Thighs Wide Shut

Clue the movie may juss be the funniest comedy of balls thyme. it is certainly one of the mos sharp, wittiest and well-written ones of balls thyme, and if we can’t agree on that, can we at least agree it’s the greatest adaptation of a board game of balls thyme? deal! (good luck Battleship!)

anywho, the moist ingenious bizzle of it all is that the film has 3 endings!!!! in theaters they only played one ending per showing. as a child we saw the Mrs Peackock one and then had to wait a whole year for the VHS release in order to see the other two endings. oh the humanity!!!

anywho part II, did you know that there was a 4th ending???? said ending had Wadsworth the butler (a role Tim Curry should have won an Oscar for, and yet he wasn’t even NOMINATED!!!!) being the sole murderer and then revealing that he poisoned the champagne that all the players (Col Mustard, Mrs White, et al) drank and that they would shortly die!  then the police storm in and before they take Wadsworth away, he re-tells the evening’s tale in great detail.  Everyone, of course, is beyond mesmorized, and then at a point where he opens the front door, he runs out, slams the door, locks the police and players inside and hops into a police car to escape.  as he’s about to drive off, he smells dog sh%t (a recurring joke!) and looks in the rearview mirror to see the German shepherds sitting in the backseat, persumably waiting to pounce on him!

you can read the 4th ending script here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this 4th ending was actually filmed, but later cut cause it was probably a lil to grim to include.  no footage has yet to resurface, but the following image from the movie’s novelization (which includes that 4th ending) exists!  here, the evangelist/chief (Howard Hesseman) is trying to take down Wadsworth

we will pay you $8 if you can find this lost footage!!!

it was I, Col Thigh Mustard, in the lavatory, with the crack pipe, drinking ye Olde English

plenty o’ more Clue fun here

and who doesn’t love this German VHS box of the movie
featuring Prof Plum & Yvette’s bazongies!

juss like everyone else, the Germans love boobs!

pee es – wearing a monocle is a bitch!

• So tell me again, why do we need guns in this country? Seriously, do u need one? Does it make you feel like a real man? Do you watch too much Deadwood or sumtang? What’s yer effin deal pal? Oh, you pissed at me? Why don’t you come over to my .org and shoot me dead. It’ll solve all yo problems, right? I mean, only COOL people use lead pipes, ropes or other Clue weapons these days (that aren’t the revolver). Don’t bee leave me? Ask my good pal Col Mustard. But don’t you dare ask him why ‘colonel’ isn’t spelt like it sounds, ‘kernel’.

• A diet-coked up Pat O’Brien likes to leave silly voice mails on hot chicks’ cellies. Dude loves to eat a$$ apparently. [NSFW audio via The Dec West]

• Eeeeeesssh, Mishka-Mischa’s sister looks like a microwaved version of the Keds hawkin’ star. But back to more important things, like Barty-Barfon’s NSFW nippies [via The Drunk StepDaddy & The Double V]

• Everyone knows I’m a big fan of freshly-minted 18 year olds, right? Well, guess who’s party I’m crashing on the second Saturday in April at Hiro in the Maritime Hotel, sponsored by Motorola, that includes a live performance by Maroon 5? I’ll give you a hint, she’s always in a hurry and hits yellow balls with great furry. Give up? Click here. And for you my dear, the countdown continues. Boy am I sick. [via NYDN]

• Why gawd why? Not even Gabrielle Union’s crazy/beautiful selfness can save this pointless reimagining.

• Twis it jus me or does the new Weezer song ‘Beverly Hills’ (listen to a clip here) sound like ‘Undone (The Sweater Song)’. I don’t even think the lads are even trying anymore.

• Jessica Simpson Cringes When Watching ‘Newlyweds’… join the club sweetats!

• David Spade, or is it Owen Wilson, has a penis nose? [via The I-Train]

• Graham Coxon to start work on new album, then decorate his bathroom.

• A black woman will be one of 7 peeps playing Bob Dylan in biopic directed by genius Todd Haynes. I guess the times ARE a changin’. [via Made of Brawnski]

• Ricky G will not be ‘BBC’s bitch!‘

• Pulp’s ‘Common People’ illustrated by Gorillaz/Tank Girl guy Jamie Hewlett. [via Attention Baby!]

• How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once? Let the debate begin! [via My Man Markus]

• 4 dolls that scare the crap out of me.

• Ouch! [via Z de la JuicyFruithead]

• Take one guess who said this, ‘I don’t like to complain all the time, but that’s what I do for a living, and I’m lucky because there’s so much to complain about.’ Did you guess right?

• Lass nite, me & Ms Megbot attended the NY premiere of D.E.B.S.. This has got to be the bestestist AND wurstestist plaid-skirted, lesbian crime-fighting flick of all thyme. A full review is 4thcummin (like 23476742389095 others I’ve promised), but in the meantime I wanted to point out how impressed I was with the rotoscoping. Somebody hire this girl, who I hear is a champion fencer as well! And major spanks to the mooovie for reminding me of the beauty and the peach that is Jordana Brewster, who was also in attendance. Had this site been a fully operational Death Star five or so years ago, she might have easily been crowned Her Royal Thighness The I. I guess I’ll have to settle for dreaming about licking honey and brown sugar off of her bushy eyebrows. Yummy-lama-lumma-licous!

Pee es – anyone else out dere find it comical that this year’s 24 is overrun with bit players from many a movies of the past 10 years? I mean, who would have thought that The Mummy would have to kill the mother from House of Sand and Fog only cause she lied to Bowfinger’s accountant/script writer for Chubby Rain, juss to save her son, who played her son in House of Sand and Fog?!?!?!?! I wouldn’t be sirprized if Austin Pendleton (aka ‘That Guy’ in every movie) turns out to be the mastermind beyond this whole terrorist plot.