Tag Archives: mustache

The Bryce Is Right

Adventureland
Fun & Games Games Games Games Games!
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Hot on the heels of Superbad director Greg Mottola strikes back with Adventureland, a more personal film that’s funnier, heartfeltier, and an all around more realistic tale of growing up pains than that overrated McLovin fest could and ever will be. And whatever you do, peas toss aside all preconceived notions that you may have created from that misleading trailer goings around. It makes it look like the dopiest dope fest this side of a NORML rally. In a sweaty 80s summer past, Mottola worked at Long Island’s Adventureland (Pittsburgh’s 111 year old Kennywood stands in its place for the film) and had the time of his life. He channels them times and his life into Pepsi girl‘s brother Jesse Eisenberg (The Squid & The Whaler is brilliant as usual), who reluctantly takes a job at a theme park before heading off to graduate school in the fall. What he experiences over the next few months will be a greater life lesson than any higher education institute could provide. There’s a not so simple romance (with Kristen Stewart, who’s growing on us with every movie), a not so simple mentorship (Ryan Reynolds, being more low-key than usual), the occasional fist to the testicles (thanks to Matt Bush, currently seen on numerous AT&T commercials) and BFF forming (Freaks & GeeksMartin Starr, who deserves more work than all those other Apatowner kids making the rounds), all under the not so watchful eyes of two wacky bosses (Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig). We haven’t had this much fun at an amusement park since Navin R Johnson wanted to guess our weight so we could win some crap. So whatter you waiting for, cause this film has no height requirement for pure enjoyment. Plus we know yer dying to see what Ron Howard’s other (not as attractive as Bryce Dallas) daughter Paige is all about in her film debut (Mottola was an extra in Ron’s Gung Ho)!

Adventureland Ho!: Margarita Levieva plays Adventureland‘s resident heartdongthrob Lisa P. guess the P stands for Purrrrrrrrfect

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Sugar
Almos PITCH Perfect
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

The team that gave us the jarring Half Nelson (Ryan Fleck & Anna Boden) fully take on the tale of a Dominican with American béisbol big league dreams in their bittersweet (sorry, had to use the pun) Sugar. Sugar is the nickname of our hero pitcher Miguel Santos (Algenis Perez Soto, making a stunning debut), a boy from an impoverished town who wants to make his friends proud and boku bucks to send home to his family. After rigorous training in technique and key English words (like ‘line drive’) at a Caribbean baseball academy (with consultation on and off screen from former Big Redder José Rijo), Sugar gets selected to play for a minor league ball squad in bumf&ck Iowa. There he lives with a devout old couple who love themselves their church and the ballplayers they house. Strict house rules are posted, language barriers can’t be broken, and mild hilarity ensues. At first Sugar’s totally rocking it with his killah arm, and with his heart, as he takes a liking to the old couple’s winsome granddaughter (see ‘aField’ below), but things in life don’t always turn out the way we want them to. How the story progresses from here turns out to be a lot less predictable than one might think and the harsh realities it presents is one of the main reasons why this is quite a special film, for fans of America’s pastime (that’s well past its time) or nonfans alike. Batter up!

Further aField: Ellary Porterfield could easily pass as another daughter of Ron Howard’s, more akin to Bryce Dallas, and not like Paige (fythghs- there are also a set of Howard twin girls running around out there somewhere)

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Paris 36 (Faubourg 36)
Stage Right, More Than Stage Wrong
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

It’s 1936, and on the outskirts of Paris (we smell a title somewhere in here) the working class folks pass the hard times with the smiles generated at their local theater called the Chansonia. Then one day it closes and the folks’ hard times g
et hardier and timerier. Longtime stangehand Pigol (Gérard Jugnot) is now jobless, and hopeless that he’ll ever get the chance to take his beloved accordion playing son to the sea. The kid gets taken away and Pigol jumps back into the only world he knows, the theater. With the help of a Rupert Pupkinesque comedian, a rough and tough ruffian tuffian, and an undiscovered starlet (see ’69’ below) the four revive the gay old thymes by opening the curtains again. There’s some curious political shiz running in the background, and it only helps to sharpen the film’s colorful palette. It’s like Cabaret, with less sexiness and more mustaches. No one can make schmaltzy sentimental cinema fly high quite like the French cancan. It’s in their blood, and we’re suckers for it. Paris 36 flies high and the fromage is as light as a feather, and we got suckered into the show that must go on

Paris 69: Nora Arnezeder is a niiiice

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Gigantic
Undersized
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

While Parker Posey is away, loopy-cutie Zooey Deschanel shall and should play… the role of independent cinema ingénue supreme. She’s been frequenting mainstream fair for awhile, but she never comes off as mainstream. Maybe that’s why she was a perfect choice to be the Yes Man‘s breath of fresh air woman and such a poor choice to play a breath of stale air wife in The Happening. Then again, The Happening was a poor choice for a movie. Deschanel is right at home in the mini Gigantic, a trifle that doesn’t really go anywhere, but it’s hard to turn off the charm des chanel. Desch plays the love interest to buttoned-up matress selling soon to be Chinese girl adopting while periodically attacked by a homeless guy Paul Dano, but their love isn’t all that interesting. What is interesting is how much Zooey reminds us of Paul’s real life paramour Zoe Kazan. So much so that this is the third time we’ve mentioned the Zoe-y comparison. We’re not so secretly dying for the two lovely ladies to pair up in a movie. We’re thinking a reimagining of Salinger’s Franny & Zooey, called Zoe & Zooey Go To The Zoo In Kalamazoo. It could also star Gigantic‘s Ed Asner and John Goodman, and feature a three way between the Zs and me. We’re hoping that it would cause such an uproar that JD would come out of hiding and sell us one of his jars of urine

Gigantism: looking for sumtang a bit bigger? czech out Pixies covers by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova or Sheldon Williams = Ken Griffey Jr. on Nerve Tonic

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Alien Trespass
Take A Pass
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

A 50s alien invasion sci-fi flick send-up is a rather nifty idea (although most didn’t seem to think so when applied to Indiana Jones’ world), and Alien Trespass certainly gives it the olde college try, so why then does it feel more like an olde elementary school try? It looks and feels right, the dialog is oh so corny (Eric McCormack does particularly well here, in the very first thing we’ve ever seen him in), and the Kang & Kodos one-eyed trespassers were actually kinda creepy, but there’s juss something that aint right. It’s not funny enuff to be a good parody nor amusing enuff to make this more than a rental, and to be purffectly honest, who wants to pay money to see Kevin Arnold’s dad be angry and yell at people, for the jillionth time in his career? Dunno, maybe peeps who still feel jilted by the lame Ice Cube/Ice-T shoot-em down Trespass, which was co-written by Robert Zemeckis no less!

A Baird’s Tale: Jenni Baird is aiiight, but we’ll stick to explora-ing Diora

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Sugar, Paris, Gigantic, and Trespass all open today in limited release, while Adventureland opens at a theater near Jews

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Glue Your Illusion II

The Great Buck Howard
Turning Tricks Into Treats
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Writer/Director Sean McGinly was once a novice road manager for mentalist Simon Baker The Amazing Kreskin, and he has channeled his brief experiences with him as the inspiration for his purty darn great flick The Great Buck Howard, with John Malkovich in the slight of hand title role and Colin Hanks walking a mile in his own shoes. The two crisscross America’s nooks and crannies (with a big stopover in Cincinnati, where Steve Zahn and his mustache rule!), playing sparsely filled theaters, as Hanks lends moral support to needy Malkovich and his (hilariously) outdated shtick. As a performer, Buck’s still got it after all these years, but he’s about 3 steps away from becoming as completely delusional as Norma Desmond. Hanks’ straight man role is a thankless one, and one the movie may have been better off saying no thanks to. We know why the role exists, but anything that has to do with his character (including having his father, not so shockingly played by Tom Hanks, pop up for no real reason, and a budding romance with an unusually restrained Emily Blunt) stands in the way of Malkovich’s brilliant show. As of late, Malko’s been laffable as a dramatic actor (did anyone take him seriously in The Changeling? wait, did anyone see The Changeling?), and hamazing as a comedic one (Colour Me Kubrick, Art School Con, etc), and so it’s an absolute pleasure to see him continue on the latter’s path… unless of course it’s a Rowan Atkinson movie

The Winslow Boy: there be some mad quailty cameos within the film, but we demand more than cameos for our boy Michael Winslow. watch his Star Wars thingie and then tell me that this man of many talents doesn’t deserve more work and love?

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hunger
Not Very Appetizing
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

IRA member Bobby Sands (Michael Fassbender) led a famous hunger strike at a Northern Ireland prison in order to gain attention for his movement, and specifically regain Special Category Status for him and fellow political prisoners. Steve McQueen‘s (not that Steve McQueen) Hunger chronicles his incarceration and lack of eating, which ultimately resulted in his death/martyrdom. Watching this gauntly grueling process of decomposition is no fun at all. All movies don’t have to be fun, but we got the point early on in the picture and didn’t really need to sit thru the rest of the pain and suffering. It was like watching The Machinist all over again, and if yer like us, that was an experience not worth repeating

Glutton For Punishment: Fassbender’s a big fan of taking a beating. if yer looking for more of it, but something that’s a lot more fictional and a lot more entertaining, then czech out the low-budget horrorish flick Eden Lake, where a bunch of teens terrorize him and his girlfriend. it’s like Deliverance, but with chavs instead of southern yokels

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Hunger opens in NY only today, while Buck Howard mentals it up in limited release and on VOD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Nut Saks Fifth Avenue Anniversary

Thighs Wide Shut turns 5 today, but can we make it 10? that all depends on if we still love doing this in 5 years time (or if Thigh Master children get in the way), and whether you dear Thighlanders still want to read our movie reviews and HJ yerself to sleep to all the lovely boobies we plaster up in here. we thank you from the bottom of our farts for your continued ship of reader, so w/o further Freddy Adu, lettuce set sail on some memories and mammaries of the past year in Thighdumb…

(juss remember, some of the images below are clickable!)

it has nothing to do with anything

Laser Portraits

Giant VHS Tape as 2001 Space Odyssey’s Monolith

aisselles dans les films, blog qui répertorie les films dans lesquels les actrices ont les aisselles poilues, which translates to armpits in films, blog which indexes films in which the actresses have the hairy armpits [NSFW]

41 Hilarious Science Fair Experiments

the life of a hand supermodel

Brenda Warner’s Flat Fap Top To The XLIIIDegree

C’mon, Get Horny!

Elrond Hubbard

Best Roller Coaster Souvenir Photos Ever

The Otl Aicher Pool

He Can’t Hate These Cans

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Harry Potter Poster Mash-Up Gallery/Star Wars Poster Mash-Up Gallery

Brian Peppers’ mom

The Birds, w/o the birds

Lions And Tigers And A$$ Tears, Oh My!

Boyd Aviation

ye olde ghetto covers of Arthur C Clarke’s books

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by a show of hands

Sexy People

giant women for Andre

SFW XXX

The 30 Worst Autobiography Pun Titles

Thighs Wide Music 2008

Eye Lash

Dennis Green’s â„¢ed caps

sweet cleavages, beer and women making out

Playing The Field‘s playful pictorial euphemisms of Chris Cooley’s junk

Celebrity X-Ray Photo/Breast Enhancements [NSFauxW]

Daycream Relievers

CakeFarts.com [NSFW]

Lik•m•Aid

snaps of jungle vaginas, golden penises, Andy Warhol and much mo from the 54 glory days

Specs-Taters

Judge Reinhold JO material [NSFW]

Swami On Rye

Hello Browness, My Old Friend

Totally Looks Like…



stickers from the 80s

a 1980’s raptastic Wendy’s training video

Ben Kingsley’s a minor threat

Even Beetis Than The Real Thing

Jedi Chefs

photos of an angry Steve Gutenberg

Richard Beymer/Ben Horne’s on-set Twin Peaks photos

MS Paint cover art covers

Стереофотографии из прошлого

More Than Meets The AFI

Han solo loves to grab Princess Leia’s boobs

oops, he crapped his pants

the posters of Drew Struzan

the (ALMOST NSFW) GIF doesnt lie

Young Me – Now Me

The Texas School Book Suppository

extending album art

Casey At Bat, The Classic Poem Unabridged As Told In Words & Baseball Cards

Most Star Wars Actors in a Non-Star Wars Film (including the Jones pics)

NES controller coffee table

the greatestestist love song of balls thyme: ‘Smell Yo Dick’

5 Cats that Look Like Wilford Brimley

Democratic dance off

Playboy centerfolds galore from the 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s [NSFW]

Worst Job In The World

youreyeswideshut.com

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Californication Creamin’ On Such A Winter’s Day

‘That One Night’ by The Hunted

Compliance!

interactive Al Jaffee’s fold-ins for Mad magazine

that theme song from the Raising Arizona soundtrack
actually has a name: ‘Way Out There‘ [d]

Perfect Strangers/Head Of The Class promo rap

SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com

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behind the scenes of that amazingly ghetro ye olde HBO Jeffersonian starship thingamabob

Evil Alomar

Crooked Rain, Crook & Rainn

previously…

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

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Eternal Flamer


we triple dog dare you to name another book in this solar system that features a better mustache than former Calgary Flame Lanny McDonald‘s long out of print bio

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