A Smashing Blumpkin
11. Sep, 2007 
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Halloween
Bobbing For Awfuls
Trailer & Mo
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Slain and pimple, a horror movie’s main objective is to scare. Mothing nore, lothing mess. Director Rob Zombie seemed to toss that rule of dumb straight outta the window when he took a giant dump on John Carpenter’s original masterpiece. His reimagined Halloween (released in September? how timely!) is about as scary as a unicorn sliding on a rainbow and about as original as about 99% of the blogs on the interwebs. What more do you need to know? This movie sucks worser than UPN’s ye olde roster of programming (yes, The Mullets and Homeboys in Outer Space included). I pity poor Grima Wormtongue and Alex DeLarge, who try to add a little bit of class to this otherwise school in summer poop-a-thon
Is Nothing Scared Sacred?: if you (s)care to waste yer time with one pointless horror remake, remake it The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning [TWS.org review]… which technically isn’t a remake, but hey, anything’s butter than Van Wilder In Amityville [TWS.org review]
Daeg Gonnit: lookin for the perfect gift for someone with the taste of crepe paper? Endless autopraphed Daeg Faerch (young Michael Meyers) crap awaits!
Dirty Harris: scream princess Danielle Harris aint no stranger to Michael Meyers, as she previously played his niece in both Halloween 4 AND 5. And oh, she is a niiiiiice!!
John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Yer Eyes Out Refriedbeanapoopulous
until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
