Thighs Wide Shut

13 (Tzameti)
A Lot Luckier (And Better) Than Slevin
Trailers (don’t watch, for full appreciation)

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of seeing a director’s full length feature debut that wows me so much that I’d vow right then and there to see everything they make going forward, regardless if it’s actually good or not. While you’d think that many of today’s up and comers would fall under that category (David Fincher, Mathieu Kassovitz, Bryan Singer, Danny Boyle, and Quentin Tarantino), they IMDbly don’t cause the movies that won me over were usually their second trip out (Se7en, La Haine, The Usual Suspects, Trainspotting, and Resvoir Dogs respectively). Come to think of it, there’s only one name that pops into my mind that falls into this wow and vowdom: Darren Aronofsky, after being udderly and completely entranced by his slice of the Pi. Well, I like to officially welcome the France residing Georgian (as in vodka, not peach) expatriate director, whose probably not soon to be a household name, Géla Babluani (son of Temur) into the brethren, after viddying his stark, but brilliant brilliant brilliant noirish debut 13 (Tzameti). I saw it two weeks ago and I’m still thinking about it today. To purge the plot details would ruin half the fun, so lemme try to put it as simply as possible: if The Deer Hunter was an appetizer for the cinematic world of Russian roulette then 13 (Tzameti) is the main course + desserts + a free hand job from the waitress. But I muss warn you, if you can’t deal with French black & white movies, eat a dick, cause you’ll miss out on one of the bestest flicks I’ve seen this year, well, at least one notch below the jizzum jazzdum that is Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s HOTTTttt

Recommended for those who like: the French Larry Miller, the French Richard Chamberlain, and the French Non from Superman

Possible Porno Name: 69 (All Sweaty)

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix Lilja 4-Ever [Trailer] , starring the mos deliscumptious Оксана Акиньшина

Apt MPupil3: ‘How I Could Just Kill A Man’ Cypress Hill cover by country folksters Battlestar America [d from their site]

IMDb Sweeney/America, F&ck No!!!: is there anything holy? The American remake of 13 (Tzameti) is set for 2008. Supposedly (and spankfully) it will be helmed by Géla Babluani [Dark Ho]

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show, and you’ll think so too you breast groper!

until next time the balcony is clothed…

pee es – schlappy 78th B-day Kubrick, my lord and shaver. I promise to do u right next year… if there’s still a Thighs that needs Wide Shutting, schlobvs course!

don’t you dare forgetti
György Ligeti

1923 – 2006

you know

‘oooooooooh aah ooooh’
from 2001 [d]

&

‘bummm, bummm, bummm, bummm, bummm, bummm’
from Eyes Wide Shut [d]

Guess who rides my face and will soon be the face of Vera Wang? No, not Jazil, but said person, spank the lordidly, juss got a release date (8/25) for her Elisha Cuthsplurt über-hotslutness-fest, aka The Quiet. I advise anyone in the NYC area to not go and see it opening weekend as I will be buying every ticket and dropping my pants from scene one til kingdom cum

[mora]

I want Lucas gone for 4 Ever

They named the dog Indiana

I went to Indiana

Sometimes I wish I was both gay and famous. Cause cock slurpin or not, every XYer love boobies

Apparently Marvel wasn’t so amused by Ang Lee’s climax featuring Nick Notle as super-electro-blah-blah man either

The Kubrick screenings galore at Queens’ MOMI are nice and all, but who’s coming with me later this year to Ghent, Belgium for the world touring SK eggzibit?

Or how bout to London to see Jennifer Ellison‘s boobs as Roxie Tart in Chicago? Yes, she can sing, or at least she’s been known to, as her song ‘I Don’t Care’ [d | WMvid] kinda proves. But who needs to hear when all one needs to do is leer (and I aint talkin about ‘reading’ in Spanish. yo, and I aint talkin about ‘I’ either, yo!) At least she isn’t traipsing around town, dressed up as a boy wizard…

[mora]

What do David Bowie, Orlando Boo, Coldgayer Chris Martin, the real Harry Potter, Gandolf, Mrs Peel, and Stephen Fry all have in common? They is the latest fantabulous folks to enlist in Ricky G’s follow-up failure to the Office, Extras. Someone let me know when season two airs so I can cancel my HBO subscript

Rumor has it that if you beat the fork outta Dakota Fanning she’ll sing and dance like Elvis

Someone call Father Dowling or even the Coz cause wees got many Mike Skinner girl mysteries abound. I mean, who doesn’t wanna know who the ‘When You Wasn’t Famous’ girl is, or whomever Mrs ‘Fit But You Know It’ is be, since Mr St recently denied that Rachel Stevens waz the fittest who knew about it

Ziyi Zhang to make wangs pang in a live action Mulan?

Why are rock fans so stupid? GN’R UK Edition!

Zach Braff to get Mandy Moore all bombed and stoned, and shit

‘Mr. T is a good dude‘ [Alan J Pakula Shaker]

Carrie Porter loves to take advantage of tools and heads of radios

Welcome to Lily Allen (+ other musical fun) Central

‘Friday Night’ [d]
‘Friend of Mine’ [d]

[LA-HerSpace | MetroDis]

Flux Capacitor‘s got 2 tracks from Fiery Furnace brother Matt’s solo stazz. I’ve heard enuff to say that he should dump his sister on the side of the road, or wherever tits con-veen-yant for Alex K to pick her and her boots up

More Paris Hilton songs leak, luckily not complete versions. Is this a modern day Hanoi Hilton torture center? If so, John McCain and meself would like an early check out please

The coolest sdtrk no one’s ever heard of: All This and World War II, featuring Beatles covers by Peter Gabriel, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Keith Moon, and many mandy more. Be sure to try the Frank Valli ‘Day In A Life’ mp3 on for
size thighs

I’ve given up and given in to blog cent-say-shun Beirut. One twirl of ‘Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)’ [d] and you will be too

Enjoy the silence… er, or not!

Tell me you already discovered Party Ben‘s latest mash-up gem ‘Death Cab for Maddy’

And cause everyone loves mash-ups, or mashed potatoes if yer Sir Paul McSmartie [RetroSlice], here are two I’ve been Jaziling all over myself, spanks to P-Blister, which should be a daily visit for anyone with a thIghpod

Nicky T‘s ‘Crazy Wish’ [d]
Lenlow‘s ‘To The Taxmobile’ [d]

I think I’ll pass on the ’80s Puma Pedometers and try my hard-on-est to find these ’90s Apple Logo shoes given out to employees only

[A Tribe Called Viking Quest]

Where is Podunk?

My Pet DMV

Man steals 60 Blockbuster video games – in his pants [Hackerzz]

Jerry Lewis doing his bestest JFK sucking glass imitation

Garindan or Gonzo?

Picture Of The Day

Civil war may break out one day in Michigan over who has the WORLD’s largest cherry pie

the breatest Phriday Photochop that I could never ever create

At least you’re not this guy…

And while we ready ourselves for USA’s first World Cup contest at 11:55am EST, feast yer thighs on the mos perspiring lower third boob showingist Brittie, Keeley Hazell (makes my) nutz (hexplode)

[mora where u came from]

‘Stop The Madness‘

the 80s anti-drug music video starring New Edition, LaToya Jackson, (a very young) Whitney Houston, Nancy Reagan, David Hasselhoff, Kim Fields, Herb Alpert, Casey Kasem, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and many others. With special guest appearance by Boogaloo Shrimp from Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo [Popbitch]

‘Electric Avenue’ by Eddy Grant [d]

Full Metal Jacket gets the honor of being the first Kubrick title released on HD-DVD. For those of yous dying to see Private Pyle blow his head off in the highest possible resolution

Unitarian Universalism shirts

Avoision Pro

Hello Kitty Toaster aint no HK-Dildo

Choose yer own ‘What Is Love’, but no love for the Coz?

Body floss [NSFW]

Colour Me Kubrick
John Malkovich Being Someone Else Who Was Being Someone Else
Trailer (contains too many spoilers in my o-pinion)
US Release Date – unknown

Written by one of MASTER director Stanley Kubrick’s assistants and directed with obvious passion by one of his assitant directors, Colour Me is the hilarious loose fictionalization of conman Alan Conway’s amazing mid 90s London exploits as a Kubrick impersonator [read the a UK article about it all here]. And since the internets was in its infancy, not many people knew what SK looked like. That worked heavily in the favor of the beardless, overly gay, and skinny Conway, who duped many, and in the process reaped the benefits of posing as the pseudo-Howard Hawks of our day. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect role for the overly serious, yet doesn’t take himself so serious Malkovich. It’s by far his mos humorous to date, unless you count his work as Teddy KGB in Rounders, which I don’t think was suppose to be funny. What more could you ask for? If you love the Kubrick AND the Malkovich, you’ll thoroughly enjoy this. PROMISE!! And if you don’t, please go back to Swaziland you effin Swazi!!

Recommended for those who like: the gayness of the killer from Silence of the Lambs, classic classical Kubrick scores, and costumes almost as outlandish and garish as the ones in Velvet Goldmine

Possible Porno Name: Hummer My Cute Prick

Unsatisfied with this? Netflix the other Malkovich gay con job, Ripley’s Game [trailer in RM]

Apt MPupil3: ‘Hello’ by Lionel Richie [d] or anything by Color Me Badd [d], I guess

IMDb Sweeney: the only cast member to actually have worked with the Kub was Barry Lyndon‘s lady in hotness, Marisa Berenson. Other random notables in the cast are: Ms Pussy Galore, whose real name is even butter than that, GUPPY(!), Ayesha Dharker, who was in something called Split Wide Open, and the last known screen role of Jek Porkins

TFF Thighspotting: the Malk-man himself for a Q & A, and I aint talkin bout a guy who fronts Jicks

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Although probably mo of a Jeepers Worth A Peepers PLUS, I’m gonna give it my golden seal of approval, Breast In Show, although there are no breasts, juss a lot of gay men, but alas, no cock