Thighs Wide Shut

get me a time machine and take me to February 22, 1989, to the 31st Grammy Awards after party at Chasen’s, where I need to get ill with Winona Ryder and Ad-Rock

btw – both of their real last names is Horowitz – Winona Laura Horowitz + Adam Keefe Horovitz.  are they related??? or just the most perfect 1989 coupling ever???

bonus props to Max Perlich (one of the dorks from Can’t Buy Me Love) for being apart of this Horowitz posse 

Midsommar
Swedish Fishy
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 147 min

this sums up my incredible cinematic experience with Midsommar perfectly…

OMG! @MidsommarMovie is the movie I’ve always been looking for!!!!!!! WICKER MAN + PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK + TX CHAINSAW MASSACRE + THE WHITE RIBBON + THE SOURCE FAMILY + THE VILLAGE + THE SHINING guy in a bear costume!!!!!! #MIDSOMMAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¡

— thigh masteя (@thighmaster) July 16, 2019

Verdictgo: Breast In Show 

Midsommar never ends in a theater near jews and white nationalists 

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

all toothpastes should come with Return of The Jedi figures.  kids would probably brush their teef mo if they did! [Spanish Star Wars Items]

Rocketman
He’s Still Standing, And Outstanding
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

Who knew that Elton John‘s life story was so sad??!!!? We know that sad songs say so much, but his music is so un-sad – it’s joyous!!  And although 74% of the movie about Reginald Dwight’s transformation from broke bloke to sensational superstar is super sad (it’s like Tommy meets Pink Floyd’s The Wall, but WAY less  creepy and scary), you’ll be too busy enjoying the rise, to forget about the fall

What I particularly liked about Dexter Fletcher (that guy from Lock Stock!!) and Lee Hall‘s film is the pace – NON-stop.  You don’t even know where you are on the calendar year.  Time flies. The music soars.  The pain is real, but the antidote is right around the corner.  You can feel it.  It’s almost here!

Also, no knock on Taron Egerton, but before I saw Rocketman, I didn’t think for a second that the Kingsman kid would be able to pull off a role like this.  After?  I WAS BEYOND FCUKING WRONG.  TARON!  TARON!  TARON!!!  I mean, Elton’s retiring soon, so why doesn’t he go on tour with Adam Lambert and they can sing Queen and Elton songs and make billionz!!

Oh, and ALL those fcuking costumes!  And hairpieces!  And glasses!!  Make an special one year Academy Award for best movie glasses!!  SEEING IS BELIEVING 

Verdictgo: Breast In Show 

Rocketman has already lift-off

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Toy Story 4
Bo-Weep
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
G | 100 min

I know it’s a movie, and they are cartoons, of toys, but Bo-Peep is so fine (and so is the woman behind the voice – Annie Potts).  Woody is so lucky (we are all so lucky these movies exist!  they are GIFTS!!!) 

Never have I wanted two Disney characters to kiss like I did with Bo and Woody.  Spoiler alert – they don’t in this movie.  BUT THEY DID IN #1!!!  WHY THEN BUT NOT NOW??? But it’s OK – the getting gets good enuff between our hero and newly elevated heroine in Toy Story 4!! 

But c’mon Disney – let them kiss – especially after all they’ve been thru!!! 

Even my foxy girl Marian gave our foxy boy Robin a little smooch in my beloved Robin Hood! (and there was talk of them having kids!!!)

Man, Disney has gotten so soft. 

Ye olde Daisy and Donald used to be so graphic with their affections! 

Hopefully Toy Story 5 goes in a new direction – hentai!

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers 

Toy Story 4 lyfe, at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…