Zzzzzzzzip Code

Da DaVinci Code
If Only They Had Released
So Dark The Condorman Instead
Trailer

I’ll admit it, I’m a tough cookie, and some of y’all are a bit Soft Batchish, so will you like Code if I didn’t? Wellllll, if you read the book, probably not so much. And if you didn’t read the book (who ARE you people?), maybe, but only cause you want to join in on our deep conversations about pagan symbolism and Jesus bonin chicks. I’m sure yer all already well aware of the ass raping that Ron Howard’s screen version of Dan Brown’s beyond best-seller has taken from the critics, and since I pretty much agree with mos of what they be saying, I’ll try not to re-hash the horror stories. Although I think Ann Hornaday from the REAL Post said it breast, ‘The movie Sony Pictures has been desperately trying to position as ‘the most controversial thriller of the year’ turns out to be about as thrilling as watching your parents do a Sudoku puzzle.‘, and AO Scott of the Thymes made me chuckle while I was eating Chuckles when he blathered, ‘Ms. Tautou, determined to ensure that her name will never again come up in an Internet search for the word “gamine,” affects a look of worried fatigue [throughout the film].‘

In a year’s time, no one will be talking about this movie — it’s that forgettable. And a year is being generous. Nothing seems to click within the frame. Kinda like Redskins offense 1992 – current times. And I think it’s no one’s fault, not even Tom Hanks’ hair. If another director took a stab at it, it would still turn out the same — lame. What makes for a good read doesn’t always translate into a good film. It’s kinda how I felt about the Rent movie, where it’s believable in its original format, but as soon as it hits the screen, it loses its credibility and no one be buyin what they be sellin. I cunt bee leave I’m about to say this, but, if you wanna watch an entertaining thriller that weaves history with modern times, stay away from the theater and rent the much more engaging popcorn poo-fest National Treasure… btw, there’s a #2 of that on the way. Ha, #2, how fitting!

Recommended for those who like: Clint Howard/Peter Scolari cameo-less flicks, the White Chicks‘ colored contact lenses, and IM Peilan

Possible Porno Name: The Ejaculation Lode

Unsatisfied with this? Read the book again OR Choose wisely and Netflix the tops in grail fiction, Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade [trailers]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Mona Lisa’ by Nat King Cole [d] AND The LONG And Winding Road’ by The Beatles [d]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): I’ve seen much worse, and it’s not unwatchable, juss a HUGE dis-a-point-mint, so… Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges