Thighs Wide Shut

My Week with Marilyn
Companionship Is A Girl’s Best Friend
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

Colin Clark is one lucky fellow.  He was born into money and used family connections to get onto the set of Laurence Olivier’s The Prince and the Showgirl, and somehow sirprizingly into the heart and soul of Marilyn Monroe… for a week!!  Of course any man would give both of their testicals to be in her presence for 10 seconds, so we’re pretty dang darn jealous that Clark did what he got to do, especially since he’s a dweeby guy played by the dweeby actor Eddie Redmayne (he needs to get a lip reduction or something).  But even if this is CC’s story, Simon Curtis‘ film version of his true story is truly all about Marilyn through and through

When we first saw a picture of Michelle Williams dolled up as MM, we were kinda creeped out by it.  We love Williams and all, but didn’t think we’d be able to buy her as her.  Well, after seeing MW be MM, we are now beyond sold.  So much so that we’d almos rather spend a week with MW as MM than with MM.  It’s true!!!  Throw in some stiff-upperlipping by Kenneth Branagh as Olivier, Judi Dench dame-ing it up, Julia Ormond ormonding(???) it up, Toby Jones standing tall, Emma Watson not being Hermione, Dougray Scott wearing the same exact glasses that Arthur Miller did, Dominic Cooper not being Uday Hussein, Zoë Wanamaker rapping with her raspy voice, and we got ourselves a solid supporting cast playing the cast of characters who supported MM during her cinematic journey in the old country

But there was something about the whole falling in love affair with MM that didn’t sit right with us.  It felt like we were being served a giant slice of nauseating sentimentality.  And this Colin Clark kid is just too vanilla a human being to give two flying figs about.  He’s as cardboard as… cardboard, and as interesting as… cardboard.  We ended up rooting against him getting into MM’s troubled life, and wished it was Olivier who had itched that seven year itch (whatever that means).  But it is what it is, and that’s what it is

moral of the story: Monroe has been portrayed on screen and TV 100+ times.  Michelle Williams hands in the 2nd best MM performance we have ever seen.   This is why you see this movie.  So, who’s #1?  Samantha Morton, who played a heartbreaking MM impersonator in one of the best films of the last 10 years – Mister Lonely

Smoke Em If You Got Em: yes, these did really eggsist.  EAT IT MR T!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Marilyn‘s Week begins limited release on Thanksgiving Eve Day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

(this is Colin with Olivier’s wife Vivien Leigh!)

VASS!!!

by Keith Lander

Zero Mostel zeroes in on Shirley Temple’s rack!!!

[via OG’s B]

Tyrannosaur
The Helpless Help Each Other
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Not Rated | 91 min

An angry drunk man brutally kicks his dog after losing a bet, throws a brick thru a window of a proprietor he doesn’t like the jib cut of, and then tops off his unsympathetic screen introduction by roughing up a bunch of kids in a pool hall cause they’re annoying.  NOW THIS IS HOW YOU START A MOVIE!!!

Can anyone save this man?  Does he even want to be saved?  Does he just want a pint of beer and to be left the f$%k alone?  Don’t tell that to the God-loving woman who crosses his path (or did he cross hers??), who needs a bit of saving herself.  You would too if your husband was an udder a$$hole.  How so?  He’s the kinda guy who comes home pissed drunk and… pisses on his Mrs while she sleeps.  Is this a movie?  You frakkin bet it is, and it could only come from the British Isles, the home of gritty sad sack people dramas that we juss can’t get enuff of!!!  It’s true!  May be our second mos flavorite genre besides future dystopian shazzle badazzles!!!

What a rousing written & directorial debut by actor Paddy Considine Tyrannosaur is be!!!!!!!!!!  The material itself isn’t anything all that blindmowing (esp if you’ve seen a British movie that’s not a period piece or made by Guy Ritchie), but the performances he gets out of the angry man (Peter Mullan), damaged woman (Olivia Colman) and piece of sh#t spouse (Eddie Marsan) is a trifecta of mindblowing awesomeness.  We already knew these three actors were the real deal, and if you see this film, you’ll be on board too.  Colman in particular is a revelation.  Known mostly for comedic work, she goes for broken by getting broken.  Get this woman an Oscar nom, NOW

moral of the story: It is humanly possible to find sympathy for a man who inhumanly treats other people and dogs, cause sometimes we need people who kick ass to kick other problems to the curb.  Also, the helpless may not be able to help themselves, but they can help other helpless people, so please, help yerself to this!!!!!

Saur Winners: czech out these thighly recommended movies including our 4 pals – Mullan in Boy A, Colman on Skins,  Marsan in Happy Go Lucky, and Paddy in front of the camera in Dead Man’s Shoes

Verdictgo: performances alone make it Breast In Show

Tyrannosaur stomps its way into limited release on Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Fred Taylor, 1913