Thighs Wide Shut

Twilight Saga: New Moon
My So-Called Monster Squad
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

You got an instant lady’s take on New Moon and nows you gots a well belated one from yours drooly. WHOOPTY DOOOO! Well, we are not a womans, but we do enjoy hunky mens cause we is 1/18ths gays. Jacob is way hunkier than Edward and Jacob is way better for Bella than Edward, but who cares cause Bella isn’t worth anyone’s hunkiness. Her dad has a mustache so she probably has one too. Plus she always looks way too distraught, in a sorta Chloe from 24 meets Willie McGee I’m about to fart face, but maybe not as flatulent. The first movie was fun and the second one was not as. There was no crazy baseballs. There was also no nekkid Ashley Greene, but that was also a problem with the first movie. Michael Sheen did show up and wasn’t playing someone British for once and that was kinda neat, but we didn’t understand that whole bit about being in some Italian city with red cloaked people and then Dakota Fanning was there without her retarded dad Sam, and she wasn’t raped either and she’s old as sh%t and then like someone grabs Edward and throws him to the ground and stuff! OH NO!! Huh? Who cares! We don’t, but we care about Jacob. Bet he’s feeling really vulnerable right about now. Maybe if we fall down and hit our head he can tear off his shirt and wipe our fiveheads with it. JACOB!!!!!!!!!!!! we wants to climb your ladder AND your abs!!!!!!!!!!!! Haven’t read the books but guess that Jacob doesn’t win Bella’s heart so therefore the next two movies will blow, unless Ashley Greene gets nekkid and gets on top of a nekkid Jacob. Team Redskins!

Moon Patrol: although relatively new, peas never 5get Devin Hester’s full moon

Verdictgo: whatevs.net, but still Jeepers Worth A Peepers

New Moon is currently being eclipsed at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

biggest boo of 2009???

faux Cliff Engle sweaters!!!
BOOOOOOOOO via Gear Patrol

seriously folks & yolks, why pay good money for sh%tty fake crap when you can pay less for the real thang!!!!! every hear of eBay? we have and now own 18+ of Cliff’s glorious wool masterpieces that will make you sweat more than Boss Hogg on a hot August afternoon!!!!!

booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos fo false pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos!!!

perviously: Cliff Maven

India Reynolds, still our mos flavorite combination of a country and maker of aluminum foil

Nuts‘ 2010 topless calendar that will make both of yer heads explode [NSFW]

Nuts‘ 100 Big Boobed Babes that we wish we had 200 hands for [NSFW]

wil jullie graag een kijkje laten nemen in haar wereld! which roughly translates to really sh%tty quality video of India stripping that’s decent enuff for you to JO to [NSFW]

British East India Humpany [NSFW]

Fail to The Redskins shirt we wants [NSFDanSnyder via Poon]

wees taking off tonight for another round of some hot arsed midwestern ranch farts, so have a killah weak-end kidz and see you on the sideflip

attention tick and swisted Thighlandians: no longer will you have to use this NSFW kiddie porn Mapplethrope photo of Eva Amurri as JO and HJ matz cause Susan Sarandon’s lil daughter has NSFW done us one butter, with her strip tease yesplease on Californication!!!!!

which instantly tops any toplessness her mum has displayed in the past, including, butt not limited to the lemon drops in Atlantic City [SFW]

+ Don Draper’s neighbor playthang Abigail Spencer in Faux NSFW

– sorry kids, but there aint pics to share from our weekend in NC. it was more of a visiting friends and their kids and eatin fried chicken on a biscuit and sippin on Cheerwine and Redskins rape our hearts thrice again type-o weekend than a seeing sights and other worldly delights one. feel free to peruse and reuse our past recent trips to the har teel state

Last year’s trip to see the Redskins play in Detroit (Lions And Tigers And A$$ Tears, Oh My!) was such a raging success of excess that we saw no reason not to repeat the experience this year. and after a second stroll down the US automotive playground for 36 hours, we thinks we’ve done everything that can be done in this fine city by the lake that’s a shell of its former self, besides seeing a Red Wings and Tigers game (won’t bother mentioning the Pistons since professional basketball doesn’t really exist, well, at least if you ignore it it doesn’t exist)

anywho…

this is Renaissance Center, home of the world’s worstest movie theater. no wonder Michael Moore hates this place (as seen in his latest movie)

sadly the Renaissance Center didn’t have any giant turkey legs like they do at the Renaissance Fest

Thighs Wide associate Jewanicur Howard Johnson demonstrates how tall he and the buildings are

and increases the amount of Jews currently in that area by 4866%

I point to a place I’ve never been before and still haven’t been

a gym Canada!

ah, the lovely Detroit Institute of Art, aka the DIA

where after eating this incred bacon cheeseburger pizza from PizzaPapalis we added some ria to the DIA’s toilets. yum!

the muse-zan is a no-brainer muss visit

esp to check out Diego Rivera’s Detroit Industry 4-walled mural

these guys were smart, as they knew wees was coming to town with our nasty farts

HEADS ON STICKS!!

PTI’s lawyers are ready to litigate

what chu lookin out Go-Gan?

although we’ll admit that yer stache kicks our beard’s a$$

no need to call in Lionel Hutz

cause we ate all that we could: 6ish hot dogs, 3 things of nachos, 2 popcorns, a bag o chips, one wurst brat, and a ton of soda and water, but no soda water

sadly, the food was the only thing to cheer about on this day

not even Tommy Cruise missile could help the Skins take off versus the lowly Lions. does this mean Zorn will be gone and we’ll get a ‘Who The Hell Should I Hire‘ part 2? gas up Redskins One!

Ford Field is a sight to be seen, and for once, for their fans, they actually had something worth seeing, cept for those who didn’t go to the game cause it was blacked out locally (blacked out is racist!!!)

the Lions deserved to win and the Skins deserved to lose, and watching this happen was actually a lot more fun than watching the Skins win with 3 FGs last week vs the Rams

I love my boys, and always will, but they suck, or are juss really stuck. hopefully the ship will be righted, instead of lefted

but until then, the jerseys will return to the closet and hang in shame

word em up to the lamest form of pubic transportation we’ve ever seen:

The Detroit People Mover!