Thighs Wide Shut

Good Girls 78, Bad Girls 75, OT

Women’s Final > Men’s Final/Joakim Noah’s facial expressions

(yes, I watched 11 total game minutes of a liz-adies’ b-ball, an all time high for yours Thighly!)

Mandy Moore and Robin Williams are going to the chapel

Lenny Kravitz wishes he was is Jimi Hendrix

Martine McCutcheon and Richard E Grant drink tea

Shavlik Randolph and Louis Williams want to double team you [Navi Eht Elbirret]

Britney Spears parties with dwarves

Ashley Simpson does not need me

Bandwagon Boy goes into space

There’s no reason 2007 couldn’t have been 1997

Trevor’s mum is the breast

Doctor Who is the new William Shatner

He may or may not look particularly James Spaderish

Twin Peaks turns 16 this Saturday, and my dear Papa, 63. So who’s buying the black licorice? [ND Kalu]

‘One Wild Night,’ Beastie Boys: Rappers let 50 fans create movie of Madison Square Garden concert. The film turned out so well, the same 50 people have been challenged to make a Knicks telecast watchable. – Dan Steinberg and Desmond Bieler

Gawker stalks George Clooney

George Clooney stalks Gawker

Music Snob stalks Dangermouse, and his family while eating soul food

spreaking de Deutsche of…

time for a

Muzak BREAK!!!

May 9th can’t come soon enuff, or about as many times as I cum to the sweet sweet tunes of Gnarls Barkley. Can you say future breastest album of the ’06?

And since May 9th is a may and a 9th away, lettuce make do with a make do GB EP. Click the links and find the gold, gnarly gold…

‘Crazy’ [l]
‘Crazy’, cover by The Kooks [l]
‘Go Go Gadget Gospel’ [l]
‘Gone Daddy Gone’, Violent Femmes cover [l]
‘Just A Thought’ [l]
‘Smiley Faces’ [l]

+ these two non-Barkley charles-ton chews…

‘Black Metallic’ – Catherine Wheel [d]

‘Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego’ – Rockapella [d]

From A(ieee!) to Z(zzzzwap!), Batman TV series onomatopoeia shaz [Dr Culpeppers]

(Diana) rigged door [vid]

The retro-fitting of a KitKat Chunky Peanut Butter bar

T H E M O V I E T I M E L I N E [CMB]

Montreal Expo 1967 [Met-Life]

GayWheels.com

Yoda Dog

What’s up with 666, the “mark of the beast”?

Man creates giant kebab

Up for grabs, to the highest bidder, one original amateur Leprechaun sketch [Gorillazzzzz]

And how does one make the NBA fun? Photoshop

And on a rather sad note, we bid a mos peaceful the fork out to a stand up guy in a sit down world, Benjamin Chappel, who introduced me to a lotta fab people and other fun smelling fun stuff

Brick
High School Confidential
View Trailer (one of the breast I’ve seen in the ’06)

Â

I know you watch The OC, or used to watch it. And I know you know that show totally has no value, unless value is weighed by MILFs, Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows, and every band that has once graced the linkages of Stereogum. Well lets say that one day The OC woke up and decided to pay homage to about 11 film noir classics, replaced Adam Brody with that soon to be minor-major Hollywood playa kid from Third Rock (you MUSS see him in Mysterious Skin), Rachel Bilson with a thinking man’s Rachel Bilson (the berry yummilcious Nora Zehetner), and cast Lukas Haas as a local drug kingpin, for no good reason, other than the fact that I’m sure his schedule was clear, and dude, he’s fucking in the Haaaaaaaaas!!! Sounds like a completely pretentious hodgey-podgey mish-mash, eh? Well, it aint the perfectedness that is Basement Jaxx’ Kish Kash, but who eggspects perfectednessness from a flick with an estimated budget of .5 mil!! Sure, some of the actors may have been cast by picking names out of a hat, and okay, the movie’s hepcat slanguage can be more daunting than anything written in Nadsat, and aiiiight, the plot may be more all over the place than a Wesley Willis/Daniel Johnston duet, but this moody lil ’05 Sundance fav kept my interest from start to finish, and the same can’t be said for a lot of the crap that’s been released this year, hispecially for a certain movie I know that starts with V and is crapdetta on wheels.

Recommended for those who like: urban dictionary.com, Sally Bowles, the female droog, and Heidi Fleiss’ nephew

Possible Porno Name: Laying Pipe, Laying Brick, Smoke My Cock, Lick My Prick

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix one of the only watchable Robert Altman flicks, The Long Goodbye

Apt MPupil3: ‘Sycamore Trees’ by Jimmy Scott & Angelo Badalamenti from the Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me soundtrack [d]

Did You Know: that Nora Z has died in two movies by way of neck?

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): has a bit more merit than some, so Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Thigh Master: Ever seen Rossie Harris/lil Joey as a grown man?

YOU HAVE NOW!

A Leprechaun In Alabama?
[B-day Boy My Man Marvkus]

Sasha Cohen to give up nude camel toe figure skating to pursue an acting career???? LOOK OUT Sacha Baron Cohen and Shahar Cohen, AND every other Jewish and non-Jewish Cohen in the bidness!!

CC, HFRT the IV, the new face of Walkers Crisps? WOWie!! I can now save time by sticking my fingers into juss one bag for two great tastes!

Thinks TO had 6 generic raps ready to go before he signed on with the Cowgirls? CHEDDAR!!!

Belates Peace the Fork out to the dude who had the job that many wanted to have the opposite of: dress Jackie O

The latest trailer to utilize Requiem For A Dream‘s ‘Lux Aeterna’ [d-lode]? The latest trailer for da Da Vinci Code… although anyone who’s anyone’s one any knows it was bestest used in the Two Towers full trailer… the defenses have to hold… THEY WILL HOLD!!!!

Gorillaz stain-glass windows… sure to make many stain their sheets. Snot enuff? Try their ‘El Manana’ video on for slize

Got 135 minutes to kill at work or a mockingbird? Stanley Kubrick A Life In Pictures, in 3 YouTube parts [Pakula Shaker Hts Ohio]

Keane drop details on their new album how many scripts in Hollywood are written: on one piece of paper

Jeopardy! contestant search meets the internets

Errol Morris commercials, sadly, none with Morris the Cat

Questions, and not many answers from the geniussesess behind Wonder Showzen

The 2nd best bit (excluding all Frank Layden madness) from Dazzling Dunks and Basketball Bloopers: The Basketball Olympics

Dozen Distinctive Destinations

Take The Snooze AND American Dreamzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz passes

Speaking of zzzzzzz and all thangs Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth: How did the letter ‘Z’ become associated with sleeping?

Colleen Camp’s SFW boobs from Clue, times 48

pontiac fiero mounted on boston whaler with 40 hp motr

[VoubleDiking]
‘When a girl has a heart of stone, there’s only one way to melt it. Just add Ice.‘ [Ceffle Corn]

We all love a good BRAD PITT matchup, but I’m hoping for a BRAD vs GEORGE (Mason? Town?) finale, which will determine once and for all, who’s name gets top billing in Ocean’s 18. Note to readers: please kill me if there’s a 14.

Pot Tarts, Puff-A-Mint Patties and a Toka-Cola [RityCag]

Northwest Bench from Twin Peaks [Guns n Rosenthal]

CAMILLA SJOBERG, the new NSFW smorgasbord everyone wants to take a bite of?

Laurence Hutton Collection of Life and Death Masks

Proud to be yer #1 intersluething result for ‘Edgar Stiles wallpaper’

The Wonderful World of ’80s Commercials

the $39 Experiment

Dogbushkas

So when’s they coming out with a Jennifer Ellison Swatch crotch watch?

Wonder what Parker Lewis would say to that Swatchtastic idear

So hows comes we’ves nevers seens Sarah Jessica Parkers & Mitch from Real Genius in the same bat room, at the same bat time?

You mean joe greene to tell me that telegrams hadn’t already gone the way of funny American sitcoms? And that Falkor’s sister isn’t already a US citizen? Shiz is gonna be a tuff task considering Fantasia is apart of the Axis of Evil.

A Gorillaz/Madonna penta-et (that’s like a duet, but for 5) will open the Grammys with 7 minutes of bang, and then the rest of the show will be 203 minutes of whimper. And why can’t we let Borat [vid] host everything?

Freaking of Borat Sagdiyev, sucks to be the British ambassador to Kazakhstan right about now, hispecially when you have to defend his humoristic merits of British racism to the people being racilisted against

Breastest home video news, until the announcement of the Twin Peaks season 2 discs: two-disc special editions HD DVD AND standard DVD releases Clockwork Orange, The Shining, 2001: Space Odyssey and an UN CUT VERSION of Eyes Wide Shut will be released later this year. Dats the news Ebert‘s been waiting ages for, for he’s been love jonezin for that lost ark of beatoff matz [source]

Jodie Sweetin a Meth addict? I guess someone had to buy Tical 2000 : Judgement Day [via Syntacular]

Reservations. Candlelight. Table Side Service. Valentine’s Day. White Castle?!?!!? Mankind has just jumped the shark… and I’ll see there! [via BRAWNY IFOCE FUTURE SUPER CHAMPION MAN]

You my friend, is no Alfred Hitchcock, and you my Malkovich aint no Kubrick, and Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.

Lindsay Lohan’s Lost Diary, is nothing but 347299553 pages about her being coo-coo for my huge-huge co-cock. Lettuce hope it does see the light of day, but not starring Michael J Fox or Joan Jett [via Navi the Elbirret]

Belated conflatulations to the mother of my children for her Outstanding Choreography nomination for work on a local ghetro production of Kiss of the Spider Woman [source]

MoMA’s gonna be a SCREAM come late Feb when there’s MUNCH to do about nothing

Gnarls Barkley

The commercial is still MIA, but Jhoon Rhee still fights for right. And for all the lizadies out there, this stud’s for you

[via SkunkI via the Dollar]
DAVE KRIEG RULES… in the fumbles department!! Ah, to be a Bears fan in ’96, when DK was kickin it and fumble apprentice Rashaan Salaam was his RB

AAAAAAAAaaa rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh, HHHurrRRRRRRRRnhhhh. UUUHHHGGG-rrrr! UUUHHHGGG-rrrrRRR! UUUHHHGGG-rrrrRRR! HHHurrRRRRRRRRnhhhh. AAAAAAAAaaa rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnhhhh!

I’m an XL and my addy is:

Thigh Master
c/o Amblin Entertainment
123 Anywhere St
Thighland, Thailand Killah Hills 10304

Somesbody please take a thing and get Sean Paul’s ‘We Be Burnin’ [d-lode] straight outta my head and into my car a jar

Cool is having you sitting on my face

Awesome is when your TV sister is giving me a mustache ride… in 3+ years time

Something not to poop on: Triumph The Insult Comic Moonlighting As TV Weatherman In Hawaii

Is the saying “Beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer, never fear” physiologically accurate?

Fender to Kitty, ‘Hello!’

Wolf Howl Animal Peserve’s Wolf T Shirt Long Sleeve [via Kruisemanko]

IFILM’s Viral Video’s Best of 2005’s

Thighs wide Shut

I guess I can scratch this one off for Hot Cross Buns Friday: 57 Hines Ward

Bad Candy AND Bad-Candy AND Bad Video Game Covers [via Tededore | Data Que?]

And I’ve got my mind set on [aud] replacing Coyle (the soon to be William Henry Harrison of her Her Royal Thighnesses)

But I’ve also got my mind on the Shroud of Torino Winter Olympiad, where I predict that

Michael Essany
&
Meathead’s
cousin
Jan Michaelis

is an 8pt favorite
to becoming the
2nd becoming of
Simon Ammann
Swiss Ski Jumper Hero of Swissland
(but not to be confused with Swaziland)
of the Salt Lake Games
who had the single grate-ist
celebration
of
balls
time

YA GOLD!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
!!!

[watch the vid
2mins 40secs in
for all that jazz]

PEE ES – this FRIDAY at 11:59 PM IS THE HAPSOLUTELYE FINAL DAY TO SEND IN SUBMISSIONS for the Cornme in History Photochop super contest!!! Monday all entries (all 7 of them) will be posted and you will vote for who is supreme over-underlord, to me, Supreme Adobe Photoshop Commanding Vice Lord General Madine! Here’s an eggsample that I masterfullofitly did for you to choke on my genus bitches!!

go gettum gumshoes!!

and THIS JUST IN
although a day late
[via Metz]

o’ Nancy, u are so O’Best, so O’Brills, so Oh-some!!
O’y vey is the old new O-tay?

Coachella or
Bonnaroo or
Palooza
or Vans Warped Tour?
Hmmmmmmmm…

And a great time to have a crazy mustache and be a fan of four zillion uniform changes since 1900!!

• In more important news, happy belated 15th burstday to the one site on the internets that is actually both useful AND non-porn related… well, nevermind

• Even I think this more tasteless than Fruit Stripe gum. I mean, she’s only 11, she’s my adopted daughter, and I’m sure this kid already gave her cooties for life! [via De-Fame Her]

• I haven’t been this teased since that chick in the Crying Game turned out to be a dude

• Hollywood, we seriously need to talk

• Good luck with that Radcliffe, and that too. You make Frodo look as straight as Rock Hudson Tab Hunter Sheryl Swoopes… errrrrrrrr, I give up. Frodo is as gay as you are.

• Speaking of GAY… so this whole t.A.T.u. faux gay thing may be faux faux. Either way they swing, I’m all faux it

• Twats even more uneggceptable than the peace the fork outtings of the G-Men’s version of Jack Can’t Cooke and the voice who made the world safe for ho’s? How bout the choking on a ham sandwichedness/death of the mos famous person to ever hail from Bestine IV AND win the Kenobi Medallion award AND who said such classic things as…

“Red Six standing by.”

“I’m right with you red three.”

“I’ve got a problem here.“

“I can hold it.”

“No I’m alright, I’m alrightaaaarrrrrggghhhhh….”

You may know him as Red Six, or King of Yavin, or Tono, or Piggy, or even Belly Runner, but I know him bestestest as

JEK PORKINS

A Long Time Ago (In A Galaxy Far Far Away)-2005
[via Bilboe Big’uns]
Somewhere, this guy is crying with his Legos

• Can you say, Cuthwurst?

• Dr Lawrence Jacoby divulges the biggest Twin Peaks mystery of them all… how he found his signature eyewear

• Still figuring out what yer getting me for my b-day on November the 7th? Look no further, and I even have the shoes to match! [hotness via G-spot-hattan]

• Battle of the (unattractive) Dutch Babes. You’ll never see so many ‘j’s in names again in yer life!! [via Daaaaaaan]

…although these British “babes” could give those Dutch un-treats a run for their yucky

…then again, this lil Liverpudlian owns my mos flavorite pair of fake bazoombas in our galaxy

• Worst Little Leaguer of The Year Award. How much you wanna bet their fathers coach their teams?

• Ski Dubai? Can’t wait to taste the hummus at the lodge! [via Cubetacular]

• A Closer Look At The World Around Us: An HP LaserJet Printer Box

• The Breast AND Wurst in generic brand Halloween costumes. And the Boo Berry ‘stume is by far the mos un-boo boo related thing mt everest… next to Boog Powell, snatchurally

• And before ya go, I want to help you help you. Have you heard Supergrass’ new super mark duper grassy Thigh Master approveduper album Road To Rouen yet? Even if ya have, would ya like to win dat + some other funilicious things like stuff and more things? Two RANDOM peeps will win, and one of the two will be the coolest kid in school, or place of bidness (or funemployment like me), with this berry limited edition TinyMeat made thIghPod case! All ya have to do is answer the following three questions, and she-male me wit yer name and addy!!!

1) Which Supergrass song appeared on the Clueless soundtrack?
2) Who was Jek Porkins’ best friend?
3) What am I wearing right now?

On behalf of Mark Duper (who is probably Supergrass fan #1), this is Edward R Snoozer saying, good night, and good luck!!!