Thighs Wide Shut

• BOO. I now have ZERO radio stations to listen to in the NYC area.

• Lohag wonders why the tabloids care so much about her. And I have to side with my former woman when she sprays, ‘I don’t know why I’m so interesting’. Add skinny, blonde, and gross to that list babe! [via Tom Wellington the I]

• Hollywood marriage I really hope works out: Rachel Weisz & Darren Aronfsky.

• Hollywood marriage I really hope doesn’t work out: Brett Ratner & X-3

• Word has it that the next gen Nintendo, called Revolution, will allow users to download ALL 221 games Nintendo published with the old school NES, SNES and N64 game systems. Here’s the complete list. [via the always kosher Dr Falada]

• Even Liam Gallagher loves ‘Feel Good Inc’

• You Darnerien McCants tell me that this is possibly true: Bjork almost was one of Charlie’s Angels???

• Winnie Coops grows up, but she gots miles to go before she reaches Julie Condraland. Related: Justin’s thumbcredible Kevin Arnold’s Lizadies

• Tara Reid is a ‘skankbot‘

• Cameron Diaz looks whorrible without make-up sez director Danny Boyle. Most women looks whorrible without make-up sez Thigh Master.

• Charlotte Church On Lads And Fags

• B Jaxx to replace Kylie at Glasto

• To Box, Or Not To Box? I eggspect better from you Rooney!

• The Woodward & Bernstein Watergate Papers

• Free screenings abound for the next Vince Vaughn shitcomedy, Wedding Crashers [via Melly Mel]

• Thighspotted wit my own eyes: Hank Azaria wearing a pink ‘Yo! MTV Raps’ tee near Columbus Circle AND Orlando from Strangers w/Candy avec baby round Columbia U.

• A Taiwanese restaurant serves up food in toilets to looks like things you leave in toilets. Did some one say YUM? If you did, you should be hunted down and beaten with 20 lbs of asparagus. Peep a pic of this madness!! [via Made of Brawnstein/A Dude]

• Probably my all time flavorite poster: The Posse

• Who knows if these have been doctored or not, but popular songs played in reverse to reveal secret messages are always fun! [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Mini Organs

• Guess Which Movie

• Thinks they sell a Tie-Fighter desk at Staples? [via Seltzer w/an ‘H’]

• Dress Steve Jobs [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Buffo, the World’s Strongest Clown [via 1,2,3, look @ Mr. Richie Lee]

• Cuthbert wants Justin Timberlake to sing at her wedding. First off, I didn’t agree to this. Second off, apparently she’s NOT getting married to me. And jerk off, is what I will do right now, regardless if she’s going to marry Trace Ayalabushicala or not. But to be purrrrfectly honest, I’m considering making a move in the House of Thighs. Has Cuthy passed her primer number? What do you all think? Is it Mandy or Mischa’s go? Seppo the Great spanks that Melissa Theuriau, some French news chick who looks one part Posh Spice (the good parts) and one part Virginie Ledoyen, would be spunkfert for the part. I do love NonUsHotties(.8k.com) and French Fries, so this could be a NICE fit.

Peep these lovely galleries for even more frog hotness

• I’ve heard rumors on the internets and thru nia peoples that Bojangles’ fried chicken is better than Popeyes’. I haven’t had the pleasure of trying Bo’s, so I can’t weigh in on this blasphemous propaganda, but it’s safe to say they are both better than KFC (sorry Dodge). Anywho, seems like the Bojangles’ empire are expanding like the waists of their patrons and have even added a few booty assed Maryland locations and one in Brooklyn, so we can soon put all these nasty rumors to rest!! I may actually get my Bo’s breast and thighs on when I’m in NC this tweakend for El Hofbergo/Natanay’s wedding. Man, I haven’t been this eggstatic since word of Fatburger’s invasion of the East Coast! Now if only we could get a Steak ‘n Shake & Waffle House in Times Sq!!!!

• Tom Cruise is officially a public relations nightmare. Watch the Oprah madness again and watch Dane Cook take on the TC madness! [2nd via ONTD]

• How Mark Felt Became ‘Deep Throat’, by Bobby Woodward & Lothrop

• Sorry, but the list should read: Kubrick, Hitchcock, Thigh Master, and Sidney Poitier, who did in fact direct Ghost Dad. And btw, I really REALLY REALLY need that 60 lb Stanley Kubrick Archives book. Take a look inside this wooly mammoth. [last via A-Baby via Me via him]

• Although I’m foaming at the mouth to see Burton’s take on The Choco Factory (I mean, this NEW trailer is off the HOOK like Mc D’s Cpt CROOK!), I do side with Gene when he sez, ‘I don’t see the point of going back and doing it all over again‘

• Mischa, cold hard gyllen’?

• Thats a nice interview with Dan Mazer, Producer of Da Ali G Show

• X-3 minus 2 directors = 1 giant mess

• Wanna see Gabrielle Union & Fischerspooner in the flesh fo free? Too bad you have to go thru Carson Daly to do so.

• June 3rd is free Krispy Kreme Doughnut day! [via JJ]

• Rockstar’s gotta a site up for their 4th cuming Warriors game. I couldn’t imagine a better pairing, besides maybe Dustin Hoffman & Run Lola Man, Tom Tykwer. [1st via Zachk de la Roachclip]

• Swatch the trailer to Keira Knightley’s latest: British & Boring

• Gayden Christensensen, you knows you in trouble when Kevin Smith is defending your honor. [via Cinematical]

• I sure wanna tap dat ass webcam!

• You can ring my BELLE When A Stranger Calls again. YUM!

• What do you get when you mix Fatboy Slim & bouncing boobies? I dunno, but I think my wrist is broken. [NSFW via Monkey Phil]

• Peepage the new vid for Doves’ ‘Snowden’ [Win – Real – QThyme]

• I don’t ask you alls to donate money, cause I’m actually sleeping with a very wealthy man, but who wants to start a Thigh Master Goes to The World Beard and Moustache Championships in the ’05 fund? Cause you know I wanna WAX DAT STACHE!

• Is this a pic of Lohag Version 2.3 looking at Lohag Version HRT the I?

• The MTA is looking for 10K good peeps to sign up for their pilot Subway Service Advisory E-mail Notification program.

• Mandy Moore running for Board of Aldermen in Scott County? Wait a parsec, I thought she wanted to be a croupier cause she was learning how to deal. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

• Gawd I heart u oh dearest Drunkenest NSFW-Father: I am – Kate Moss Topless Photoshoot | I am – A Bathing Ape Ain’t Cool | I am -Jules Asner’s Clit Hood | I am – Big Brother Fat Chick Flashing | I am – Lohan has Cankles….

• If only I were an apple… and I aint talkin bout shitty computers that only designers and idiots adore!

• A Lengthy Explanation of Why This Site Has Utterly Sucked Since, Like, January

• Seriously, does anyone read Wil Wheaton’s blog, or do we all juss link to it?

• Keep an eye on: DestroyAllCelebrities.blogspot.com

• My favorite kinda web sights are always filled with question marks, Sharapova, and only the word ‘Thighs’.

• Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries aka Books I Plan To Read But I Is Too Darn Lazy [via Meta Phil]

• Even in galaxies that are far far away, incest is best! [via DataWHHHHHHHHHAT?]

• You know it’s time to move when…

• Can anyone tell me what the fark is going on in this pic? [via His UMCness the I]

I’m sorry, what was I talking about?

• And SUNDAY @ 11:59PM the polls will close in the 1st EVER CORN ME Photoshop Contest! So VOTE NOW if u don’t think Super Thighs Me is the bee’s fleas.

• ADDDDDDDDDDDDED: Could this be Peabs’ last flazzum? So sayeth it aint so (for the 2nd time)!!

• Admit it, you don’t watch Jeopardy! and therefore probably never gots the pleasure of seeing my dearest Pammy Pam Mueller on the telle, right? Well, you can make up for your lack of vision by tom peeping this lil mini web interview thingie they did with her back in the ’01. Maybe NOW you can get a sense of why I was once bitten, and forever smittened. By the gay, I think I fingered out my reasoning for my seasoning/why I digs her so dang much: she has the same EGGSzact ‘do that Dana Delany/McMurphy sported on China Beach aka China BEST! I was all of 11 when the show first aired, but I think that was the very first time I had a hu-mungo crush on an older woman, on a weekly basis, and was quite vocal about it. I was so wrapped up into the whole thang that even I made my mom buy me a China Beach sweatshirt from a kiosk at Montgomery Mall (the same mall which was once used as a setting in the 80s shit pic Prime Risk, and is now home to a stab happy woman). Oh Dana (who was once stalked by Corky), how I hearted you so. I much wanted to rip that green uni off with my teeth and take you right then and there on that gurney. My member would be your IV, pumping vital fluids all up into your ailing organs. Somebody lock me up for my own good, STAT!!!

• And in sorta-related links, czech out Tourney of Champ champ Brad’s mini-int, when he looked like a fat Ben Affleck, and this other pic of him that makes him look like a big winner!

• Ready or not, here they come! I guess there are now plenty of mics for the too many MCs. Hopefully they will stay permanent one and not return to number ten. While I wait, you can find me in my Mitsubishi, eatin’ sushi, bumpin’ Fugees. Oooh La La La. I love it when you touch my Tra La La.

• Lohag the Elder off to Prisonville

• And while Daddy tries to avoid dropping the soapy-soap, lil Lohag is considering starring in a remake of this gas passer.

• Peace the pitchfork out Eddie Albert! May I be the 12891849053rd person to wish you well on your way to GREENer pastures.

• Indy 4’s script FRYnally gets the OK from Baron Papanoida & Senor Spielbergo.

• Bad Idea Jeans #37622: The Griswalds Down Under!

• The Stones will be supported by BECK (!) on a bunch o’ Canadiananian stops this fall! Lucky mothercanuckers! Then again, they didn’t have hockey all last year, so we gotta throw em some bones. (Editor’s Note: Canada is easy to make fun of, but I love all Candandnadians)

• Trey’s Zooma tour cancelled! Finally, the beginning of the end of patchouli smellin’ neo-hippie sub-culture! Unless of course someone spends a fortune on a motor home last owned by Trey Anastasmellio. Now if only the Dave Matthews Band were dumped into a river and instead of their dumps! [eBayness via Andre Dawson Fan #1]

• The Warshington Po qwikly looks back on 25 9:30 Club years!

• Anakin Skywalker/Lord Darth Vader, In Pictures 1977 to Present [OMforkinG!]

• I really likes me some Fischerspooner. Their latest odyssey was miles and away better than Daft Punk & the Chem Bros’ efforts this year. Peep the video for ‘Never Win’ [Win or Real or QwikThyme]

• Remember the band Grandaddy (I only said ‘band’ so people not in the know don’t think I was talking about Grampa Joe)? Well, here’s a bunch of tasty live mp3ers. Or maybe u’d prefer some live or regular Dios Malos, who are sort of Grandaddyesque, and sure have one of the hottiest internets sites around!

• And while were sorta not on the topic, I agree that W Dafoe would have made a great WW

• Da Da Vinci crew make another fine choice. So when are they going to replace Tom Hanks with Harrison Ford?

• Don’t trust a virgin and a poll

• Alfie to star in Alfie the II’s wedding starring Alfie the II’s on-screen and off screen flame. Got it?

• Did you know Ebert gave 4 starts to the Karate Kid, even though he thought it was going to be ‘an adventure pitting Ricky Schroder against the Megaloth Man‘? Whatever the fork that means!

• This guy is my new hero. When I grow up, I want to be juss like him! Pee es – why are American concert tickets (read: Ticketbastard’s) so booooooooooring, just like our cash currency?

• This guy is as gay as Gaylord Perry

• It’s official, Jake Jill loves bubble/testicle tea!

• Ever wonder what my bedroom looks like? Click away [NSFW]

• Free screenings in several major cities for Hilary Duff’s next big stank bomb

• Well then spank gawd that mumsy’s daddy had a lot of freakin hair!

• TV mini-series I forkin wish were DVD bound: the Twin Peaksish Wild Palms & the place I first heard Pet Shop Boys’ thumcredible ‘Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money)’, The Billionaire Boys Club.

A bunch of useless TWS stuff:

• Here are some enter-resting reviews of TWS. Sure I may be a ‘pig’, but I’m too busy looking listening to what Raindrop has to say!

• Could this be considered a Thighs Wide Yearkbook?

• No one’s erecting cakes with my thighkness, but at least someone loves us (see honorable mentions for ‘website of the year’).

• ThighsWideShut.com, still the biggest waste in cybersquatting history.

And back to the shit shinola:

• The reason the interwebs was NOT invented: two dudes karaokeing to hit songs, but change the lyrics to ‘All Your Base Are Belong To Us‘

• Is the person responsible for this trying to overtake me as wurstest Photoshopper of the world? [Axis of Ebert]

• How Did They Get That Name? Game

• Sock Master’s Game Console Controller Family Tree [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Jean-Claude Van DANCE, the animated gif [via SickTracks via Guns n Rosenthal]

• Who knew there was a WHOLE world of You’reTheManNowDog out there??! I started too see the light once ‘The United States of NOOOOOOOO‘ came about [download the song]. And now I’m lovin it all like my name was Morgan Spurlock: Mike Tyson Punchout one [NSFW], Vader’s No dance, Vader learns the birds & bees, United States of Kimble, Batman the model, this Pee-Wee one, they found Carmen Sandiego, Transformer rave, Mortal Kaaaaaaahnbat (+ this other Kaaahn one), and Conan makes popcorn!

• And while Rooney was waxin about Memorial Day, I was dreaming of attending the New Zellwood Sweet Corn Festival this past weekend [via Magnolia Bread Head]. I also did a bunch of other lo-key stuff (bowling, muse-zams, Yankees/SOX game, movies galore, masturbate), and doves course rooted for my Tetris-loving lovey, Sharapova, as she continued her clay conquering ways @ Ban Roll-on Garros. Anywho, along my travels on the nets, I came across what is probably one the greatest pictures ever taken of her, and deer-4, the greatest in the history of tennis…

• HE DID IT!! Brad Rutter, a 27 year-old from Amishville, PA, beat the living fork outta Stormin Mormon Jennings AND that child molestin’ looking guy, and pocketed $2 milliones in the process! But how could I care about such green apple splatters and matters when my dearest Pammy Poo walked away wit nuttin cept the admiration of bloggers everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean right here! Oh well brainiac baby-tasty-cakes, at least we can still sit by the fire and read the almanac, Encyclopedia Britannica, and play Trivial Pursuit. When we get bored with all that learning stuff, we’ll throw on the 1st ever Jeopardy! DVD, rock some of dat A-B repeat action of 80s Alex, avec mustache-a-zoid & sniper glasses, pronouncing some cockyamammy word like ‘mummenschanz‘, while we rub coco butter all over ourselfz til dawn.

We interrupt this Jeopardy! wet daily dream double fantasy for the usual crap I think you nia peoples like…

• Looks like this whole Cuthy and me thang aint gonna work out cause she finds tattoos attractive on men, and I will NEVER ever get one. EVER! Wait, this is Cuthbest I’m talkin bout here. I’d let her spit mircowaved tuna fish into my mouth for shying out proud! OK, maybe I can be convincevaughned into getting ‘Wino Forever‘ on my arm!

• Call him Ismail… Merchant, but whatevski u do, don’t call him, cause HE DIE! Stick a spork in em, he’s peaced out!! And wherever u may be IM, I hope they gave you a room, with a VIEW!!! Is this Howard’s End? NO, it’s your end Merchie!!

• Harry Pothead secrets leaked leakier than the Leaky Cauldron? [via UMC]

• W(h)ATTS?!?!?!?!

• Shitney’s show may get axed cause nobody cares. Shitney who? Don’t dare tell Trent Is The New Messiah!

• Get over yoself Cpt Boring the I! Yous guys are juss a 6th rate Travis, but somehow became more popular than them. And what’s a wonderwall anyway?

• For once, Sly & I see eye to eye of the tiger.

• Damon needs graham crackers, er, um, uh, Graham! And don’t 4get: @ 1pm Damon, Jamie, and Dangermouse of the G-Rizlas will be stopping by the Union Sq Virgin Megastore. Apparently, they’ll be answering questions, signing copies of “Demon Days,” and playing tracks and vid from the album. YUMMY!

• I juss hope that Colin ‘Ricky’ Powell doesn’t have to lie to the UN about his beloved Natties!

• Even though 60 Minutes II is going the way of The Mullets, I still have to ask for the 4,693894,315663,166278,9,90 time, how is Steve Hartman considered television personality?

• The day I’ve been yearnin n’ burnin for since Thighs Wide Day One has frynally arrived: I’ve had the distinct honor of being added to Ms Modern Age’s blog roll (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, blog ROLL!!)!!! And if you didn’t already know, she was one of my main inspirations and perspirations (besides Jesus, and his blog) for gettin started in da 1st place. Bless you and your awesome-o-licious ways. And whatever you do, don’t TEMP us like you did before!

• Da Da Vinci Code da official WEBSITE!

• Looking to get yer beloved Thigh Mizzle a gift-flizze for Lag B’Omer? See pic on right of two kids wit same name.

• While Peabs is on permanent flobvscation, I’ve turned to Bandwagon Boy for all my politics and prose, and American Idle tidbits!

• Not a big sirprize that the Japanese poster for War of the Worlds features a lil girl in the arms of an older man… which is eggzactly what those freaky bastards love about their hentai porn [NSFPlanet Earth]. And these people think they’re in the ‘Cool Biz’, HA!

• Sorry lizadies, but this is even mo proof why being a man rox the buttox!

• Fresca: The Next Generation [via Sugar, Mr Poon?, which is still, the greatest blog name of malls thyme]

• If Tootsie Roll Industries own Blow Pops (which I never knew), why are they bothering to introduce three new Blow Popesque flavors to their Tootsie Pop line? Whatever u doski, juss don’t ask Mr. Owl!!

• A brief study of Ewan McGregor’s uncle Wedge, sitting in cockpits.

• Do you really care to see a Paris semi-nip slip? [via D’s D]

• Marlon Brando’s GrandDAUGHTER!?!

• Mashups dujor [via the Veeg]

• Own one of the finest Cliff Engle sweaters around… cause I’m too portly to bid on it :(

• I can’t splain why I’ve reported so much Lohag fizz these days, maybe cause I keep reading recockulous things like her possibly starring in a Barbarella remake, but anywayz, I just had a revelation: everyone’s been comparing her to Ann-Margret, but how come no mention of her looking zactly like to Vicki Stubing/the girl from Airplane! who needed a heart?

• The baby geniuses over at KiddieRecords dug up some rare ole Disney MP3 hotness, but now has left yer humble mumbler crazy hungerin and hankerin and huntinin for the original soundtrack to his mos flavorite double Oscar Nominated Disney gem of thighsthymme starring Donald Duck AND Carmen Miranda’s sister: The Three Caballeros. If you’ve never seen this loco enchilda fiesta of a toon, you flavioiously didn’t have a childhood and I pity and shit on you. It’s like the OG Who Framed Roger Rabbit, where toons & G-rated poon [NSFW] go hand in hand! So can ANYONE help me find this lost on a digital world soundtrack? This mission is even more importante (that’s Spanish for ‘important’) than my jihad crusade on ending Vince Vaughn’s career (although he really needs no help from me… being probably the most unfunny actor that everyone deems funny). If you find it, I may buy you a hamburger. And if yer a vegetarian, I’ll take you out and force you to eat bacon. In the greenwich meantime, for a lil taste of what I’m stalkin’ about, download Bing Crosby doing ‘Baia’ & ‘You Belong To My Heart’, which both appeared in the film, juss not his versions. [MPtres via LP2CD]

• And look what Disney’s doing these days: Instead of coming up with stellar 2-D toons, they’re busy digitally reducing Lohag’s ex-gynnormous bazoongies from Herbie so not to make lil kids horny. I juss read this in the NYDN, but apparently this is old news. ADDDED: Defamer’s got visual evidence?

• Speaking of melons-collie, will Kylie Minogue’s ill boobies double-handedly reform the forking STONE ROSES?!??@#?@! If that happened, some might say, that sister is the messiah!!

• Leno on the stand is purty much like Leno on his show: no laughing matter.

• MC5 to Kick Out The Jams (motherfuddgers) from start to finnish @ NorthSix

• Clive Owen: ““I’ve always wanted to be James Bond. I’ll pour it all out right now! Why won’t they offer it to me?“

• The first sign of the Apocalypse? Or is it the second?

• NFL bids the ‘horse-collar’ tackle a-doo-doo. Is the camel clutch next?

• Gawd how I love the White Stripes, their new vid, and Meg White… even if she is a robot. [via link via ONTD]

• The Raven goes Rambo. Sounds like the biggest mistake since Dr Seuss went the Great White Way!

• Bad prequel news: Texas Fisher Price My First Chainsaw Massacre

• Good prequel news (for once): No Go on Crouching Cub, Hidden Valley Ranch

• Cathedral to Star in Da Vinci Code Film. Is that Charlotte Church’s less attractive cousin?

• Yeah Beck, the qwiker you can make Midnite Vultures II, the butter!

• Sharapova survives round 1, but loses in the pics dept. Sorry Engle, whomever you is, I guess we’ll have to wait a few more matches before the hot spandex wedgie photos arrive.

• Kasabian to write Engerland’s World Cup Anthem?

• Ringo wants to save his birthplace AND come easy @ Irving Platz June 19th.

• What do Phil Spector, Bob Geldof, the REAL Anakin Skywalker, Melting Nazis, and Lindsay Lohag all have in common? I dunno, but they creep the living FORK outta me!

• There’s nothing Grimm about Bellucci

• Want real Britney news, you know where to go. Want stoopid Britney stuff, then click here.

• Kournikova eats a popsicle. Want Moooore?

• Hey, is anyone seeing Gang of 14 tonight at the 9:30 Club?

• Educated consumers click here for 10% off.

• Normally I shun all things cartoony (sides Gorillaz videos and pre-1985 Disney stizz), but in this case, I’ll make an eggggggggsception. [Parker Sister]

• Just what my dad wants, a Skins’ jersey that sez ‘Name’ on it!! Then he’d be 1/2 as cool as his son who has ‘Your Name’ on his.

• Bid on Amy Sedaris’ John Hancocked Bust!

• The definitive Dark Side Over The Rainbow

• Billy Murray geht wieder mal unter die Geister!

• Pakula, this one’s for you: Thundercats Outtakes! [via the Gold DiSpencer]

• Cybernetic Parrot Sausage AND Origami w/Hot Dogs? [via Nipsy Newbsy]

• If you click on only one thing today, make it How To Dance Like A White Guy [via 1,2,3, Look @ Richie Lee]

• And while some people have gone the way of Skeletor, others juss keep getting better by the day. Cuthsplurt, how could I ever dispose you as Queen of Thighland? I’ll never say ‘never ever’, cause I never ever would have guessed that Keds could give me a Boner Stabone. Anywayz…

[via the always mammoth, UMC]