Thighs Wide Shut

Bill Paxton’s a$$
aint got nuttin on my a$$
and the fake internet a$$
I have proclaimed and claimed to have had…

Schlepisode I
The Phantom Red Menace & Her Crab Infested Pubes

Schlepisode II
Attack of the Blonde Deez Nuts Boston Tea Party Baging Her

Schlepisode III
Revenge of My Stiffy, Below My Borscht Belt

Schlepisode IV
A New Pope Consummates A Charlotte Church

Schlepisode V
The Boobless Strike Back On The Big Boob Lover

Schlepisode VI
Return of The Making James Hasty Decisions on the Red-Eye

Schlepisode VII
Hopefully Not The Beginninining of the Postquel Postilogy

but my loves
for all my lovelies
aint as lovie dovie
as my love for Lovie Smith

GNARLS!!

Lohag + Leo = LeHoHag???

[knicked from LBJ & Zzzizzler]

Lettuce hope they don’t form a production company… LLLDiC, LLC

at least for DIC’s sake

…which is the new ‘for fucks sake‘

Kobe Bryant: I wouldn’t mind being Jewish [Gulf of Sonkin]

WHATTTTTT???

NFL teases our dicks with a peek at next year’s TV goodies, including THREE T-giving games, the Manning Bowl (which should’ve been the kickoff game), and a double dip of MNF, including yer Washington Redskins vs the Sex Boaters

PG-13 beat-off matz arrives May 16th

Didn’t realize the Raconteurs were such Marble Madness fanatics

Didn’t realize I hated spelling until I Google-mis-spelled ‘Raconteurs’ for the 12974723904th time

Do you realize [d]…

…that Beck will never re-reach the heights he heighted back in the 99? Snooze Change? More like Boo Change!

Ali G + Jarvis Cocker = Pulp Non Fiction [Snoop Snobby Snobb]

Peep the trailer to
Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels
Snatch
Layer Cake
Lucky Number Slevin

Faye Dunaway is a crazy bitch!

The Rolling Stones loved Snap, Crackle, and Pop… what sez you Mr Burns? [LoMBardi]

5 Reasons to Watch Big Love

Whilst Keira K was roarin’ up her 20s as a flapper, and while we were fapping to the thought of her in a flipper costume, we stumbled upon these snaps from her Teddington School daze

[VanTangoBingoBango]

Eels line-up summer tour, with free pit stop at the World Financial Plaza

Bestestest Sarah Jessica Parker snapple? This one, with her face covered

The only way to get from Manhattan to JFK, HELICOPTER!

Miscast 8

Martine McCutcheon re-enlists as the PM’s tea lady, much to the delight of Tony Blair… then again, what doesn’t delight him

What the hell does Brian know?

Poop Hat [Mini-DV]

The GMU bandwagon is gettin crowded, for even Pedro Loves em

but not as much as the 284 crackhead junkies who picked them to win it all in ESPN’s Tournament Challenge (only 4 people correctly picked this year’s Final Four)

or ass much as me, Cousin Dan, or TVGasm, who all know who the real face of George Mason athletics be… George Mason!!!

[help via GMU Grad Student, The Thinker]

PS2 – Dash Render found the my future burial site: Dublin, OHHHHHHHHHH snap’s Field of Corn

pee es 3 – my new lucky number is slevirteen

PF Chang bangs BD Wong‘s gong all nite long while Shelly Long reads Shelley and Longfellow

You knows when yous dying to find somethings on the internets and all yous gots to go on are details more sketchy than an Etch-A-Sketch found in a Gaza Strip public toilet? It happens more often then we’d like it to, but remember remember the 49th of November, Google can’t help you think, it can only get you one step closer to things like ‘sasha cohen eats poop’.

Anywho, for ages I’ve been intersleuthing for the name of an early 80s film series we uses to watch back in elementary school. The only specific thing that I remembered from the series was the cartoon intro with a medieval minstrel who kept morphing into other nationalities whilst singing something to the effect of, ‘in Russia, I’m Ivan, and in America, I’m John‘. Well today I decided to give it one last van gogh, and with said sketchy skecthedness I EFFIN FOUND IT!!!! It was called Storybook International, and Lohan and behold, it’s effin being released on DVD next week!! What are the odds, todds, and rods, of that shaz-dazzle?@?!?

Has anyone else ever seen this? Each tale took place in a different country, and they all looked like something right out of The Princess Bride. You can peep a preview of the entire series, or even watch a full episode (shitty ass quality though)!!!

Click image below to play the intro that has haunted me all these years, queers, and Stephen Frears…

[d-lode the ‘I’m The Storyteller’ song]

Why would Gold Bond bang these lizadies

Look at the brightside, maybe this will open more doors and the thighs of Lara Logan

Lohag Would Go Topless for Oscar. Too bad the same init true for the Portwoman. But then again, unlike Her Former Royal Thighness the I, Natty Lite-weight doesn’t dig on grouchy garbage men. But then again, she did dress like an elephant for Elmo. No word on if she tickled it, or not, or tickles in general, with anything French, or not

Ricky Gervais looks back (not in anger) on his Seona Dancing days, vid stiz

Will the Gorillaz tour DC’s virtual stadium?

Everyone’s mos flavorite French reporter Melissa Theuriau, sans habillement [that’s Au Bon Pain for NSFW par MoodyHotties]

Luther Vandross doesn’t live, but his sangwich does

stripper_polaroids’ stripper polaroids [par Pee See Randle El]

Which Came First… besides me on May 1st

Who knew the Fruit of the Loom guys branched out into furniture design?

I always wanted to know what ‘Thighs Wide Shut’ sounded like

Top 10 Strangest Lego Creations

Anyone out theres knows where I can get these elf shoes I used to rock in HS, in size 10, 10.5, or heleven? If you do, I’ll even fuck your mother!

Free Hooters

VIDEO of Michael Larson, Whammy enemy #1

Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs

And, Nancy O’Brills, O’ how I O in your good O’name and graven image night after night. Stay faptastic, and the only respectable and delectable person on tabloid TV…

Tsotsi
A Clockwork Orange Free State
View Trailer

Did you hear the alternate titles they came up for this Academy Award nominee for Breast Foreign Film that may give Paradise Now a run for its dirty (princi)Palestinian money this Sunday? Boy In The Hood, City of No Gawd, Ever More Nowhere In Africa, and Menace III Society. OK, you caughts me, those aren’t really alternate titles, but juss a really lame way to open this review, and did you honestly think there was another title when it has one halready that’s so fun to say. Tsotsi, which translates to ‘thug’, ‘gangster’, and/or ‘hoodlum’, is the light hearted story of a not so light hearted South African gangsta who keeps making his worse off situation worse offer. Stealinin’, gun pointinin’, dice throwinin’, leather jacket with the lapels up wearinin’, and straight up tsotsinin’, are the order of the day for our young misguided orphan Tsotsi, who loves to look straight up pimpinin’ in leather jackets. Then, one day, during a routine carjack, (not to be confused with Freejack), everything changes. Tsotsi inadvertently kidnaps the carjackee’s baby boy (but there be only one baby boy) and then, everything changes! Naqoyqatsi Powaqqatsi Koyaanisqatsi Tsotsi isn’t the ideal father, let alone the ideal employee, ideal UN peacekeeper, ideal beekeeper (I mean, can anyone beat Ulee and his gold?), or an ideal Let’s Make A Deal contestant, and then, everything changes? YES, IT DOES! Ch-ch-ch-ch-changesssssssss [d-lode] {@!#{#$@}! To spiel the beans about whatelse unfolds would change everything, so I’ll refrain like Andy Dufresne. All I have to say is Tsotsi!!!!!!!

Recommended for those who like: Dali ants, breastfeeding, and one white guy surrounded by many a black guys (insert one white guy, many a black guy jokes here)

Possible Porno Name: Twatsi

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix The Gods Must Be Crazy

All Time Winner of Bestest Movie Mt Everest That: ends in ‘si‘ and lets babies wear newspaper diapers!

Apt MPupil3: ‘My Weakness’ by Moby [d-lode]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show

Pee es – the trailer blows, but the sdtrk rox, much like Lohag circa ’04