Thighs Wide Shut

[via The Superfish]
• If only Moby were here to look at us, cause we is beautiful.

• I loves it when there be mad press goings on for things I really love. Last month it was a sea of Cuthbestedness for House of Wax Dat A$$, and now it’s the Gorillaz turn! Not only did we learn that their new tour will once again feature the same impersonal silhouette display they rocked back in the ’02 from B-board, but even the NY Times dropped some scoopage (+ a great pic of Mr Albarn on a bike!) like the Dreamworks feature film is not going to happen and that Danger Mouse will be on board for the next Blur album.

• Speaking of, details of Graham’s next crackers revealed! Hey Coxy, save sum of dem idears for yer former bandmates.

• Can yous bee leave someone ponyed up 7.4 mills to get Destiny’s Child to play their son’s Bar Mitzvah? If yer daddy had a fat bank roll who would you choose to make you Bar/Bat Mitzvah the mos rockinest Jewfest of all? For me, it would have to be the keepers of the keytars, Air. Although I bet it wouldn’t cost to much too get the Fiery Furnaces in general.

• 2B purrrfectlee honest, Andy Rooney is berry umcredible & unrelievable. I mean, I’ve always wanted to hear him say ‘itÂ’s, like, cool, man.’

• New Radiohead Album Out Early 2006?

• I don’t even know who you are anymore.

• Even if Natalie was a bald cancer-stricken-neo-Nazi-lesbian, I’d and you’d still bone her six ways from Saturday.

• First PS3 photo?

• Ladytron & Madness to tour Engerland (not together) this summer, but when the fork are they States bound?

• The Wendy’s missing digit mystery has finally been fingered out.

• R2-D2 hates on C3-PO

• Anybody know this Star Wars character’s name?

• WHAT?!?!?! The only good thing that could possib-lee come out of this is another round of McDonald’s Dick Tracy Crimestopper (scratch-off) Game, which I now will be on the look out for on eBay.

• Speaking of… Nintendo Game + Bad Movie = Pure Entertainment

• Liam Gallagher to star opposite Begbie?

• Trent is The New Messiah was chosen as the NY Post’s 10th entry on their weekly Hot List. I guess the Post doesn’t realize that he’s gay.

• How long can I stay tuned for their next move?

• Anyone looking to buy yer beloved Thigh Mizzle a gift and have $200 to spare? Look no further!!

• Come play with us Danny, for ever and ever and EVER!

• May is National Bike Month! Somebody call Eric Thomann!!

• Classic Car Commercials

• Anyone else going to the Kasabian show at Bowery tonight? I’m flying solo and need someone to rock out with. Look for me sans sunglasses & corn.

• Forgot to mention this last week, but Jeopardy! honey/my future wife, Pam Mueller, won her Elite 18 match against a bunch of social butterflies in the Tournament of Champions. This week she will compete in the Semi-Finals, and get one step closer to takin on dorkmaster Ken Jennings in the final round. My TiVo® pause button, Jergens® & Kleenex® are all ready 2 gogh!

• And a belated 29th burthday wish goes out to UK uber-cutie pie Martine McCutcheon [NSFW]. Boy I sure would like to McTouchen her mar’hiney.

• Who said people in Des Moines don’t have des taste? Why lookie who won their des Moose Madness shabangalang for chrysler out loud!?!? Her Royal Hotness spelt doom for des Heidi Klum! Mos Des! Not even this alien photoshopping of her face can make her des nasty! [via Thigh Slave/Tr3nt]

• Download the new Stripes’ single ‘Blue Orchid‘ [via Scenestars]

• Getty’s gotz many a pics of Brandon ‘Mouth’ Routh as Superman.

• Matzo and Metal: A Very Classic Passover [via Posh & Becker]

• Chess’ version of the Malice @ The Palace.

• The two tours I need to see before me die.

• Non-albino to play albino in da Da Vinci Code?

• The premade unused prequel to The Exorcist will finally get a release. So I guess that will be two Exorcist prequels that no one will see.

• And speaking of releases… why re this?

• If yer husband got three Oscar noms for your co-stars, but zilcherino for you, wouldn’t you divorce him too? OH my yes!

• Gawd, I wish I was a crack-smoking rockstar.

• Burt Prelutsky (whoever the fork that is) hates on Andy Rooney, by sounding like Andy Rooney.

• Apparently Mr Bean’s pockets aren’t very deep anymo.

• Gruesome twosome: Maria Bartiromo & Joey Ramone? [see 5th item down]

• I thought I told your granny to stop acting like a jackass in public.

• Nintendo theme songs dunn up acapella Scott Skiles styles!! Zelda’s best, game AND song! [via Juwanamaker]

• And if I ran Hollyweird, I’d see to it that every movie includes a scene of a woman soaking her breasts with lemons. Bless you Louis Malle, for getting Susan Sarandon to do juss that in yer Atlantic City. And even at age 28,9321,3, I’d still wanna watch SS turn her yummy-yummy-yam-yams into lemonade stands!

• Gotta love the geniusessez behind Superman Returns. First off, they dissed Tom Welling (the world’s greatest living actor) and cast Brandon Rououththuouth to play the Man of Steel. Secondlee, they hired Kevin Spacey to play Lex Luthor. That’s about a great a call as sitting thru 6 consecutive watchings of his Beyond The Sea while having spiders poop tunafish juice into your mouth. And third and finalee, they went with Kate BOOsworth, instead of Cuthbest, to be their Lois LAME. I guess the one good thing to come out of this is to reveal to all how FOOOgly Kate truly is. Look at this pic. She makes Margot Kidder look like Nicole Kidman humping Kid Icarus (bee leave me, that’s HOT, like Pat O’Brien HOT). Anywho, if yer eggcited for the new flick, unlike yours surly, peep out these two booty-arsed vids from the Superman Returns set. [pic via Double Vikes]

• Speaking of… wanna see me AND Cuthsplurt in the flesh @ the same place @ the same time? Get yer tickets abs to the SPECIAL SCREENING of House of Wax, aka HOUSE OF A$$, at the Try-Beck Film Fest ASAP!

• What the fork is going on with CP’s SummerStage this year? They haven’t updated their site, yet they have already mcnabbed Kelly Clarkson, The Killers, Death Cab for Cutie, and many mo. [via B-lynn V-gn & Let The Good Times Tootsie Roll]

• Happy 21st HFutureRT The III(?) [NSFW]

• What could possib-drew-bly be wurser than any scene in Episode III? The deleted ones.

• First the Archdukes, and now the Kaiser Chiefs’ blab about their next album bein’ Dylanesque? I wonder if they’ll both thank Jesus, or would that be too unoriginal?

• Cookie Monster advocates healthy eating? That doesn’t sound like the blue maniac we all know and adore. I bet this wasn’t his idea, but the dude who has his hand shoved up his a$$! [via Barrister Bill]

• Rooney gets all papal with the papers, the papers!

• Boo

• Cold Duff

• Lesley Ann Warren, 112 years old and I still heart you! Is there a way I can pay you to laught that laff of yours into my ear for days on end?

• DCers, BOSers, NYCers, and CHIers: see The Usual Suspects, as always, fo free.

• What will u look like in 40 years?

• Playing with nipples is fun! [NSFW via Brawny Man]

• Never truss a man with a mustache. But always feel free to enjoy one rockin out in the woods with Native American dancers. [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Watch Napoleon D dance in 1s & 0s (or is it Xs & #s?)! [best viewed in IE via Baby Bullster]

• Draw a pig and learn about yoself. [via G-Mask]

• And I muss say, I juss completed one dem weekends that was as letter purrfect as a purloined letter. Not only was Curious George’s mum in town to turn my frown upside down, but so was the illustrious and lustrious Trent. Our meeting was ALMOST as monumental as when the Beatles & Elvis hooked up in ’65. The dude effin rox, like I even needed to mention it. There was so much happening and leg humpining that I’m sirprized my eyes and legs are still intact. Me repeated last Sunday on Saturday (Basquiat/Junior’s food coma, a muss deadly duo), also hit up the Arbuszz & the importance of being Max Ernst-awesomeness at the Metski, was bedazzled by my gal Ostrow’s and many others’ works at Hunter College’s MFA open studios, foam-a-ed at the mouth whilst walkin thru the MoMA, and gave some love to Larry Clark @ the IPC, which reminded me how forking hotingy Chloe Smellingny use to be. Think it ends there? Nope. Shaved the fu-manchu and gots my moose hoose on with the Fiery Furnaces for the second time in 3 nights. The Webster Hall show kicked the ba-liztex outta Thighsday’s show at N6. If I could marry a band, I would marry them.

Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well, the real treat to all the tricks I turned, was frynally seeing one of my alls times flavorite movies on the big screen: A Clockwork Orange, as a part of Landmark Sunshine‘s midnight series. Wowski! I appreciated this viewing so much more than the 328478 other times I viddyed it welled. Now I want to see every beloveded movie from my past in theaters (yes, even Leonard Part 6). You should have seen how huge the smile on my face was (cept the rape and the eye clamp shiz). It was juss so stankin cool to be in a large room with a bunch of other random people, laughing and govoreeting at Mr. Deltoid bangkoking dear Alex and saying ‘m’yes’ over and over. Did I mention how much I loves me them crizz-azy arsed lightbulbs that everyone has in their Clockwork homes? And did anyone know that the nekkid lady furniture from the Korova Milkbar was inspired by artist Allen Jones’ work? I’d buy that for dollar! Or this car.

Yep folkies, ONE WHOLE STINKIN YEAR down the drain and what to show for it? I’m still broke, still not in command of the English language, and I’ve been livin more like Howard Hughes than Howard Hessman. And by that I mean I’m not the head of the class, or have class at all for that splatter, but more like staying indoors a lot, peeing in jars, repeating nonsense to myself, and praying that Leo DiCapitated won’t play me in my life story. I could go on and on, but maybe I’ll save that chit chatter for our Bronze/Pottery Anniversary (that’s 8th for those not in the know). Anywhozits, I combed and afro-piced my way thru the archives of this past year, and although there are a lotta dead links and missing images, I still found plenty o’ junk to keep you infotained for days. And away we blow…

Thighs Wide Herstory
• Monday, March 8th – The day when our long journey began with a single step. That first step/posting was only two sentences long, didn’t even include a link, and sadly was about a movie where Cuba Gooding Jr. plays a retarded guy who’s purty darn retarted. I would go on to post 11 MORE ITEMS in that first day!! The second posting actually did contain a link and that dubious honor belongs to an article about ex-Redskins/crackhead Dexter Manley being released early from prison. YOU GO DEX!!! Even the name ‘Lohan’ made first rearing of it’s ugly head on that day when I took a look at that week’s Box Office Bidneszz.

• March 9th – One day in and we already have our first spin-off blog, AhRonGuy. Too bad it was one entry and gone for Mr. Ah Ron. But others would follow, like Kid Kadoji, The Thinker, Dropping off a Blog in the Turlet…, and The I-Train

• March 10th – First link to another blogger’s site, Mr Bandwagon Boy’s review of the new Mell Gibbsen movie Jesus Christ the Passions!

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• March 11th – First mention of Elisha Cuthbert (Her Royal Thighness the II) AND my sistah Flea becomes the first person credited for contributing a link. The link was this

• March 12th – ALF becomes the first pic posted in Thigh Wide Herstory. Thanks to Code 7R for letting me steal from their bandwidth for over a year and not saying a word!

• March 14th – Steve Buscemi & John Waters are the subjects for the first ‘Switched at Birth’ thang (which later would become ‘Bitched @ Swirth’)

• March 17th – Steven Weber of Wings fame becomes the first celeb I’ve run into since starting this whole thang.

• March 19th – Spot The Drummer debuts

• March 22nd – Eternal Sunshine & Intermish receive the first full Thighs Wide Review

• March 24th – I reveal my alter ego

• March 30th – Jesus blesses us with our first posted animated gif. No, not that Jesus.

• April 19th – The term ‘‘cock-blogged is introduced into the lexicon for all to use.

• April 30th – Dan Newbower becomes the first guest-blogger on this day.

• May 9th – My site finally overtakes all other booty-arsed urls as the #1 result when searching for ‘Thighs Wide Shut’ on Google.

• May 18th – I become fiending blog whore and start a second site: RidersOfLohan.blogspot.com. That lasted all of 12 seconds. Great name though, if I muss say so myself. I say you can say so! Thanks me. You’re quite welcome me.

• May 26th – We were added to F.U.B.A.R.’s link roll. The influx of hits hasn’t stopped since.

• June 2nd – Like the Jeffersons, I moved on up into Grambo‘s ‘Creme de la Creme’ category of link-a-dinks.

• June 4th – I am informed that I’m not the first blog to utilize the picture of The Kid :(

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• June 11th – Some douche bag buys ThighsWideShut.com before I did :(

• June 15th – Thigh Master meets Napoleon Dynamite

• July 2nd – While America was 2 days away from celebrating our independence from the Brits, we celebrated Lohan’s birth, the death of ThighsWideShut.blogspot.com and the birth of ThighsWideShutDOTOrg. Sure, this is the day I started to pay money TO blog, but I no longer had to steal people’s images/bandwidth.

• July 4th – I bowl a 231!!!

• July 7th – Thigh Master featured in national commercial whoring Napoleon Dynamite. Some might call this ‘un-baaa-leave-able!’

• July 9th – Lohan haunts my dreams

• July 11th – Lindsay Ismims becomes my newest bestest friend!

• July 15th – Lohan is dubbed the first ‘Her Royal Thighness’.

• July 16th – In memory of the founder of Gold’s Gym, the phrase ‘Peace The Fork Out’ is brought into this world for all to use. Up til then, I had been using ‘Peace The Fuck Out’, which is an homage to the Travis song of the same name. Wanna search all the ‘Peace The Fork Out’s? Thought so.

• July 20th – Prince Charles takes his first ride in cab EVER!

• July 25th – The readers of TWS.org vote that I should marry Lohan. Cuthbert wasn’t even on the ballot. Tsk tsk on my cysts.

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• August 8th – My love of corn is revealed

• August 18th – Our Thighs Spies scoop about Lohan’s lohandlers on the set of Herbie not only got some Defamer love, but also made the ‘buzz’ section of one of the most ghetto free newspapers in the world, The AM-NY… although not credited directly.

• August 22nd – I decide one and for all, The Thigh Master needs an heir

• September 1st – Ms Washingtonienne’s Playboy pics are unleashed. I consider chopping off my penis.

• September 12th – Sister Thigh Master engaged, FINALLY!!

• September 28th – Thigh Master meets Ultra and the Raveonettes

• September 29th – Baseball returns to DC

• October 5th – The last Thighs Wide Shut poll’s results

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• October 20th – Lohan’s long reign as Her Royal Thighness is over, as we welcomed our second Queen, Elisha Cuthbert. What can I say, my new sweetheart loves a man who loves corn. On this day I also received the best news in my first year as a Master of Thighs: Graham Coxon to re-join Blur!!

• November 3rd – Kerry gives up and I get all political… FOR ONCE!

• November 5th – Tara Reid’s gives us the nip slip. Yuuuuuuuuuurcsdcvjcvk!!

• November 7th – I celebrate myself and others born on this day.

• November 19th – Cuthbert dyes her hair and ALMOST gets booted from the Kingdom of Thighland

• November 22nd – Ron Artest goes ape shit & I hand in my bestest worstest Photoshopping to date. I also lie to everyone at work, go to the secret U2 show & insta-blog what’s going on to Stereogum.

• November 30th – Cuthy turns 22 and I wax poetic

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• December 1st – Ken Jennings LOSES!

• December 2nd – I request an intern. Only two people apply, but I never reply to them. I feel bad. But I think I do need an intern to search for crap on my behalf. Any takes out there? Email me.

• December 7th – Toughest day of my life

• December 12th – I become the first person to launch the search for Team Zissou Adidas shoes. Too bad they never made any, so people were forced to DIY it and some sold them for recockulous prices on eBay… which apparently no longer allows anyone to sell them.

• January 5th, 2005 – Superficial’s snaps of Jessica Alba in a white bikini officially end any chances that I may turn gay. And this proves that Jeff Gaycia is not gay-cia. But before you’re gay, you see The Hole.

• January 14th – My idol, Andy Rooney turns 86

• January 18th – Mischa Barton sheds the Falkor look and out-hots Her Royal Thighness the II at the Golden Globes. Barf-on becomes Her Royal Thighness the III for a day! Then went back to looking like Falkor.

• January 19th – Jamie Lynn Spears mania hits an all time high in the House of Thighs

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• February 2nd – I fall asleep at a concert for the first time and the future of TV is possibly saved!

• February 11th – Call it ‘Writer’s Blogck’ cause how else do you eggsplain how I could not come up with a title for a posting?

• February 16th – ‘Super-Giraffe’ movie idea is born

• March 8th – Thighs Wide turns 1!!! Duhvs!

Animated Gifs of the Gawds• Hitler & his beloved watermelon • The Clapper • Kid + Cat • Woman + Treadmill • That Sweaty Sax Player From The Lost Boys • Rumsfeld & Pickle dance • Two cartoons dance • Random stuff • Seizure Salad • Morrissey • Borat, Abe & Breakdancin fools • Arn & Hammer • Fidel, Trashlee, and a dancin chick • Disney + Jizz = Jizzney • Tiffany Amber Yummyyams • Dog food and evil Bert • Man dance + Man tweak his own nipples • Yuck in a cup • Not mine, but Artestastic! • Crazy Asian and dumb White guy • It’s not moving, your eyes are playing tricks on u • Zissou • HHH • Why you no call me? • Fiery Fun-aces! • Hasselcrotch • Oh snap! • Lohan spits • I really hate Duke • Napoleon Dynamite • Behrooz • David Brent dances • Bauer need it…

Bitched @ Swirth

• Exxon & … • Rob Dibble & … • Cosby & … • Rachel Griffiths & …Pt I • Kim Clijsters & … AND Passanger 57 & … • Rachel Griffiths & …Pt II • Jenna Bush & … • Me & … • Kim Fowley, Ed Begley Jr. & … • John Kerry & EVERYONE • Lee Iacocca & … • I Heart Huckabees & … • Kuato from Total Recall & … • Carlos D & … • Not one of mine, but way worthy: Arafat &… • I was kinda proud of this one: The Bitched @ Swirth Trio Combo • This is probably 2nd finestest evs, and almost to true to be funny: Mischa Barton &… • Darrell Hammond & … • Napoleon Dynamite & … • The Kid & …

My Muses
That Keep Me A-Mused
• The Witness/Lukas Haas

• Wyatt/Ilan Mitchell-Smith

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• Paul Pfeiffer/Josh Saviano

• Chloe Sullivan/Allison ‘The’ Mack

• Biff Tanner/Tom Wilson

• Urkel/Jaleel White

• Wayne Arnold/Jason Hervey

• NOT Shia LaBeouf Cake

• D.A.R.Y.L./Barret Oliver

Better Than Atari’s LynxFile Under…

Fame Is A Bitch

• Still One of the Most Uncomfortable Pictures Ever

• Rich Kotite

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• Cut It Out.net

• John Kerry Is A Douche Bag But Im Voting For Him Anyway.com

• Draft Ditka

• Book Corky for your next event or The Fridge!

• Doing a Lynndie

• Scotty/James Doohan 4 EVA!

• Carl Lewis’ music video

• Hillary, Laura, and me

• ‘I hear there’s rumors on the internets‘

• Ulrich Haarbürste writes stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film

• Andrew Llllloyd Groper

• JeffGoldblumIsWatchingYouPoop.com

• The Many moods of Mischa Barton

Spank The Lord I Aint Any of These People

• The Tron Costume Guy w/the male camel toe!

• The Man of LaMustache

• The woman who stomped grapes

• Man selling swords on TV hurts himself

• Brutally Honest Personals

• World’s greatest mugshot?

• If I fall, will you catch me?

• Review of Dr. Ted Rothstein’s cosmetic braces

• BikerFox

• Angry Black Man: The Video

• The strange story of Lewis V Sills (we’re still the #1 search for it)

• What is this guy doing?

• The mos uncomfortable news report you may ever peep. You were warned. If you need to feel better, maybe you need to peep these news reports.

• Ouchers

• The Day After Party

• The Numa Numa kid

Listen Up

• Gunther Branlutte hands in one of the year’s best songs, ‘You Touch My Tralala’, videos [NSFW], and games [NSFW] that no one even remembers.

• 10 worst album covers of all time

• The Jim Mora Rants

• Coldplay hands in ‘Nappies‘

• The Howard Dean ‘I Have A Scream’ remixes revisted

• I hope David Bowie never sees this

• CookiePuss speaks!

• ’99 Luft Problems’

• Thighs Wide Music of ’04

Cinemasters

• The faux Hobbit trailer

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• The faux Episode III trailer & Being teased by Ep III‘s teaser

• The breastest movie songs of all thyme

• Ebert & Roeper memorable review of White Chicks, audio style

• The Next Citizen Kane

• The only Mulholland Dr website you’ll ever need

• The Wet Dream Team

• No budget filmmaking at its mos awfulistical

• Why rent The Girl Next Door, when you can watch the best part here.

• Untitled Kurt Russell/Dakota Fanning Project

• Thighs Wide Movies of ’04

Shall We Play A Game?

• The Subservient Chicken

• Let Them Sing It For You

• Touch this guy’s face

• Chicken Pong

• Kids ‘N Play

• Punch Bush in the face

• ROCK OUT!

• Play every Nintendo/GameBoy/Sega game

ProductShopTWS

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• Fake Dr Pepper

• Butt Paste

• Yarmulkebra

• Custom M&Ms!

• Nothing quite sez Chappy Channukah like this

• Torture your child

• For once, being a red state is a good thing

• Cat Butt Gum

• ‘I Heart Fags’ ashtray

• Steve Perry as Robocop

The Information Super Thighway

• Bar Mitzvah Disco

• 100 Most Often Mispronounced Words and Phrases in English

• Words I hate and words I love

• Build your own KITT car

• 50 Weirdest Guinness World Records

• Boong Ga Boong Ga

• Cellie-Bratin’ The Subway’s Cent-Tennyul

• Learn how to give a mouse an enema

• Search & Destro

• My best ‘Peace The Fork Out’ piece. The best one I didn’t do.

Information-less Super Thighway

• Ping pong madness

• Volume on and get ready for a sirprize

• Duct Tape Prom Fashions

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• Ali G’s Ghettosburg Address @ Harvard’s Graduation (FFwd to 01:27:34, unless you want to be bored for 90 minutes)

• Foriegn fingers

• Nuclear Bob’s Shirt of the Day

• POLAPOLAPOLAP

• Wurstest re-offender dot.evs

• Borat sings ‘Throw The Jew Down The Well’ and the world will never be the same

• Two girls beat the fork outta each other

• 2004 Asian Mustache Olympics

• Khaaaaaaaaaan!

• Whatevs.blogspot.com

• Hipster Jenga

• Why The World Hates American Tourists

• EaglesHaveNeverWonTheSuperBowl.com

• The Karate Chimp

• The Rubik’s Cube Kid

• Saved By The Be(ll)st

• Sausages: The Video

The Not Safe For Work
(NSFW) Collection

• A pic of Lil Kim’s Ill Na Na between her thighs.

• Why is this black man sucking of Courtney Love’s breast in public again?

• This one will make u lose yer lunch

• Rate My Camel Toe

• Cumshots, the band, and their stage show

• Ludivine Sagnier Nekkid

• Elvira nekkid

• Flash Mountain

• Watch the kid in the background

• Is this yer granny or yer gran-pa-pa?

• Natalie Portman was so darn good in Closer, and by good, I mean pole dancing up a storm!

• Tonya from Real World/Road Rules Playboys pics

• Japanese Anime dolls that poop

• Really milky titttties

• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Porn

YOU, yes you, did a stooopendus job clicking dear readers. I ask of you only this one thing: Name me your favorite headlines from the past year (i.e. I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Behrooz). Or ignore what I juss said and marvel at this collage of some of the best beards and ‘staches…

Can you beeleaveski that Mischa Mishka and Bartjams turneth 19 today? She’s so very fine, like Veryfine drinks, that she could pass for 29. I bet her favorite team is the SF 49ers. And she’s so hot and licious that I’d even find time out of my busy schedule to 69 her. And she’s so un-like her ugly dog brother Falkor, that she actually put the OH in Ohio. Did I mention that croquet never looked THIS good?

– What do you a buy a Chilean performance artist who’s covering her naked body with raw meat? Hats of Meat, duhvs! By the lame, does anyone know whatever happened to HatsOfMeat.com?

– Play every Nintendo/GameBoy/Sega game HERE! [via Navi via BeantownSportsGuy]

– If Jamie Foxx doesn’t win the Best Actor Oscar, Chris Rock is going to steal one ‘ from one of the sound or light people that win and give it to him.’

– Audrey Tautou possib on board for Opie’s da Da Vinci Code. Look, I love the wide-eyed French femme, but is this going to make the movie too sugary and cutesy? Regardless, the only thing that would keep me from seeing it would be if they cast Vince Vaughn.

– Last week during the Inauguration festives, CBS shmaltz specialist Steve Hartman headed to DC in search of President Bush in the flesh. Along the way he petted an armadillo, sat on a cow, paid a visit and cash to a scalper, took in a Hilary Muff performance, and yes, finally caught a glimpse of The Double-U himself.

– Have you been terribly jonesing since the days that fat Star Wars Kid took over the world (the Psycho remix is a personal flav)? Well, I guess we could call this a sequel [speakers ON]. And by this, I mean a fat kid gettin all jiggy to a Romanian techno song, on a webcam. Gawd bless the internerd. [much loved link via Ceffle]

– And whilst wees at-at it, why not take a peep at this video remix thingie about how messed up our gov’mint is. [via Juwanamaker]

– Five Things You Didn’t Know About Natalie Portman, but really won’t care to remember either!

– Is the world really ready for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? Well, I know my dad is.

– Noel Gallagher hates Christmas.

– Nevada Judge Throws Out Lap-Dance Law

– Cuthbert pic w/NSFW see-thru top? Sounds too good to be true, cause it probably is… [via Clevetown Mustard King] Instead, how bout something so real, it’ll make you wet your pants in a good way, like its twin pic did to you last go around…