Trishna
Rorschach Tess
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 117 min

There’s a famous book that you may have heard of called Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy.  We don’t know a thing about it, cept that it’s probably about a girl named Tess and she’s of d’Ubervilles.  Man, remembering how to spell ‘d’Urbervilles’ is about as hard as remembering how to spell ‘hors d’oeuvres’!  And did you know that the lady of the d’Ubervilles has no relation whatsoever to the lady of Cat Stevens song ‘Lady d’Arbanville’???

Now that that’s settled, one of a kind/wunderkind director Michael Winterbottom has taken the Tess text, whatever it is, and renamed her Trishna of no family name, and moved her story to India.  Since we don’t know the source material, it’s hard to compare how they compare, but this movie is kinda the bomb-bay… well, for a Winterbottom movie that is.  Rule of thumb/numb – if Michael Winterbottom has directed a movie, it’s probably worth seeing.  Trishna is no exception, and probably one of the more exceptional movies he’s done did.  It’s true!

Trishna is Freida Pinto, a peasant girl who works for peanuts to provide for her family.  One day, her traditional dancing  catches the eye of Richie Rich Riz Ahmed (he was in Wintery’s Road to Guantanamo) and he plucks her from poverty to work at one of his father(Roshan Seth, he of the Temple of Doom!)’s hotels.  Since he’s a man, of course he has ulterior motives, like getting into her pants.  She’s shy, and he’s nice, but guards are eventually lowered and so are pants.  Then Trish leaves, returns home, takes care of some unwanted bidness, and the Richie Rich guy goes chasing after her.  They decide to live together in the big city, where him being rich and her being poor isn’t a big deal, and everything goes really darn swell (smiles! more dancing! the life of luxury!), until things change and aren’t going well, and then things GET FREAKING CRAZY!!!!  This flick’s got love, hate, secrets, lies, thighs, Pinto, no beans, beautiful scenery, Indian stuff, some happiness, much sadness AND MUCH MORE!

moral of the story – oh, Trish, of the d’Oeuvres, why do fools fall in love, especially with rich fools who seem to be nice but really are juss controlling iceholes??!?!??!?!  TRAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  we totally now want to read the book watch one of them stuffy British TV mini-series adaptations!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Trishna opens in theaters May 18

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

American Reunion
Help End American Pie Unemployment
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 113 min

You either want to see a movie reunion of the American Pie cast or you don’t.  If you do, you’ll be rewarded with pretty much exactly what you expected + with probably more laffs than you expected to laffs (more funnier than Hangover II).  If you don’t want to see it, then you are un-American Pie.  We pity these actors, because they are good actors and they don’t work all that often.  We also pity Tara Reid.  Poor girl [NSFW]. These people need money, and we should give them our money because we love these people.  Plus Stifler is genuinely a great movie character, 9999 zillions times more so than Mr Chow or any role Ken Jeong plays could ever is be.  9reals.  Seriously, 11reals

Cobrin Bursome & Then Some: we wants us a piece of …

Ali Cobrin

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

American Reunsion is what it is SO DEAL WITH IT, at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Marley
Wailer of a Good Time, Mon
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 144 min

You think you know the story of Bob Marley (he’s that dude who made those amazing reggae songs and smoked a lot of pot!!), but you really don’t the story of Bob Marley (his dad was white, and absent, he really loved soccer, and he had children with at least 7 different women), and although Kevin Macdonald‘s exhaustive and exhausting doc Marley tells the story of Bob Marley as best as it possibly can, we somehow still feel like we didn’t get the full story on Bob Marley.  And that’s OK, mon.  No problem, mon.  Fo’real mon!  Really?  Yeah mon, cause how could a doc about Bob Marley, officially sanctioned & supported by the Marley clan (Rita Marley, Ziggy Marley, Cedella Marley), including all the choice Bob Marley tunes, that gives us a good enuff overview of Bob Marley’s life, from shantytown birth til painful cancerous death, not be something worth seeing?  Guess what, it’s all true, and so it’s worth seeing!

This documentary has been a long gestating project, passing thru the hands of Martin Scorsese, Jonathan Demme, and finally into Macdonald’s.  Macdonald, taking a break from his not so fabulous narrative work (The Eagle, State of Play), returns to where he belongs – doc making.  He gave us One Day in September and Touching the Void, two of the best films docs we’ve ever seen, EVER.  Marley isn’t eggzactly in league with those two, but then again, not much else is.  EAT THAT EVERY OTHER DOC!!!

The talking heads are endless, and endlessly loving (guess he was incapable of being bad.  even his infidelities were accepted!), from the living Marleys (the ones mentioned above + Bob’s mom Cedella Booker), to ex-lovers (Cindy Breakspeare), bandmates (Bunny Wailer, who we could listen to talk pretty much all day long), to even a janitor who worked at a recording studio.  And while their stories are a treat, still, something feels missing… like a deeper understanding of who Bob Marley actually is and was.  Seriously, who was Bob Marley, and what was he is and was???

moral of the (Bob Marley) story – well, he’s that dude who made those amazing reggae songs and smoked a lot of pot, had a white daddy, who was absent, he really loved soccer, and had children with at least 7 different women.  get up, stand up, go to a theater, learn a lil more, and inhale his music.  it’s that simple, like this pretty simple doc, that’s simply one (giant) love (fest), and you love Bob Marley, right?  if you don’t, you need to Exodus planet Earth you idiot

Pop Marley: here lie the only known photo of Bob’s pop, Norval Sinclair Marley.  we smiled & chuckled everytime it popped up in the doc

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Marley lights up in many select theaters & Video On Demand today, 4/20!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Three Stooges
Funskull Numbskullery
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 92 min

Making a Three Stooges movie is a recipe for movie disaster, cause Moe, Larry & Curry are Moe, Larry & Curly, and no one else is.  Even when Curly Howard got a stroke and they replaced him with original member Shemp (and later those other stooge yahoos), it was never the same or as good.  So imagine if you have none of those people, but other people playing those people???  Never saw that 2000 TV biography movie with the Shield/Commish, but that trio don’ts really sound like Moe, Larry & Curly, which is kinda a dealbreaker, no?

Well, the recipe for movie disaster has been averted!!!  HOW??!?!?!?  Bobby & Peter Farrelly are a perfectly suited duo to deal with dumb movies, cause any movie about the Stooges has to be dumb.  AND they had the smarts to put non-marquee names in the GIIIIIIIIIANT shoes that had to be filled.  AND Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe, Sean Hayes as Larry and Will Sasso as Curly totally almost really make you believe that they are sorta exactly maybe Moe, Larry and Curly!!!!  While the film is certainly not a non-stop laugh riot act, it is mos certainly enjoyable from start to finish, cause it’s got the dumb dumbed up, the impersonations down pat, and all around juss captures the exact spirit any Three Stooges fan would expect from a Three Stooges movie

Plot?  Who cares!  It’s got nyuks and head slaps and hammer bonkings, and misadventures and misteradventure, and throws in Jane Lynch, Sofía Vergara, Larry David, Craig Bierko, The Jersey Shorers, a gaggle of adorable moppets + Kate Upton‘s body for good measure(ments).  We left out Jennifer Hudson from that list cause she’s got the same level of acting talent as the cast of Troll 2.  Hactually, that’s not even fair to the cast of Troll 2, cause they’re more deserving of an Oscar than her and her singing voice is ever be.  Please, everyone, stop buying her albums and maybe she’ll go away.  Seriously, she must be stopped

moral of the story – they made a Three Stooges movie that is not horrible, kinda mostly funny, and moist importanly, with its heart in the exact right place it needed to be in, which is good enuff for we, and which should be good enuff for you!

CC her!: we should probably post a pic of Katie Ups in that nun-kini, but instead we want to thighlight cutie Carly Craig

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Stooges is Three of a kind at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope
Conventional Wisdom Dorkdom
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 88 min

Morgan Spurlock takes a very Morgan Spurlockish topic and makes a very un-Morgan Spurlocklike doc about it.  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!?  It means Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope is a pretty standard made doc about something pop culturalish (San Diego’s annual comics & movie dweeb-a-thon), BUT, for the first time ever, Spurlock doesn’t rear his ugly face or give voice to his voice!!  You’d think that this would be a good thing, but after awhile, you kinda start wishing that he’d pop up to laff and smile and provide everymanish commentary

There’s nothing overtly special about this documentary, and it’s probably the least engaging one Spurlock has made, but don’t think for a second that it’s not worth yer time/dime.  This is a great way for you to see what Comic-Con is like (minus any real insight or history) without actually attending.  We’ve never been to Comic-Con, but have worked some other Comic-Con-esque-ish-like cons, and believe you we, it’s better to watch from afar, and not have to inhale the smell of these people

These people come from all walks of geek life, and Spurlock follows a handful of them in and around the con – 2 aspiring graphic artists looking to break into the indutsry, a girl obsessed with video games and creating costumes from them, a guy who plans on proposing to his nerdy queen with the help of Kevin Smith, and our personal favorite, a ye olde thyme comic book collector and seller, who puts some perspective on how the convention has changed over the years (guess what, it’s less about the comics and more about selling movies!)

Smattered inbetween all of this are one-liner reflections about the con by fans and the famous, who are also fans, peeps like Stan Lee, [THE MESSIAH] Joss Whedon, the aforementioned Smith, Eli Roth, etc etc

moral of the story – Spurlock’s very un-Spurlockiskian Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope doesn’t provide much hope, but does provide cuteness, laughs and a delightful lil overview of a convention that we should all probably stay 4 states away from

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Hope floats in limited release AND on VOD Friday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…