I’m Sorry Peter Jackson I Am For Real

King Kong
She’s Got Jungle Fever
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After the amazingness and box office bestness that was the Lord of the Rings holy trinity, Peter Jackson was given the bling and a ‘get out of jail free’ card for whatever his follow-up project was going to be. Like Gus van Sant, after the ‘success’ of Finding Forrester (which spankfully gave us this, which even more spankfully became this, the greatest web phenomenon of balls thyme since person X ate their balls), Jackson choose the remake path. Gussy choose poorly, as he decided to anal scrape Hitchcock’s Psycho with VINCE VAUGHN as Norman Bates (they shoulda stamped DOA on everyone’s tickets as they entered the theater), but Jacko choose wisely, and tackled a mammoth production that was right up his ass AND alley. And to his credit, Skinny Pete deftly brings Kong into the 21st century. Sure, they coulda shaved off at least 20 minutes of the jungle hunt, but what does it matter when you have a fun story, a top notch cast (Watts, taz always is tops/HOTTS, and Jack Black, but only when his mouth was closed), seamless CGI (Kong looked THUMBCREDIBLE, although anytime humans and CGI interact, it still looks awful… the Ents and Hobbits anyone?), and a lil more emotional punch than I expected. Howevs, after all is said and peter warrick dunn, it’s not better than the original. It may appear snazzier, grander, and more beautifuller, and even surpasses the OG version in some places, namely the Empire State Building throwdown (WOW!), but it’s a near impossible task to replace the magic that had already been established in 1933. Just ask the dude who made the ’76 version, who also directed Shaft In Africa! Good luck finding him though, as I’m sure he changed his name to Alan Smithee.

Recommended for those who like: the Hard Rock Cafe Paramount theater in Times Square, the inhabitants of planet Klendathu, and the French resistance team in Top Secret, although this guy aint no Chocolate Mousse

Possible Porno Name: King Shlong (for it was the tight vagina that killed the beast)

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Naomi Watts’ other tall building Ms adventure, The Shaft

Further Fun: The original was reported to be Hitler’s favorite movie. Can you guess what his favorite summertime fruit was?

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