Thighs Wide Shut

• QB – Ryan Fitzpatrick vs WAS, cause the Skins will be up by 10 going into the 4th, then go 3 and out, 8 times over, while Fitzy becomes the next Enola Gay, droppin mad bombs near the end of battle
• RB – DeShaun Foster vs ATL, cause his teammate He Hate Me will be too busy watching She Hate Me
• WR – Tim Dwight vs NYJ, cause sometimes even white guys are good at football
• TE – Zach Hilton vs TB, cause him and Guy Ritchie need to rope in some mo viewers for their all male version of The Simple Life
• K – TBD at SF, cause anyone brave enuff to replace the prolific/injured Neil Rackers deserves a cabinet post in the Clinton/Cuthbest admin
• D – Texans at BAL, cause yer #1 result whenith searchin for ‘ravens quarterbacks‘ is RavensSuck.com

and now, sumtang for the liz-adies…

No poems for yer b-day this year luv, juss a vote of confidence for the one ticket I’d love get behind and throw my weight into. And by weight, I mean my 15 lb cockasarus that I like to call Thighrassic Park

• Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

• You may still not know yer Peter Sarsgaards from yer Stellan SkarsgÃ¥rds, but either way, you’ve never heard nuttin til you’ve heard Stellan’s Swedish ditty, ‘Bombi Bitt’

• Who knew that one Killer album could land ya a box set. Get it while the fuss is hot kids, cause album #2 is gonna be more like Cold Fussion

• The real reason the Jackson 5 were going back to Indiana

• Cause I never want t-giving to end: Did the Pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock because they ran out of beer?

• The Dad Saddle [via the Roachclip]

• I have only one word for the year anniversary of Nancy Zerg’s dethroning of Ken Jennings: paper. Add one more set of papers if Goodfellas‘ Jimmy Two Times is involved.

• And after eons of referencing the effin man (J2T), yet not being able to produce a single snap of him, I have decided for the good of the internets to break several copyright laws and giveth you what you all rightly deserve…

You knows I totally loves the women, I fell hard in love with Ciarán Hinds and his Gaius Julius Caesar salad dressing on TV’s Rome. We all knew the ides of March were coming, but I was hoping the writers would change their minds AND history and let him live, with the help of another Brutus. Maybe they’ll bring him back next season in flashbacks like Big Pussy on The Suckpranos, or give him a spin-off show where he eats grapes and rocks abacuses in the afterlife. Regardless, the show will suffer without the Hinds next year. Farewell my mos flavorite tyrant who’s hairstyle I rock

BEST IN PEACE

100 BCE – 2005

• Cuthies’ gearin up for England 2007, and we all would still bone her

• Czech out this highly Jewish trailer for Bee Season, co-starring the artist former known as the Thinker‘s mum

• Make your mark on the Martine McCutcheon Online GuestMap, cause you know you want to

• Episode III, abridged in lame, yet semi-amusing audio format [d-lode, via Glitter Glids]

• Coverpop

• And although it has jumped the shark, T-giving is and will always be the Jewish Christmas (cause Hannukah blows almost as much as the Redskins). So in honor of turkey, pies, and thighs, along with Gaius JC, I’m taking the rest of the week off (but anything can happen, so don’t quoth me on dat). MAZEL toast and rasin toast. Until we meat again, Reuben Droughns home and…

Weezer’s recent output has been more run of the mill than this girl I went to elementary school with named Karla Mill, but their videos will always be worth more sweetness than a bottle of Mrs Butterworth’s. Point in case, enlisting Cuthbest (the NHL’s mos flavorite blogger [via UB]) in their latest ‘Perfect Situation’ [stream | d-lode]

btw, my album mock-up was far superior than Lake Superior

• If only Mischa’s publicist knew how famous and influential I was

• And why bother casting Willa Holland as Mischa’s O.C. sis when her real-life microwaved face sib would suffice

• Lohag at NYU could be a bigger bomb than the Manhattan Project, or the John Lithgow HBO staple of the 80s of the same name

• I found another reason to see King Kong, besides being addicted to this Jungle Huntesque game involving Pringles canisters

• David Cronenberg’s twin gynecologists fun fest, Dead Ringers, is set to become the 2nd flick of his to be brought to the small screen (in addition to Dead Zone starring Anthony Michael Hall & Oates). Hopefully he’ll cast the Brothers Polish as the leads, and hopefully eXistenZ won’t be the third flick turned into a TV show.

• Gorillaz: We want Elmer Fudd

• A MUSS do before Dec 23rd: Netflix the BRILLS and Academy Award winning One Day In September… yul spank me for it later

• Bee gone Akeelah

• Orb.com, cause you should never be without the Howard Dean remixes and the porn stashed on yer home computer [via Kelly Green]

• Clinton Portis hearts the Zep

• How the Death Star Works [via UMC]

• Watching all six Star Wars movies simultaneously [via the Double Sex Boaters]

• Never too late to own a piece of history

• Is Geronimo’s skull residing at Yale’s Skull and Bones? Was it stolen from the grave by Prescott Bush?

• More or less Morley Safer, or less safe

• Don’t quit yer day job girl

• And cause you loaf to loathe her, and I’m juss plain sick of her and her sorta cow-like features, this will be the very last pic of CC the IV as HRT that u ever did see.

• Jack Bauer is BACK, AGAIN! And this time the sunglasses are larger than ever [via K-Pax]

• YOU GO Jimmy Smits!!!

• Cool is when vintage almost meets porn!

• Dean Cameron: The Retrocrush Interview… cause where else are ya gonna found out that Patrick Dempsey was almost Chainsaw

• Fity Best Independent Flicks… and still no love for Ben Shitffleck’s 1st joint

• Damn Good

• Risk on a Google Map. Any way you play it, conquer South America 1st [via Metzger]

• EveryThingSoundsLikeColdPlaynow.com [via Spencer 4 Dire Straits]

• The King of Burgers strikes again

• Glad to be someone’s ‘punto di riferimento’

• Iam Holm a Cuthbert?

• And Cuthbest, the 2nd mos bestest underrated degenerate screen gambler of our modern times, behind PSH’s Dan Mahowny? After watching about 10 minutes of it on LMN, as some pre-Skins game entertainment, and then DVRing its replay later that AM, I’d have to say m’yes, and I’m sure Uncle G-Funk would agree, as he’s the one who clued me in about this udderly jarring and realistic Canadian movie of the weak. She may lose her shirt, but alas, she doesn’t lose her shirt.