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Scheyer Face The Nation II

remember Scheyer Face The Nation I? you didn’t ask for it, but boy are you gonna get it: ROUND II!!!


with much help and luv to the Turtle Sports Report!

now shut up!

and play!

go TERPS (and Mizzou)!!!

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Nut Saks Fifth Avenue Anniversary

Thighs Wide Shut turns 5 today, but can we make it 10? that all depends on if we still love doing this in 5 years time (or if Thigh Master children get in the way), and whether you dear Thighlanders still want to read our movie reviews and HJ yerself to sleep to all the lovely boobies we plaster up in here. we thank you from the bottom of our farts for your continued ship of reader, so w/o further Freddy Adu, lettuce set sail on some memories and mammaries of the past year in Thighdumb…

(juss remember, some of the images below are clickable!)

it has nothing to do with anything

Laser Portraits

Giant VHS Tape as 2001 Space Odyssey’s Monolith

aisselles dans les films, blog qui répertorie les films dans lesquels les actrices ont les aisselles poilues, which translates to armpits in films, blog which indexes films in which the actresses have the hairy armpits [NSFW]

41 Hilarious Science Fair Experiments

the life of a hand supermodel

Brenda Warner’s Flat Fap Top To The XLIIIDegree

C’mon, Get Horny!

Elrond Hubbard

Best Roller Coaster Souvenir Photos Ever

The Otl Aicher Pool

He Can’t Hate These Cans

http://www.thighswideshut.org/images/banner/banner01_09_LuckyCharms.jpg

Harry Potter Poster Mash-Up Gallery/Star Wars Poster Mash-Up Gallery

Brian Peppers’ mom

The Birds, w/o the birds

Lions And Tigers And A$$ Tears, Oh My!

Boyd Aviation

ye olde ghetto covers of Arthur C Clarke’s books

http://www.thighswideshut.org/images/banner/banner0608.jpg

by a show of hands

Sexy People

giant women for Andre

SFW XXX

The 30 Worst Autobiography Pun Titles

Thighs Wide Music 2008

Eye Lash

Dennis Green’s â„¢ed caps

sweet cleavages, beer and women making out

Playing The Field‘s playful pictorial euphemisms of Chris Cooley’s junk

Celebrity X-Ray Photo/Breast Enhancements [NSFauxW]

Daycream Relievers

CakeFarts.com [NSFW]

Lik•m•Aid

snaps of jungle vaginas, golden penises, Andy Warhol and much mo from the 54 glory days

Specs-Taters

Judge Reinhold JO material [NSFW]

Swami On Rye

Hello Browness, My Old Friend

Totally Looks Like…



stickers from the 80s

a 1980’s raptastic Wendy’s training video

Ben Kingsley’s a minor threat

Even Beetis Than The Real Thing

Jedi Chefs

photos of an angry Steve Gutenberg

Richard Beymer/Ben Horne’s on-set Twin Peaks photos

MS Paint cover art covers

Стереофотографии из прошлого

More Than Meets The AFI

Han solo loves to grab Princess Leia’s boobs

oops, he crapped his pants

the posters of Drew Struzan

the (ALMOST NSFW) GIF doesnt lie

Young Me – Now Me

The Texas School Book Suppository

extending album art

Casey At Bat, The Classic Poem Unabridged As Told In Words & Baseball Cards

Most Star Wars Actors in a Non-Star Wars Film (including the Jones pics)

NES controller coffee table

the greatestestist love song of balls thyme: ‘Smell Yo Dick’

5 Cats that Look Like Wilford Brimley

Democratic dance off

Playboy centerfolds galore from the 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s [NSFW]

Worst Job In The World

youreyeswideshut.com

http://www.thighswideshut.org/images/banner/banner11_11_08.gif

Californication Creamin’ On Such A Winter’s Day

‘That One Night’ by The Hunted

Compliance!

interactive Al Jaffee’s fold-ins for Mad magazine

that theme song from the Raising Arizona soundtrack
actually has a name: ‘Way Out There‘ [d]

Perfect Strangers/Head Of The Class promo rap

SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com

http://www.thighswideshut.org/images/banner/banner3_08.jpg

behind the scenes of that amazingly ghetro ye olde HBO Jeffersonian starship thingamabob

Evil Alomar

Crooked Rain, Crook & Rainn

previously…

Queer As Fourth

Three’s A Crowd… PLEASER!

In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up

Bring On The Terrible Twos!

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Breaking Bad Boy Records

Notorious
Revisiting The B.I.G.sty
Trailers & Mo | Official Website


To some (including thighselves), hearing the title Notorious will always conjure up images of Cary Grant outwitting Nazis in South America while winning the love of Ingrid Bergman, and for everyone else w/o an appreciation for one the Master of Suspense’s bestest films from his early Hollywood period (or who aint a fan of Duran Duran), it will apply to the film about the short but very productive life of one Christopher Wallace, aka Biggie Smalls, aka Big Poppa, aka The Notorious B.I.G. That life included ushering in NY’s hip-hop’s renaissance in the early 90s, battling wits and much more with West Coaster Tupac, and winning the love of millions and many women along the way. As a true life story, no one can touch the mystery and intrigue of Biggie’s, but as a movie, Cary Grant and co. will retain the rights as the mos notorious Notorious movie for all eternity (although both of them have nothing on Gretchen Mol’s thighopening performance in The Notorious Bettie Page). Not to say that hip-hop’s first biopic isn’t a crowd pleasing, hand swaying and head boppin’ night at the movies, cause it certainly is, but had this by the numbers recount (purty much devoid of the mystery and intrigue) been helmed by someone with a lil more sensitivity and a dash mo flash and class than what George Tillman Jr. handed in, then this trip down Biggie’s Bed-Sty memory lane coulda ended up a lil more memorable, something along the lines of Ray

Notorious goes down easy like drinking Gatorade, thanks in large part to the creditable acting performances by a bunch of nobodies, outside of Derek Luke, who puts a bit of humility into Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs, a man who couldn’t find humility even if he was looking at a dictionary that only contained the word ‘humility’. Jamal Woolard (aka Gravy)’s struttin and rhyme flippin in his embodiment of B.I.G.’s big body is dead-on (poor choice of a pun, but then again all of our puns are usually a poor choice), and you don’t even think for a second that he’s acting. It’s comes off as being completely natural, as is the work of Biggie’s actual son Christopher Jordan Wallace (who plays the young version of his poppa), Naturi Naughton (getting dirty and being dirty as Lil Kim) and Antonique Smith (keeping the Faith Evans). The ensemble effectively show us this Notorious figure’s life and times, but the film as a whole doesn’t necessarily breathe any new life after his death

Walk A Mile In His B.I.G. Shoes: TONY mag has created a DIY walking tour of Biggie’s old haunts in Bed-Sty

Naughty Naughton: yum, you is

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Defiance
Don’t Bother With These Brothers In Arms Way
Trailers & Mo | Official Website


Here we go again with Edward Zwick‘s big camera and big lessons following the unyielding will of the underdog round the globe, past or present. It worked like a gangbusters gangbang with his Glory and Legends of the Fall, but every similar flick he’s made since then is heavier on the guts than the glory. The Last Samurai and Blood Diamond were both big and bold, but boorish and cold juss the same. Defiance falls in line with those last two, which makes this historical drama that partially covers the time line of the brothers Bielski (Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber, and Billy Elliot) and their forest dwelling group of WWII Jewish freedom fighters (which led our friend to quip that this movie shoulda been called The Swiss Family Epstein) a crying defying shame. Zwick can’t decide if he wants his film to be as sobering as Schindler’s List or a Nazi shoot-em up fun fest like The Dirty Dozen. We couldn’t decide on whether to commend the actors for speaking in a poor quasi-Russian accent or to laff at em for trying the entire time. The only thing you need need to decide is to wait for the DVD, or don’t even bother and juss rewatch Munich, a much better Jews killing Jew-haters flick

Young Guns IIII: twas nice to see In Treatment‘s Mia Wasikowska on the big screen before she gets even bigger by playing Alice in Tim Butron’s Alice in Wonderland in 2010, but we wanna give a widethighs shout out to the fourth Bielski bro, played with bright eyes and an endless blank stare by lil George MacKay. This kid looks eggzactly like a young Roman Polanski, and w
e urge anyone who may be cinematically telling Polanksi’s life story, to let him be the not so noble Roman. And while we’re at it, let NSFWer Diora Baird play his slain wife Sharon Tate, Michelle Williams play Mia Farrow, Christian Slater play Jack and Bob Odenkirk play Charles Manson

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Notorious and Defiance are currently playing at a theater new Jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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Thighs Wide Movies 2008

we saw 190ish flicks in the ‘008
and you probably didn’t

The Thirsty Thirteen
That Didn’t Make Us Thirst Fo Mo’


1) Stranded: I Have Come From A Plane That Crashed On The Mountains – 8466332834357 pa-zillion times more alive than Alive

2) Gran Torino – our ulnar nerve is totally rocked by Ol’ Dirty Harry/Bastard and his lawn

3) Mister Lonely – Michael Jackson, Marylin Monroe and Abraham Lincoln star in the second mos unforgettable film mt EVERest named after a Bobby Vinton song

4) Man On Wire – 90 minutes to be awed by the Twin Towers, not shocked by them

5) Doubt – Streep/Hoffman yell like hell, and it feels like heaven, and we aints talking bout Kramer vs Kramer

6) American Teen – what life is like for people who aren’t Lauren Conrad and her blank starring friends

7) My Winnipeg – we haven’t cared this much about Canada since Strange Brew Jamie Salé

8) Boy A – more like Boy A+

9) The Wrestler – name one movie with Marissa Tomei goings all NSFW that isn’t brilliant?

10) Towelhead – what the suburbs would be like if McCain won

11) Love Songs (Les Chansons d’Amour) – take a chansons on it

12) Blindness – what you can see will hurt you

13) Slumdog MillionaireDanny Boyle is in like Flynn Boyle

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

The Bank Job, Betrayal, Cassandra’s Dream, City of Men, Constantine’s Sword, The Dark Knight, Expired, Frost/Nixon, Frozen River, Happy-Go-Lucky, Rachel Getting Married, Revolutionary Road, Stuck, Trumbo, The Visitor & the first 1/3rd of WALL•E

5rdndth Anal
Thighs Wide
Movie Awards

(Causing A) Scene
of The Year


the goings on at the deli counter in The Wrestler

The Only Thing
From The ‘008
That Made
Motion Pictures Motionless


Ebert’s thumb
being replaced by Ben Lyons
who deserves two thumbs up his butt
(although Ebert’s retort almos makes up for the entire debacle)

Quite Possibly
The Single Gratetistist

Performance By An Old Dude
In The History of
Histories,
Old Dudes,
Performances,
Gratetistists,
Singles,
Possiblys,
& Quites


The Dirty Old Dude at the end of Teeth

Post Her
Post Me
Post Haste!


& the wurstest one

The Samuel L Jackson
Never Met A Script
He Didn’t Like
Guy of The Year


That Guy
aka Mark Strong
who appeared in 6 movies
including RockNRolla, Body of Lies & Good
(Sir Ben Kingsley was also in 6, but he’s Gandhi in 60 Seconds)

Post Pre-Racial
Blackaliciousiest
Blackface
Since
Neil Diamond In
The Jazz Singer


Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder

Coma Inducing On A
Sunny von Bülow Level


Che Part II
The Flight of the Red Balloon
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
speaking of…

Nine Stuffs More Curious
Than The Curious Case
of Ben Butt


Jake Tusing’s acne in American Teen
Pierce Brosnan singing ‘S.O.S’ [d ] in Mama Mia!
Brad Pitt’s hair in Burn After Reading
Jet Li monkeying around in Forbidden KingDUMB
the plot twists and turns in Roman De Gare
the bowling alley in Antarctica in
Encounters at The End of The World
Mimi Weddell‘s acting career in Hats Off
the death of the Jets and their stadium in My Winnipeg
Rachel Seiferth‘s freaky eyes in Henry Poole Is Here

The Bare Un-Necessities

Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden?
The Not So Incredible Hulk
Death Race
Get Smart
Indy 4
(even though we still do sorta like it)

Least Illainist Villain

the evil air in The Happening

Judd Apatower
That Needs To Be Forgotten
More Than Sarah Marshall


Ken Jeong, ass seen in
Role Models, Pineapple Express & Step Brothers
we get it Ken, you’re an angry Asian
hardy har hardee’s!

Least Bangable Hutt
Since Pizza The


Ziro The Hutt/Capote The Slutt
from The Clone Wars
the mos unwatchable Star Wars thing EVER
yes, even more so than the Christmas Special

Trailers Worth Tractoring
& The Songs From Them
That Execute Butter
Than Norman Mailer’s Bong


Watchmen trailer 1 & 2
‘The Beginning Is the End Is the Beginning’
by The Smashing Pumpkins [d]
& ‘Take A Bow’ by Muse [d]

+
one hammazin soundtrack
Love Songs (Les Chansons d’Amour) Soundtrack
&
three mo hammazin trailers
Milk
Frost/Nixon
Waltz With Bashir

An Instrumental
Edward James Almost
As Mental As Jim Mora
& ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d]

(from Requiem For A Dream
& The Two Towers trailer)

‘The Haunted Ocean 4’ [d]
from Waltz With Bashir
a song/scene combo so chilling
it’s repeated 4 times!!!

Bestest Flix
We Netted

Lando Calrissian
Smoothest Mustachio
In All of The Galaxy


Jeffery Wright in Cadillac Records

Unintentional Porn
To Be Wild Titles


Baghead
Hancock
Good Dick
Body of Lies
The Bank Job
Savage Grace
The Wackness
Momma’s Man
Fugitive Pieces
Filth & Wisdom
The Babysitters
My Name Is Bruce
The Foot Fist Way
Nights In Rodanthe
Who’s Your Monkey
Bangkok Dangerous
Another Gay Sequel
Let The Right One In
Midnight Meat Train
Young People F%cking
Gunnin For That #1 Spot
How The Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer

Fenella Woolgar
Bestest Names Award


Richard Italiano
Hippolyte Girardot
Biluxi
Pride Grinn
Bingbing Li
Esme Creed-Miles
Slim Twig
Spo
Jenni Blong
Scoot McNairy
& Imogen Poots

The Gus van Sant
Most Pretentious
Mos(tly) Overhyped
Girl Loses Dog
Girl Finds Dog
Girl Abandons Dog
Movie
For No Reason


Wendy and Lucy

The Death to Smoochy
Worstest Pictures
of the Year


War, Inc.
Penelope
Ping Pong Playa &
Everybody Wants To Be Italian

Welcome To The House, Dolls

Briana Evigan

Step Up 2

Kitty Zhang Yuqi

CJ7

Odette Yustman

Cloverfield

Justine Waddell

The Fall

Clémence Bretécher & Charley Fouquet


A Girl Cut In Two

Roxane Mesquida

The Last Mistress

Elena Anaya

Savage Grace

Viktoria Winge

Reprise

Natalie Dormer

Flawless

India de Beaufort

Run Fatboy Run

Bérénice Bejo

OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies

Hannah Bailey

American Teen

Hayley Atwell

Cassandra’s Dream & Brideshead Revisited

Natalia Avelon

Eight Miles High

Elaine Cassidy

When Did You Last See Your Father?

Jess Weixler

Teeth

Li Bingbing

Forbidden Kingdom

Nathalie Paulding

The Life Before Her Eyes

Donna Feldman & Yamit Sol


You Don’t Mess With The Zohan

Sara Simmonds & Kathleen Luong

In Search of A Midnight Kiss

Lucy Holt

Mister Foe

Catherine ‘Cat’ Taber

Clone Wars

Rachel Specter & Sarah Wright


The House Bunny

Natalie Martinez

Death Race

Archie Panjabi

Traitor

Summer Bishil

Towelhead

Trilby Glover

88 Minutes & Righteous Kill

Tiffany Mulheron

RockNRolla

Moon Bloodgood

What Just Happened

Sharon Leal

Soul Men

Sarah Greene

Eden

Ashley Greene

Twilight

Andria Blackman

What Doesn’t Kill You

Zoe Kazan

Revolutionary Road

Olga Kurylenko & Gemma Arterton


+ a ton o other Quantum of Solace hotties

Gabe Nevins

Paranoid Park

Lynndie England

Standard Operating Procedure

Movies To Look
For In The ‘009


Miss Pettigrew Some Balls
Untitled Jason Statham Drives A Car Movie
Three Men & A Baby Mama Mia!
The Walrus Was Paul Blart
Pleatherheads
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Lebron James
Welcome Home Rosco P Coltrane
Tyler Perry’s Run Out of Ideas
The Secret Life of Beef Stroganoff
8 Fast, 8 Furious

lookin for a second opinion?
mumsy and dadsy Thigh Master weigh in!

Mumsy’s
Magnificent Seven+3

1. Slumdog Millionaire
2. Frozen River
3. Rachel Getting Married
4. The Wrestler
5. Doubt
6. Under The Same Moon
7. Burn After Reading
8. The Year My Parents Went On Vacation
9. I’ve Loved You So Long
10. The Life Before Her Eyes

Worst Adaptation From A Book
The Other Boleyn Girl

Worst Movie Ever
Zombie Strppers!

Best Actress
Meryl Streep, Doubt

Best Actor
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Papa’s Picks

1. Young @ Heart
2. Slumdog Millionaire
3. The Wrestler
4. Roman de Gare
5. Tell No One
6. The Edge of Heaven
7. Where God Left His Shoes
8. Frozen River
9. I’ve Loved You So Long
10. The Life Before Her Eyes
11. Under The Same Moon
12. Rachel Getting Married
13. Choose Connor

Best Ensemble
Burn After Reading

Best Vampire Film
Let The Right One In

Should Be A Must See Cult Movie
Zombie Strippers!
don’t forget to peep out our ’07, ’06, ’05, ’04, ’03, and ’02 awards!!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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