Thighs Wide Shut

Jon Scheyer gotta face that only his mother or Dukie V would love

1st things Bill Frist, have you watched the OG NBC 15 News report Leprechaun Takes Alabama? and Part II, from Channel 5?

was that foreals?

Well, you can’t handle the truth

or

the follow-up report from NBC 15

or

the remix, ‘Da Gold (Where It At?)’ [d]

or

the music video

or

the YTMND version

or

the MySpace page
(with even mo remixes!)

or

the t-shirts and shirts and shirts and shirts

shit be crazy

[additional reporting/link thieving from SteakAndBJs
+ big ups to My Man Marvkus for the OG tip]

and three non-Lepre-related things:

1, I was spotted on the street for the first time as ThighMaster

2, How come no ones told me that David Lynch was offered the chance to direct Return of the Jedi, but turned Lucas down? [IMDB]

3, what IS Cosby? (for the fun-teempth time)

You wants it
You gots it

pictures of…

Sasha Cohen nude

&

Sasha Cohen camel toe

p-chop skillz by Tom Wellington & myself

I wasn’t yankin yer alice in chains folks when I tolds you that meself was gettin an intern for the Thighs. Times are tough and I really need someone to pick up my dry cleaning, scrub the hard to reach places like my grundle, and of course, make me even more power hungry (I plan to annex Russia within the next 2 months). So me scoured all 7 corners of the earth for the breastest possible trung candidate and when I couldn’t find one, I asked my friend Pat O’Brien what qualities he looks for in a intern and he said, ‘Make sure they’re f#$king HOT!‘ At that point, he was dry humping my leg and that really wasn’t helping me to accomplish my goal. So Pat decided to call a dear friend of his and tried to set up a threesome with Betsy and well, you know the rest.

Anywho, I found a kid rummaging thru my trashcan and giving my dog a handjob and decided right on the spot that he was the Golden Child. For those who care, his name is Hardcore Matty. But from this day forward, he will simply be called THIGHS WIDE SLAVE (and I’m his Master… get it?). This is his site, this is his Live Journal, this is His Space, I’d like to get into her space, this is not a Fugazi t-shirt, this is not a love song, this is not a good movie, and this is an animated gif of Thighs Wide Slave:

I gave him an easy 1st task

Take this

And Thighzercise it

The future’s so bright Hardcore Matty
er, um, Thighs Wide Slave,
that we gotta watch Blade!

• Aiiight folks, tit’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: THE VERY FIRST SAUCY VOICE MAIL MEGA REMIX ’05!! (hear the orig one here), which was conceived and created by The President of the Tom Welling Fan Club and yers drooly. This could be the greatistest thing I’ve ever been a part of besides competing and winning the White Castle eating contest in college. Please pass it around cause we hope to be bigger than those losers over at JibJab by the end of the weak.

• I don’t know what to make of the flick Domino (view trailer), the real life story of actor Lawrence Harvey’s daughter who was a model turned bounty hunter. Every clip I see with Keira Knightley in it whets my whistle and strokes my bristles, but then when Monique and Lucy Liu rear their ugly heads, I question it’s awesomeabilitynessness. Then again, it also co-stars Dabney Coleman, Ian Ziering, AND Brian Austin Green, so you know it’s going to be the bee’s fleas! Couldn’t they at least have thrown Joe E Tata a bone?

• De La Rules, flying windmills, and cartoon asscrack? Sounds like wees got a brand new Gorillaz vid on our hands (WIN or REAL)! Rock the HOUSE!

• This is plain whoreibble

• Spot The DEAD Drummer

• Orlando Boring to play a young Bond? I guess that means that the movie will be set sometime before the 20th century and will involve swords. Wait a second, now I hear that Clive’s snagged the role. Hopefully for everyone’s sake, that’s true.

• Gross. 2 gross.

• Postcards From The Edge… of the Galaxy

• Andie MacDowell turns on her highbeams

• Lessons Learned from Just One of the Guys

• Big name rappers’ are being bribed by Mickey D’s to drop some ‘Big Macs’ in their lyrics next to all the titties, a$$es, name calling, and gun toting. I’m looking to strike a similar deal with Popeyes Fried Chicken. And if anyone from the head office is reading, I will eggcept biscuits as payment.

• Officials ‘Crack’ the Da Vinci Code

• Unleavened Baby

• While some be hatin on superhottie Devon Aoki, I be spankin on dat shiz fo reals! I think my infatuation started when I saw her rocking that plaid skirt in 2 Fast, 2 Furious, and then was brought to a whole new level when I saw her in D.E.B.S.… wearing another plaid skirt. Grant tomb it, she aint no gifted actress, but there’s juss something about her that makes me want to pour soy sauce and wasabi all over her body and snort it thru my penishole. Plus it doesn’t hurt that her father is Rocky Aoki, owner of Benihana’s Japanese Restaurants and her godmother is supermodel Kate Moss (two places I enjoy eating at)! Anywho, whilst everyone’s been creaming at the mouth for Yessica Alba and her Sin City lassoness, we have all taken for granite the other honies in the movie, namely Devon, with those oh so applelicious rosey cheeks. Remember I’m just spittin’. Once bitten, forever smitten! So much so that I’m dubbing her the very first Thighcubine.