Thighs Wide Shut

Happy 51st B-Day to Tennis For Two

the world’s second ever computer game. OXO was the first
[via CBS Sunday Morn/Gizmo]

now that The Old Man of the Mountain has crumbled more than a presidential campaign run by his brother John Kerry, a new thing hath since becometh the bestest thing to hail from our 9th state, New Hampshire, and it goes by the name of Funspot

fo those of yous who saw the franztastic doc King of Kong, you probably remember this as the place Steve Wiebe earned his crown, but fo the rest of you alls, lest this serve as a giant wake-up call as it’s a place (right behind Graceland and the Kingdom of Thighland) to make a pilgrimage to befive you dies. if you were an arcade gamer in the 80s, or ever wanted to know what it was like back then (we pity the fool you), then you MUSS get yer a$$ to Mars Funspot, and specifically, to their American Classic Arcade Museum section. LOOK AT THIS FRIGGIN FARGIN LIST O GAMES!!!! tits a gamer’s wet dream come true and all over one’s pants (the only ones missing in our books be Baby Pac Man and Haunted House pinball). most of the old schooly games are only a token. $20 gets you 80 tokens + a bonus of 50!!! that’s MO than a enuff to keep you busy for hours and hours of powers and powers!!!!

all hail the King of Kong!!!

WIEBE!!

anywho, Kid Kadoji and we used a visit to our pal Tom Welling: Greatest Actor EV‘s Shirehamp lake house paddy-pad as an eggcuse to go to the F-Spot (or was it the other way around?). everyone had such a gay olde thyme there (sadly we didn’t have enuff gay olde thyme for duckpin bowling, air hockey, kiddie bumper cars or bingo. yes Funspot also has BINGO!) that we’re gonna invite ourselves back to TW:GAE’s place next summer so we can keep feeding our Crystal Castles addiction (BK’s splendid Barcade will fill in our arcading void in the interim). anywho rd2, we took some fotos, and here they is, but fotos could never replace the actual experience of slipping money into metal slots. THE LOOSEST SLOTS IN ALL OF NEW ENGLAND!!!

doesn’t get more klassic than the OG Star Wars game

cause nuttin beats blowin up the Death Star over & over & over

another of our balls thyme faves, esp the mine car riding part

too bad there aint a level where you get to whip George Lucas

man, we’re juss as awful at Paperboy as we used to be!

hactually, all these old games are forkin umpossible!!

TRON!

almos as confusing and as lame as the original movie!

we gots more Elevator Action this July

then we did regular action

SKATE OR DIE!!!

eat it Anderson Cooper & yer 360 BS!!!

biggest waste of tokens mt EVERest: Dragon’s Lair

but nuttin beats its look, spanks to Don Bluth!

2nd biggest waste of tokens mt EVERest: Space Ace

which is D Lair’s flashier, butter playing brother

wait, they made a real game out of the fictional game in C & D?

either way, that game sucked!
but the movie didn’t!
go Dabney Coleman!!!

POOYAN!

it sez POO!!!

pee es – we were a lil depressed that the Crossbow and Fire Truck games were out of order :(

pee es 2 – the folks over at Joystiq made a visit as well and took an a$$ load of (butter) pics!

ahhhh New Mexico, the land of enchantment, and tender vittles that will give you diarrhea for weeks! we, as well 3 of the Whitest Kids you may know, descended upon our 47th state for Nipsy Newbsy‘s nuptials in Albuquerque and left with plenty of memories, not to mention plenty of diarrhea. did we mention diarrhea? LOVES IT! Adrian Grenier was there too, but he wasn’t there for the wedding, juss to sell his own shampoo line, Grenier Fructis. enuff with the diarrhea telling and on with the diarrhea showing!

everyone gets their kicks on Route 66

even Nikki Six

who doesn’t love the sun symbol that adorns the state flag?

we bought a shirt with the logo
that’s almost as busted as this tee

did we mention diarrhea?

then you muss try La Placita‘s & Frontier
for maximum Old El Gaso

is there anything butter than a ‘CARWAS’?

yeah, whatever the fred funk a ‘LLOИUH’ is

we voted for Pueblo

the Acoma Sky City‘s pueblo that is!

where the ladder’s are as white

as a Neil Diamond concert audience

where indoor plumbing doesn’t exist

and Porta-Potties rule the sky

there’s plenty of crap to buy from the Natives

including the same shitty ceramic pottery over and over!

the gawds hate wastewater

but the Porta Potties love dumping!

fry bread is a nice

but maybe not as nice as Stephen Fry

what’s more insulting than the term ‘Redskins’?

a Native’s pick-up truck sporting a Redskins decal
+ a Dallas Cowboys one as well
wtf?

here’s me and my boy Leroy

who appears to love food a lil more than we do!

Santa Fe was lovely

and so is Iron, whose symbol is ‘Fe’

czeching out the Loretto Chapel’s miraculous staircase is a muss!
even if Snopes sez false

hispecially for those of us who first saw it on Unsolved Mysteries

it took 10 minutes to go thru O’Keeffe’s museum

cause we’re really not into vagina paintings

when it comes to gastronomical food
we put our faith in Rachael Ray and her burrito farts

that’s why we hit up Cafe Pasqual’s
and hit up the bathroom many hours afterwards

Owlbuquerque?

only in New Mexico will you find a van outside of an Injun casino
with an owl, a falcon and tons of bird shit juss chilling out

we may not go with gawd

but we’d go back to New Mexico
cause we still need to eat at the UFO Micky D’s
and find those missing Atari ET cartridges

sorta not related: Dildo Saggins pisses in the shower

Lily Allen’s new tunes are, alright, still juss as yumcredible as her old ones

Closing Ring, sure to be the breast movie starring Falkor’s sister [NSFW]

Jessica Rabbit untooned

the ins and outs of In-N-Out’s stoopid secret menu. wonder if we can order secret fries that actually taste good [SS Meals]

guess we can delete Smiley Face from the queue

Playboy centerfolds galore from the 50s, 60s and 70s [NSFW]

beards, the finest in German ingenuity

World War II Aerography on Planes

art

Young Me – Now Me [Data ?]

Democratic dance off

as long as there have been video games, there have been movie spin-offs into crappy video games. Although not the first, Atari’s E.T. could be the wurst. So effin bad that millions of its unsold cartridges lie in some New Mexico landfill. But were not here today to talk about Drew Barrymore’s adolescent coke buddy or whatever became of the company that in Japanese is loosely translated to ‘prepare to be attacked‘. Wees here to celebrate the awfulnessnesnessss of all the movies that were shamefully turned into Nintendo 8-bit NES cartridges. And spanks to YouTube and the dedication of some very angry gamers (some of their commentaries border on geniusnessness, and maybe even Canada), we’re puttin on display how sum of these shitastic games end. Some of them are so coughful that E.T. may be able to finally rust in (reese’s) peaces

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Willow

&
for the ending
I bet more people saw on NES
than in theaters…

Hudson Hawk

here are sum udder YouTubenessies
for movies that became NES games
but we couldn’t find the endings fo…

Alien³
Bill and Teds Excellent Video Game
Conan
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Days of Thunder
Hunt for Red October
Jurassic Park
Last Action Hero
Last Starfighter
Lethal Weapon
Mad Max
Platoon
Rocketeer
Terminator
Total Recall
The Untouchables
Wayne’s World
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

these I couldn’t find any love fo

Cliffhanger
Cool World
Darkman

&

here be sum games
that were on the sched
to be made
but were cancelled

Hellraiser
Police Academy
Rocky
& video hactually exists for this one…
Star Trek V

and although not hailin from movies
these games almost made it
into the houses of tens of hundreds!

Married With Children
New Kids On The Block
Vanilla Ice
&
Twin Peaks!?@!?#!@

Now you’re playing with power!!

and now you should look at our
Thighs Wide NES Hall of Fame
which one of the above games actually got inducted to!

+ don’t fo’get
u can play most of the games online HERE!