Shifting Gearheads

Recently, I had a lil convo with my adopted daughter, Van Dame Dakota Fanbelt the I, about how Ellen Burstyn and Denise Richards’ performances in Requiem for a Dream and Starship Troopers, respectively, were the mos hosed over come Oscar time. When I asked her which two bizatches’ performances would top her list, without blinking an eye, she replied, ‘Joan Cusack’s thumcredible work in 16 Cans and Lane’s nightmare calculator date hater from Better Off Dead.‘ At first I didn’t really understand what she meant by that, considering she is the devil, but all of the sudden, everything is illuminated…

[via Dlistina]
• IT happened again. She looked like her old self, but this time, there was less hand holding, and a lot more dry humping. Can anyone tell me what this means?

• Does this mean that when KK read my review, she beatoff with a bottle of HP sauce for 48 hours straight? Honey, if yer cravin the brown sauce, lemme eat some tacos from the truck and I’ll be over quicker than u can say lickity shitz.

• Reason #45512315 thousand thousand why our MTV Awards show blows goats and theirs doesn’t

• Every time I fly JetBlue (all of two times), for some reason I can’t stop watching the Game Show Network. Last time I viddied The Family Feud and this last go around it was all about the Tom Bergeron hosted version of Hollywood Squares. While I was in the process of slitting my eyes out, I kept wondering to myself, razor blade in hand, whatever happened to John Davidson and that killer hair? Luckily I’m an avid reader YCMIU, who’s always 4 steps ahead me.

• HRT the IV plans on penning a a sex guide book (I may write the foreword… or the index). And if you find that thought repulsive, try imagining Sarah Jessica Parker’s clown/horse face while having sex with Brian Peppers… who may actually be more attractive.

• Pay the man, Shirley

• Attack of the killer zzzzzzzs

• Apparently no one is safe from growing up awkward in the world of Harry Pothead. Not even everyone’s favorite twins, no, not those Aryan Nazi kids, but Fred and George Weasley!

If these films were made in the mid 80s, Jeremy Miller would’ve been the Marlon Brando of the group. [more Potter pics]

• Wait til Fred hears about this! Yabba dabbo BOOOOOOO!!!

• I’m thinking about seeing the Ladytron DJs (Reuben Wu and Mira Aroyo) at Rothko in early November. Can anyone tell me if its a thing mary worth thingining?

• The 100 Oldest Currently Registered .com Domains [via Hairy Cubes]

• I’m all for a future where boobs store mp3s

• San Francisco in Jell-O

• Is Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorffwelchevoralternwarengewissenschaftschafe rswessenschafewarenwohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifeudurch ihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvorandieerscheinenersch einenvanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauchlichtalsseinursprungvonkraft gestartseinlangefahrthinzwischensternaitigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelche gehabtbewohnbarplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonverstandigmens chlichkeitkonntefortpflanzenundsicherfeuenanlebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitn icheinfurchtvorangreifenvonandererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischenternart Zeus igraum Senior the new John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, or is it the other way around?

• Wax On, Wax Hoff [via Pakulashaker]

• And lastly, but not leastly, we bid much adieu (a ‘peace the spork’ is kinda rude here) to the great, great, great, great, great, great, Rosa Parks. She hated standing (right Cedric?), she hated Outkast, she probably loved Olney, MD (home of Hofpenis and Guns n Rosenthal), and apparently, she appeared in an episode of Touched by an Angel. I mean, what else is there to say, cept thanks for making a stand… by sitting, which is what our country does best.

1913-2005