Thighs Wide Shut

An Education
Cold Schooled
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

We’ve warned you over and over about how udderly franztastic actress cutie pie McGee Carey Mulligan is be (our love started with her minor work in Pride & Prejudice, then blossomed fully in the Dickens mini-series Bleak House, and has never stopped since), but you were probably too busy looking for the NSFWs all over this site to even notice (sure, her boobs aren’t gigantic, but it’s OK, juss ask yer moms, who doesn’t have gynormo ones either). Well, sometimes it takes more than a nation of Thighlanders to get a very valid point across

Spankfully An Education eggsists, and certifies and further promotes this and our finding of Ms Mulligan’s skill and bestness. She is An Education. Without her in this breakout and first lead role this knowledge might have remained buried for years to come, and the flick itself would have not been as palatable. But she is in the movie, and others have certainly taken note of her performance, earning much much much Oscar buzz, comparisons linking her to Audrey Hepburn, and plenty o’ praise heaped about, even from someone who rarely doles it out like Anna Wintour. Will things ever be the same for this up and comer? It won’t, and even if you take a pass on the course work of An Education and miss her indelible/incredible work, her name and face will be hard to escape in the decades to come, so why not hop on now before the bandwagon aint got no mo seats left?

So what is all this Education stuffs, eh? Mulligan plays Jenny, an impressionable school girl (a screenplay by good ole Nick Hornby based on Lynn Barber‘s memoirs), who’s skipping right along on a rosy pathway to Oxford in the post-war 50s world of England. Her proud semi-stern folks (Alfred Molina and olderish-Mulligan look-a-like Cara Seymour) keep a watchful eye on their beloved only child, so when the charming, older, more refined David (Peter Sarsgaard) steps into her life from outta nowhere, will hers or theirs ever be the same? For better, and for worse, no

Through David, she gets to learn lessons that can only be found outside the walls of her all girls school (with a supportive teach played by hey, where the fork have you been Olivia Williams + Emma Thompson, doing her usual steady Emma Thompson thing as the headmistress). Her bright eyes and keen ears are wide open, taking in all sorts of culture and delicacies her working class family never had the privilege to have shown her. She’s wined and dined, and has her lid flipped all over London town, the British countryside, and eventually a bon Paris trip, with her new beau, his thick as thieves buddy Danny (Dominic Cooper, slowly growing on us as a solid actor) and his dense sweet-tart (Rosamund Pike). Sounds purty peachy, eh? Well David isn’t all that he seems and when not-so-perfect things come to light about her Mr Perfect, everything will come apart at the seems. Will it be too late to stitch thangs back up????

Director Lone Scherfig‘s colorful period piece thrives with Mulligan in the driver’s seat, but the road we head down feels all to well traveled. We’ve encountered numerous coming of age, girls II women, stories before, and this one isn’t that discernible from the rest. But for this particular film, it doesn’t have to be, especially when we get the rare chance to see a star being born

Bearded Wonder Boy: poor Matthew Beard. this is the second movie, after When Did You Last See Your Father?, where his crush and hard-on for Ms Mulligan have been crushed and turned into blue balls

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

St. Trinian’s
Holy Crap!
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

English cartoonist Ronald Searle‘s St Trinian’s series spawned several books and big screen adaptations, the first being The Belles of St Trinian’s in 1954. Sequels followed, the last being in 1980, and apparently the time was right to do it all over again, splashed up wit respected actors (Colin Firth, Toby Jones, Lena Headey, Stephen Fry, and the namesake of our annual movie names award, Fenella Woolgar), youngish hotties (Gemma Arterton, Lily Cole, Mischa Barton, Russell Brand?), youngish ones who are on their way to
respectability (Talulah Riley, Jodie Whittaker, Juno Temple) + a lil help from the loud girls of Girls Aloud. This film came out in the Old World circa 2007. It was such a island-wide smash that it’s own sequel, St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold, is hitting up their shores this winter. Besides peering at them wickedly adorable beauties and seeing Rupert Everett deliciously switch hit as a student’s father and then don a ladies get-up as the school’s wacky headmistress (a word so grand, it had to be used in both of our reviews!), this slapdash exercise in controlled insanity is nuttin more than a British version of the hiss-fire Bratz, cept w/o the ‘Bratitude’ [d]. What, that comparison means nuttin to you? Well, think Monty Python’s Flying Circus, w/o the Monty Python, the flying, and a circus with only a 1/4 ring

Saint Sinner: remember Caterina Murino? she was one of the Bond gals in Fapino Royale w/cheese, and if you look at these pictures, you probably won’t forget her again

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

An Education schools in NY & LA this Friday, while St. Trinian’s fails in the North East only on the same day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Carey Mulligan wants to be Sean Connery, has had fewer manicures in her life than we have, and is ready to make you swoon

+ mo T-Mag photos

John Hughes died here

Lucy Pinder kicks balls [NSFW]

Damon Albarn’s lil sistah to design clothes for Oasis?

recommended for daily use: Imagery’s image search & Bing’s video search

white girls doing impressions of Bill Cosby

Periodic Table Sweater [b3ta]

Bitchenist Single-Parent Family Ever!

Margaret Nolan could quite possibly be the mos underrated, unknown, and hottiest Bond girl of balls thyme [NSFW]

she (briefly) played Dink in Goldfinger, and was featured in our mos flavorite Bond moment mt EVERest

+ You Always Fap Twice

för yöür cön-itërätïön för bëstëst süppörtïng früït…

thïs bänänä
Pëtër Säärsgäärd
äs sëën ïn Än Ëdücätïön
öpënïng ïn lïmïtëd rëlëäsë Öctöbër 9th

bünt sërïöüslÿ fölks
thïs mövïë’s gönnä bë önë gïänt cömïng öüt pärtÿ
för öür prëcïöüs lördëss öf thë thïghs
Cärëÿ Müllïgän
ä nämë yöü wön’t pöön 5gët
änd ä nämë thät’s bëën ön öür lïps sïnce 2ÖÖ5
änd ön öür hïps sïncë… 2ÖÖ5

Public Enemies
The Touchables
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Tommy guns, riding on the sides of cars and bank robberies rule the day, while hiding out, gettin drizunk and womanizing rule the night in Michael Mann‘s fun, yet not too deep look at the life of John Dillinger (a steady, but unspectacular Johnny Depp), his gangsta cronies (Faramir! Stephen Dorff!!!!!!!! + an electrifying, but little screentimed Stephen Graham as Baby Face Nelson) and the G-men who sought to bring them all down (anyone else getting sick of Christian Bale? + a scene chewing, James Cagney impression spewing Billy Crudup). Mann’s well suited for this job, having made many a memorable gun fight friendly ficks over the past 3 decades, and with a cast overloaded with talent and beauty (Marion Cotillard, John Ortiz (loves him), Branka Katic, Rory Cochrane, Carey Mulligan (loves her, and we lovesed her first!!), Giovanni Ribisi, Emilie de Ravin, Lili Taylor, Shawn Hatosy (he’s like a fake Brad Renfro), Leelee Sobieski & Channing Tatum, juss to name 1/16th of the cast), it’s a catastrophe of the highest order that the film looks like absolute hell. We aint talking about the costumes, hairdos, props or sets, cause they all are flawless, especially since they shot at the real locations, but wees talkin about how the film was shot using HD cameras and not ye olde film stock. That kinda 80s camcorder home video look worked to great effect with his gritty ditties Collateral and Miami Vice, but for a period piece like this, it almos ruined the whole affair. You probably won’t care or notice, but we certainly did, as any scene that included light bulbs or bright outdoor light resulted in a whoreriffic motion blur appearance that completely drove us insane mad batty crazy. Zodiac was also shot in HD, and that’s one of the mos beautiful, warm colored films we’ve ever seen, so what gives? C’mon Mike, next time be a Mann and make yer solid period piece movie look like a movie and not like a solid piece of shit

No Harmon No Foul: there have been several Dillinger related flicks that came before, but none of them sound that memorable, esp the TV one starring Mark Harmon, but we’re quite curious to take a look at John Milius’ 1973 entry, starring Warren Oates as JD + Ben Johnson, Michelle Phillips, Cloris Leachman, Harry Dean Stanton, and Richard Dreyfuss as Baby Face Nelson!!

Verdictgo: despite our moanin & groanin tis still Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Homecoming
A Futile Attraction
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

We pity poor Mischa Barton, and it has nothing to do with looking eggszactly like her brother Falkor. She left our beloved OC on her terms, the show fell apart w/o her, and her career fell apart w/o it (somewhere Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows are raised in disappointment). Most of her post-‘California, here we come‘ work has either gone straight to video or should have if it didn’t in the first place. Homecoming is yet another brick in her unwatchable wall that keeps growing by the year. In this amateurish movie, she plays Shelby, a girl stuck in her hometown with a mountain of debt and a mountain of love for her star quarterback ex-boyfriend (Matt Long), who shipped off to college months prior and already shacked up with a 90210 hottie mcgee (Jessica Stroup). Things come to a head, and a bore fest, when the b-friend & his new g-friend come home for… HOMECOMING and Barton thinks she can woo him back into her arms. Obviously that aint happening, and after some unhappy coincidences, Mischa traps her rival in her house, ties her up to a bed and drugs her aplenty. Sounds familiar? Yeah, we liked it too when it was called Misery, and this teen-y version is simply miserable. Sure wish that Annie Wilkes had chopped up the screenwriter of Homecoming to bits before one word of it had ever been put to paper. The only solution we see to turn around Barton’s fleeting career is to call on a voodoo priestess and bring Marissa Cooper back from the dead

Coop de Ill: there were two Marissa Cooper shirts we always wanted to get, but never did. the former Thighmistress got us this one, which always gets us odd looks by passersby (as do our manboobs)

Verdictgo: Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous

Died Young, Stayed Pretty
Poster Children
Official Website & Trailer

Posters sell and advertise stuff. Some are used to do just that for bands and their concerts (looky here at GigPosters.com for a ton of em). It’s an art form fo sho and the artists who art them art’nt necessarily swimming in riches and fame. Died Young, Stayed Pretty is a documentary aiming to give ’em some of dat recognition that they deserve, but it’s not nearly as interesting as director Eileen Yaghoobian‘s last name. After about 15 minutes, you get the entire picture, so for the rest of the time you get more of the same: look at this poster, OK, look at 32838 more, OK, now lets talk to the poster designer about designing them, OK, now repeat, repeat and poster, peat, re, designer, talk, poster, things, stuff, is this thing still on?, hey, there’s Frank Kozik, but why are they only talking to him for 8 seconds when he was like the semi-forefather to these poster peoples? repeat, repeat, more posters, chit chat, some wit here and there, even more posters, aiiight, wait, how come they’re only talking about today’s poster makers? what about a lil history, like the dudes in the 60s who started it all, like Milton Glaser? Oh yeah, he has his own separate doc, and peeps like Kozik and many others were dones up in another called American Artifact. So what’s the point of all this dying young and staying pretty? Don’t really know, but we think it has something to do with posters

Poster Haste: outside of movie posters and this set dedicated to Yiddish words, here lie our mos flavorite posters mt EVERest (with much respek to Uncle S & Rosie the R)

Verdictgo: for poster addicts only, so Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Enemies be already playings at a theater near jews, while Stayed Pretty gets ugly in NY only, and Homecoming will soon be leaving screens in NY, LA and KY?

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

you won’t believe what we teach cutey pie mcgee Carey Mulligan. lettuce juss say that our prized dilated pupil gave her teacher an apple and we had no choice but to take a bite

perviously: Adorabull Sh&t True!