Thighs Wide Shut

While the rest of you fools are munchin on carpet and drinkin gin and jews, some of us good Semitic peeps are atoning for our sins. Some of us probably need to fast for a lil bit longer than a day to make up for all the evil m-batin’ sin shiz that we didage this previous year. Anywho, for those takin part, I bid you a

• Got yerself some White Sox fever? Then get yerself some of this rare Cliff Engle sweater hotness

• The VV dubs BV Best Blog for Knowing What Scenester Concerts to Avoid Every Night… congrats, I guess

• The Harriet And George Letters

• Where were these guys on Rocktober 1st?

• A-Z of Fake schools… what, no love for the Horny Toads of Olde Tex from the Anthony Michael Hall mastercheese Johnny Be Good?

• Jake’s related to Art? Well I guess it’s time I outted myself as a distant cousin of Shelly Winters

• What’s the purpose of the little pocket in the right front pocket of jeans? The answer MAY juss sirprize you!

• Do “close door” buttons on elevators ever actually work? The answer(s) will PROBABLY not sirprize you

• Free passes to Harold Ramis’ latest attempt at comedy

• Bright Feet Lighted Slippers… thanks, but I like my feet dumb

• Star Wars: The Forgotten Force Customizing Group… I’m a big fan of Bespin Guard series

• Gallery of Bellydancing Librarians… makes me all gooey decimal system [Popbiatch]

• Paris Hilton Screwing [SFW]

• Never forget: Joe Namath drunk and trying to get his groove back like Stella [video]

• And enuff with you nay-sayers, cause SBREAM (side boobs rule everything around me)

[More from our Holiday at Rehomo Beach, DE here]

• Mischa Mishka thanks her mum (not JCNH) for her style, but has yet to give up any kinda gratitude to sibling Falkor, who help pave the way to success in Hollywood for all the luck dragons of our world.

• Renée Smellweger’s marriage has apparently turned more sour than her ‘I suck on 15 lemons per minute’ face. Too bad she can’t rekindle with Jack White since he’s moved on to redder pastures. And too bad this may happen

• Ringo’s birthplace is to be demolished cause it has ‘no historical significance’. Forget about the past and all your sorrow/The future won’t last/It will soon be your tomorrow

• Lohag’s funbags Lohan’s eyebags ‘removed in editing suite’

• Call me when they go to eleven [via Poon]

• Bill Gates Meets Napoleon Dynamite

• Siskel & Ebert (& Roepers)’s Top Ten Bestest of the Year Lists from the 69 to the 04

• Poop poops CMJ Awards outta his poophole

• Captain O aint no hero of mine

• Google Betas a Blog Search Engine, but why search when you can find everything you’d ever want right here

• Why is gas priced to nine-tenths of a cent?

• Why do photographers ask you to say “cheese”?

• Rear Of The Year

• Porn Star or Pop Star

• De’Cody comes from a long line of fags [via Wrigley Fielder]

• Mad phat rhymes + Legend of Zelda = this [via K-Paxman]

• The Martha Dumptruck/Andy Milonakis Conspiracy

• Bid on The Ultimate Hippie Vacation [via Z de la R]

• And how could I forget to mention the peace de la forging out of the great Robert Wise. If you don’t know who I speak of, you better wise up you wisenheimer!!! Not only was he the pimp behind the wheels and 2-time Oscar winner (4 overall) for The Sound of Music and West Side Story, but also was the shrimp behind the pimp behind Citizen Kane (aka, he edited what is considered the greatest flick of them all), and for trivia purposes, was the last crew member to die… although cast member Sonny Bupp, who played Kane’s young son, Charles Foster Kane III, is still alive and kickin’, making him the ONLY living person associated with Kane alive. We’ll miss you Robbie… and we’ll freeze you Sonny.

PS2 –

PS 69 –

PS M’YES! – Is there any possible way that The Quiet won’t eventually break the pause and A-B repeat buttons on my DVD player? I guess we’ll have to wait awhile to find out the answer to that chilling query, but in the greenwhich meantime, these will suffice…

Have you seen Charlotte Church’s new vid for her next single ‘Call My Name’? Neither of I (since I can’t figure out this site), but if these snaps are of any indication, it could be the single most beatoffable vid since Madonna’s see-thru bazammbies in ‘Vogue’.

[more here]

• Will Samwise Gamgee edge out Edgar to win the love of Chloe AND save America for the humpteenth time?

• Do dreams ever come true? Yes they doesly do as the bestest most kiddiest eclecticiestest mp3 site around finally dug up The Three Caballeros sdtrk… although no tracks featuring Donald D and his dos amigos.

• When is the madness of Madness heading our way? Dunno, but they do have 6 West Coast dates lined-up

• Who almost became President of Iraq? Whatever you do, don’t tell it to Mr Hand!

• Wanna dress like Ryan Atwood, John Q Hipster, or a complete jackasshole?

• Ever wanted to own yer own Bob Ross painting like yers Thighly? Well, I contacted their afroed-Inc and this is what they had to say

• Can’t tell yer acrylic from yer cyrillic? Then you may have a tuff time d-loding a ton of t.A.T.u. mp3yummyness. Don’t forget to czech out the second page for some remix goodies.

• Are you gonna catch Cut Copy on tour with the Archdukes this fall? Well catch their vid for ‘Saturday’ here

• Have you seen Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story?

• Worried about the people in your neighborhood? You should be: Map(of)SexOffenders.com

• What’s the best way to raise money for your separatist campaign movement? Porn, snatchurally [via Prof Gryth]

• When is the 27th Annual Mooning of Amtrak set for? All Day Saturday, July 8, 2006

• When will the Neverending Comparison end? Never, cause it’s neverending by design. Anywho, we finally found a picture of Falkor & her always moody sister Mischa occupying the same space and the same thyme…

Stolen directly from Falkor’s Bar Mitzvah photo album

Tara Reid Admits Her Breasts Are Fake

No word on if she has any brain activity

• Genius to team up with Genius. Effin genius!

• Natalie Portman prepares to play Mr T

• Falkor Barton falls for a Kim Thayil wannabe

• HRT the IIIrd ready to unleash the greatestist smelling mace

• New Fugees single in a fortnight + a 1/2 a fortnight?

• Samurai Armstrong proves there’s life after superjews Seth Cohen AND Ari Gold [via ASF]

• Charlotte Church’s choir director sentenced to 20 years in prison

• Could a new polo resort in Indio force Coachella to move elsewhere?

• Jack White would like to buy the world a Coke. Meg, a Faygo.

• Bjork ready to get her skeletons swan dress outta her closet

• What shines yer balls more? The news of new Lebowski DVDs, one version complete with a bowling towel and drink coasters, or the fact that the Dude is ready to roll another 10 frames, if only the Coen Bros oil the lanes? Well both are betterer than talks of Old School 2… unless it’s 90 minutes of this.

• Menupix, pix of menus from the NYC, SF, and BOS areas. I know it’s legit cause they have a the menu from my mos flavorite $4 Cubano sangwhich place

• The Human Zoo

• What did people use before toilet paper was invented?

• The only watch I’d consider wearing: Atari’s limited edition Asteroids watch [via Dr Falada]

• And big ups to my man main Raykwan the Chef (the monkey in the middle) who is on his way to becoming a full on JAG-off. Good to see the military can spend zillions on things that go boom in the night, but not a cent to update their Gomer Pyle/John Kerry unies.

1938 – 2005 | 1927 – 2005

• Cpt Zzzzzz happy to be a part of the 21st century

• FRANZ FERDINAND BURY FARTING FEUD

• Charlotte Church’s boobs get people canned, but how can I get her boobs on my can?

• The NCAA hates Indians

• When did Princess Leia become the Prime Minister of the Ukraine? [via Johnny $]

• Scarlett Johansson is forking Jewish?!?!@?! I’m going to save her a seat at my next Seder and give her a lil shank bone love.

• I can’t bee leave my Subway Sub Club membership is going to be revoked

• What’s the difference between e.g. and i.e.?

• Wanna make yer baby look really stoopid? Go ahead, no one’s stopping you

• Crates & Barrels, in videogames

• Bid on one unscratched McDonald’s Dick Tracy Crimestopper’s Game

• StuffOnMyCat.com

• TWS.org, your #5 search result for ‘men tea bagging pictures‘

• I almost thought my head was going to explode on Saturday. Why? Well, me and Chillary G have been playing O.C season 1 catch up and dared to watch 7 episodes in a span of 7 + hours (we took a break for dinner). Yep, 315 minutes filled with more or less the same melodramas being repeated over and over. How many times is Ryan not going to express his feelings to Marissa only to have her get upset at him and then not want to be with him only to want to be with him later on, but then he no longer wants to be with her? And why do they have to get rid of good characters all the time? Luke is effin the man and if Seth Cohen doesn’t want to I’d sure love to strongshlong Samaire Armstrong (who looks so much more fab with long hair). I juss can’t bee leave I missed that season when I first aired. I’ve been hitting myself in the head like Oliver ever since.

• And you can have the Jeff Garcia lookin one cause I got dibs on the short on dude with the hairy arms and back!

[via BBB via Gulf of Sonkin]