ & Zzzizzler]

Lettuce hope they don’t form a production company… LLLDiC, LLC

at least for DIC’s sake

…which is the new ‘for fucks sake‘

Kobe Bryant: I wouldn’t mind being Jewish [Gulf of Sonkin]

WHATTTTTT???

NFL teases our dicks with a peek at next year’s TV goodies, including THREE T-giving games, the Manning Bowl (which should’ve been the kickoff game), and a double dip of MNF, including yer Washington Redskins vs the Sex Boaters

PG-13 beat-off matz arrives May 16th

Didn’t realize the Raconteurs were such Marble Madness fanatics

Didn’t realize I hated spelling until I Google-mis-spelled ‘Raconteurs’ for the 12974723904th time

Do you realize [d]…

…that Beck will never re-reach the heights he heighted back in the 99? Snooze Change? More like Boo Change!

Ali G + Jarvis Cocker = Pulp Non Fiction [Snoop Snobby Snobb]

Peep the trailer to
Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels
Snatch
Layer Cake
Lucky Number Slevin

Faye Dunaway is a crazy bitch!

The Rolling Stones loved Snap, Crackle, and Pop… what sez you Mr Burns? [LoMBardi]

5 Reasons to Watch Big Love

Whilst Keira K was roarin’ up her 20s as a flapper, and while we were fapping to the thought of her in a flipper costume, we stumbled upon these snaps from her Teddington School daze

[VanTangoBingoBango]

Eels line-up summer tour, with free pit stop at the World Financial Plaza

Bestestest Sarah Jessica Parker snapple? This one, with her face covered

The only way to get from Manhattan to JFK, HELICOPTER!

Miscast 8

Martine McCutcheon re-enlists as the PM’s tea lady, much to the delight of Tony Blair… then again, what doesn’t delight him

What the hell does Brian know?

Poop Hat [Mini-DV]

The GMU bandwagon is gettin crowded, for even Pedro Loves em

but not as much as the 284 crackhead junkies who picked them to win it all in ESPN’s Tournament Challenge (only 4 people correctly picked this year’s Final Four)

or ass much as me, Cousin Dan, or TVGasm, who all know who the real face of George Mason athletics be… George Mason!!!

[help via GMU Grad Student, The Thinker]

PS2 – Dash Render found the my future burial site: Dublin, OHHHHHHHHHH snap’s Field of Corn

pee es 3 – my new lucky number is slevirteen

PF Chang bangs BD Wong‘s gong all nite long while Shelly Long reads Shelley and Longfellow