Thighs Wide Shut

Plain and nipple simple, you don’t, unless you watch the uber–unhotness VIDEO of it happening!! [updated betterest areola vid link mad hotness via Dis Lonely Hizland]

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– I never thought I’d see the day, but Elisha Cuthy Cuthinson did something that makes me want to puke all over my penis: had raw tuna for lunch.

– For those who care (or to see how orange she is), Her Former Royal Thighness, LL’s guest spot on That ’70s Show will air on November 10th – this Wednesday. And while u wait for that, Grambs dissects her upcoming album’s cover. Seriously, where are the tits!!

– So much good info from The Fiddler today: Six Feet Over? Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!! At least they know how to go out on top unlike The So-borings. Simpsons flick set for 2008. And after peeping Tim Burton’s Wonka poster, I’m officially scared for me and all the Augustus Gloops out there.

– CAT IN SPACE!!!! [via Zach de la Roachclip]

– Renee Zellweger engaged to Jack White? Maybe puffer fish face will take over on drums for Meg.

– Ewan McGregor as 007? NOW there’s something I can get behind… besides Jude Law on all fours!

– Google helps you find porn and now can even save people’s lives! [via Mediabistro]

– NBC will continue to carry the wurstest in network sports… at least until 2011.

– How does one purrfectly advertise for that super Wilco-Lips-Kinney New Year’s show? They do it like dis.

– The 70s were such an awful decade. Let these Weight Watchers recipe cards be further proof. [via My Man Marvkus]

– How dare some yokel use the great name of Waffle House in a song bashing Kerry. To make us all feel better, read the brief history of Waffle House. [both via Made of Brawnsteeen]

– The International Sand Collectors Society. These guys get slightly more pussy than the Elephant Man.

– Bruce Lee animated gif, from Johnny Dollar to you and me.

– Peace the fork out to Howard Keel, a man I knew little about, cept he had a WICKED-a$$ mustachio!

– Everyone knows the Thigh Master is a man all about dem Japanese peoples. And you should too, cause who doesn’t love ‘Japanese business man is tired‘ and bitch slappingings. [both via Newbsy Russell]

– Andy Rooney delivered one of his sharpest curmudgeon thing-a-ma-bobs of the year on last evening’s 60 Minutes.

– Adidas’ T-Mac 4: the mos pointless shoe since the Reebok Pump? If you see Dee Brown sporting these, run for your lives!

– Loathe green beans like me, then don’t even think about trying the Green Bean Casserole Soda.

– Alert to Arkansas boys who enjoy swordfighting, keep an eye on the Arkansas girl who can blow a 16-inch bubble.

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– 19 lobsters in 35 minutes. My hero.

– And just wanted to briefly mention the two fab election week shows I attended last week: Le Tigre @ Irving Platz and R.E.M. @ MSG. Le Tigs f-in rocked… whilst playing as few instruments as humanly possible. It was the day before the election and spirits were high… especially being around a ton o lesbians rocking out, who you knew were voting for JFKerry. The new and old tunes shined on like crazy diamonds. As for Rapid Eye Movement, a lot of peeps be knocking how boring their new album is, but they juss plain crazy. Listen to it 7 mo times for a full effect. And personally, I think since Bill Berry left the group, they’ve only gotten BUTTER! Yepper-ino. The show I saw was two days after the election. Stipey and co were rather quiet, quiet like the new songs, but the energy was high, but not as high as me. They summed up how the audience was feeling when when they opened with ‘It’s The End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)’ and before playing classic ‘Cuyahoga’, said ‘This is a song about Ohio’ to a chorus of boooos (to the red state, not the song). And sure, some of the new songs slowed down the set, and I wasn’t too happy the didn’t play the breastest song off of Around The Sun, ‘Electron Blue’, but it tit all sounded so beautiful (was that heteroflexible sounding enuff?). You can find the set-list here. Howevs, the show was not nearly as umcredible as the two I caught last year around this time on their greatistist hits tour. And I juss wanna add that it be a crying shame that the show wasn’t even sold out. C’mon people, they’re just as good as fellow 20+ year olders U2, cept they didn’t play inside a giant lemon or like the Pope’s johnson. So go and support the gay political bald dude. He needs more money to be gayer, politicaller, and even more bald. Who loves ya baby?

– Just to make you Blue Staters/Red Haters feel better, take a peep at this average IQ list of the states (who knowz how valid the data is). [via My Man Marvkus]

– And here’s some hotness to get u thru til the next posting…

– SAAB (Small And Animated Boobs). NSFW (Not Safe For Work). TTMMFNSA (The Thigh Master’s Mos Favoritistits New Site Around). [via Cefle via Metafilter]

– Really lame Urban Legends. [via Site With That HORRIBLE Logo]

– The Steelers’ logo and why its only on one side of the helmet all hexplained here! [via Ask Yazoo!]

– Alaska could have been the next Netherlands.

– ‘Kemosabe’, not racist.

– The Missouri El Tigres’ men’s b-ball squad were smacked with 3 years probation, but no ban on tourney play. Quin Snyder could not be reached for comment cause his nose was deep down in a pile of blow. Let it be known that Quiny, with the Leonardo DiCap hair, be the only person associated with the Dukies that I remotely respect.

– Liquid Heroin Found in Fruit Juice Boxes. I think these be those long lost/rumored juice boxes that were suppose to end up in Jonestown, Guyana, instead of that wicked cyanide Kool-Aid.

– Flash animation at tits wurstest, starring Ted ‘The Million Dollar Man’ DiBiase (best watched wit sound). [via Mr Flip] Speaking of WRASTlin’, is it juss me or did anyone else not know that Miss Elizabeth died last year? Everyone snap into a Slim Jim on her behalf and bewhole.

– Buy a the mix CD pieced together by Grandaddy’s Jason Lytle and you can win a mix cassette! WOW! Now all the winner has to do is find a tape player!

– Add Macca to the Band Aid III line-up.

– Select yous, sign up for free passes to see Natalie Portman play a stripper in Closer or Geoffrey Rush looking eggzactly like Peter Sells in The Life & Death of Peter Sellers. And for you EnWhySeaers, pick up free passes to see Bridget Jones II, Seed of Chucky, and Brett Ratner’s latest piece of crap.

And some final political fizz…

– Now that Puffy’s mission of getting famous skinny people and Democratic NYers to vote is over, maybe he can resurrect Nintendo’s Skate Or Die!

– Single and want to move to Canada pronto? Click me! Or contact Cutie Canuck Paige. [via My Democratic Man Marvkus]

– You thought G Dub won yesterday? Boviously you were mistaken. The map don’t lie peoples! Major congratrelations to The Peabs & The Coz!!! I can already hear the ‘4 more years!’ chant, but…

– Who you puttin yer money on in 2008? Here be

– Which of these is in the K-Rock Claus Fest 2004 line-up is not like the others: VELVET REVOLVER, KORN, PAPA ROACH, JIMMY EAT WORLD, CHEVELLE, and FRANZ FERDINAND. I’ll give you a hint, has to do with a WWI assassinated dude and the band’s music is actually something u can listen to without puking on yerself. Give up? Then go ahead and buy tickets to the show @ Continental Arena, Friday, December 3rd. The password is ‘turnpike’

– Saw Saw? But will you see Saw 2 too?

– If Bush loses, at least he can mcnabb a free acupuncture!

– Calling all waiters: GET YER A$$ TO PHILLY!!

– Who knew that Dr Seuss was a sell-out before he could even sell-out, Horton?

– Delpy & Theroux: Dopest screen couple since Law & Watts in I Heart Crapabees? Methinks so!

– And finally, if you do not vote, I will cease to post sweaty pics of Her Royal Thighness II. You’ve been warned…

– Why rent the worstest movie mt everest, aka The Girl Next Store, starring Easy-E Cuthbert, aka Her Royal Thighness The II, when you can watch the BREASTEST part over and over right here (and if you don’t have sound, u can juss read her lips, I know I DO!!). Bi da weigh, this is pretty much a good representation of how our evenings are filled… that’s why she’s so convincing of an actress. [via Shady Harry’s Son]

– Major congrats to the MD Twerps who finally beat FSU for the first time ever. Too bad yer record is a bunk-a$$ 4-4.

– Chemical Brothers’ drop their next LP Push the Button on January 25th. Q-Tip is on board for a song, but what other fun sirprizes lie ahead? Meanwhilst, Fischerspooner are putting the finishing touches on their second album, tentatively titled ‘Odyssey’, with Mirwais behind the wheels. Guest star pastabilties include David Byrne, Linda Perry, Susan Sontag and Tony Hoffer. It’ll drop sometime next Spring.

– Twin Peaks Season 2 DVDs coming out in late 2005?

– The Futureheads pay a visit to the Canal Room this Wednesday night. Tis only 8 bones!!

– Ricky Gervais turns Oasis shill.

– Albarn, Gallygerrrr and Damien Hirst are a go for Band Aid III.

– Someone please stop this man!

– If you are a multi-tasker like el Maestro of Thighs, I recommend you start using Mozilla’s Firefox browser. Tabs aint just for Microsoft Excel any mo!!

– The first Lohan Herbie: Fully Loaded pic has been unleashed!! For a second there, I thought this was a sneak peek at Tim Burton’s version of The Oompah Loompahs!! (click image for enlargement)

– Enjoy G Dub’s cover of ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday’? Here’s a whole bunch mo.

– Chris Columbus currently be shopping around his Little Steven’s Underground Garage Festival doc to the big studios.

– Bored? Play with Rubik’s Cube.

– Peace the fork out doesn’t always apply to people who die. I’d like to extend some Forking to the following peeps: Goldie, Kathy Whiteside, Ira Mellman and Johnny Dark, who all got the pink slip from WBIG Oldies 100, the radio station I interned at in the mid 90s, and a berry belated PEACE THE FORK OUT to my main man and lass, Senor & Senora Gomberigas. Hope you make the most out of yer new Midwest digs, i.e. eating at Steak n Shake for every meal.

– And speaking of Senor G, he passed along this fine link: A Montana Woman Is Accused of Letting Her 18-MONTH-OLD Daughter Smoke Marijuana From A Bong. That almost makes this guy look normal: Idaho Man Accused of Stealing Underwear