Texas Killing Fields
Womann Can Do Whatever Mann Can Do
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 105 min

The air is mighty thick and the accents, not so much (Sam Worthington, who should be banned from any kind of American accent), in Michael Mann’s daughter’s directorial feature film debut Texas Killing Fields.  Ami Canaan Mann can surely strike a hazy moody cinematic atmosphere just like her papa, and while the story presented might not eggzactly be Killing it, Texas has some don’t mess with it qualities to make it a pretty good first try for you to Field [look at that, we sorta used all three words from the title to describe it!!! sorta!!!]

Sure, nepotism in Hollywood sucks (Colin Hanks), but it’s excusable if there’s talent to back it up (not Colin Hanks).  Jennifer Lynch may be not David, but if her 2008 creepy fun Surveillance is any indication of what a director’s daughter can direct, we hope more of these daughters of directors start directing, even if it’s not AS hammazing as what their daddies can do!!!  Like… Ami Canaan Mann, who shows enuff something here to make her daddy proud, and to make us hope for even more of a something more in the future!

So what is it all about?  Inspired by true events (who knows how loosely though), there’s some shady murders going round in Texas City, with bodies popping up in… THE KILLING FIELDS!!!  Cept instead of Sam Waterston and Haing S Ngor doing stuff, we get Worthington and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (this guy should be working a lot more than he does) growling around town, looking to catch the killer(s).  Alongish for the ride are underused Jessica Chastain, and Chloë Moretz, who at first doesn’t seem to have a reason to be in the movie, until she has a reason to, which we guess is reason enuff.  Throw in some Sheryl Lee and Stephen Graham scenery chewing, and that’s that, which is what it is, which is fine enuff, and stuff (read: a good rental)

Oh, there’s one other thing, Danny Boyle loved the script but passed on directing it cause the material was too dark.  We thought it could’ve been darker!!  Wonder what Danny boy woulda had done with it.  Perhaps Jai Ho-it up a bit, no?

Toasting Toast: Texas Toast is the mostest!  so how’d it come about?  the most likely mother of invention story is…

The Pig Stand‘s Royce Hailey initiated the most famous invention: Texas Toast. When he had asked Rainbow Bakery to slice his loaves of bread thicker, slabs of bread appeared that were too thick to fit in the toaster. One of the cooks suggested that they butter them and toast them on both sides. What a hit with the customers! Unfortunately, Hailey failed to patent this invention which had its birthplace at the Pig Stand on Calder, Circa 1941 [via]

Bless this man, and the Pig Stand, who apparently pioneered  drive-thru windows in 1931, fluorescent lighting in 1939, as well as the first eatery to serve fried onion rings!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Fields fills NY & LA theaters today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

sometimes it’s more fun to look at other people’s family photos than yer own

Taylor Family Photos

The Skin I Live In
(La Piel que Habito)
Arts & Grafts
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 117 min

WARNING WARNING WARNING – THE SKIN I LIVE IN IS AMAZING, BUT DISGUSTING, BRILLIANT, BUT TWISTED, SEXY, BUT REVOLTING, and slain and pimple A MUSS MUSS MUSS SEE, but it may make yer skin crawl right off yer body

Thank you Pedro Almodóvar, for being.  We keep forgetting (SOMEHOW!!!) that he is without question (in our minds), the best director alive.  Yes, even more so than Finchdog.  If one of Pedro’s films is playing in a theater, it is automatic for the people that you peoples should see it.  99999reals

We don’t even want to tell you a single detail of Skin‘s plot, not to ruin any of the fun, but not to ruin any of the agony.  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!  Lets juss say it’s Eyes Without A Face meets Vertigo meets Frankenstein meets amazingness on a half-shell.  Isn’t that enuff info to go on?  Well how bout hactually enjoying (if you can call this movie enjoyable) a rare Antonio Banderas performance in his native tongue (juss like seeing Penélope Cruz in Spanish >  Penélope Cruz in English).  Or yet another glorious eggcuse to ogle all over the muy bontia Elena Anaya, who is rapidly climbing up our current mos hotness actress chart… even if you might be repulsed by the sight of her by the time the credits roll (NO SPOILERS!!!!).  You need no eggcuses to see this people.  This is an Almodóvar pelicula we’re talking bout!!

Remember kids, anything with the word ‘skin’ in it is probably the ultimate shiz, like Skins or Skin or Mysterious Skin or The Redskins or Tony Skinn or fried chicken skin from Popeyes!!!!!! So, LIVE THRU THIS!!!  IT’S SKIN DEEP!!!

Queer Eye For The Straight Guy: Almodóvar may be at his most genius when it comes to casting über-calor chicas with big bright eyes.  he introduced us to the love of our life, Leonor Watling, employed the aforementioned hotress Elena Anaya, and now has tossed this newbie beauty in front of our ojos…

Blanca Suárez

bless you Almodó!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: BREAST IN SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live in this Skin this Friday in NY & LA, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

hat tipppp via HoodyVoody

Bombay Beach
Adrifted & Talented
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
Not Rated | 80 min

Hell on earth is often an idea of a place that doesn’t really exist, but the Salton Sea area could easily be such a place that does indeed exist, if you can call it an existence.  Once a hot resort spot of the 60s LA crowd, it is now a bastion of broken and forgotten dreams, littered with sketchy people who’d be right at home in a Harmony Korine film.  The Salton Sea is right up there with the Gaza Strip and Uranus as one of the least likely places we’d ever want to live.  Luckily we don’t have to, or even go there, cause Israeli docuemntarian Alma Har’el takes us there (specifically Bombay Beach, which isn’t even a city, it’s a ‘census-designated place‘), presenting us with a poetic postcard of a true American nightmare

Har’el first encountered the area while looking for a music video shooting locale for Zach Condon’s Beirut band, and if you watch the end result of Beirut’s ‘Concubine’ you will see the ugly/beautiful seeds that sprouted this rotten/lively tree that is her first documentary feature.  Condon returns the favor by scoring the doc, and it feels like an 80 minute music video.  That’s a good thing.  We sure hope Fincher’s Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is too, like its trailer, but it won’t be

Har’el follows 3 sets of folks – a pilled up kid with anarchist parents, a lyrical and moldy old dude who sells individual cigarettes for teeny profits, and a South Central LA transplated kid who has found an escape in a place where most people want to escape from.  Some of their scenes are manufactured, like a lot of reality TV shows do these days, but this is a lot more realer, and morer hauntingerer than anything you’d see the Kardashian sisters do

Life isn’t always a beach, and thankfully, most beaches aren’t like Bombay Beach

Muss Be Sea-n To Believed: ‘Life After People’ did an ep about the Salton Sea, even though there are people still there!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Bombay sets sail in NY this Friday, LA next Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…