Thighs Wide Shut

First, the dead

—–

And now for the qwik (since doing this year 2 wrap up thang takes about as long as watching The Ten Commandments on A-B repeat on a trip to Alpha Centauri)

Lolla line-up to be announced next week, but WERD has it that Particle, the Disco Biscuits, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are a go. Brian Peppers is also a possib

Who the fork wants to see Cuthbert play Mike Utley?

The Streets’ vid for ‘When You Wasn’t Famous’. It’s got mad STREETS cred, YO!

Over the tweakend, WE HIT THE 2 MILLION MAN MARCH!!!

MC Hammer hates typepad

Travelin Kubrick eggzibit lookin for partners to help bring it to America. If you work at some fancy shmancy museum and you happen to read my site, MAKE IT HAPPEN OR I’LL CUT OFF YOUR JOHNSON

The Kinks, Prince & Smokey Robinson video mash-up

Think Rod Smart lists ‘He Hate Me’ as a skill on his newly typed up resume?

A NSFW Guide to Women’s Nipples

Plenty o Thank You For Not Smoking screenings

Lego Brokeback Mountain [Fiddler]

Coach K…ommercial [Navi’s Navel Naval Base]

Puppy Mover Monorail

Shock Absorber [Marwanicur]

Do hens produce more poop than they do eggs?

Silly tube maps

Jewish Girls Gone Wild! [Shady Acres]

Press-on madness

Most Unusual Buildings On Earth

REAL transformer [Pakula Shaker]

And then ZARDOZZZZZZZZZz

and

From the First Family of Thighs, to all of Jews, OUR DEAR READERS AND DIRT BAGS LOOKING FOR HOT SNAPS OF HOT BIZATCHES ON THE GOOGLES, we heart you!!!

The SnoozeYork Times have finally caught on to this whole Camilla Belle (aka Her Royal Thighness VII) jizznomenom. Too bad they have standards and aren’t allowed to talk about drawing maps of Hawaii all over themselves in print.

And while James Blunt is busy putting on bigger maneuvers than Lando at the battle of Taanab on Princess Leia, the rest of the galaxy sends their love

[SumTang Awfully good via
Tom Wellington]
Me, Medium-Sized? I’m long overdue to be SUPER THIGHS MEed!!!

Too bad Cliff Engle sweaters don’t come in super size, but sometimes tight will fit juss right, hispecially if you have big tits like me!

Hilton Shortlisted To Play Teresa Role!?!??!E#!!!
WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT???

Katie Danza > Samantha Micelli, unless we’re talkin bout NSFW Samantha Micelli

Cuthbest, Soul Man, fake JFK, the mother from Poltergeist, Leland Palmer, Robocop, and Mike Figgis’ male muse. No this isn’t Surreal Life 2112, juss the breast that’s yet to cum all overourshelves on the 2nd half of this season’s killah hills 24!!! And soapfully President Logan won’t have to make any more big decisions!!

Falkor’s sister still a go for Hexxx, but no word on a soundtrack by Bubba Sparxxx, Basment Jaxx, anything off of Speakerboxxx, or the sounds of Zaxxon!!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is quacking rising the charts as the mos brills actor with a hyphenated name. First was the pillow biting bitterness of Mysterious Skin, and next up is the Lukas Haas-a-dickie-thon-ing of Brick!!! Had his former 10 Things I Hate About You co-star Heath Ledger co-starred with him in this, maybe they woulda called it BrickBack Mountain!! If that ends up on YouTube, I’m suing. And if I don’t get any money from that I’m going to cut off a finger and claim I found it in a bowl of chili from Wendy’s!!

A day after eggzalting the virtues and virgins of Lucas, I find out that it’s writer/director is penning the screenplay to the remake of my mos personal flavorite Hitchcock flick (that isn’t Psycho), Strangers On A Train. My right off the bat guano thoughts are that it won’t be as Vince Vile-able as GvanSant’s Psycho, but den again, it won’t even come close to matching the Anne Ramsey condom ribbed for all our pleasureness of the ’87 versh!! We don’t have a Cousin Paddy.

Props to the Mars Props. My money is totally on Sam Cassell to be the first to make it to the red planet!!!

Something tells me these people eat ham wrapped in bacon wrapped in Slim Jims covered in fur

The tATuers as kids, you sick fuck

and something from their Russian site…

gawd dang, they really hates place!!

Bestest weekly sports article only WashPosters know about, but everyone else should: The Starting Lineup

From Buddy to Sufjan: The Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good Covers Project

Speegle

Oh, so that is what that is from [beware the audio via Dr Falada]

Is it ok to want both kinds of Pancake Mountain shirts?

Cartoon Skeletal Systems

An Analysis of Netflix’s DVD Allocation System [zzzz via Yachew! via Guns n Rosenthal]

The International Ginger Kids Foundation, where kids have firecrotches and worship Sissy Spacek [via Jim et Jules]

Trailer for the World’s Greatest Piece O’Crap Film Ever

Pencil in penis backfires

Bob’s Animal Fights [via DVD Author 2 On The Rocks]

Anyone else’s lips flaming?

When and Why Did Women Start Shaving Their Legs?
and
What Caused Women To Start Shaving Their Armpits?
and
Who Decided Women Should Shave Their Legs and Underarms?
and
Why question such practices? The more we talk about it the more likely they’ll stop and start being as dirty as men. I mean, they are godessesses who fart vanilla and poop roses, they’re our moms and daughters, our sisters, and our hobags, our sluts, and our gay PE teachers. Womens forever!!! But I think it’s aiiight to raise the question of shaving in the v region, right?

Too bad our German brethren and Lutherans hate woman and think think they’re totally helpless and want Abenteuer to DIE!! Look how they treated Elizabeth Shue in poster form compared to us fun loving Mohammed hating Americunts!!!!

Good thing they decided to write the rongs of their Nazi past, cause if the Shue fits, bang it!! Dutchovenland uber alles!

The 2006 Bloggies BOO-ies, starring many a boo bazzles + the underground goodness that is YCMIU, and doves course, not us!! Bitter much? M’yes, but not as bitter has dem herbs during Passover. Maybe it has sum tang to do wit being #11 search result for ‘PAINT YOUR TITS.COM’???

Speaking of people who search for things like that, gay bashers who love tits (and Larry David) can finally rejoice: NSFW clips of Anne Hathaway AND Michelle Williams in Gay Cowboys: THE MOVIE, on the internets/webs!!!

Kids In The Hall, like Tony! Toni! Tone!, are doing it again! [via CRAP!]

Apple are the new Nickelback, cept they don’t copy themselves [via Mod Squad]

It so sad that I was juss learning how to m-bate around the time that Willa Holland and Saaya Irie were born

More Holland cheese that isn’t edam or gouda: TV Guide int + Countdown Clock on DakotaCountDown.com??!!? I still can’t bee leave people are counting down to Dakota’s age of ripeness. She’s like everyone’s perfect kid sister, kinda like Lisa Simpson, cept a lot hottier

Sometimes I wish I had the foresight of Rosanne Cash

With Ladytron westward bound and gagged for the end of April, you can book em dano for Coachella

Droopy Dog‘s finally got himself some spank material!

Does the title of your book got twat it takes to be a bestseller? Lulu’s Titlescorer KNOWS ALL! So who wants to publish my memoirs?

I think RANDOM House would be a good fit, eh?

Top 65 Music Videos of 2005 [via Korean Grosser]

Kazakhstanis Against Borat

The one, the only, the IFOCE video montage

Vintage Vantage’s Top Shelf… what, there weren’t any fat people who wore cool threads in the 70s/80s? And me donts thinks $234 clams is too much to pay when Burger Chef memories are on the line!! Yes, BURGER CHEF [beware audio]!!!

Could possib-drew-bly be better than The Man

Go-Go Boots.com’s Photo Gallery

Celebs sing + ads rock!

Bidders beware of fake Cliff Engle sweaters, and fake dog poop. What ‘fake dog poop’?

Mozzy likes it!

I spit you not, but yesterday, a bum on the subway smelled eggzactly like a freshly opened bag of salt and vinegar chips

And to take the stink straight of outta yer mouth from this snapple of KK, HRT the V, givin us the sassy takin a dump face, Strut magazine has blessed us with this slut tazazine!!

Us 80s DC metro kids alls know that this is the greatestist commercial of balls thyme (sadly, not a link to the actual commercial), but did we, and the rest of you jerkfaces from st elsewhere, know that the spot above, where a methed out Fraiser is trying his damnedest to sell the world on Shaq-Fu: THE VIDEO GAME, is 2nd breastest of gaul’s lime? I consider the uploading of this ‘mercial my biggest contribution to the internets mt EVERest/olive!!

BONUS FU: the fu-iest fu-sic video for the ultimate in fu-llaboration: The Fu-Schnickens & Shaq-Fu gettin all ‘What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock?)’ e-fu-ed!!

• Ice-T AND Body Count is both coming out wit NEW albums?!??!SE#@#@@2!!! [source matz] WH—AAaAT??!!t5t1!!yes!!! One is called Murder for Hire and the other is Gangsta Rap. If you can quess which deep title belongs to which artist and are the 3751223485th person to email me your answer, I’ll buy you one medium thin crust pizza from Domino’s! And if that’s not enuff grate news about meaningless old things that rock, New Edition is reuniting for the 15th time so Bell Biv and DeVoe can pat their rent, but THIS TIME with Bobby Brown on board, who also needs to pay his rent!! Wow, maybe they all should make a NEW EDITION of the Rent movie cause the one we got SUCKED. Get it, a NEW EDITION, cause they’re New Edition and I want them to make a NEW EDITION of the movie Rent cause thereir’s will be better than the one with all the stoopid white people who sing instead of earning a paycheck. STOP SINGING AND HAVING SNARKY ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES AND STOP SINGING!!!!

• I’d be down with a Pumpkins, ‘rillaz, Stripes second night of ‘chella

• Cause like Doggy Poo [trailer], sometimes dreams really DO come true: Free Marissa shirts (+ Falkor’s sister with Hitler’s fruit of choice)! [apparel american via Chillary G]

• So is having HFRT CC THE IV on The OC my next wet dream come true like Jude Law making out with Damon Albarn, with a soundtrack by Pasemaster Mase?

• Merry belated peace the fork out to President David Palmer. Hopefully you got some killer Allstate Life Insurance!!! And may the YMNTD.com be with you, ballways [via Mega Man/Van]

• Merry war the spoon in to Nixon Pt II: President Logan aka llon Tandro aka Dr. Dysek aka Captain Sopek!!!

• Ziyi Zhang totally wants to 2046nine it up with Slim Shadeball

• ClintonPortis.com’s collection of Clinton Portis Characters [via Mr I-495]

• IFC Films secured the US theatrical rights to a movie that maybe 4,876 people would want to see (including me, annie + 1, and 4,873 hipsters)

• The Fiddler should quit blogging and juss make eyelicious art things with album covers all ze time

• celebrity rebus – part 1

• Hottest Significant Other Tournament, Savory 16

• Little Urchins, for when you want yer baby to oh, well, whatever, nevermind.

• Can you peoples stop taking pictures of me in the park while I’m reading A Catcher In The Rye

• 25th Anniversary AllSportsMarket.com DeLorean Give-Away

• Many a FREE screenings to the next Pied Piper of Perabo adventure

• This one is for TK Stack Money: Who’s responsible for naming the planet Uranus?

• THE goal

• Coca-Cock-a? [SFW via Navi’s Unibrow Universe]

• Sorry I couldn’t be of service for the one earthling searching for “Nick Goings’ eyebrows”. To make it up to you, here’s an old link of an old man with old eyebrows doing what he does best: being old

• And

Hooray for Gay Cowboys and Michael Scott! Boo to neckbeards, housewhores [NSFW], and everything else that isn’t gay or Munich/Squid related! Hispecially the mos blandestist biopic mt everest/FUJI!!!

• Les 1st photos of David Lynch’s latest straight story. Fobviously, not going to be as good as M Dr [NSFW] [other link via Whine n Chez]

• The Whites to turn yellow

• Coxon, forever a cockmuffin

• Bandwagon, like bigmouth, strikes again!

• Peep the trailer to the Lohag/Anna Stern eggstravaganza dubbed Just My Luck. Think it’ll suck or rock like Alan Ruck? I dunno, but I don’t think anyone should ever be touting this in a trailer…

• Cuthbest nude pic, fake, but I knows yer gonna click anywaysz [NSFW via Newbsy]

• DEV2.0 and their ‘Whip It’ vid [WinMe]

• Marissa was freed, but that shouldn’t stop one of yous from making tees of the lamest teen TV moment since ‘Donna Martin Graduates’!! And when you get em made, please send me an XL!

• The REAL When A Stranger Calls trailer [via Skeeter]

• Old, but seriously Apple, what the fork is this all about? STANKBunkONIA!!!

• To hell with Sufjan Stevens and to heaven with Basil Rathbone and Co!

• Chuck Norris Facts & Chuck’s ‘response’ [via Stefan Nopolous & the D-House of Boo]

• Jack Bauer wants his Calorie Mate NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! [via NYMets]

• Lets give a hand… job, for Sophie Howard [NSFW… just dont bother looking at her face]

• The William Shatner DVD Club

• Freaks of Nature, Human Oddities, Prodigies, Anomalies, and Circus & Carnival Sideshow Performers

• I’ll pay you 4 bucks if you drink this

• Girls Don’t Poop

Back To The Future II:
THE TRADING CARDS!!

• ThingsMyBoyfriendSays.com & ThingsMyGirlfriendAndIHaveArguedAbout.com [via Data Dazzler]

• Life Size Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite in LEGOS!! [via UMC]

• Topher’s Breakfast Cereal Character Guide

• These ‘party photos’ are not endorsed in any way by Thigh Master LLC

• Kung-Fu Hustlers

• Dakotyo Fannzilla [vid via Bella Vista Social Studyer]

• And the nose knows