Thighs Wide Shut

Hacksaw Ridge
Have No Gun – Will Travel
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 139 min

Sadly this movie is not about Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Luckily it is about a different kind of an American hero – a REAL American hero… Desmond T Doss!

Doss was a dude who fought in WWII… WITHOUT FIGHTING!!! OR EVEN TOUCHING A GUN!!!  This is a true story!!!!  And Mr All(White)-American Mel Gibson tells the story the only way he knows how – blood & guts + hope & faith.  Mel, never change.  NEVER!  OK, change, but don’t

Doss (Andrew Garfield, plus himself) didn’t believe in violence, mainly cause he hurt his brother as a kid, and had a drunk abusive dad (Hugo Weaving, looking A LOT like Homer Simpson… ok it’s a stretch, but I really thought he looked like Homer in this movie)

But MS-Doss REALLY wanted to help the war effort, without the warring part, and so he enlisted in the army, while trying to remain a pacifist.  Obviously the Army wasn’t having any of this sh!t, and his commanding officers (a not awful Vince Vaughn, and Sam Worthington) basically make him eat sh!t and try to get him to quit, but there aint no quit in Doss, and so Doss goes to war as a medic with no weapon

And guess what – all those who doubted him – don’t doubt him no more when he starts saving their lives on the battlefield!

What a story!  But the movie itself wasn’t anything extraordinary, kinda ordinary actually.  Not bad, but not blammmazing.  Still, I’m glad I saw it on Veteran’s Day, and then ate a cheeseburger afterwards.  I am no hero, but I am All-American, and all for America!!! 

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMrpkeSj9ls/

Eyes Before Thighs: I’m not much of a blue-eyed guy, but Teresa Palmer‘s peepers made me jeepers all over!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hacksaw Ridge is currently playing at a theater near jews & white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Doctor Strange
Mind Over Marvel
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 115 min

Prior to seeing this movie – this is what I knew about the comic book character Doctor Strange… nothing!  Well, I knew what he looked like, and figured he was guy who had a doctorate in something, but I didn’t even know if he was a good guy or a bad guy or even if he was a Marvel or a DC character.  Well, after watching his origin story – I now know who Doctor Strange is, and what he’s all about, and how I want nothing more than 894391293193 more Doctor Strange movies starring Benedict Cumberbatch.  BENEFCUKINGDICT CUMBERSNATCH!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT!!!

But, I only want to see Benedict Cumberbatch do his Strange things – solo, and not alongside the Hulk or Spidey or Captain America or Iron Man or Ironweed or Scarlet Fever or Hawkeye Pierce or Trapper John MD.  While I like SOME Marvel movies, I’m sick and tired of the crossovers and seeing the same dudes over and over and over and under and over, and not doing anything really new, or interesting, or newly interesting.  This Doctor Strange movie felt different from the rest of those Marvel movies, from tone (it was like a real movie!), and to universe (more mystical, less comic-al).  What goes on feels miles away from all that Avengers jazz, which to me, is juss a bunch of loud noises.  While the Avengers dudes destroy buildings, the Doctor Strange folks bend and fold buildings!!!

I’ll take bending/folding buildings over destroying them 9999999999999 out of 9999999999999 times

This movie was cooler and made more sense than the other building bending/folding movie – Inception.  EAT THAT CHRISTOPHER NOLAN!!!!

So, what more do you need to know besides Cumberbendi and bendi-buildings?  Mads Mikkelsen is the sh!t?  If you didn’t know that already, you SADS Mikkelsen!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Doctor Strange plays at a normal theater near you

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

I just know that this is going to be EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nick Castle as Michael Myers drinking Dr Pepper on the set of Halloween

photo by Kim Gottlieb-Walker

Tower
Rifiling With Rotoscoping
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
Not Rated | 82 min

I do not condone murder, but I cannot help but be fascinated by murderers (and their victims).  If you’ve read this site before, you know that (I’m insane) David Fincher’s Zodiac is my everything (that isn’t fried chicken, the Nationals, or my wife), so a documentary about the 1966 University of Texas Tower Shooting was totally gonna be up my alley, and up my butt – and it totally ended up being so/both!

In 82 measly (un)easy minutes, Keith Maitland‘s Tower lets the victims tell their stories from that day, and beyond.  From historical records and new interviews, Maitland took their testimonial transcripts and recreated the tragedy by rotoscoping actors and pairing it with whatever existing footage exists into a dreamy nightmare documentary that instills fear and thrills, but also inspires hope and peace

Normally the murderer is the one who gets the most attention in any filmed infotainment about murderers, but Charles Whitman’s name barely gets a mention by the time the films wraps, and while I was wondering about the who/what/when/where/how/why about Whitman the entire time, I actually didn’t mind ending up not knowing anything about him at all.  He set the event in motion, but he’s not important

This doc is important

Most folks know little of this event, but hopefully that will no longer be the case if one checks out one the most essential films of 2016!  EAT THAT ALL OTHER 2016 MOVIES!!!

Sadly, history has repeated itself many times since this event, but maybe we can learn from the past mistakes of others.  What a TOWERing achievement that would be

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Tower is very tall, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…