Box Office Bidness From Krakozia To The Crackhouse

the breeding ground for all future comics

1. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

– $30 million (NEW) – Apparently Ben Stiller’s wife/Melody from Hey Dude is slowly building up an impressive comedic resume: The Brady Bunch Movie(s), The Wedding Singer, and now this? I may have to remove my jihad on Vince Vaughn movies and czech it out.

2. The Terminal – $18.7 million (NEW) – Senor Spielbergo, yer f-in lucky you landed two thumps up from Fatman and Closet-Gaydawg, cause I hear this movie causes terminal illness from all the Velveeta cheese oozing from the script. I mean, if yer gonna throw Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas-Omega-Phi-Slamma-Jamma into the mix, at least make her do a dance with tassels on her ta-tatties.

who wouldn't pay to see her zip and un-zip that for 90 minutes?

3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – $17.4 million ($190 million) – After my Lebowski filled weekend, I just realized that Professor Lupin is the same guy as Knox Harrington, the guy with a cleft a$$hole.

4. Shrek 2 – $13.6 million ($378 million) – What’s green, messy, and isn’t really funny? Shrek and a case of the green apple splatters.

5. Garfield: The Movie – $11 million ($42 million) – Jennifer Love Twotits, time to give up on the whole acting thang and start stripping for cash.

6. The Stepford Wives – $9.2 million ($39.4 million) – Nothing is sacred anymore. Expect a Gus Van Suchs shot-by-shot remake of Citizen Kane starring Casey Affleck in years to come.

7. The Chronicles of Riddick – $8.3 million ($41 million) – Me buddy Mark w/ a ‘c’ came up with a great project for Sir Triple X-meathead: Vin Diesel and Jim Caviezel in Van Gogh’s Easel.

here's my guess as to what Oswald von Richthofen looks like today

8. The Day After Tomorrow Never Knows – $7.5 million ($166.7 million) – Roland Emmerich directed his first film Franzmann with some dude named Oswald von Richthofen. Ossie went on to do nothing but bang chicks cause of his ultra-fly name.

9. Around the World In 80 Days– $6.8 million ($9 million) – With such a strong start as the at the box office on its first weekend, they should have no problem recouping the $110 million they spent on it. Could this be one of the biggest failures that I will probably never see since Wild Wild West?

10. Troy $1.7 million ($128.9 million) – I can’t wait til Troy gets bounced from this list next week cause I’m running outta material. I Image.Googled the word “troy” and this is the best picture I could find.

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