Thighs At The Moovies

Spider-Man 2

slippery when wet

Ebert called it the best of its genre since 78’s Superman. I wouldn’t disagree with that statement, since most of the other super hero flicks have been udder sh#t (However, could Leonard Part 6 be considered a super hero movie?). Everything in this second installment has been doubled. Double the cheezy, yet effective effects, double the Peter Parker dorkishnessness, and double the amount of Kirsten Dunst. They even were smart enuff to include a scene where she gets soaking wet again. Lest we forget about her bouncing boob scene too [Bless you f.u.b.a.r.]! Willem Dafoe’s baddie shoes are hard to fill, but my man Alfred Molina (“Throw me the idol and I’ll throw you the whip“) comes thru with flying tentacles. Doc Oc ROX the blox! Although his character deserved more screentime (as long as it doesn’t cut into Dunst’s o course). I won’t get into plot details, but it’s basically the story of Seabiscuit’s jockey coming to terms with leading a duel life. C’mon Tobes, I don’t care what buildings/people are on fire, if Kirsten Dunst wants to hump your leg for most of the movie, you throw away that panzy-a$$ suit of yers and let her have her way with you. We’d understand!! The time flew and before I knew it, the Dashboard Confessional theme song was playing. Me was like, dang, #3 is going to off the meat and coat rack!! If only it includes 3 hours of Kirsten Dunst’s rack. It’s Muss C peeps… duhvs!

The Decalogue: Disc 1: Films I – III

Word around the artsy fartsy film community is that director Krzysztof Kieslowski’s 10 part Polish TV mini-series about the Ten Commandments, The Decalogue, is all that and a bag of UTZ’ Carolina BBQ chips. Well, guess what, it’s even more boring than it sounds. I don’t even want to bother sleeping thru IV-X. If you want to see pieces by the master, czech out his Trois Couleurs trilogy or the G Ribisi/C Blanchett-a-thon, Heaven, which is basically his A.I... No, not a sci-fi robot thang, but an unfinished movie, completed by another fantab director: Run Lola Run‘s helmster, Tom Tykwer.

Stark Trek IV: The Voyage Home

a whale of a good time

OK, this movie is older than the crust in my Calvin’s, but its mos def worth a second look. Seriously. It is by far the funniest Leonard Limoy movie ever. The Spockmiester even directed it too!! I mean, who could forget such classic lines as “Well, a double dumb ass on you!“, “I think he did a little too much LDS.“, and Scotty’s conversation with a 20th century IBM, “Computer. Computer? Hello, computer.“? I was also quite captivated by Whaleologist Catherine Hicks, who was bra-less for the entire movie. I guess the producers of 7th Heaven didn’t see this before picking their matriarch.

The Right Stuff

How’d our space program ever get off the ground with Harry Shearer & Jeff Goldblum as the NAStronaut recruiters?

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