Thighs Wide Shut

Toy Story 3
Show & Mattel
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

This review is pointless, cause you’ve already seen (and loved) it, but… Toy Story 3 is like Toy Story 1 + 2 + more kids and more toys (Ken, of Barbie fame, is tres bestest), some of them being mean toys, some a little too mean (is Ned Beatty getting payback for getting raped in Georgia?) and one that looks like it came from a Tool video.  Don’t expect the unexpected (same ole story: the toys get into some sorta trouble, other toys come to the rescue, escape plan ensues, everyone will probably live happily ever after), cause #3 is par for the course (cept now in glorious, pointless 3-D!), a course that happens to be one of modern animation’s best.  There is no wrong to be found in this third edition, and yet there seems to be nothing fresh about it either.  But who cares, it’s Toy Story.  They could do a whole toy story about how Woody and Buzz become Nazi sympathizers and it would still make our hearts pitter-patter.  And if you muss know, we did cry at the end, cause we’re giant wusses

The Fisher Price Is Right: ye olde washed-up toys make a big splash in TS3, particularly those from the fine folks at Fisher Price, like the Chatter Phone, and this Little People Parking Garage beauty that makes a brief cameo…

Verdictgo: are we allowed to give it anything but a Breast In Show?

Toy toys with yer heart and yer pocketbook at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Best Worst Movie
For Whom The Bell Trolls
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

We all have guilty pleasures in life, and for some, they come in the form of awful movies.  These awful movies often transcend their own awfulness to become something bigger and often better than itself.  Our list is topped by such crapsterpieces as Zardoz, Can’t Stop The Music and Ghost Dad.  For others, the list starts and stops with 1990’s straight-to-video Troll 2 (which has nothing to do with Troll 1).  For awhile, the ‘film’ topped the bottom of IMDb’s Bottom 100 list, but a funny thing happened on the way down for Troll 2 over the past decade: it became a cult sensation, and turned this once forgotten forgettable movie into a memorable one with its wooden acting and corny dialog being memorized the world round

Most of the (non) actors associated with Troll 2 wanted to run as far away from the low-budget disaster as possible, but with its modern resurrection, they could no longer beat it, so they decided to join it, and in on the fun, mainly at midnight screenings and conventions across America.  Re-enter Michael Paul Stephenson (he played the whiny kid Joshua), who 17 years after the fact, wanted to document the phenomenon and see what happened to a lot of the players involved, and in turn, make peace with this giant stain from his past.  His labor of love of his former labor of hate is aptly named Best Worst Movie, and even if you’ve never experienced Troll 2, it is a heartfelt and heartbreaking sight to be seen, and to laugh with and at.  And if your child ever has dreams of acting, you parents may want to use this as a cautionary tale of how everyone’s dreams don’t necessarily come true… yet it is possible to live happily ever after

What we loved most about Best Worst Movie was its sense of family and the unbreakable bonds that’s shared between the actors and filmmakers.  While they’ve been apart for many years, the reunions we witness (complete with reenactments of key/unbearable scenes!) rival the ones of people who are actually related to one another.  Leading the way are George Hardy, who played Stephenson’s father, and Claudio Fragasso, the Italian director who barely spoke English when they made the movie in Utah.  Hardy, a goofy, charming southern gentleman and a non-stop smiling dentist, has come to embrace the film and his new found fame more than anyone else.  It’s impossible to walk away without falling in love him, or his hair.  Fragasso, on the other hand, has chosen to ignore the obvious faults of his film, but is glad that the fans have reclaimed it for themselves.  You’ll love him too, and not juss cause we have him to blame/thank for all of this.  Best worst movie indeed!

Heart & Troll: it’s never too late to watch Troll 2,  especially since you can do so at any ole time over at Hulu

Verdictgo: Breast In Show!!!!!!

Worst is currently BEST in NY & LA, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
(Män Som Hatar Kvinnor)
The Curious Cold Case of Harriet Vanger
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

40 years ago, a purty young girl had gone missing, and has been presumed dead ever since.  Her wrinkly-ole Uncle moneybags (Sven-Bertil Taube, three of our mos favorite names, duh) cannot rest soundly until he can get some sort of closure on the matter.  Enter recently disgraced reporter Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist, who looks like a cross between Mathieu Amalric and Mr Bean) to heat up this oh so frosted cold case!  And while our hero is one smart cookie, in a Robert Langdon kinda way, he still needs a his girl Fredag.  Enter THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, aka Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace)!!  Not only does she have a dragon tattoo, and mad piercings, and a Joan Jett complex, but she also has really small boobs!  She’s also a researching dynamo and can break into computers just as easily as she can get her heart broken.  Faster than you can say odd couple or dynamic duo or BOTH!, the two are breathing new life into the long dead case and the results FREAKIN ROXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is all old news to you, since the Stieg Larsson book (not of the same name. the original title = Men Who Hate Women) is an international best-seller, and this killah movie’s been out for many moons.  If it’s new news to you (we were a lil late to the game here, like trying KFC’s Double Down for the 1st time juss the other night), then NEWSFLASH, SEE IT (or we guess read the book, but who has time to read?) NOW OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There’s two Millennium Trilogy sequels already in the can, which should make their way to our shores this fall, so hurry the fork up and see this!!!

A Hollywood remake is already in the works, with David Fincher attached as the director.  He’s a perfect choice, considering Tattoo is the bestest thriller we’ve seen since his Zodiac (yes, we just said that and you know how we feel about ZODIAC!!!)  And while Nyqvist can be played by anyone (Brad Pitt is rumored to get the nod), no other actress will be able to replicate or keep pace with what Rapace did for her take on Lisbeth Salander.  She is the girl and no one else can be.  She tattooed us, and if you haven’t already done so, let her tattoo you, NOWWWWWWW!

Sweetest Fishes:  it was hard to find fotos of sum of dem cute honeys with bit parts in Dragon, but apparently very easy to find fotos of slightly fly womens (and mens) from Sweden that weren’t in the movie, but who love to party, IN SWEDEN, and since they are so Swedish looking and therefore prettier than wees, they is still worth gawking at

plenty mo Aryan thighs here: stureplan.se [SFW]

Verdictgo: Breast In Show!!!!!!

Dragon is all fire in limited release!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Exit Through The Gift Shop
Coronation Street Art
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Street art is everywhere above ground, but for most of the past decade, the movement and its illegal defacing perpetrators have largely remained on the fringes of the underground.  That is no longer the case when a dude like Shepard Fairey‘s crafting iconic images for the Obama campaign and Banksy‘s designing album covers for Blur.  Their street art has now become a full-fledged commercial art phenomenon, and with big bucks at playand  pretenders jumping at the chance to cash in

The BRILLIANT new doc Exit Through The Gift Shop (narrated by Rhys Ifans) goes over all of this, under it, above it, behind it and beyond it.  It all starts and ends with a French expat living in America named Thierry Guetta.  He loved filming anything and everything, and after a light-bulb switching on moment when visiting his cousin Invader, he stumbled on his (first) calling: document the street artists in action.  And film he did, mainly after dark, scaling buildings that weren’t meant to be scaled, dodging coopers and amassing a garage full of tapes that he never watched.  Along the way he hooks up with Fairey and some other known artists, but his dream subject, the mysterious and most elusive Banksy, remains juss that, mysterious and elusive

Eventually he finds Banksy, they find kinship in one another, and then the two do something for each other.  Guetta, solid at filming, but lost in filmmaking, hands his tapes over to Banksy and BAM-O, Banksy becomes the director of the very documentary we’re blabbing about.  With nothing to do (cept he has a family who barely sees him), Banksy suggests to Guetta that he try his own hand at becoming a street artist, which only seems natural since he knows the ins and outs.  What Banksy didn’t know is that he created a monster and unleashed him on an very unsuspecting world.  The results are hilarious, shocking, and embarrassing, as the LA art world embraces Guetta, now going by the very fitting name Mr Brainwash, and his tacky/hacky art

Exit Through The Gift Shop has more to say about the state of art in modern times, than we have to say about fried chicken and boobs, and it knows what it’s talking about, juss like we do about chicken breasts and breasts.  Partner this with the one-sided, but totally revealing and enjoyable The Art of The Steal and you’ll have all the inside art school confidentiality you’d ever want to be privy to

Poster Haste Never Makes Waste: our mos flavorite street artist remains NY’s own Poster Boy

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Gift keeps on giving in NY/LA/SF today and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

When You’re Strange
They Wanted The World And They Got It Then
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

The story of Jim Morrison,  Ray Manzarek, Robby Krieger and  John Densmore has been told before, dazed and confusedly by Oliver Stone (so hard to shake the image of Val Kilmer as Morrison out of our heads) and in the mos eggsalad Morrison bio No One Here Gets Out Alive, but while writer/director Tom DiCillo‘s passion poem on The Doors, When You’re Strange, skimps on the details of the group’s history, it does one thing exceeding better than all that came before: it leaves the music on until it’s time to turn off the lights

Funny how DiCillo’s best work to date is not one of his quirky lil low-budget comedies, but his very first stab at making a documentary.  And what an easy subject he picked to succeed with, which begs the question, why hasn’t one been made on The Doors before?  Notice we didn’t say ‘definitive’ anywhere in that last sentence, cause this is most certainly not the one, but it will light your fire, or, as in our case, re-ignite it, since our deep infatuation with Mr Mojo Risin & friends sailed off on a ship of fools ages ago.  And there’s a bonus to it all:  it’s narrated by Johnny Depp (naturally, after he did such good work for the Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson doc).  Another funny DiCillo thang is that this may be the only opportunity he’ll ever get to work with the 21 Jump Streeter

The Hitch High-ker: there is some incredible footage of Morrison aimlessly walking and driving in the desert used to frame the entire doc.  Turns out it was culled from an unfinished(?) Morrison film called  HWY: An American Pastoral [watch it all, in really shoddy quality].  here’s a lil backstory on it and DiCillo’s use of it, and while we’re throwing video and links around, here’s a college recruiting video starring a pre-Doors Morrison + the story of the rediscovery of it

Verdictgo: we might want to see this twice so we can LOVE IT TWO TIMES!!! Breast In Show

Strange doesn’t trip in limited release today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…