Hans Moleman & The Spiders From Mars

what's my next line?

– Posing for Playboy is a sure sign that your career as an actress is over. Next up to bat: Denise Richards. Thank gawd, cause the pause button on my DVD remote broke after too many a viewings of the infamous champagne shower scene in Wild Things.

– One more reason to never have a car in NYC: DMX will try to steal it.

– Want to read a recap of Lebowski Fest 3 with less pictures of thighs and more words than mine? Czech out The Houston Chronicle‘s review.

– Speaking of fests, if you like peeping old fat men in blue and red tights, then by all means, get yer azz on over to Metropolis, Illy-noise for their annual Superman Festival. [Linka via Zach de la Roachclip]

Gary Oldman’s voice will appear in Star Wars: Episode III. Good move on his part, cause I wouldn’t want my mug imortalized in this trilogy, which has been nothing but the crappiest of the craptacular crap. Thanks for pissing on my childhood George!!

– Set yer TiVos cause Napoleon Dynamite himself (Jon Heder) will be on Letterman next Wednesday, the 30th.

i'd even bang this painting

Da Ali G Show, season one, is finally premiering in Canada. They is so behind the times, a? I hear that BetaMax and Max Headroom are the latest rage in Canuckland.

– The US Court system is turning into a porno factory. First case in point: man drops pants and sticks his a$$ in the judge’s direction. Second infraction of the penal system: a judge shaved his balls/peenie area, used a shlong enhancement pump, and gave himself plenty of HJs, all whilst presiding over cases. [Link via Tommy T and The Furious 6]

– I never ask you people for much (cept yer dirty undies and Franz Ferdie tickets), but we must all do something together. Vote for Andy Rooney as the sexiest newscaster in all the land! Didn’t you know that curmudgeonism is the new heteroflexible?

– Three things that don’t belong together: The 70’s, Europe, and interior decoration. Say hello to Eurobad ’74!!

Boo. Boourns.

– And finally, someone, please marry this poor girl!! [Link via Amanda Huginki$$]

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