Showing Restraint 9
17. Jul, 2006 
0 Comments
We here at Thighs are sick of terrorists and people who love pita and hate Jews. Why do you hate Jews? Is it cause Jews control the Israeli media? Is it cause Rob Cohen makes the wurstest movies of balls thymes? Is it cause we’re secretly keeping the band Beirut from becoming bigger than Fall Out Boy, whomever the fork they are? ENUFF. All we want is peace and a piece of Sasha Cohen’s a$$, and to be hunted down by only one man, Borat [Guns N Rosenthal]. Since the UN, and the US, and the president of UTZ have been dilly-dallying and eating Dilly Bars instead of taking action on this whole Middle East thang that has escalated more than the wooden escalators at Macy’s, I’ve secretly dispatched a mos special envoy to the region to save the day. Wish our boys luck. And boys, don’t spend all yer per diem money on shawarma and 3 shekel whores
U.N. Orders Wonka To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections
related: woman foiled by Onion article or was she?
SLOP THE PRESSES: Kate Bosworth Has Two Different Colored Eyes
Falkor’s sis slips nip [Barely NSFW]
Enuff of this is Lily Allen hot or not crap, cause there are more pressin hot or notnesseses to decide, like animated Elenaor [VID] or real Elenaor, who isn’t all that animated
You’d think carpetbagger Navratilova would be encouraging female moaning
Mike Bossy hearts Canadian chips
Smokey Robinson hearts soul in a bowl
the mos genius thing Chevy Chase has uddered in over a decade
Blair Warner beats kids [Per Rez]
name NY’s new lacrosse team. My suggestion was The New York Peppermint Patties
list of problems solved by MacGyver + Young MacGyver? [last via Pakula Shaker]
not coming soon to a theater near spew: Jennifer Ellison On A Plane
peace the fork out to Guy Haines’ sluty wife Miriam, who was 1/2 of Bruno’s victims in his diabolical criss-cross plan, as seen in Hitchcock’s finest work (not counting Psycho) Strangers On A Train
[1925 – 2006]
and a belated p.t.f.o. to Fabián Bielinsky, director of the thumbcredible Nine Queens
The Top 30 Game Show Hosts of All Time
Bird’s Eye View of Famous Homes
Espacios publicitarios [Faddle Fiddle]
free passes to what will end up being the wurstest flick of the summer
Muffs that look like Hitler [NSFW]
Pink Is The New Stupid [Pink Is The New Blog]
and better keeps on getting butterer…
+ 2 Office webisodes for you gooing measure
+ the news of the OG UK crew cameoinging on season 3, sans Ricky G, who’s probably too busy conjuring up more Extras bordem
+ wam, bam, thank you Pam, and Puma, for these snorkin hot snaps from what who i did all this weekend!
[JJ]
and yeah, I think I was at the Siren Festival on Saturday, or something, although I only listened to 15 minutes of music for the 6+ hours my cru and I were damaging our bodies, in this particular order:
deep throated corn dog
finger banged bacon-cheesed out fries
slurppped giant a$$rsed beer like it was yer pa’s giant cock
rode the cyclone like i did yer mom the night before
rode the wonder wheel
got high on wonder wheel
wondered why wheel stopped
must be high
i wondered
it rained
asked spook-a-rama ride operator if ride was spooky
he shrugged his shoulders
rode it anways
wurstest ride of balls time
rain continued
skeed skeeball like we were skee-lo skeeting on mischa
cashed out our tix for hawt prizes
got meself a hawt american flag pin
i love america
another round of beers
got our freak on
by shooting the freak
things gettin quite beerlarious
acted like steve carlton fisk
and hit up the batting cages
fought the pitching machine
after it called my mother names
i headbutted it
it beaned me with a ball
i beaned your mother with a ball
she had a boston tea bagging party with my balls
waited in a hugemungos line
for some of dat fame-yes totonno’s za
shit was taking forever
so we ordered it takeout
via cell phone from the street
gawd bless america
and techmology
they told us it was gonna take 1/2 hour
wasted time
by going to crazy russian liquor sto across the street
they had crazy russian liquor
like crazy tetris vodka
and crazy nesting egg vodka
and crazy yakov smirnoff vodka
and one named after every russian territory
from the 80s version of risk
settled on jack
probably not the breastest idea
inhaled pizza in zeria
i hugged every person who works there
even the guy touching the dough
he left dough dust on my clothes
they loves me
i loves them more
cyclone, one last time
note to self
always ride cyclone drunk
hippie danced to scissor sisters for 15 minutes tops
wait, there’s a music festival nick goings on today?
car service back to civilization
feeling hella nauseous
must hold in the urge to purge
holding
sweating
odd looks
and “are you ok?”s from fellow passengers
“don’t talk to me”, i tell myself
although i’m telling that to them
but they can’t hear me
cause i’m talking to myself
anywho
made it back in what seemed like 283487932 minutes
yaked like pro
i may turn pro at the end of this season
passed the fork out
awokened up by gaius julius caesar on hbo’s rome
rinse
repeat
coney island is my mos flavorite thing about NYC
seriously, next banging your mother in the gowanus tunnel
