Thighs Wide Shut

Twats the bestest word that’s been a part of the English vernacular since the ’04, but hasn’t been uddered much at all on our dirty Christian shores? Chav. So what the goldenfiddlestix is a ‘chav’? ‘cordin to the omniscient Wikipedia, ‘chav’ refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy ‘bling’ jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes such as Burberry / Burkley or sportswear, an uneducated, uncultured, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets, bus stops, or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour.

In America, these kinda people would be a crossbreed of white trash and, the still whore-able-lee monikered, wiggers. Spankfully mos of the chavs hail from the old country, which automatically makes them more cooler than William H Macy givin Coolio an HJ with ice cubes, although some Americans have been given the label, such as Britney, Christina, and 50 Cent.

So why on earth am I brining up this whole chav crap? Cause if I could be one man and bang one woman from the Queen’s realm, I’d be Mike Skinner of the Streets and I’d do Jennifer Ellison of the big tits. And both of thems are textbook eggzamples of all things chav

Additional ‘chav’ shazz…

ChavScum.co.uk

ChavWorld.co.uk

Famous chavs

Prince William chavs it up

What’s your chav rating?

Not satisified wit the above def of ‘chav’? Try 350 more at Urban Dic

British buzzwords, from 1904 to 2004

‘Fit But You Know It (Alternate Version)’ by the Streets wit Kano, Tinchy Stryder, Don’eo (of So Solid Crew) and Lady Sovereign [d via More Milky Way]

Slightly speaking of Lady Sovereign, she’s chav-tastic to the bone and kicks major glass and major payne. She’ll be at Coachella, Lolla, and fittingly, but don’t you know it, opening for the Streets this summer roberts. What this lil grimester sound like? Peep her myspace space or rock her ‘Hoodie’ [d] or its Mizz Beats remix [d]

You are now exiting chav-land…

Last week we praised Lily Allen for having the world’s greatestist myspace background, but had no idea of two things: one, she’s Keith Allen‘s daughter, and two, her music also kicks major glass, in a softer Lady Sovereignish kinda way. Think Feist, but not as coma enducing. You can hear some of her sweet trax on the space of my or go with the only ones I could find for yer d-ing pleasure, ‘Smile’ [d] & this FAB 50 minute mix thingie featuring her shiz + random shazzle like Dizzie Rascal, Rod Stewart, and some yodeling stossel [d]

Oh LORD ALMATY!!! The Prez of Kazakhstan’s daughter defends Borat!?!?! + Best of Borat vid

Norman Chad wins $300 bux for takin top prize in the 54th US Bowler Writing Competition, Editorial divish. That’s 240 times Shirley can pay the man

David Zucker’s spoof glossary

Fuck the cows and all that other shit. Here comes the terrapins [Brawny Boy]

MisShapes, TV’s Cheers stizz. Women, can’t live with em, pass the beer nuts [Ms Mod]

Average Homeboy! + more on the homeboy himself [Newbs]

Beavis & B tackle Blur’s ‘Parklife’ [My Man Marvkus]

Blessed be Page 3 and Danni, who be straight outta Coventry [NSFW]

Donald Duck: The Spirit Of 1943

Cinemorgue

davidbowieisverydisappointedinyou.com [P-bitch]

Be honest, which one of ewes was searchin for ‘joan cusack nude pics only‘? [see #20]

And I’ve had mo problems than Artie Bucco tryin find that Wes Anderson Amex ad online, so in the meantime…

We found it. Wes Anderson = everything that is good on this earth

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Thigh Master: Ever seen Rossie Harris/lil Joey as a grown man?

YOU HAVE NOW!

A Leprechaun In Alabama?
[B-day Boy My Man Marvkus]

Sasha Cohen to give up nude camel toe figure skating to pursue an acting career???? LOOK OUT Sacha Baron Cohen and Shahar Cohen, AND every other Jewish and non-Jewish Cohen in the bidness!!

CC, HFRT the IV, the new face of Walkers Crisps? WOWie!! I can now save time by sticking my fingers into juss one bag for two great tastes!

Thinks TO had 6 generic raps ready to go before he signed on with the Cowgirls? CHEDDAR!!!

Belates Peace the Fork out to the dude who had the job that many wanted to have the opposite of: dress Jackie O

The latest trailer to utilize Requiem For A Dream‘s ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d-lode]? The latest trailer for da Da Vinci Code… although anyone who’s anyone’s one any knows it was bestest used in the Two Towers full trailer… the defenses have to hold… THEY WILL HOLD!!!!

Gorillaz stain-glass windows… sure to make many stain their sheets. Snot enuff? Try their ‘El Manana’ video on for slize

Got 135 minutes to kill at work or a mockingbird? Stanley Kubrick A Life In Pictures, in 3 YouTube parts [Pakula Shaker Hts Ohio]

Keane drop details on their new album how many scripts in Hollywood are written: on one piece of paper

Jeopardy! contestant search meets the internets

Errol Morris commercials, sadly, none with Morris the Cat

Questions, and not many answers from the geniussesess behind Wonder Showzen

The 2nd best bit (excluding all Frank Layden madness) from Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics

Dozen Distinctive Destinations

Take The Snooze AND American Dreamzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz passes

Speaking of zzzzzzz and all thangs Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth: How did the letter ‘Z’ become associated with sleeping?

Colleen Camp’s SFW boobs from Clue, times 48

pontiac fiero mounted on boston whaler with 40 hp motr

[VoubleDiking]
‘When a girl has a heart of stone, there’s only one way to melt it. Just add Ice.‘ [Ceffle Corn]

We all love a good BRAD PITT matchup, but I’m hoping for a BRAD vs GEORGE (Mason? Town?) finale, which will determine once and for all, who’s name gets top billing in Ocean’s 18. Note to readers: please kill me if there’s a 14.

Pot Tarts, Puff-A-Mint Patties and a Toka-Cola [RityCag]

Northwest Bench from Twin Peaks [Guns n Rosenthal]

CAMILLA SJOBERG, the new NSFW smorgasbord everyone wants to take a bite of?

Laurence Hutton Collection of Life and Death Masks

Proud to be yer #1 intersluething result for ‘Edgar Stiles wallpaper’

The Wonderful World of ’80s Commercials

the $39 Experiment

Dogbushkas

So when’s they coming out with a Jennifer Ellison Swatch crotch watch?

Wonder what Parker Lewis would say to that Swatchtastic idear

What’s a better use of time?

Watching all 123 minutes of Sideways?

Or spending 5 minutes, alone, with this Sasha Baroness Cohen non-camel toe naked nude grundle labia snapple…

+ 264 mo.

+ the Baroness!!!

Me can’t love yub

A wonderful showzen has been given a 2nd life, and soapfully that equates to more Trevor bits with Beat Kids

Think Shelden Williams and Mena Suvari are both locks for this year’s all head team?

New Adventures in Hi-Fi [via G’hattan]

Jennifer Ellison Defines The Perfect Pair of Breasts… like she would know anything about boobs

I wonder if they display the black dude who comes to life in Madonna’s ‘Like A Prayer’ video at the National Great Blacks In Wax Museum

Victoria Beckham ‘Like A Prayer’ [d-lode]

‘sam cassell large penis’, we #2!

Who was the Mona Lisa? And who hasn’t fingerbanged Mona Robinson?

The HAWTEST site on the internet [via Hal Lindenbaum]

& if yous werent in the know, b-day ribcakes are the new d-day urinal cakes!

And THIS JUSS IN!!!

For once, a Coachella rumor turned out to be true!! Still doesn’t change the fact that this year’s line-up blows almost as much as Tool and whatever the next Killers album will be!

[hot info via Megbot]

Bappy Hirthday

or at least
stop trying to look like
Warren Beatty at age 23

or old man Biff Tannen
or the old man in the ‘Enter Sandman’ video

Drew, I almost heart you mo than the Redskins, C Belle, fried chicken, and Jen El’s boobs combined!!

And, OMG!

PEACE LES
FORD OUT TO
my only famous relative*
(besides me self)
who banged the OG Alfie
was an enemy to Pete and his dragon
and mcnabbed 2 Oscars

1920 – 2006

*whom we had zero contact with, even though her mother was my mum’s grandmother’s sister!!

DATS RIGHT FOLKS!!
the 2 month cow/queen
is warrick dunn
and thus
Keira Christina Knightley
be yer
Colin Fifth
Her Royal Thighness
of balls thyme
Tit all started on the set of Episode I when my mejor hombre Sio Bibble started having convulsions and wouldn’t stop saying ‘invasion’. A young girl playing Natalie Portman’s decoy came over to see what all the hot fuss was about. We locked eyes and didn’t stop starring at each other until Sio came to and started babylonning about ‘negotiations’ and some show starring William Fichtner that would eventually air a long long ways away, in a galaxy far far away. Then, George Lucas and his 17 chins kicked me off the set cause he thought I was the only one on the internets speaking negatively about him. That was the last I saw of this Winona Ryder look-a-like for a few years… until one magical day, Sio and my other most trusted advisor and comrade in cable-knit sweaters, Jimmy ‘$5’ Smits, were plotting on how to take over the world with only the use of Gotcha guns. When we realized how refarted that notion was, we started giving Sio wedgies until his balls were coming out of his mouth. We put Sio to bed, and then Jimmy turned to me and said, ‘hey, Thizzle, o’ master of Thighland and things involving Crisco, this chick with itty bitty titties has been axing about you and yer massively large cock.’ That was kinda odd to hear, hispecially since Jim-dawg was grabbing my pelvic region as he was spraying these werds from his mouth. So it was all set up and me and KK had our first date on the set of a Conan O’Brien. Odd, but then again, what me normal?

It was all a bit uncomfortable at first, since we didn’t have much in common, besides the fact that we’re both more beautiful than all the art work in the Met, AIC, and the Md’O combined. So I started asking her random questions like what she thought of ice, and Dziga Vertov’s Man With a Movie Camera, and like what it was like to have like lil cup-cake boobies, yet be hextremlee adorabltastic to the nth degree celsius. Without hesitation, she starting licking my corn, and the rest is, shall we say, herstory

And here’s the EGGSCLUSIVE first snap of when I told her that she win me, and she would not only be the ruler of my kingdom and my cockdom, but also second-in-commanded-in-chief for the army of Ong-Bak: The Thigh Warriors

May your reign be longer than my pubic hairs or books in a pubic library!!! And don’t you fret dearest Camilla, I still got my eye on you, and my thigh rubbing in yer poo!

Back to yer regularlelleyy unofficial royal bidness…

• Kazakhstan (the world’s NINTH largest country??) may sue their largest export [via Guns n’ Rosenthal]

• Good, cause the last thing any of us needed was Gangs of New York II

• Ms Big Bazangas gets all prudish in Hollywurst. This really isn’t important news, but I was looking for a reason to link to pics of her crazy-ass melloncollies

• For some reason, after peepin these snaps from the forthcummin Outkast flick, all I wanna do is watch Janet Jackson’s ‘Alright’ video co-starring Cab Calloway, OR take out my imaginary VHS copy of Dick Tracy and diarrhea all over it

• The Official Mascots of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games… supposedly ‘friendlies’ is the Chinese word for uber gay flammin mascots

• Chris Kaman, center for the Los Angeles Clippers, is really really scary looking…

• Hipster Tee Shirt Generator [via the Meat Hook]

• The Krusaders, cause Christ was secretly a ninja [via Sumtang Awful]

• And I think it was about time that kids got their own version of the ’69 wife swap sex romp Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice

By the randall gay, who the fork is that mini-Sal Paolantonio touching my adopted daughter?