Thighs Wide Shut

Somebody in Sweden came to this site via Google searching for “Lindsay Lohan address to New York, NY.” Sadly, I do not have her address, but here’s my guess at where she lives:

Lindsay Lohan, Esq

72654365223 Princess Hotness Court

Queens, NY 90210

This was LL’s reaction when I
told her that she rocked!

The countdown begins. April 30th is the due date for Lindsay Lohan’s next joint Mean Girls.

Meow

So this past tweakend I paid for one movie and snuck into another one. Cause stealing money from Hollywood these dayz is all the rage. The first flick is a muss C and the other is one that you can leave the theater if you muss P.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Since I’m no Dostoevsky, here are some simple sentences about the best movie so far of 2003. Kirsten Dunst gets high and dances in her undies! Conjured up from the genius mind of writer Charlie Cough-man (Adaptation & Being John Malkovich). Mark Ruffalo’s hair ROCKS! This is Jim Carrey’s best movie ever. As visually stunning and surreal as director Michel Gondry’s music videos (“Hardest Button to Button” by the White Stripes & “Human Behavior” by Bjork). Kate Winslet looks great in orange AND blue! Elijah Wood falls for a girl and NOT another male hobbit. Did I mention that Kirsten Dunst gets high and dances in her undies? I won’t spoil the plot, but it’s like watching a 2 hour version of Marty McFly’s Polaroid picture of him and his siblings disappearing. There are only two bad things about this movie. One is that I have to see it again and the other is that the ELO song “Mr. Blue Sky” does not make an appearance in the actual film, but only in the trailer. If yer jonesing for it, check it out in this amazing Volkswagen Beetle commercial from a few years back. Anywho, go see ESOTSM. I guarantee it’ll be better than any Mandy Moore or Hillary Duff (but not Lindsay Lohan) movie ever.

Intermission

Take every hip actor from Ireland & Scotland, mix in a mediocre script, film in a NYPD Blue herky-jerky camera style, and Intermission is what you’ll end up with. It’s like a Robert Altman movie with thick accents and more drinking. Sure, we finally get to see Colin Farrell in his native tongue, but there’s nothing really here folks. I had more fun playing the IMDB game in the theater. The whole time I kept pointing to the screen saying, “Wow, that’s Diane from Trainspotting. She was so mad hot when she was like 16!” or “Hey, does Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter have a mustache in real life?” If you want to watch a good Irish movie, grab a Guinness and Netflix The Commitments instead.

Move over J-Blows and Ben Shitfleck, word under the sheets is that Jude Law and Natalie Portman are romancing the bone. I hope this union lasts, cause they’d have the hottttiest children to ever walk the earth.

Here are some other super hot couples that I’d love to see:

– Keira Knightley and Me

– Lindsay Lohan and Me

– A threesome of the two chicks from t.A.T.u. and Me