Thighs Wide Shut

The Pursuit of Happyness
Independence From The Days of Four-ty Shitty Movies
Trailer

Every time I saw the trailer for Happyness in a theater, I started to cry. Call me what you will, but from the looks of it, this was gonna be my kinda movie. So the litmus test for the actual movie was simple, cry and it’s not only a weeper, but also a keeper, but if it failed to do that, then it would have been a failure in my mind. Well, mission accomplished. The wells flowed, even dough I saw every turn coming in this true-life story where every turn was a wrong one until the very end. There’s nothing overly special about this rags to riches story, but its simplicity is what makes in simply franztastic. Will Smith’s performance isn’t necessarily for your consideration for anything, but a giant step in the right direction, hispeically when dem steps be far away from the guns and ammo that fill his usual forgettable summer blockbusters. His real life son Jaden Christopher Syre Smith, who plays his kid in the film, isn’t the next Dakota Fanning, or Elle Fanning for that matter, but he sure is the cutest darn thing dat I ever did see. Sure makes me want to have 12348128489134 children just like him. Think Gabrielle is ready for our Union yet?

Unsatisfied with this?: for some mo intentionally misspelled titles Netflix Kalifornia, Pet Sematary I & II, Nobody’s Perfekt which should not be confused with American Perfekt, The Search for Signs of Inteligent Life in the Universe, Encounter in the Thrid Dimension, or get yer bounce on wit Disney’s The Gummi Bears

Possible Porno Name: The Leisure Suit of Mr Happy Pants

Stanley’s Rubik Cuberick: the cube plays a minor role in the film, so why not learn how to solve it, play it online, peep the Magic, peep the Rubik art, reminisce about the cartoon on X-Ent or peep its intro!

Apt MPupil3: ‘Teach Your Children‘ [d] by CSNY

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): I really shouldn’t be doing this, but there aint a thang wrong wit dis one Breast In Show

until next thyme, the balcony is clothed…

we bid Peace The Fork The Outtings to everyone’s mos flavorite RBI Baseball SS, a mustached art-theft expert, a Jeane who could getherasskicked, a chess grandmaster flasher, a dude who a lot of people hated, but not for his snappy dressing, and a belated one goes out to the Tengen peeps, who PTFOed in the ’93

Cuthbert currently in NYC filming My Sassy Girl, and currently being hypnotized by clapboards

Dakota Fanning wants to direct more than she wants pubes

Sacha Baron Cohen Was a Male Model

•Michael Psenicska, 2006’s Best Supporting Actor

David Lynch poo-poos the more Twin Peaks notion. Funny, cause word has it that his new movie is poo-poo

Rocky screenings galore, sadly it’s not for Rocky I

the Bergdorf Goodman windows

How many hours of TV does a person watch in a lifetime?

where have I seen this layout before?

a History of Snowboarding in 2 minutes flat, like yer mum’s chest [Bizzaro Lazzaro]

you can’t spell Danni without ‘in’ or ‘nad’, but you can’t with NSFW

Ghanian film posters [Cab Driver]

Tasty Crispy Silkworm

Walt Disney’s The Story Of Menstruation, fo-five-reals!

Tefillin Barbie [The Thinker]

locate a cell phone anywhere in the world [The Eating Machine]

and how come Tron Guy hasn’t thrown his latest male-camel toe creation up on his websight yet? [WTFOMGZ]

Guess who rides my face and will soon be the face of Vera Wang? No, not Jazil, but said person, spank the lordidly, juss got a release date (8/25) for her Elisha Cuthsplurt über-hotslutness-fest, aka The Quiet. I advise anyone in the NYC area to not go and see it opening weekend as I will be buying every ticket and dropping my pants from scene one til kingdom cum

[mora]
Lucas wants Connery back for Indy 4

I want Lucas gone for 4 Ever

They named the dog Indiana

I went to Indiana

Sometimes I wish I was both gay and famous. Cause cock slurpin or not, every XYer love boobies

Apparently Marvel wasn’t so amused by Ang Lee’s climax featuring Nick Notle as super-electro-blah-blah man either

The Kubrick screenings galore at Queens’ MOMI are nice and all, but who’s coming with me later this year to Ghent, Belgium for the world touring SK eggzibit?

Or how bout to London to see Jennifer Ellison‘s boobs as Roxie Tart in Chicago? Yes, she can sing, or at least she’s been known to, as her song ‘I Don’t Care’ [d | WMvid] kinda proves. But who needs to hear when all one needs to do is leer (and I aint talkin about ‘reading’ in Spanish. yo, and I aint talkin about ‘I’ either, yo!) At least she isn’t traipsing around town, dressed up as a boy wizard…

[mora]
oops

What do David Bowie, Orlando Boo, Coldgayer Chris Martin, the real Harry Potter, Gandolf, Mrs Peel, and Stephen Fry all have in common? They is the latest fantabulous folks to enlist in Ricky G’s follow-up failure to the Office, Extras. Someone let me know when season two airs so I can cancel my HBO subscript

Rumor has it that if you beat the fork outta Dakota Fanning she’ll sing and dance like Elvis

Someone call Father Dowling or even the Coz cause wees got many Mike Skinner girl mysteries abound. I mean, who doesn’t wanna know who the ‘When You Wasn’t Famous’ girl is, or whomever Mrs ‘Fit But You Know It’ is be, since Mr St recently denied that Rachel Stevens waz the fittest who knew about it

Ziyi Zhang to make wangs pang in a live action Mulan?

Why are rock fans so stupid? GN’R UK Edition!

Zach Braff to get Mandy Moore all bombed and stoned, and shit

‘Mr. T is a good dude‘ [Alan J Pakula Shaker]

Carrie Porter loves to take advantage of tools and heads of radios

Welcome to Lily Allen (+ other musical fun) Central

‘Friday Night’ [d]
‘Friend of Mine’ [d]

[LA-HerSpace | MetroDis]
The return of Weird Al, bluntly

Flux Capacitor‘s got 2 tracks from Fiery Furnace brother Matt’s solo stazz. I’ve heard enuff to say that he should dump his sister on the side of the road, or wherever tits con-veen-yant for Alex K to pick her and her boots up

More Paris Hilton songs leak, luckily not complete versions. Is this a modern day Hanoi Hilton torture center? If so, John McCain and meself would like an early check out please

The coolest sdtrk no one’s ever heard of: All This and World War II, featuring Beatles covers by Peter Gabriel, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Keith Moon, and many mandy more. Be sure to try the Frank Valli ‘Day In A Life’ mp3 on for
size thighs

I’ve given up and given in to blog cent-say-shun Beirut. One twirl of ‘Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)’ [d] and you will be too

Enjoy the silence… er, or not!

Tell me you already discovered Party Ben‘s latest mash-up gem ‘Death Cab for Maddy’

And cause everyone loves mash-ups, or mashed potatoes if yer Sir Paul McSmartie [RetroSlice], here are two I’ve been Jaziling all over myself, spanks to P-Blister, which should be a daily visit for anyone with a thIghpod

Nicky T‘s ‘Crazy Wish’ [d]
Lenlow‘s ‘To The Taxmobile’ [d]

I think I’ll pass on the ’80s Puma Pedometers and try my hard-on-est to find these ’90s Apple Logo shoes given out to employees only

[A Tribe Called Viking Quest]
The 1st Annual Scolari Awards

Where is Podunk?

My Pet DMV

Man steals 60 Blockbuster video games – in his pants [Hackerzz]

Jerry Lewis doing his bestest JFK sucking glass imitation

Garindan or Gonzo?

Picture Of The Day

Civil war may break out one day in Michigan over who has the WORLD’s largest cherry pie

the breatest Phriday Photochop that I could never ever create

At least you’re not this guy…

And while we ready ourselves for USA’s first World Cup contest at 11:55am EST, feast yer thighs on the mos perspiring lower third boob showingist Brittie, Keeley Hazell (makes my) nutz (hexplode)

[mora where u came from]

cause today
(besides being the greatest day [d-lode])

Heir To The Hempire
Jean Claude Van
Dame Dakota Fanning
the I
of Thighland
turns 12elve!!

Isn’t my adopted daughter juss the mos preciousprecocious thingling on earths?

[snapples via Lovely D]

and if u didn’t see it the 1st time, or don’t want yer 1st time to be yer last time…

Recommended Trifanningecta

This year’s nominees have about as much buzz as Buzz Aldrin headlining this year’s Coachella, aka Zzzzzzzzzzzzz to the nth degree deodorant. But I’ll hold off on the major griping until Walk The Line walks away with anything (can you say 3rd rate La Bamba?). Lettuce juss hope that at this year’s awards, even though the gays will have their day, that boobs will reign supreme!!! And like last year, after taking a super qwik glance at the noms, here are my predications for who WILL win, not SHOULD win (eggscuse my lack of italics):

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich

WINNER: Humpmyback Mt

Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck.

WINNER: Scotty J from Boogie Nights, for being gay again!

Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

WINNER: the woman who looks like a man who played a man trying to be a woman

Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt, A History of Violence

WINNER: Cpt Neckbeard (Cloo-less), since he won’t win in the other 2 cats he’s nominated in

Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

WINNER: you choose Weiszzzz-ly, although I wouldn’t bee sirprized if Amy Adams won

Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich

WINNER: Ang Lee, in a make-up call for The Hulk

Foreign Film
Don’t Tell, Italy
Joyeux Noel, France
Paradise Now, Palestine
Sophie Scholl — The Final Days, Germany
Tsotsi, South Africa.

WINNER: Paradise Now, although Tsotsi is the new Yahtzee

Adapted Screenplay
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman, Capote
Jeffrey Caine, The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson, A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, Munich

WINNER: Tight Jeans, Thight Ass In Mts

Original Screenplay
Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, Crash
George Clooney and Grant Heslov, Good Night, and Good Luck
Woody Allen, Match Point
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale
Stephen Gaghan, Syriana

WINNER: this is udder BS, since Gaghan shoulda got an adapted s-play nom, not an og nom, but I still hold out hope for Squid & The Whale

Animated Feature Film
Howl’s Moving Castle
Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

WINNER: who cares, but Howl

Art Direction
Good Night, and Good Luck
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pride & Prejudice.

WINNER: Good Night and Zzzzzz

Cinematography
Batman Begins
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night, and Good Luck
Memoirs of a Geisha
The New World.

WINNER: Heath Ledger Loves Man Ass!!

Sound Mixing
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Walk the Line
War of the Worlds

WINNER: Kong

Sound Editing
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
War of the Worlds

WINNER: Dakota Fanning Is Scared: THE MOVIE

Original Score
Brokeback Mountain, Gustavo Santaolalla
The Constant Gardener, Alberto Iglesias
Memoirs of a Geisha, John Williams
Munich, John Williams
Pride & Prejudice, Dario Marianelli.

WINNER: the dude who came up with that hot arsed ‘Wings’ tune for the gay stuff

Original Song
In the Deep from Crash, Kathleen Bird York and Michael Becker
It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp from Hustle & Flow Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard
Travelin’ Thru from Transamerica, Dolly Parton.

WINNER: ya gotta be kidding me that the Pimp song got a nod!!!! Boobs Parton in a landslide

Costume
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
Walk the Line

WINNER: GAYsha

Documentary Feature
Darwin’s Nightmare
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
March of the Penguins
Murderball
Street Fight

WINNER: I think Penguins will be this year’s Super Size Me, read: BLAH. Either Enron or Murderball

Documentary (short subject)
The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty of the Bang Bang Club
God Sleeps in Rwanda
The Mushroom Club
A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin.

WINNER: Gawd sleeps at the Ramada hotel in Rwanda

Film Editing
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Munich
Walk the Line

WINNER: Jews Kill: THE MOVIE

Makeup
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith

WINNER: the one with the Jesus lion

Animated Short Film
Badgered
The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello
9
One Man Band.

WINNER: Jasper, DUHVS!!

Live Action Short Film
Ausreisser (The Runaway)
Cashback
The Last Farm
Our Time Is Up
Six Shooter

WINNER: Ausererioeooerrss

Visual Effects
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
War of the Worlds

WINNER: Dong

Academy Award winners previously announced this year:

Honorary Award (Oscar statuette)
Robert Altman

WINNER: ROBERT ALTMAN!!

The Gordon E. Sawyer award (Oscar statuette)
Gary Demos

WINNER: GARY US BONDS!!!

And although this has nothing to do with Oscars, PEACE THE FORK OUT Coretta Scott King!!

UPDATE:

Join Thighs’ Annual Oscar Pool!!
Group name: House of Wax Dat Ass
Password: neckbeard
$10 entry fee
Winner takes all
contact me for payment shazzle!!
(ps, my entry is ‘Syriana Hinds’)