Thighs Wide Shut

Unconscious (Inconscientes)
A Waking Wife
Trailer

Unconscious is hands AND thighs down the finestest Spanish sex farce period piece comedy that will be released in theaters in 2007 (good luck to whichever is the second movie to fit that bill this year!). This film was released in it’s native country two years ago, and made the usual rounds on the festival circuit the following year, and is just now reaching our shores. Why the delay? I haven’t the slightest idea, but this mos delightful and delicious film about Freud, sexual taboos, and sweating your sister/brother-in-law will remind you that there are other talented filmmakers working in Spain that don’t happen to be named Almodóvar. Joaquín Oristrell is that director not named Almodóvar and he takes us on a non-stop rollercoaster ride of fun and funny as our two star crossed lovers-in-laws, the facial hair dynamo Luis Tosar (the drug king pin from Miami Vice) and IMO, the mos beautiful non-English speaking woman in the world Leonor Watling (one of the coma chicks in Almodóvar’s Talk To Her), examine sexual norms and abby normals as they try find Watling’s missing husband. Think Sex and The City, cept the city isn’t NYC, the women aren’t that annoying, and it doesn’t star a horse/genius

Unsatisfied with this?: Netflix our 11th mos flav pic from the ’06 Only Human [Trailer|TWS review] which was written and directed by the same husband-wife team that wrote Unconscious

Possible Porno Name: OnCuntLips

Apt MPupil3: the Beatles take on ‘Bésame Mucho‘ [d]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers + an extra Jeeper!

before we go, we long over dooley bid a doo-doo to the our longest reigning Royal Thighness (crowned a year ago today!) Camilla Belle Routh, as we say hola to our neuva pequeño amigo, whom we hinted Royal status at 1/2 a year ago, but have been once bitten forever smitten with for ages…

Her Royal
Thighness The VIII
Leonor
Ceballos
Watling

•

and before you go knockin our latest 1st Lady of Thighland
czech out her NSFW knockers

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

remember her Current Royal Thighness the VII?
yeah, we couldn’t either
cause bizatch has been double timin on her royal duties
in the Kingdom of Thighland
as VW’s Princess

[tons mo where I came on]

so, by the end of this weak, Camila Belle’s one year purple nurple reign is gonna come to an end, and on my face

Peace The Fork Out In Overdrive
to
a Pacemaker who didn’t have a pacemaker
Green Lantern’s green lighter
Dudley Do-Right’s doer
the rhyming Dodger
Divine’s dresser
the OG Wheez
&
major ones
go out 2
to the guy
who Booger played in Ray
&
the dude who made it safe to JO to female blue things

Marc Jacobs hearts kiddie porn

by the looks of it, her Current Royal Thighness may be headed to Hagville, where our first HRT, Lohag, rules the school

song dat currently makin me the opposite of sober? The Shirley Bassey-e sassy-e Amy Winehouse’s ‘Rehab’ [d|vid]

go ahead, I dare you to send Andy Rooney your crap

while the Wii is slowly rollin out the oldies thru their virtual console dazzle (with some Commodore 64 titles comin in the future!), you can buy this thang and say g-bye to blowing your cartridges

Luscious Jackson’s Jill Cunniff goes solo. This news would be shocking if Luscious Jackson were still a band or if Jill Cuniff was riding my face like the Belmont Stakes. By the gay, her first LJ side-project, Kostars, is near and dear to my farts

Hootie & The Blowfishburger [Made of Brawn-steeeen]

Can you breastfeed if you have implants?

Can playing with a Slinky change the channels on your TV set?

Google’s patent search, although not endorsed by my father and brother, both patent laywers

OhMiBod [Girlhattan]

fess up, which one of you were searchin for ‘my sweet tits breasts anus naked butt thighs nude vagina hot camel toe poon tang clan heroes in a half shell‘

Wisconsin Man Runs Over, Eats Seven-Legged Transgendered Deer [Cruisespanko]

and the movie to beat for ’08’s Oscars? No, not Harry Pots 5 [trailer] or even Buy Apple or Die Hard [trailer], but the flick with a flying dog that’s got more Air than Bud, Underdog [Pakula Shaker]!

You hearted the NFC preview so much that yer boners tore thru every pair of Under Armor under garments in yer drawers (pun sorta intended), right? Lucky you, I cobbled together an AFC preview on the very day that the season commences. Lucky me that Just My Luck is now available on DVD, as it will soon be headed for the dreaded bargain bin, which will then fill my need for new drink coasters for the homestead!

AFC East

There’s juss sum tang about this division that bores me more than Hebrew school. It’s filled with nuttin but perennial losers, sans the Patsies, all dough the Pats are losers in a different way cause the abandoned Pat the Patriot for Pat the Super Future Shiny Patriot. At least they had the foresight to not use Mel Gibson‘s Patriot. YUCK. If Brady and Belichick are still running the show, they’ll keep winning the division. And while people are all up on the Dolphins’ chances, I’m still not 800% sold on a ‘healthy’ Culpeps and Ronnie Brown as their sole running back, cause ya never know, he could go up in smoke like Cheech & Bong> and end up playing for the Amsterdam Admirals

AFC North

This divish is the eggzect opposite of the AFC East. I honeslty would lock myself in a closest and watch nuttin but ten billion games between these 4 teams, even if two of them are technically the Cleveland Browns. There’s so much hate, and so many cool a$$ color schemes nick goings on here. Sure, the Ravens would never win the approval of Michael Kors, but you gotta give props to a team named after an Edgar Allen Poem. Is it too late to name their stadium The Pit and the Pendulum? Despite the ultimate bestness of having their logo appear on only one side of their helmets, the Danielle Steeles are no lock for the division crown, as Big Ben is in talks with the Knievel family about starring in a biopic about Evel. The Bengals, with Kitty Kitna gone to Dumptown, are one knee injury away from being the Anthony Wright squad (not to be confused with IU’s Wright Quad), which is juss so Anthony Wrong. That leaves the fake Browns and the real Browns to duke it out for divison crown and browndom. If you can’t figure out which one is the real one and which is the fake one, then you gotta go to Mo’s (Death Watch)!

AFC South

I think the Colts should build four zillion houses for the dude who decided to put the Texas Toastens, JagOffs, and Titan AEs in their division. That’s purty much 5-6 wins guaranteed for them each year for the foreseeable future. OK, so the Jags aint that bad, but they lasted about as long in the playoffs last year as Judge Reinhold did spanking to Phoebe Cates [NSFW]. The other two teams aren’t even worth talking about, so if I were the Colts, start learning the lyrics to ‘Bye Bye Bye’ and plan on taking a lil family vacation during the first week of the playoffs

AFC West

Too many off season moves and changes = too many a question marks for der Chefs (they’d been better off with John Edward summoning Barry Word than lettin Herm Edwards coach), the Chargers (seriously, who the fork is Philip Rivers?), and der Raiders (they shoulda invested in Magic Shell, not Art). And tit aint gonna help the Chiefs none with a cheerleading squad as bunk as theirs (the Raiderettes aint so fine either, see above snap). That leaves the Broncos (whose c-leaders are a distant 2nd to the Charger Girls) to clean house in those super ooogly unies they’ve been sportin since the ’97. Yetty, how could one hate on a team with two Bells at running back? If the Mile High Clubber(Lang)s should open a Taco Bell in their stadium and rock halftime shows with Camilla Belle stripping at the fity yard line, I could easily kiss my burgundy & gold allegiance g-bye for good.

Seeds:
#1 Colts
#2 Broncos
#3 Pats
#4 Ravens
#5 Steelers
#6 Dolphins

AFC Champs: Colts

Super Bowl Winner: Colts

Fantasy Outlook AFC Shazz

Me loves: Colts everything, Reuben Droughns, Lee Evans, T Gonz with a moster return to form, and the Pats D (look at their schedule, they play poop on a stick!)

Me hates: KC WRs, Lamont Jordan, Steve McNair, Vinatieri, and Matt Jones

Don’t sleep on these sleepers: Nate Kaeding, Kellen Winslow, whoever wins that Texans starting RB gig, Steve McNair, Laveranuesnesses Coles, and peas do sleep on Sleepers, which Gulf of Sonkin took a girl to see on what has gots to be the single wurstest 1st date mt everest!!

James Stewart ‘Forced To Bed Hookers’

[32 невероятни vis Mets]
Cuthbest a Heeb?

Nextest Big Horror Subgenre: processed food mascots

Sofia Coppola, gots papa’s last name and everyone else’s idears

SpottingTrains

March 2007 is a long time to wait for director Danny Boy-le‘s next joint, Sunshine, so why snot peek a sneak now! I dare u to try and not laff at the Chris Evans bits

The Trainspottingettes

Raymi’s BONER OF THE WEEK

Found: Raising Arizona‘s H.I. McDunnough?

Here to hear Kasabain‘s unofficial England World Cup anthem/kinda busted cover of Bowie’s ‘Heroes’

the only time you’ll ever see a Wonketttetetzzz link on thighs [Lou Maller]

I need a simple solution, I need…

…to plug that can in as many of her orifices as NYC has edifices

Charles Nagy-ing Reminders:

Bonnie Wright > Frank Lloyd Wright, but also = that’s just not wright

Sarah McLachlan saved DMC’s life and she also saves his cover of Ugly Kid Joe‘s ‘Cat’s In The Cradle’ [d]

Andy Rooney & Public Art, see it again, for the humpteenth thyme, truss me, tits wool-worth’s it

Puritan Blister

we knows the Encyclopedia Britannica kid [vid] had one weblog, but a second one, which is more NSFW than NSFW^{34127809032p4}? I always wondered where his mandibula was

Miguel Cabrera thinks he’s Kelly Leak

I’d still like to kiss Jessica Stein

Can’t help you there dept: Camilla Belle getting a foot message

the 6-pack holder, still America’s #1 animalphobe

Buy the Original Athena Tennis Girl Outfit

[yep, the Daddle]
The Toaster made out of Toast!

Inflatable Chicken Protector

Hey Schjimi… Gimme a cheese with nuttin [El Grippe]

too hot

Game Over [vid]

The Pit of Carkoon [NSFW]

and it’s Wimbelodon (upon) thyme, YO! And besides INVASION, this can mean only one (more like three) things:

Game
Set
Snatch

[Keeley = mostly sweaty NSFW bestness]