Thighs Wide Shut

Crazy Heart
Country Time Lemon Fade
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Jeff Bridges IS Bad Blake, a famous, but fallen country music star who looks like Kris Kristofferson, acts like Jeffery Lebowski and sorta sings like a Fabulous Baker Boy. His heart is crazy!!! Guess it is or else why would Thomas Cobb name his book so? Reduced to playing in bumblef&ck bowling alleys, Blake still takes whatever his manager (James Keane) can get him, to supplant his whiskey and ciggy regimen. What a life… that’s going nowhere (wait, is this Tender Mercies, which also stars Robert Duvall???)! Add his bitter bettyness for the grand success of his protégé Tommy Sweet (a sweet Colin Farrell, returning to his Sonny Crockett hair roots) and what you got is a recipe for a downward spiral spiraling even mo downward and eastbound and downward!!!! BUT THEN a young single mother walks into his life (Franken Gyllenhaal) and gives him purpose, which is good for his character, but ultimately lames-y for our story. Blake is a good man, but of course his wicked ways will somehow catch up with him and screws everythings up. That basically happens, but he wises up for the better, roll the credits, and maybe hand him an Oscar that his career deserves, but not necessarily for his Heart work, which is absolutely fine, juss not any better than him as El Duderino. Then again, we’d be happy if he did win for this instead of Clooney who plays Clooney, but a Clooney who flys a lot!! WOW, how mindblowing Clooney!!!

Fest In Show: watch Bridges play a cover of the unofficial Lebowski theme song ‘The Man In Me’ by Dylan

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Heart is currently playing in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Sherlock Holmes
Holmes Sliced
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

We cannot squarely place the blame on director Guy Ritchie‘s shoulder for the purty much tame new Sherlock Holmes ‘re-imagining’ cause he had nuttin to do with the plotting (hello/goodbye Michael Robert Johnson, Anthony Peckham and Simon Kinberg). Ritchie’s rock n rolla style applied to one of literary’s greatest characters actually does give the material an edge of freshness, but what kind of case can he present to us if the case he and Holmes were handed was devoid of a mystery (or ANY mystery tat all!!) from the get go, and thus not very worthy of solving. Think the ‘mystery’ had something to do with an occultist murderer (played by Mark Strong), who gets killed and then is brought back to life to do… more murders, for some reason or something??? can you say snooze fest 1891?

Despite it’s paint by numbers Victorianessness, it’s the action and wordplay that keeps this baby purring. And it’s kinda hard not to have fun watching Robert Downey Jr‘s Holmes (a kindred spirit of Depp as Ichabod in Sleepy Hollow) mince words with a perfectly paired Jude Law‘s Doc Watson, as they tackle whatever bad guys lay in their wake. Juss wish the bad guys had something more to them besides juss being bad. Wish Rachel McAdams‘ Holmes love interest character was something more than juss being a bad character. Wish Eddie Marsan was using his gruff to teach driving, again! What, did Santa 5gets to read our wishlist for a Holmes movie?

Holmes ends with a gaping thighs wide open door for further adventures (and maybe some real mystery!), and if the studio is happy with the strong opening BO weekend bucks, then it mos likely will happen, and if it does then we certainly hope that whomever’s piecing it together will try and outdo this lesser From Hell that graced our eyes and disgraced our intelligence

Love sherLockDown: we’ve never seen mo than 7 minutes of a Basil Rathbone joint, sooooo that makes Barry Levinson/Chris Columbus/Spielbergo’s udderly franztastic Young Sherlock Holmes our mos flavorite of Holmes alones!! incidentally, that film starred Nicholas Rowe as the young SH, who would later appear as a bonhead stoner in Guy’s Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. and while we’re at it, YSH marked the very first movie to incorporate a CGI character, done up by the Pixar folks (!!!!!) when they were still a part of ILM!!

Verdictgo: (try and) forget about the non-mystery mystery + the girl, and you still gots yerself something that’s Jeepers Somewhat Worth A Peepers in an It’s not so Complicated kinda brainless kinda fun kinda way

Holmes is currently sherlocked at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

It’s Complicated
It’s Not Awful
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Look, we’re no Nancy Meyers-desirerer, herspecially since What Women Want and The Holiday made us want to vomit Lard-ass style all over yer wife’s teets, but rule #1 of a movie is to entertain (you fails Antichrist!), and yous wanna know what, NM’s latest tiffle trifle, the not so complicated It’s Complicated, may be pure fluffy fluffernutter, but it’s entertaining!! Yes, you read that correctly. Believe you we, if this was a pile of steaming poo, we’d make sure to warn you about the smell headed in yer general direction, but this pile of poo wasn’t steaming, well, then again it didn’t eggzactly smell of roses either, but!!!!!!! And how could anyone not tolerate watching Jack Donaghy trying to re-woo his Mama Julia Mia ex-wife (esp instead of macking on his gross looking wife played by Lake Bell… and no, we’re not kidding, she’s mad gross in an Amanda Peet velociraptor type a way), while Roxanne‘s nose that knows also tries to hop on on that old lady hotness. And Jack & Julia’s kids are so movie beautifuls, like Silas Botwin, Zoe 103 Kazan and whomever Caitlin Fitzgerald be. + Jim Halpert is in on the fun, and so is Rita Wilson, and normally when she shows up in any movie, it’s a sure sign to high AND low tail it for the exits (the one eggception was Volunteers), but she’s only annoying for like 1 scene and then disappears for goodsies, so sweet-awesomes for that!!! HAVE NO FEAR!!! EVEN OLD ADULT STOOPID MOVIES CAN BE FUN!!

Shmeyers: before she made such recent poop de loop on her own, Nancy often teamed up with her former hubby Charles Shyer on film projects. the two have dazzle razzled such frivolous fare together as Baby Boom, Private Benjamin, Father of the Bride & Part II, Irreconcilable Differences, I Love Trouble, Once Upon a Crime…, Protocol, The Parent Trap remake and cussin Jumpin’ Jack Flash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

It’s C opens everywhere on Christmassss day

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Imaginarium
of Doctor Parnassus
The Lark Knightcap
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

When we first catch a glimpse of Heath Ledger in his final cinematic performance, he’s presumed dead, hanging by a rope off of a London bridge (not the London Bridge mind you!). That image is instantly off-putting, and naturally very very very eerie and disturbing, and yet, he’s brought back to life by the good Doctor Parnassus (a disheveled and soulful Christopher Plummer) and his band of merry(but not money)makers (Lily Cole, showing some range as well as leg, Andrew Garfield, forever our Boy A+, and Verne Troyer, who fits the Gilliam dwarf quota to a tee, but is too much of a distraction here). If only real life worked like that!!! WE MISS SO YOU SO DANGS MUCH HEATH!!!!!!

If the topsy-turvy fate and wild backstory 0f Terry Gilliam‘s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is unknownst to you, lettuce qwikly fill yas in: Ledger (a perfect fit for Gilliam’s madness) died during the production, and since he was one of the major characters/stars, the whole thing was ready to go kaput for goodsies. Sound familiar? If you haven’t seen the doc Lost In LaMancha about Gilliam’s partial filmed, and then aborted Don Quixote adaptation, then you should ASAPsss, but if you have then yous will have an idea of how Gilliam’s films seem to be cursed and temples of doomed. Anywho, in steps Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell to help finish up where Ledger left off. They each get a turn to play Ledger’s role, all dressed and facial haired up identically (love how Gilliam and the actors pull off the feat, with a slight wink), and you know what, watching them three walk in Heath’s shoes is so darn curiousssess that it makes the film somewhat watchable, even if it be the only real draw

The plot is confusing and an absolute mess (something about an ongoing bet thru the centuries between Dr P and the devil, a throaty Tom Waits, and like Dr P’s imaginary world where everyone gets the happiness they be seekings), but the confusings has nothings to do with Ledger’s absence (even though he’s in the film a lot mo than one would think). Then again, it’s Gilliam movie, so of course it’s gonna be convoluted and brain melting!! And of course, since it’s a Gilliam movie, it’s wondrous and wholly unique, but really hard to enjoy on an initial viewing, probably rewarding on a second viewing, yet almos impossible to even want to see a second time. Gilliam!!!! More 12 Monkeys, less monkeying around, for the love of blob!!!

Tall Tails: even premiere photos involving Terry G are mindbenders!!!

hat tip to Dispencer4Hires for dem snaps

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Curious Peepers

Dr P opens in NY & LA on Christmassss and ‘everywhere’ on January 8th

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Young Victoria
Teen Wolf To Queen Woof
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Showtime’s The Tudors has purty much spoiled the fun and taken the thunder outta every other filmed look back at a British monarch ever since it hit the airwaves. These thingses try and try, but they end up being a tad tame and rudimentary (esp see, or don’t see, The Other Boleyn Girl) when compared to the brilliant series (the NSFW bits surely don’t hurt), which will mos sadly end it’s reign next year (he’s running out of wives to discard). And with that said, Jean-Marc Vallée‘s treatment of Queen Victoria: The Early Years, with a whip-smart, brisk paced script by Julian Fellowes, does a purty decent job of turning out something wholeheartedly entertaining, albeit mildly informational (it’s bit hard to keep track of how all the players fit onto the playing field, but they all look and act so dangs good, esp dueling jerks Paul Bettany and Mark Strong). Where this royal treat excels like ells yeah, isn’t on Vicky’s (a game Emily Blunt) upbringing or ascension to a throne she doesn’t even know how to sit on, but on her courtship and eventul marriage to her soulmate cousin Albert (a mos eggsalad Rupert Friend, helping us 2 5get his prissy Chéri). Sure, their lovely love story’s been told zousand thymes over, but that doesn’t mean for a second that they shouldn’t do it a zousand thymes mo, cause nobody puts Albert in a can and juss leaves him there! You’ve got a friend in Rupert!

Albertopolis: when visiting lovely London, be sure to head to the Victoria & Albert Museum, home to one of our mos flavorite eggzibits of balls thyme, The Power of The Poster. and justin case you 5got, here’s our mos flavorite posters of balls thyme!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Young Vic opens in limited release today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…