Thighs Wide Shut

PTI and CBS Sunday Morning are Jesus and Moses of TV. bow to them daily/weekly (cept when both Wilbon & Korny are out or if Bob Ryan is guesting). here are 13 other TV shows we enjoyed, and if you have any taste, did too

1. Misfits (E4, England) – remember how hammazin the first season of Heroes waz? well take that, throw in some chavy shirts and ASBO Skins and what you ends up with is sure and pimply the bestest and brightest show of 2009. only 6 glorious episodes eggsist, and if you live outside of the UK, you won’t even get a chance to watch any em, and thus we openly encourage you to get all illegal and download thems!! it’s dramatastic, HIGHlarious, there’s some NSFWness, it gets 17 nazillion bonus pts for being mainly filmed in and around Thamesmead (remember how much we love to viddy that place well?), and then there’s this…

please America, do not remake this show. juss import it as is

2. 30 for 30 (ESPN) – if your DVR doesn’t have a season pass set to this yumcredible series of docs, you probably don’t have a DVR. The Jimmy The Greek one was one of the moist heartbreaking things we saw in 2009, period. we expect the Bartman one to do the same in 2010. still, this doesn’t make up for the fact of how unwatchable SportsCenter is

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO) – the Seinfeld reunion bits were hactually the least compelling parts of season 7, which sez quite a lot about Larry David’s neverending (please, LD, NEVER end em!!!) kvetching exploits spread out over another batch of 10 perfect episodes. we said goodbye to the Black family, but spankfully Leon stayed behind. how else were we to learn that he was Bar Miff-vaed 3 times?

4. Skins (E4, England) – unlike on American shows where the kids stay in high school forevers or in the picture juss way too long, Skins does what it does best – turn its nose to the status quo for teen TV, and then shoves a bunch of drugs up it, cranks the music, drops the clothes and wham-o til the breaka breaka dawn. gone are the kids we’ve grown to know and love (we miss you Sketch!!) and in came a whole new generation of f&ck-ups, ones we were thighly skeptical about at first, who are now our new BFFs… that is until they get tossed aside after season 4! but you already know this cause we never shut up about Skins and the twins who are filthy Fitch

5. Eastbound & Down (HBO) – three words: Kenny ‘F%cking’ Powers. two more: Stevie Janowski

6. Dexter (Showtime) – first they turned Jimmy Smits into killer gold, then John Lithgow went all triple platinum this year. which TV star is next to fall victim to Dex’s midnight runnings? might we suggest Bob Newhart?

7. At The Movies (Syndicated) – normally this show wouldn’t be on this list since it’s a year-round bestness HoFamer (ala PTI/CBS Sun Morn), but sadly was removed from such a distinction after Ben Lyons (and the other Ben) took it over and turned it into amateur amateur (1/2) hour. it was beyond dreadful (and prompted one of the funniest pieces we’ve ever read outta Ebert), but the umpossible became possible when the in over the headcases were dumped for actual legitimate film critics!! kudos to Michael Phillips & AO (A-Oooooooooooooo!) Scott for so quickly righting the ship. sail on sailors!!!

8. Big Love (HBO) – how does Bill continue to make it all work? that unanswered question keeps us glued and drooling with the passing of each intense episode. disaster always looms large, and we hope it surfaces like woooooah with dirty rumors about Margene and Ben flying high

9. The Office (NBC) – say what you will, or what she said, but besides Da Ali G Show, it remains the funniest show of the decade. ‘I will have the spaghetti. With a side salad. If the salad is on top, I send it back.‘

10. Mad Men (AMC) – needed more Paul Kinsey, but then again, what didn’t?

11. Flight of The Conchords (HBO) – the song-smithery dropped off drastically, and how could it not considering the first season was comprised of about 10+ years worth of material and the second season only 2, but the comedy didn’t skip a beat-off. one word: Garfunkling

12. Kendra (E!) – take the b(r)east part of The Girls Next Door out of the mansion, pair her with an equally sweet and not so sharp soul-mate and let the freak flags fly high! bonus points to Too $hort’s bangin ‘Go Kendra’ ditty, esp in an era when theme music is dying a quick death

13. Breaking Bad (AMC) – has replaced Mad Men as the show that’s beyond critically acclaimed that no one watches

14. Lost (ABC) – it’s hard to deny the magnitude of awesomeness and creativity that Lost has displayed since its debut, but think things went a lil too overboard this past year. yet, nuttin beat the revelation of who Miles’ dad was!

here’s a bunch of series we watch(ed), but are purty indifferent to: 30 Rock (please stop giving them the Emmys and other awards that The Office deserves more ), True Blood (those accents make us want to cut our ears off) Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl (they blew their load too large in season one), Community (don’t you dare sleep on our boy Abed!), Weeds, In Treatment, Bored To Death + Entourage (everyone finally wised up this year to the fact that this show really f&cking sucks… but we can’t stop watching it either)

and a big middle finger to: the disappointing Prisoner, the too Diablo Codyed United States of Tara, every single episode of Californication besides the final one + that Mormon douche bag from Real World Brooklyn

The Fiery Furnaces
Bowery Ballroom
December 12th

remember when we wouldn’t wide shut up about The Fiery Furnaces, circa 2004-05? then they came out with that Metal Machine career destroying music featuring their nana and we promptly turned our backs on them like we did Lindseed Lohag when she got the point where her baby fat was replaced with skanky coke hits and anorexia. wells, a lot of thyme has passed and everyone deserves a second breast enhancement so we gave it to em and they gave it back to us by totally rockin dat shiz like we remembered they dids and now all is well again like Briana Evigan. yes, even in the rain

don’t think we’ll be doings a top 100 music thingies of the 2000s (like we ills with movies, duhvs, look for in 2010 though!), but we’d have to say that Matty Friedberger’s solo shaz (disc 1 only) be one of the breastest!!! czech it before you wriggty wreck it!! and Mattz, if yer reading this, ditch the sis and it’ll be nuttin but bli$$!!!!

Matthew Friedberger – ‘Her Chinese Typewriter’ [d]

BLACK HAIR?#$?!#?@?@#?#@#@!## what the bedknobs and vrooooomsticks Katty Kat (not Megan you idjiots) Prescott??

didja at least keep yer nether regions dyed fire crotch red??

OK, we’re over it. and how could we not, we’re Mr Prescott!!

and we can still lookss at otros recent purty pictures of you!!!

mo pickzels from the wrap party

mo Skinsies picsey dust in FHM

Season 4 of Skins starts up in January 2010
thanks in advance to all the Britons who will upload the AVIs
for our spewing pleasure!

Phish
The Garden
December 2nd

There’s something seriously wrong with me/we. How on Earth have we been goaded into seeing Phish twice in one year (the previous show, our phirst ever, was this past summer at Jones Beach), esp since we’ve now see them play ‘A Day In The Life’ as many times as we’ves seens Paul McCartney do it (so that makes it FOUR times we’ve heard that song in concert since June!!!?!?!?)?? Last nite’s show was fab lobvs course, but didn’t have a clue as to what was going on (elastic, elastic, balls apart?) and now wees needs to take 8 showers to get the stench of middle class dirty neo-hippie semi-homelessness off of mees! Two things we learnsed this time that we didn’t the phirst time: crowds are 86% men (mainly sweaty ones) and the 12% of womens are usually 81% smokin’ (the remaining 2% is butterscotch ripple, btw)! The other thing is that no one claps during the songs remains the sames. No one does that at any concert in general and in sergeant cause everyone is lame, but the Phish peoples are so into Phish that you’d think they’d have more clapping going on, but guess theys too busy smelling like mid-90s post-teen spirit to bothers. OK, enuff of the whatever, and now for the real chocolate reasons why yer still reading this… our totally made-up made-down set list (with no repeats from last nites tweet guesses)

(real set list)

and oh yeah, there’s a bit in Phish’s ‘Slave To The Traffic Light’ that was totally jacked from the Ewok celebration joint to end all joints, ‘Yub Yub’. basterds!!!

Matisyahu
Sixth & I Synagogue
Washington, DC
November 25th

Remembers how straight up Jew-reggae-franztastic Matisyahu’s 2005 debut Live At Stubbs waszeses? Felt like a novelty act, coulda ended up that way, apparently didn’t, and we haven’t listen to one of his albums since, so we haven’t a clue as to what the hoppin Hasid’s been up to. We can only guess that he decided to go all out borings with his next set of records, rights? Cause how else can you explain the lack of grooves (and beatboxing, WTF!) and don onslaught of chanting and blah blah blahing we heards when we finally got around to seeing the hairy muthersticker in concert, which apparently was 4 years too late. Sure, the show was at a synagogue so of course it was going to be drenched in Jewishnessness, but instead of playing it too cool for shul like he should have, it was like being in Hebrew School all over again, but kinda not as awful, but still, doode, chill with the yabba yabba gabba gaga, yaaaaay yah yah. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wake me up when you convert to Christianity like Bob Dylan!!! Or next time at least have the decency to hand out free hamantashen homey while you snores us to Simchas Bore-ah!