Thighs Wide Shut

Das Weisse Band
(The White Ribbon)
Presumed Innocence
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Ah kinders/children, they seem so free of the world’s evils and monstrosities, that is until they grow up to become evil and are the cause of the monstrosities!!! Therein lies the duality of udder beauty and quiet horror that transpires in Michael Haneke (both Funny Games, Caché)’s mysterious and mesmerizing White Ribbon. His black and white fable is part Laura Ingalls Wilder, part Village of The Damned, part The Village (well, at least the good parts), and is all parts wonderful. It won the Palme d’Or at this past year’s Cannes, should win best foreign pic at this year’s Oscars, and honestly, should be nominated for breast picture overall (there’s 10 spots, so at least one of them has to go to something worthy, right?). It’s no Up In The Air, but of course it’s not, cause this is a timeless film that’s actually brilliant instead of a film people think is brilliant simply cause it’s timely. But you’ll never know cause you’ll probably never see Ribbon cause it doesn’t star anyone you know (unless you remember Burghart Klaußner from The Reader), and probably won’t play in your area (which isn’t your fault), so before we stop and pause for end of the year breast and brelaxation (read: no posts until next week), all we can say is EAT IT APATOW & CLOONEY!!!!

Leader Hosen: eggsalad performances are found all around in Ribbon, the finest being between the school teacher (love those glasses Christian Friedel!!) and the young lass he is adorably courting, played by the cutie patootie Leonie Benesch

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Ribbon opens in NY/LA only today

and until NEXT YEAR!!!! the balcony is clothed…

why bother looking an new nude pics of Tara Reid

when the breast has already been donez?
[NSFWs across the board]

Happy 26th burstday to all three of yous!!

and a merry early NSFW breastmas to those who celebra

‘

The Young Victoria
Teen Wolf To Queen Woof
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Showtime’s The Tudors has purty much spoiled the fun and taken the thunder outta every other filmed look back at a British monarch ever since it hit the airwaves. These thingses try and try, but they end up being a tad tame and rudimentary (esp see, or don’t see, The Other Boleyn Girl) when compared to the brilliant series (the NSFW bits surely don’t hurt), which will mos sadly end it’s reign next year (he’s running out of wives to discard). And with that said, Jean-Marc Vallée‘s treatment of Queen Victoria: The Early Years, with a whip-smart, brisk paced script by Julian Fellowes, does a purty decent job of turning out something wholeheartedly entertaining, albeit mildly informational (it’s bit hard to keep track of how all the players fit onto the playing field, but they all look and act so dangs good, esp dueling jerks Paul Bettany and Mark Strong). Where this royal treat excels like ells yeah, isn’t on Vicky’s (a game Emily Blunt) upbringing or ascension to a throne she doesn’t even know how to sit on, but on her courtship and eventul marriage to her soulmate cousin Albert (a mos eggsalad Rupert Friend, helping us 2 5get his prissy Chéri). Sure, their lovely love story’s been told zousand thymes over, but that doesn’t mean for a second that they shouldn’t do it a zousand thymes mo, cause nobody puts Albert in a can and juss leaves him there! You’ve got a friend in Rupert!

Albertopolis: when visiting lovely London, be sure to head to the Victoria & Albert Museum, home to one of our mos flavorite eggzibits of balls thyme, The Power of The Poster. and justin case you 5got, here’s our mos flavorite posters of balls thyme!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Young Vic opens in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Fiery Furnaces
Bowery Ballroom
December 12th

remember when we wouldn’t wide shut up about The Fiery Furnaces, circa 2004-05? then they came out with that Metal Machine career destroying music featuring their nana and we promptly turned our backs on them like we did Lindseed Lohag when she got the point where her baby fat was replaced with skanky coke hits and anorexia. wells, a lot of thyme has passed and everyone deserves a second breast enhancement so we gave it to em and they gave it back to us by totally rockin dat shiz like we remembered they dids and now all is well again like Briana Evigan. yes, even in the rain

don’t think we’ll be doings a top 100 music thingies of the 2000s (like we ills with movies, duhvs, look for in 2010 though!), but we’d have to say that Matty Friedberger’s solo shaz (disc 1 only) be one of the breastest!!! czech it before you wriggty wreck it!! and Mattz, if yer reading this, ditch the sis and it’ll be nuttin but bli$$!!!!

Matthew Friedberger – ‘Her Chinese Typewriter’ [d]