Millennium Falcon Cresting

• The day has finally arrived and I honestly couldn’t care less. How could that be humanly possible? I mean, this is freakin Star Wars, not Star Trek: Circumcision. Um, I dunno, but it probably has to do with the fact that George Lucas and his neck that’s the size of a Cloud City has basically taken a gynormo dump on the entire franchise and in turn, my childhood. I never understood why the backstory had to be told. We already know it. Maybe the only thing that needs clarity is how Tarkin became a Grand Moff. Anywho, although I am bitching more than a bunch of Jews paying at retail, I’m still going to see it with my pants around my ankles during all the Portman scenes tonight/tomorrow at 12:30 AM at the splendid AMC Empire (Strikes BEST) 25. See you in line? May the disappointment not be with me. Here’s hopin’!

• SummerStage finally gets around to updatin’ their site, and in the process, unveils their free concert series including the likes of M.I.A., Patti Smith, Coheed & Cambria, Tegan & Sara, John Legend, Blind Boys of Alabama, the Upright Citizens Brigade, and on one day: MC5, The Sun-Ra Arkestra, AND DJ Spooky!

• Peace the fork out #9 train?

• If Donnie Darko & Lohag had a baby, it would either look like this or this, who both oddly look a lot like him. [2nd ‘this’ via Chipper Jonesing]

• Peep the teaser trailer to da Da Vinci Code, which hasn’t even begun filming yet! Why am I all of the sudden hungry for Alpha-Bits®.

• The dude who boned Jessica Cutler is now suing her for invasion of privacy. What he really should be doing is not drawing even more attention to the fact that he actually boned her. She’s so busted, that Playboy posted her snaps on the web and thus saving their magazine readers from slitting their eyes out.

• The great Regnyouth has dug up yet another place hostin Gorillaz’ Demon Days. DON’T DELAY, DOWNLOAD TODAY!

• Why was I so nervous watching Jeopardy! last night? Hmmm, maybe cause the future of my fortunes, aka Pam ‘Ferris’ Mueller, has already fallen $13K behind the scary dude with mustache, no, not that guy with that mustache, in the ToC semi-finals. Good thing she still has a chance to catch him on tonight’s show and move onto the throwdown showdown with KJ. Some say the hottiest thing on television since Out of The World or Marblehead Manor.

• Jack Bauer to say ‘NOWWWW’ for two more seasons!!

• Grossier than gross? Courtney Love kissing Lili Taylor

• True Lies 2? Somehow they have to work in a storyline involving Eliza Dushku (Count Dooku’s real-life daughter) competing in pudding wrestling tournaments.

• Fraiser Crane in X3? [via Pakula Shaker]

• More New Order, but when are we gonna get more Maid To Order?

• The next ‘gen’ of Madden fooball on Playstation 3 looks oh so bananananas!! [via Gorilla M]



• Thighs Wide Shut?

• Breastest handsoap no one knows about: Fa’s Kiwi Mix

• Hot Dog, Bun Makers Vow To Even The Score [via Witz]

• Who does this guy think he is, Pat O’Brien of the pre-Betsy’s-jealous-era?

• While mos peoples were seeing big shows early this week, like snoozefest ’87 & a reunion of a band that I’ve never heard of until they reunited, I czeched out the latest and greatest: Kasabian @ Bowery & The Bravery @ Warsaw. Both killah performances. Plus ya gotta love that each only have one album out and basically play the whole thing in about an hour. Take the Bravery’s setlist (with my really cool bed sheets as a background) for example, every single song from their album was played. Yous juss can’t beat that… cept for the fact that their guitarist looks like John Norris.

ADDED: CBS AXES 60 MINUTES WEDNESDAY!?#?!#@?%~% How will the world be able to face their hump days without the services of Steve Hartman? More importantly, what the hell is he going to do? He was on the verge of becoming the 1147832334480235435th funniest person in the world!!

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