Thighs Wide Shut

Playboy aint got NUTin on Nuts‘ 3-D spread!!!!!!!!

Pinder, India, Rosie, Eva, Sophie
& their eye/thigh-poppin friends! [NSFW, duh]

+ Zoo magazine goes 3-D too, but clothed [SFW]

Playboy goes 3-Deez nutz!!!

and here’s some instant reactions

above 3-D ‘model’ and PMOY Hope Dworaczyk + Katie Vernola (she looks like cross between Blake Lively & Abby Elliott) in glorious 2-D [ NSFW]

+

vintage 3-D nudes for yer granpappy to granfappy to [NSFW]

Nudes3D.com [NSFW]

Dial M For Murder clips in 3-D

Jaws 3-D clips in 3-D

House of Wax (1953) 3-D Paddle Ball scene

3D anaglyph photos

& the movie event of the summer: Step Up 3-D!!!

Robin Hood
The Man Who Hood Be Bilking
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Yoooooooo! (or in ye olde English, would that be Yooooooooooooe?)  What up with everyone dissin and pissin and eatin Nissin about Ridley Scott/Brian Helgeland‘s totally passable, plausible, and entertaining enuff Robin Hood?  Yes, we all know Russell Crowe is a cockmuffin, and so is that d-bag from Lost, but here they aint d-cockmuffin bags.  As Robin Longstride or Stridelong or Strongbow or Strongcockmuffin and Little John, they fines as they is, and even aints the focus of the entire movie (there’s other stuff, like castles!  and wars!!  and crowns!!! and old chicks dressed like nuns who say things!!!!  and for some reason there are kids in the woods who wear scary masks and steal seeds!!!!)

Sure, RH & LJ and the merry mens aren’t all that merry here, when compared to the ones we all know and humped from any previous incarnation, cause this aint’s a previous incarnation, this is new one!  One that goes all backstory and no frontstory! It’s no mind blowing or arrow splitting shazzle badazzle, but at least it’s realistic (they have beards and sometimes bleed AND sometimes bed chicks OR sleep with dogs)!  It’s like The Tudors (we always have to compare, sorry), but with better actors (Cate Blanchett, Max von Sydow, William Hurt, Danny Huston), but with no boobs (SHIT!!!)!!  And guess what, Mark Strong plays a bad guy!  That’s the smallest shock since a dwarf tried to give a frog a shocker!!! Hollywood, give Mark Strong a vacation from a movie set and our lives!!!

What more do you people want?  Gladiator sucked and this was far more fun than that cause that’s the truth. What, you want Kevin Costner talking about baseball in Sherwood Forest?  Look, all we want is Disney’s Robin Hood put back onto the big screen, but we don’t run Disney, a movie theater, or the world, so that aint happening, but Ridley’s Hood is happening enuffffff!  Well, enuff to tide us over until something that’s both ye olde and mo mammoth comes to a screen near jews, like The Hobbit, or a 3-D version of John Wayne Bobbitt’s life story with theme song by the Bee Gees!!!! [SFW]

Sure Wood: did you ever watch the 80s British series Robin of Sherwood, later starring Sean Connery’s son (and Mia Sara’s one time hubby) Jason? probably not, but it was so 80s good!!!  and the theme song by Clannad kicked nads!!!

Clannad – ‘Robin (The Hooded Man)’ [empeethree]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Robin is currently gettin medieval in your HOOD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Clash of The Titans
Remember Forget The Titans
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Clash of The Titans is unwatchable in 3-D, unwatchable in 2-D, 1-D or any other dimension that’s humanly or godly possible.  Imagine a mis-mash-up of HBO’s Rome, Lord of The Rings, Avatar and King Kong, but carbon monoxide copy versions of all of them and you might begin to have the slightest idea of what out loud laughable garbage yer getting yerself into.  Yet you should even come close to getting yerself into a theater that’s playing this.  It’s so lazy and bland and boo that it makes the putrid 300 come off as klassic as Homer’s The Odyssey.  We’d rather waste 12 hours trying to win Nintendo’s bare bones Kid Icarus than ever dare watch this again with a bag of a kid’s licorice.  You’d think that the addition of 3-D would be a gift of the gawds, but it actually helps (or hurts) to show juss how poor and flat the CGI effects were constructed.  Hell, those effects are so busted that they even make the orignal Clash of The Titans look as mindblowing as Terminator 2.   Do yerself a flavor this weekend, skip this, stay home on Saturday and watch yerself a real sword and sandal, man vs immortals epic that still rocks the cashbar 50+ years later: Cecil B. DeMille‘s Ten Commandments

Louis Leterrier is no DeMille, and Sam Worthington‘s time on Middle Earth is coming to end (who keeps hiring this two-note guy? he’s like a less annoying Gerald Buttfingerer in the body of a roided up Pierece Brsnon) and Ralph Fiennes should win 9 Razzies and the only thing about Liam Neeson that shines here is his stoopid armour and Gemma Arterton is cute, but you can also remove the ‘e’ since her and her character should have been cut and Mads Mikkelsen should be mads at his agent and Luke Evans and Liam Cunningham might be the same person and Hans Matheson is Mans Hatheson and didn’t Polly Walker already do this regal lady of the kingdom thing on Rome (WATCH ROME OR ELSE!)  and Jason Flemyng was phlegmy and Pete Postlethwaite carries no weight here and what did the two kids from Skins (Nicholas Hoult & lil sis Kaya Scodelario) do to deserve this?  No one deserves this.  Remakes should either juss remake the original verbatim or up the ante for a whole new generation of people who never bothered to see the original version.  Neither option was applied here.  Actually nothing was applied here. It’s NO myth

Kid & Play: play Kid Icarus

Verdictgo: wurst in show aka Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

Titans nash-ills in a theater near jews today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

IMAX: Hubble 3D
Narrow In Telescope
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

If you’ve ever seen an IMAX movie about space before, say the ’85 Cronkite narrated classic The Dream Is Alive, then there’s really no reason to see another.  Hubble 3-D is the latest to hit IMAX screens, and in space, or anywhere for that matter, no one will hear you scream, cause this 45 minute look at astronauts repairing the telescope, sadly too sparingly interspersed with some gorgeous deep space photos it has taken over the lightyears, won’t get much of a rise out of anyone.  Leonardo DiCaprio‘s voice over doesn’t exactly create a lift off either.  Somebody peas wake us when they get their a$$es to Mars!

To The MAX: IMAX’s very first film Tiger Child debuted at the Japan Expo in 1970.  peep this nifty video of the Expo’s grounds

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Hubble stubbles today in limited IMAX release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…