Se7en Ways To Up The Ante

…for next season’s 24

endless Chinese water torture
at the hands of the always Lethal
Al Leong

who has
‘must appear shirtless’
written in to all of his contracts
Chloe’s outta nowhere
gay ex-husband
becomes the next President

or the new Mrs Miles Papazian

while former President
Richard M Nixon Logan
breaks outta Arkham Asylum

and terrorizes the city
under his new moniker
llon Tandro

while Cuthies
at Soul Man’s insistence
becomes a terrorist porn star

and sez
‘Don’t you want to f#ck me, you capitalist pig?’
ad infinitum

while Cuthies mountainous stalker
Johnny Drama

gets leg implants
and becomes the new 4head of CTU

while Edgar’s Italian mafia
pals avenge his death

while he’s porkin Vito in heaven

while Kiefer
enlists the
Lost Boys sax playa
to help save the world
from Christopher Henderson

who has been resurrected as Robocop
and out to make the world eat maggots

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